I GAVE MY 9 YEAR OLD HEART TO SCOTTY BALDWIN

…and I was never the same.

He was so cute!

He was so cute!

My Grandmother loved her “stories” — she would get upset if one called them soap operas. I didn’t care for them. Tho, I do remember finding DARK SHADOWS sort of interesting.

Anyway, I had stayed home from school one day. I think this would have to have been around 1976 or 1977 — not really sure. But, I was lying on her living room floor. She was sitting in her chair with an apple and an iced tea — and General Hospital started. I think I might have groaned.

…but, then, this pretty blond girl who was supposed to be in high school but was probably 30 — sneaked into some garage apartment and began to make out with this incredibly cute guy! I knew him as Scotty Baldwin and I secretly gave my 9 or 10 year old heart over to him.

Several years later — long after I had forgotten about Scotty I remember hearing people talk about how Laura left Scotty for this Luke guy who had raped her.

Like, ewwwwww!!!!

Like, ewwwwww!!!!

Never mind that the dude apparently raped Laura, but she fell in love with him over Scotty!?!??

Awwwww! Scotty with that silly Laura person

Awwwww! Scotty with that silly Laura person

Now, why? Why-o-why would Laura drop Scotty over Luke. …who raped her. Why?  …all I can figure is she had a thing for forceful perms. …OR, maybe Luke had some sort of gift that Scotty was lacking?

…something was fishy in Port Charles. Yes, I can still remember the name of the city in which Scotty had a tiny garage apartment.

I think Elizabeth Taylor appeared on this “storie” when Laura married Scotty — after stupidly divorcing the ever so cute Scotty Baldwin. My Grandmother was quite excited that Liz Taylor was on her fave story. By that time I was in high school, on drugs and worried about much more pressing mattters. …Like gathering friends to kidnap Chuck E Cheese with water pistols.

…You know, the dude who dressed up as Chuck E Cheese is STILL mad at me for doing that. I thought it was funny and helped to gain him some popularity. …but 24 years later, that guy is STILL sore at me. I never meant to upset him. However, now, as an adult when I mention this people look at me as if I am either totally insane or an asshole.

this is not the Chuck E Cheese we kidnapped in 1985

this is not the Chuck E Cheese we kidnapped in 1985

I’m neither. I was just an odd teenager. …but, we did have fun kidnapping Chuck E Cheese. …The manager of the restaurant let us. I think he had a thing for one of my female pals, I’ll call her “Sally F”, …who assisted with the ever-important kidnapping.

I’m sorry to the dude who is still mad at me. I’ve told him I’m sorry. But, I don’t think he will ever be able to let it go. We got him a drink and some doobage.

At any rate, I blame it all on Scotty Baldwin. I take my 9 or 10 year old heart back!

Anyway, my heart belongs to B. …And, he is FAR cuter than Scotty ever was. And, I am quite sure — a much better lover!

oh, an added note: I really thought I was doing a nice thing for the dude who used to dress as Chuck E Cheese! …I did! With the gift of sight that has been sufficiently hinded, I realize I was misguided in that stoned sort of way.

And, in the event, that this dude should read this — I would like to add that he declined the weed and the drink. He just wanted to be taken back to Chuck E  — and we only brought him for a ride in the parking lot anyway. So, no real harm done. And, the families and fellow employees all seemed to get a kick out of it. …I’m sorry.

Also, my female pal did not return the crush of the Chuck E Cheese manager — and, just for the record, in the event that she is reading this. And, she never touched any weed or drink. The other two pals did. …they were bad girls. but only in the best and coolest way possible!

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August 10, 2009. Tags: , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 9 comments.