So, this is what my life is like as of late.

We drive out to the burbs of northern california to a Target Super Store. I’m following B down one of the many isles. I notice a nut full mixes and exclaim: “B! Nut mixes!” …I mistakenly think he is going to follow me as I study the various mixtures of nuts and dried fruits. I find two that look particularly good and healthy, turn and realize that he has left me long behind.

I panic. As I am panicking I try to calm myself down by repeating “This is no big deal. You will find B.”

But, I circle the store twice with no luck. I am sweating like a pig and feel ill. My legs and head are starting to ache. I decide to have him paged, but by the time I get to customer service the oddest thing happens. I forget my own fucking name. Complete blank.

I really go into hyper-panic.

What is my name? I just do not know.

And, then, the next thing I know. I’m standing in front of our parked car, cig in hand, crying, a car alarm is going off and I can tell I’ve just thrown up.

I walk slowly back to the Target Super Store from Hell and there is Byron standing with his cart full of stuff looking at me as if to say, “Where have you been?”

Suffice to say, the day just went downhill from there. But, here I am now — safe and sound at home. Welcome to the wonderful fun world of DID… Ugh!

June 5, 2010. Tags: , , , , , , . Uncategorized.


  1. brand new w replied:

    wow matty, sorry to hear about that experience. it is interesting to read about though, and i’m glad you weren’t hurt or anything. now, what happens if you go to a Walmart? πŸ™‚ *hugs*

  2. susanne replied:

    hey matty,

    i’m so sorry to read you felt so bad. i think i know a bit how you felt – i get those terrible panic-attacks from time to time (five or six years ago it was so terrible i couldn’t leave home or was able to study…); so i send you a big virtual HUG! πŸ™‚

    a friend of mine told me, i have to “train” such situations because when i go to a concert or to cinema where lots of people are it’s the same here… i can’t stand in the crowd…

    but i’m happy you have B to help you and i think he loves you… πŸ™‚

  3. Rick replied:

    What a terrible experience. Sorry to hear it. Sharing it must be somewhat therapeutic.

  4. Urspo replied:

    No fun in that.
    The comfort is : these don’t kill, and they pass – they are pesky but won’t prevail.

  5. The Sagittarian replied:

    Oh Matty, what a bugger for ya! However, like Urpso says “pesky” but no prevailing. Cyber hug on its way.
    BTW, The Stud disappears whenever we go to a mall – the kids now call Mall’s The Triangle (as in Bermuda, cos he disappears every time!)

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