the dog has been walked.
the litter box has been cleaned/re-newed/re-freshed.
the garbage has been taken out.
the house has been cleaned-up a bit.
the kitchen and the dishes are clean.
small lunch has been had.
unmemorable but beautiful visit to the beach has been done twice today.
no therapy this week. therapist is on vacation.
left to stew in all my swirling thoughts.
no money to take in a movie.
too easily distracted to read.
so, i sit at the window cigarette in hand and contemplate the possibilities that today could hold.
what could i do today if i were of a mind to do?
1. run naked down Geary Blvd
2. knock over a store and go on a wild shopping spree.
3. give Little Bagel a punk rock hair cut with the clippers.
4. sell everything i owned before i met Mr. B to see how much i could get for the junk i’ve accumulated.
5. walk from one end of San Francisco to the other and then it would probably be close to the time i need to leave to pick up Mr. B.
6. go to the mall, order a diet coke and watch the people.
7. attempt to shop lift a new hoodie from Nordsroms.
8. …maybe the gap is a better place to attempt shop lifting as i don’t think those employees care.
9. go to an expensive downtown shoe store and try on every shoe in the store and then toss one of the boxes up into the air and go on about the sad fashion of all the shoes and march out in a huff.
10. walk through Golden Gate Park and try to pretend that I love the “natural” beauty of the trees and other green things.
11. dye my hair green.
12. dye Little Bagel’s hair blue.
13. surf the net for nothing in particular.
14. essentially anything to avoid having to get too caught up in this mind of mine.
If Ann-Margret is the ultimate Sex Kitten, what would that make Goldie Hawn?
After my viewing of this disturbing movie I had just enough money to grab a cup of coffee. And, I came face to face with one of the things I fear most: birds. Yes, I am a-scared of birds. Always have been. And, not because of that silly 60’s movie — but just because of the way they move about. Creeps me out. I remember feeling rather validated when I saw JURASIC PARK and the correlation between flesh-eating dinasours and birds was made. No wonder they creep me out.
Anyway, this experience triggered a protective instinct in me and made me feel a great deal of empathy/sympathy for this poor bird.
I walked into this random coffee shop. The door was open. I got my coffee and a bird flew in and was so freaked out. It kept trying to get out of the shop but continuously flew into the windows not finding the door into which it had flown. So, instinctively, I attempted to coo and attract the bird to lead it to the door. It almost worked, but then the bird suddenly threw itself into some sort of mad panic. It flew away from the way out and to the back of the shop to the register. Upon being shu’d away from the counter it zoomed forward — and crashed into a window breaking its neck. The bird died.
…talk about put me off my coffee. Made me sad.
We drive out to the burbs of northern california to a Target Super Store. I’m following B down one of the many isles. I notice a nut full mixes and exclaim: “B! Nut mixes!” …I mistakenly think he is going to follow me as I study the various mixtures of nuts and dried fruits. I find two that look particularly good and healthy, turn and realize that he has left me long behind.
I panic. As I am panicking I try to calm myself down by repeating “This is no big deal. You will find B.”
But, I circle the store twice with no luck. I am sweating like a pig and feel ill. My legs and head are starting to ache. I decide to have him paged, but by the time I get to customer service the oddest thing happens. I forget my own fucking name. Complete blank.
I really go into hyper-panic.
What is my name? I just do not know.
And, then, the next thing I know. I’m standing in front of our parked car, cig in hand, crying, a car alarm is going off and I can tell I’ve just thrown up.
I walk slowly back to the Target Super Store from Hell and there is Byron standing with his cart full of stuff looking at me as if to say, “Where have you been?”
Suffice to say, the day just went downhill from there. But, here I am now — safe and sound at home. Welcome to the wonderful fun world of DID… Ugh!