santagaySanta never meant it to be this way!

A few days ago my mother, oh so new to San Francisco culture, called me. She wanted to let me know that she had purchased some organic egg nog. The next day she told me:

“They just don’t know how to make egg nog over here in California!”

She then explained that the nog was far more syrupy and thick than she was used to.  Not knowing much of anything about egg nog, I asked her if it tasted good. She gave me a vague sort of answer implying that whiskey helped it. And, that she would serve some to us on Santa Day.


Come Santa Day — me and B sat at her table and she pulled out her carton of egg nog and exclaimed that she wanted us to try some true Bay Area Organic Egg Nog.

I turned and watched as she opend the carton and started to “pour” us a glass.

Tho, I do not know from egg nog — as soon as I saw this vomit-looking substance slither from the carton like some odd mix of jello, cement and regurgiated carots into her pristine Xmas glass I backed away from her table and exclaimed:

“Oh, Mom! That is not right!”

B was equally shocked, but a bit more calm and explained to her that the contents of her egg nog carton were clearly expired and asked how she was feeling.

She looked at us blankly, then said she felt fine but had only had two glasses.

I took the carton and the expiration date read: “Jan 2008”  —- I had to leave the room to escape the odor. I guess the whiskey not only aided the flavor but saved her from the emergency room.

She called the independent store from which she had purchased the disgusting egg nog. They already knew all about this issue and asked her to just come in and they would take care of her. I hope that doesn’t mean that they will force her to drink more of it!

Just think if she had left that out for Santa?!?!?!


love and kisses,


December 27, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. javabear replied:

    Ugh! I really like egg nog, but my stomach is having some trouble handling this story. Gross!!!! I can’t believe she actually drank that stuff. Glad she’s ok.
    (Love that picture of Santa in the hospital bed)

  2. joe replied:

    can’t say i’m a big fan of egg nog. The alcohol helps, but then I just drink the alcohol instead. 🙂

    Our neighbours, an old gay couple (2 formerly straight with grown children), made stew the other night before xmas, and they used some expired beer from 2007. They had food poisoning through chrismtas, sadly. perhaps we should remind everyone to read the expiry date!

    oh, I think santa would’ve had one of the reindeers sniff the food first. 🙂

  3. Lost Boy replied:

    I know somebody who thinks that expiry dates don’t matter. I will show them this post.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Java! I know! I couldn’t believe it either! …but, she did! Tummy of steel I suspect. I almost got sick just watching the ick slip out of the carton! I found that picture of a sick Santa somewhere out on the wild world “interweb”! It made me laugh!

  5. matty03 replied:

    Joe! I know I’ve tasted egg nog before, but I can’t really recall if I liked it. I tend to not enjoy dairy product, tho. I don’t like ice cream either. That is so sad that they got food poisoning during the holidays!

    …Personally, I don’t trust Santa or his deer.

    Lost Boy! Oh, my! Yes!!! Expiration dates should always be checked! Always! I am still puzzled on how she avoided getting ill from that rancid drink! (shudder!)

  6. Pants replied:

    Oh my holy NASTINESS!!! I cannot believe that!!!!

  7. Dessie replied:

    Ohhh that’s what you meant about the eggnog. Oh my god, I’m even less likely to drink it now!!

  8. hot-lunch replied:

    i love egg nog!!! your poor mum, i hope she’s alright! and i hope they compensated her really well for it!!!

  9. Scarlet Hip replied:

    I had a horrific experience with eggnog in the ninth grade and I haven’t had it since. After reading this I don’t even think I will ever be able to even say the word “eggnog” again.

    Thank you.

  10. Steve's Rebooted replied:

    ew! Nightmares. That’s what I’ll be having tonight 😛

  11. matty replied:

    Pants! I know! Never cared for the stuff, but that has totally put me off of it for keeps!

    Dessie! Yeah, but I guess people who love eggnog love it. However, I’m not a dairy fan — so I don’t even enjoy milk or ice-cream.

  12. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch! Yeah, she is fine! ??!@?!?! Go figure! Not sure what they will do — she has yet to stop by the store. I am thinking that they will give her some sort of store credit — I doubt she will be drinking eggnog anymore! lol!

  13. matty replied:

    Scarlet Hip! Oh, I’m sorry!! Both for your experience (what happened?) and for the fact that I’ve limited your vocabulary!

    Steve! Don’t have nightmares involving dairy products! …Never a good thing!

  14. karyn replied:

    While I assure you I have the greatest sympathy for your mother – and for you – I have to tell you, this is the first thing that made me laugh in a couple of days. Thank you -I hope everyone is recovered by now! ❤

  15. matty replied:

    Karyn! It was funny — and, luckily, no one was hurt! I guess that whiskey coated her stomach!

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