AN EXPERIENCE FOR THE HOLIDAYS

scary2Well, I went with my mother to the SF DMV to hang with her while she took care of her car registration and the like. We were there for quite some time. After about an hour I needed to pee quite urgently. Not wanting to use the DMV facilities, I opted to simply walk across the street to the park where I felt I could easily find a secluded place to relieve myself and not feel like I had contracted something odd from a public can.

I stroll’d thru the park till I came upon a bush that seemed just perfect. I step’d inside the grassy enclosure, unzip’d and started my bizness.

What a relief!

…And, then IT happened. a cute pug dog nearly ran into my mid-stream. I scolded him, but he simply sat looking up at me as my body drained.

…And, then, “Baxter’s” owner appeared a few feet infront of me.

“Oh, Baxter! What have you gotten up to! Hi! Well, when ya need to go ya need to go, right?”

She had to be in her early to mid-twenties and had no problem staring at me as I peed. I could not stop. I had been waiting to go for so long!

Awkward. I had to say something.

“Yeah, well. Yeah. Um, could you turn around. Really sorry about this.”

“Oh, no problem. But, no. I mean, man, if you’re going to take it out and pee in the park I should be able to watch.”

“Oh. Well, actually, if you could just turn around I’ll be done.”

“So, nice cock.”

Oh boy, this is getting weird. Well, what else is new?!?!?

“Um, thanks. Listen, I’m almost done and —”

“How big is it erect?”

“Sorry? Uh, I mean. Look, I don’t know. I just really needed to pee.”

“I’m betting about seven inches.”

I’ve never measured. I don’t know.”

I am trying to stop the urine but with no luck. I’m full and draining for “Baxter” and her owner. I am humiliated!

“Gay or straight?”

“Gay”

“Definitely seven inches. Gay dudes always have bigger cocks that straight guys. Sadly.”

At last! I’m done! I quickly zip it up. review_kingmoon_3

“Well, I’ve never heard that before. Ok. Sorry about that. I’ve got to get back to the DMV. My mother is waiting for me.

“Wow! You are gay! My boyfriend won’t do that sort of thing for his mother. I always end up having to do that stuff for him. Tho, we no longer let her drive.”

“OK, well, I gotta go now.”

“My name is ‘X’!”

“Hi. Take care.”

I begin to make my way to the sidewalk in attempt to find both my bearings and my dignity which I had just pissed away.

“Hey! What’s your name? Maybe I’ll see you around again!”

“Matty. Nice to meet you!”

“Same here, Matty. If I had needed to go I would have had you hold on to “Baxter” for me while I peed. You could have watched.”

“Oh, ok. Bye now.”

I ran back to the DMV. When I told my mother of my holiday mis-adventure she laughed and said, “Only in this city! That’s what you get for peeing in a public space! Shame on you!”

(sigh)

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December 23, 2008. Uncategorized.

20 Comments

  1. hot-lunch replied:

    And you constantly get mistaken for being a hustler why?

  2. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! I know! I don’t get it! lol! …no, really. I just needed to go really bad and I didn’t get to touch anything in the DMV can! …but that girl didn’t offer me any money or anything.

    In the word’s of Meryl Streep: “…I AM NOT A WHORE! I’m the French something or other…”

  3. javabear replied:

    That’s funny, in a way. Creepy in a way, too. I’m sorry you had this experience. My gawd, why didn’t she turn away? She was rude.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Java! Happy Holidays! Yeah, I think it was more funny than creepy. I didn’t feel unsafe or anything — she was like a college age/type woman. …Just not sure what she was really doing — might have just been trying to give me a hard time for using the park as my restroom or maybe she was just cheeky. Either way, it was surprising to me. I had to return to the DMV with my mother today to finish up her registration and I opted to actually use their restroom. GROSS! …I kept wondering: is there ever enough soap for this experience!?!?!

  5. Dessie replied:

    You see, this is why a) I can’t piss in public and b) I try to always have a small bottle of alcohol handwash on me at all times…

  6. hot-lunch replied:

    Merry Christmas Matty!!

  7. matty03 replied:

    Dessie! Happy Christmas! Well, I’m a public pisser from way back. It’s just so much easier to jump to tree than to pretend to a server that I’m going to order food to use their facilities. But, B doesn’t like to drain in public either. I’ve noticed that my mother carries this tiny bottle of anti-biotic cream, but I don’t trust that this stuff works. The alcohol would work, but I’d only end up forgetting to tighten the top or fall down and spill it all over myself — and, then, would appear to have pissed myself. …which would not do much for my uber-cool stylin’. love and kisses, matty

    Hot Lunch! Merry Christmas and a hug to you! Stay warm!

  8. Errol 'RAD" replied:

    Matty– Hey bud! Just popping in today to wish my fave guys a Happy Holiday! Now have a MERRY XMAS will ya! xoxoxoxo

  9. Errol 'RAD" replied:

    Matty– Hey bud! Just popping in today to wish my fave guys a Happy Holiday! Now have a MERRY XMAS will ya! xoxoxoxo

  10. matty03 replied:

    Errol “RAD”! Thank you! Hope you have an awesome Christmas!!
    love and kisses,
    matty

  11. The Sagittarian replied:

    Haha, what a hoot! How odd that you could actually keep peeing!! Well done. We don’t do that sort of thing over here, you can pee almost anywwhere and we all politely look away and talk about you when you’re gone! 🙂

  12. matty03 replied:

    The sagittarian! Oh, I am rarely ever be shy. When nature calls I seem to be forced into compliance! …I suspect people are talking about all the time. Tho, not usually to my face. …which is sweet.

  13. Kevin replied:

    Hey man. Long time … hope you are having a great holiday. Think of you often — just aren’t around these parts much these days.

    Kevin

  14. matty03 replied:

    Kevin!!!! Oh my Gosh! How are you???? I’ve missed hearing from you! Sending you love and kisses and hope you had a happy holidays!
    matty

  15. Steve's Rebooted replied:

    Dude, you’re a penis magnet….

  16. matty03 replied:

    Steve! …I think I’m more like a freak-magnet.

  17. Daniel replied:

    Oh Matty! I’m so glad that you have a new character in the ongoing saga that is your life. Your mom sounds like wonderful fun, in a slightly disconcerting way.

    But then, the public peeing episode shows that you seem to have disconcerting down cold!

    A belated happy holiday to you…

  18. matty03 replied:

    Daniel! It is so cool to hear from you! She is quite a character and I am very glad she is here and has made a positive change in her life!

    …I think I do have these sorts of things down cold! lol!

    And, Happy Holidays to you!!!!

    love and kisses,
    matty

  19. karyn replied:

    What do you mean you never measured it? Every guy I know has measured it! (But her remarks were kind of rude, even if they were not intended to be. Or maybe it’s her BEHAVIOR that was rude. Either way, creepy.)

  20. matty replied:

    Karyn! Really! I’ve never measured it. I’ve an idea of its size based upon my experiences, but always figured I’d end up in some horrid accident if I ever tried!

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