WHEN ONE IS MISTAKEN FOR A MALE WHORE

happyhookerlglWhen I left the confines of Texas at 24 and moved to Boston something “new” started happening to me. As an example, I might be standing on Boylston near the library waiting for a friend — or I’d be on Columbus waiting to meet some other pals — and some gay guy would approach me as if I were working the streets. I’d be offered money for sex. These men thought I was a prostitute.

At that time in my life I was mif’d but somehow flattered. I would politely decline and explain that I was not for hire. Later, in my 30’s this odd situation continued. The flattering aspect of it had disapated and I was left frustrated, humilated and annoyed. I would decline, but not in a very polite way.

Then, after the world as I knew it in my late-30’s came crashing down around me — I decided to take the advice of my pal, A, and sold what I had and moved to San Francisco. At that time I was very much over-weight. I lost the weight pretty fast due to the fact that I really didn’t have enough money to eat and was constantly walking around this beautiful city when not looking for a job.

Now, the odd thing was that as I was pushing 40 gay men were still propositioning me for money in exchange for sexual favors. times20square20hustler2015_2Being 38 and about 60 pounds over weight, I took a sick sort of enjoyment at the idea that anyone would want to pay me for sex. However, I didn’t really understand why a person would mistake me for a whore.

By the time I had been blessed enough to meet my B and fall into real love and finally found my dream job, this crude mistake of my fellow gay brothers really began to distress me. I’d be walking home from the non-profit media organization for which I served as Office Manager — usually by way of the Mission to the Castro — and some dude would ask me $50 for a very personal “service” — I was angry and confused.

I’d walk into the apartment and examine myself in the mirror. Was it my shoes? What was I projecting that made horny men think I was hustler? Maybe it was my thrift shop shirts. It had to be something because men seldom just made a pass — they just jumped ahead to the conclusion that I was for rent.

Now, I just turned 42. I am almost at my goal weight but am in bad need of tone-ing up my body. Working out is a bit of a challenge as I work through all of this PSTD horror show. …I’m always a bit dizzy and off-balance. And, I am being mistaken for a whore more than ever! Ugh!

I finally decided and announced to B, A and Ing that the next time it happened I was just going to ask the individual why he thought I was a hooker! But, the next time it happened I was having a bad day (sadly, I have loads of them as of late) — and all I could think to do was to sternly advise the chump to do something off and toss my cig at his feet. happy_hooker

However, it happened to me again yesterday! This time in a park near the ocean. I had just walked Little Bagel, but she had tired. So, I brought her home and returned on my own to look down at the stunning ocean view which was somewhat obscured by the fog of our Richmond neighborhood. I was unable to see the Golden Gate. …only those infamous points.

As I sat looking out at the crashing waves, I felt someone standing to my left. This is the conversation that transpired as best as I can recall:

“Hey.”

me: “Sorry?”

“Hey.”

me: “Hey.”

“So, how much?”

me: “How much for what?”

“A blow job.”

me: “Not going to happen. Do I look like a hustler to you?”

“Sorry, I thought you were working.”

me: “Why? Seriously, why did you see me and think that I was a whore?”

“Chill out, dude. I was just looking for hook-up. I saw you and figured you were selling.”

me: “But, why would you figure I was selling?”

“Dude, I didn’t mean to piss you off. No problem. I’m leaving. I read the action was at the windmill anyway I was just thinking it would be cooler if I just paid for it.”

me: “No, I just want to understand what it is about me that makes people think I’m a prostitute.”

“Look, man, I’m just a straight dude lookin’ to hook up for some sex. I surf down there on Tuesdays and I’ve been thinking about trying this out for a while.”

me: “With me?!?!?”

“No, man. Look forget you saw me. I’m outta here.”

me: “You’re straight? Wait. Is that a wedding ring?”

“Aw, fuck you, man!”

And, this obviously sexually-conflicted surfer dude turned “want to be trick” ran away.

I just don’t get it.

I am worried that it might be my shoes. Maybe I wear male whore shoes.

love and kisses,

matty

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November 19, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized.

25 Comments

  1. Kris replied:

    Always you Matty that have these extraordinary things happen πŸ˜€ You know, I’m curious myself. You don’t look like a hooker in your pics haha. That’s crazy though that this has happened even when you were younger.. And to get a “straight” guy to be willing to pay you instead of getting it for free.. That was funny!

    Glad you wrote again! Take your time in getting better, like you always tell me, take care of you!

  2. ing replied:

    Oh, the “straight” men of San Francisco. . . No wonder I can’t seem to ever get a date!

    I think these people are approaching you because of wishful thinking. You’re cute, and they don’t think highly enough of themselves to believe you’d do anything with them unless they gave you some money in return.

    Plus, these “straight” guys are obviously frustrated, so. . .

  3. joe replied:

    hmmm, I think maybe Ing’s got something there… it’s because you’re gorgeous and these guys really think they’re not good enough for you. In their confused, but lustful state, they think with their dicks and their wallets. Do people mistaken B for a pimp? πŸ™‚

    I’ve never been mistaken for a prostitute, but have been mistaken for a girl… by a pimply faced teenager working at a Burger King.. back when I was in uni with long hair… I ordered a whopper and he called me miss… I corrected him with my naturally deep voice… it’s Sir! and then I laughed.

    kisses!

  4. Dessie replied:

    It’s those red heeled pumps you insist on wearing. “Think of your arches” I would say, and would you listen? No, well now look what’s happened.

  5. Caress replied:

    Hahaha

    I love this story – I would love to get mistaken for any sort of whore!!! Maybe your hair was a bit slutty looking – had you backcombed and were wearing tight jeans??? Hustler Matty – I love it!

    Caressxxxx

  6. Red Flashlight replied:

    Maybe what you’re describing happens to a lot of gay men. We all know the stereotype: gay men are promiscuous. Maybe the presumption among these misguided looky-loos is: “hey, if he’s dressed/acting like a gay man, he must be looking for sex.” Stupid, but there it is.

    I’ve been mistaken for a prostitute too, and chalked it up to being in the ‘usual place’ at the ‘usual time.’ I’m not a gay man, but it seems to me “the park near the ocean” is also part of that promiscuity stereotype, no? Correct me if I’m wrong.

    I like Joe’s answer, too. Maybe this is happening because you’re hot and they’re stupid.

  7. hot-lunch replied:

    i love straight men! i would’ve done it for free! was he hot? was he wearing boots? next time feel free to give him my contact info.

    maybe you should stop hanging around public bathrooms in your beater tank top and ripped jeans?

  8. ginab replied:

    Erm…they’re only thinking you’re standing around with nothing to do so why not do them. There’s nothing deeper, no whore connotations. Just the why not, time on my Timex mentality of sex really. Would you ask a lion for his dad’s phone number to ask permission to take the lion out on a date, is what I mean. Waste of time making connections when all you want is to have one alive versus dead for about 10-20 minutes.

    It’s not your shoes, in other words. Never was.

  9. matty03 replied:

    Kris! Thank you! …I’m working on getting better. “They” tell me it is a long process and they appear to be right. yeah, I think I’m a magnet of oddness.

    BUT, I was thinking about when it happened to me yesterday in Golden Gate Park. (yeah, it happened again)

    …Lately, I get a bit freaked-out, but I think I’m very good at hiding it so I don’t think I look freaked-out. But, I spend a good deal of time sorting thoughts out and I like being outside — so I was thinking — if one looks at it from a distance — I probably look suspiciously like someone who is ‘for sale’ — I mean, I often just sit/lean stand in one place with a cigarette for quite a while — thinking.

    That has to be it! Has to be! …so, now I need to either stay in the car to think or continue on and just tell the wanna-be-johns to leave me alone.

    Ing! Awwwww! Thank you! Yeah, str8 in this town is a sort of different breed. Odd place in which we live, but I do so love SF.

    Joe! Wow! I feel an upsurge of false pride in my personal appearance! Thank you! That always makes one feel good! But, I don’t think that is it. I think it is what I wrote above. I can’t imagine someone mistaking you for a female. You seem quite the man to me!

    No, B is never mistaken for a pimp — tho, I suspect he would be a good one if he decided to go into that line of work. We might have to do so soon if the economy doesn’t pick up!!

  10. matty03 replied:

    Dessie! Aw, man! It is the shoes! Yes, yes, yes — you warned me about that. I guess I need to stop. But, I can I still wear pumps?

  11. matty03 replied:

    Caress! Oh, no, you don’t want this experience. I find it rather degrading. But, that is just me. I’ve no problem with sex workers. I actually have a lot of respect for them! I don’t have enough hair to even comb back. I just sort of mess it up with a bit of gel and roll. However, as I’ve lost weight I’m in between a 29 and a 30 so my jeans a bit tight in the butt/crotch area. …think it my loitering and shoes tho.

    Red Flashlight! Yes! You are correct! And, that park I love so much is right by a very infamous gay sex cruising spot (the windmill) …but, i so love the ocean. Clears my head and brings me some peace. …”Peace” not “Piece” …something a lot of SF boys confuse.

  12. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! As your elder and wise “auntie” I must tell you that you should not rush to embrace “str8” men! …it leads to no where good! Trust me!

    …What did that one look like? Mid-30s, white, his hair was wet from having been surfing (i guess) — he was in a t-shirt, jeans and I think he was wearing those fancy beachbum sandals I see the surfer dudes wear. His hair was like a crew cut. And, he said “dude” a lot. Not cool.

  13. matty03 replied:

    Gina! I know you grow tired of me saying this — but I so love the way you write! I agree! Well, put.

    …but, don’t cha think the shoes might have something to do with it. Dessie made a good point.

  14. Dessie replied:

    I’m going to enforce court shoes to reverse this trend. It’s extreme I know, but it’s for your own good. Or – take a loved one for a walk on Monday afternoon, that will do the trick too πŸ˜‰

    Make you sure you remember to bring them back with you though!!

  15. matty03 replied:

    Dessie! …court shoes. i’m not sure i know what those are.
    are those like the tennis shoes Barbra wore on the cover of SUPERMAN lp? …a walk with a loved one on Monday. Well, B has to work. I could take Little Bagel.

    are court shoes like the ones that Lady Camillia wears?

  16. Dessie replied:

    Yes, those horrible enclosed flat shoes. Completely unattractive and therefore guaranteed to work! Maybe you could do that walk Tuesday afternoon instead? πŸ˜‰

  17. matty03 replied:

    Dessie — oh, dear. those are the shoes i wear daily. …unless i opt for my man-clogs. (not really! lol!)

    court shoes must be like old fashion’d nurse shoes. like the ones Louise Fletcher wore in that Jack Nicholson movie where the American Indian breaks out of the loony bin with a water fountain thingy.

  18. hot-lunch replied:

    but duuuuuude!!!

  19. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! I know, dude, I know. Man!

  20. johnmichael replied:

    That would be so frustrating.
    Maybe it is the “shoes”, as you suggest. Or maybe you are a tad bit better looking then you give yourself credit for…

  21. johnmichael replied:

    I didn’t get to finish, not that all good looking men are going to be hookers….I just meant maybe they saw you, were attracted…I’m not exactly sure where this thought is going so I’ll stop.

  22. Pants replied:

    I don’t think I could say it any better than Ing.

    Happy Thanksgiving!!! xoxo

  23. Dirky-do replied:

    For heaven’s sake! For EVERMORE! What kind of shoes ARE they and where can I find them? I need all the help I can get. Srsly.

  24. Walter Briski, Jr. replied:

    are they pumps from manolo blahnik?
    or jimmy choo?

  25. karyn replied:

    I wish I could stop laughing long enough to offer some insight. You are too much. (Not in a man-whore way though.)

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