Doing the most fundamental or “easy” actions can cause me the most woe. This is something that continues to puzzle me. I spent three months building up the nerve to just walk into a hair salon — any place where they could cut my hair cut.

About two months ago, after several pills and more than a few cigarettes I managed to walk into a place. My hair had gotten so long it was embarrassing for me. I did it, but it was beyond difficult. As silly as that sounds. I got dizzy, started to pass out several times and finally ended up tossing my cookies (fat free!) on the poor stylist. Luckily, all the ladies there were extremely sweet. They gave me tea, a back massage and got my hair cut. I’m still not sure how much I tipped them, but it certainly could not have been enough.

But, I did do it! I got my hair cut! I remember, as I stumbled out into the sunshine, I promised myself that I would never return to that place again.

Well, it has been time to get a trim for over a week now.

Yesterday I was determined to face this odd fear of mine and just do it.

Now, I normally go by the rule that one should never have their hair done at any establishment which spells “cut” with a “k” or a “z” at the end of that word. In addition, one should always avoid salons with when any of the following words are involved in the name of the place: “nice” “super” or “happy” — I feel that these are always signs of bad “do’s” to come. But, these days I’m on a budget, I don’t have much hair anyway and I can barely get up the courage to go in — so my rules have fallen to the side to make way for my anxieties.

It was only after the woman put the plastic cape over my person that I realized I had somehow managed to return to the same place where I vomited my insecurities all over the place. Ugh! But, it was too late. Besides, when I looked around I only recognized one person from before and she was at the counter.

I took a deep breath and decided to put the cards on the curling table and rambled through what had happened to me the last time I had been there.

Leaning into my face, “I tell ya what, you just warn me if you’re going to get sick so I can get the hell out of your way!”

We both laughed. She insisted on washing my hair (and face) with cold water before she started and then the same after. As the cold water poured over my face and hair in an attempt to help me not sweat she joked, “Girl, if I had this much cold water pouring on me I’d get a head rush!”

As she shaved and clipped away she explained that she was not yet officially a “she” and was in transition. I told her she looked great. She stopped cutting and struck a pose giving me a thanks. She kept talking to me the whole time — the horrors of dating, the stupid questions people ask her and the challenge of finding shoes that fit. She had worked the streets before getting into a beauty school program so she could have a “respectful” job. She was in the middle of discussing her dress size when she stopped and announced: “Baby, you are done!”

She made me promise I would return when I was ready for another trim.

She saved me.

Funny how we save each other when we need saving the most. …And, the need for saving can be more desperate than anyone can really understand. One needs to be in the shoes of another before passing by the needs of the two.

August 1, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. Gina replied:

    an angel cut your hair.

    -ginab xo

  2. matty03 replied:

    Gina! Yeah, I think so!

  3. The Sagittarian replied:

    Yay, never underestimate the power of a good haircut by a good person. I bet you look good and felt even better. cheers ears!! (By the way, you can call me Amanda if you like)

  4. ing replied:

    And cold water is a great rinse for the pores on the face, and for your hair cuticles, too! Or should I say, “cute-icles?

    You are awesome.

  5. joe replied:

    i just got my hair cut yesterday! I had our usual Japanese boy cut my hair in a Korean hair salon, who kept trying to get me to talk, but I wanted to nap instead.

    I imagine you look awesome matty!!

  6. matty03 replied:

    Amanda! I love that name! I think I was just pleased to have been able to get the haircut! LOL! Not sure of how good or bad I look — I avoid mirrors these days! LOL!

    Ing! You are the one most awesome! Nice to know my pores were cleansed!!!

    Joe! Oh, I can remember loving to fall asleep as my hair was “did”! …well, I think I look like me only with much shorter hair.

  7. javabear replied:

    Wonderful story, Matty. I agree with Gina- an angel cut your hair. She’s an angel and a genius. Of course you must go back to see her when next you need a trim. Congratulations on finding the greatest stylist AND getting up the nerve to go in the first place.
    Blessings, my dear..

  8. matty03 replied:

    Java! Thanks! …if only it were not true! But, yes, I was and nearly seem to always be blessed! love and kisses, matty

  9. Josh replied:

    I wanna see your haircut 😛

  10. matty03 replied:

    Josh! LOL! I don’t know — I’m not sure you want to see it just now! Perhaps I should let it grow out a bit.

  11. Krafty Bitch replied:

    Matthew J. Honeycutt! Don’t know why I’ve always wanted to call you that. Anyway, as someone who has encountered quite a few angels in my day, I’m so glad you stumbled upon one. Namasté to you, dear heart.

  12. matty03 replied:

    Krafty Bitch! From where does “Matthew J. Honeycutt” come?

    I’ve been blessed to have more than a few angels in my life.

    …It reminds me of how important it is to be as kind as one can to others.


  13. Krafty Bitch replied:

    The name just sprang from my weird mind, my dear.

  14. Daniel replied:

    I’m sure you look splendid. You probably just needed a little bit of hair removed so all your inner light could shine on us.
    I always thought you were the angel.

  15. Old Cheeser replied:

    So, erm, do we actually get to SEE some pics of your new haircut, Matty?

    Loving the Farrah advert by the way. I have a minature Farrah doll head at home, and even the hair on that is gorgeous.

  16. hot lunch replied:

    that was a really sweet story…. i’m so glad u both found one another!!

  17. karyn replied:

    You’re a star, lovey. Glad you got your locks lobbed and very proud of you for pushing on through. Sometimes, when we are ready , we find the only way past an obstacle is through it.

    Big hugs.xo

  18. scarlet hip replied:

    It was no accident you went back to the same salon. One more hurdle that’s been overcome!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: