woke up with a start
tumbled toward the toilet
but then i saw the ghost of you appear there
— your pants unzipped and cowboy belt buckle hanging loose —

i ran for safety,
but found myself laid to the floor
— my arm burning with pain —
— my head dull with an ache —
i must have dashed into the wall shelf
fallen backward

laying there in a land between
dream and real
past and present
flakes left over from that horror show of ours

i stood up despite the pains on my arm and in my head
now fully awake and bruised
i walk toward the present
trying to aim for hope

April 10, 2008. Uncategorized.


  1. ing replied:

    Keep your sights set. You’ll get there, and your aim is true. You’re unbelievably strong .

  2. Java replied:

    What ing said. To have come this far proves you have the strength. Even if sometimes you can’t feel it.

  3. brooke replied:

    Wow, beautiful and heartbreaking. I’m thinking of you!

  4. hot-lunch replied:


  5. The sagittarian replied:

    I think you should take Bagel for another stroll along the beach. Years ago my friend and I used to do the beach walk thing, hurling stones and the odd obsenities into the water was very theraputic!

  6. Pants replied:

    You can do it Matty!

  7. matty03 replied:

    Hey Kids! Thank you. I am strong and will get through this. Real tough sometimes, tho. But, no one ever said life was easy — just have to keep pushing through it. And, I will.

  8. Pants replied:

    How are things in California? I wore flip flops today…big mistake! It feels like it’s 40 degrees in my office. Brrrr!

  9. christian replied:

    the last time i saw blondie they surprised us all by doing a chunk of deep album cuts at the end of the set, including “accidents never happen”. AMAZING!

    eat to the beat is a totally overlooked album. “the hardest part” is an amazing track too.

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