trying not to float away

getting better
adjusting to this floating bubble of a feeling
stomach wanting for more
my pockets are empty
but, my heart is full of love
and this simple fact is more power(full)
than any pain
i close my eyes
and try to pull myself to the ground
…to the earth

April 24, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 23 comments.

MATTY PALM!!! (coming soon)

(You see it all started when Little Bagel needed an operation and we had already drained all of our resources for the other treatments. And, after both the bank and Ing turned us down for a loan to send Little Bagel to Australia for the rare operation — well, I had no choice but to go to the Tenderloin and seek employment to earn some quick change! No! I’m not a man-whore! I’m not! …but I was told I have the best palm in all of San Francisco! I’m telling you they line up for blocks! At first I was a bit intimidated by the whole scene, but quickly made life long friends at the club!)

In case you’re wondering I saw the new film IRINA PALM in which Marianne Faithfull must go to unusual lengths to raise money to save her ill grandson. Once I got past the shock of seeing Marianne Faithfull playing a frumpy grandma — I rather enjoyed the film! Of course, one would only expect Marianne to be good at this sort of job — even old and with the crazy ass sad hair-do and clothing! Tho, I felt it resolved itself a bit too simply and romantically — I really did enjoy the movie.

But, I must say it is hard to see my idols age. Tho, it happens to all of us! Marianne is doing it with grace (!) and in full R-rated glory! (hole, that is!) I do suggest a viewing if it is playing in your city! Those of you in the UK must have already had the chance last year! Why did none of you not tell me about it?!?!? Here is the preview which will explain a bit:

Still, it is upsetting to see that Ms. Faithfull went from this:

To This: Oh, well.

Today I decided to set my magical iPod to “shuffle” mode. This can be a bit worrying, but after a hand wanking grandma movie I figured I was up to the challenge! And, this is what my iPod told me as I walked Market Street!

“Baba O’Riley” by The Who
“Keeping You Alive” by The Gossip
“Trampled Under Foot” by Led Zeppelin
“Younglam” by Darling Kandie
“Accidents Never Happen” by Blondie
“I See A Different You” by Koop
“Clock” by Stephane Pompugnac
“Fucking on the Dance Floor” by Dirty Sanchez
“Do The Bambi” by Stereo Total
“Woke Up New” by The Mountain Goats

…all great songs. Well, the red light at my station just went on. We all know what that means!!!

Gotta run!
kisses from just east of GayTown,
matty (palm)

April 14, 2008. Tags: , , , , , , , , , , , . Uncategorized. 16 comments.


woke up with a start
tumbled toward the toilet
but then i saw the ghost of you appear there
— your pants unzipped and cowboy belt buckle hanging loose —

i ran for safety,
but found myself laid to the floor
— my arm burning with pain —
— my head dull with an ache —
i must have dashed into the wall shelf
fallen backward

laying there in a land between
dream and real
past and present
flakes left over from that horror show of ours

i stood up despite the pains on my arm and in my head
now fully awake and bruised
i walk toward the present
trying to aim for hope

April 10, 2008. Uncategorized. 9 comments.


Warning: This Post May Contain Information of a “Sensitive” Nature. Reader Discretion is Advised!

But, if you’re reading my blog you probably already know that. Anyway — I may not be nuts about living this far from GayTown — but no one can say that life is dull living on the cusp of West Oakland!!

As I started to drift off in my shrink-induced haze of sleep ’round about 2am this Sunday morning I heard the following pour through one of the half opened windows of our loft:

screeching tires and two car door slams

“Oh, Baby!”
“Oh no, nigga! You pay up front!”

then I heard what sounded like whimpering and slapping.

Bagel started to freak out and I was worried that a woman was being beaten. I sort of fell out of bed and fumbled down the stairs of our bedroom loft to the window. We don’t live in a good hood. The parking lot/front yard is very well lit — and what should greet my eyes?!?!

Well, I will tell you.

A red sports car, a tall man and a rather large woman. These three things might not be so unusual except the woman wasn’t really whimpering so much as she was moaning in fake ecstasy, and the slapping I was hearing was not the sound of a hand hitting another person — but the sound of hip slamming into booty.

Yes, there it was. A large (and horrifyingly well-endowed!) man and a crack ho with her mini skirt hiked — revealing a rather large butt! She was spread out with her chin on the hood! The man was grinning like he was the happiest man on the planet.

At first I thought I might be tripping and then the following came from the open mouth of the rather “gifted” woman: “Oh, daddy! Yeah! Give it to me, Daddy! Daddy! Give it to me Daddy!”

B had slipped into a quiet sleep ’round 11pm Saturday evening. I had no choice. I woke him up as if some natural disaster was happening in the parking lot! You see, I needed a witness!
B jumped up and we both looked down in a mix of horror, confusion and open-jawed shock! We also had to fight the urge not to giggle!

“How is she able to take him so easily?!?”

…and, then, all the more interesting and exciting — a surfer dude artist who lives here walked out and up to the “very bizzzzzy” couple and began to talk to them. We could not make out what he said, but the ho jumped off the hood and into “Daddy’s” car, and “Daddy” started saying to our resident surfer artist dude, “Oh, you’re a good man! Thank you, my man! No problems here, my man!”

…and, with that — Daddy and Crack Ho took off with a skid mark (so to speak) and were but a nasty low-fi porn memory!

I really want to move! However, I was so upset when Ing and A asked me why I had not taken a picture! I honestly do not know. I think I was just too surprised by it all — not to mention blitz’d out on my dolls! I don’t shock easily, but one typically does not see this sort of thing in his/her front yard.

(a sigh and a shudder!)

April 6, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 31 comments.


My beloved Goldfrapp released their new vid-clip in the UK last week. It makes me smile… Thought I would post it before the weekend officially starts — especially after my sad little poem.
kisses from just east of GayTown,

April 4, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized. 16 comments.


i thought i was dying
i held you tight
so tight it must have hurt

and now
sitting alone
catching my pulse
i close myself into a fist

pulling the fire into my lungs
i know i am not alone
i know i am not dying
but, i am so weary

like “they” say —
fact is so much stranger than fiction

April 2, 2008. Uncategorized. 13 comments.