It was a long weekend and the weather was just about perfect. B leaves for Canada in a few days and my mother will be arriving on Tuesday to hang with me and Bagel (code for babysitting me while B is gone!) …Anyway, Bagel was looking particularly bored — doing what we call The Bagel Carpet Pose for far too long. So, we decided it was time to take our Shih-Tzu to the ocean.

We were not sure how she would take to the sand, waves and other dogs — but it turns out she is a regular little beach bum. It was a lot of fun. However, she looked a bit like a dirty wet rat after about ten minutes. Bath time for Bagel that night was an Extended Event and we’re still trying to get some of the tangles out of the Princess’ hair!

I might continue to be “out of the cyber pocket” while my mom visits, but I shall return! Things are getting better, but it is a slow path. Seems like most are.

Here are some pictures from our day at the beach! (bagel even made a new friend!)…she may be a wet rat, but she’s ours! …if only her Aunt Ing were a better mentor, Miss. Bagel might have conducted herself with a bit more decorum. …Or not. Hmmmm…

March 23, 2008. Tags: . Uncategorized. 34 comments.


Sebastien Tellier! Aside from being a rather attractive fellow — I think he is a bit of a pop genius! I am so loving all of his music. He is from the French pop world. Sometimes lush, sometimes simple melody and sometimes quite magical!

I’ve been a bad blogger and I’ve been just as bad with my emails and my phone. I’m sorry. I think I’m trying to find my way out of a dark hole and sometimes it is just hard to concentrate. And, I’m preparing myself for B’s having to leave for several days. I don’t seem to cope so well these days. Big surprise. However, I am making progress. It is just a slow go I guess.

So, per usual, I’ve been leaning on music. Of course there are the trusty old stand-by’s of Barbra and Goldfrapp — but, these last couple of weeks I’ve found some other works to drown out all the noise of my days.

Mostly, tho, I’ve been in a sort of Bach fugue. I pretty much have only listened to these two recordings:
I’m not sure what I’m finding so attractive about Bach’s music. I’ve never paid much attention to it before. I think I find it interesting how his work almost sweeps me up but holds me at a sort of distance — it is quite pretty, but ice cold. Like a glass sculpture that you know wants for touching, but it simply isn’t allowed. Bach almost seems forbidden. I don’t know.
And, I’ve been playing this record a lot. I don’t think Bagel cares much for it, tho. However, does rock get much better than “Shattered”?!?! This record reminds me that The Rolling Stones will always matter.
My Ing (and she is mine!) gave me this CD last weekend. It rocks! Well, actually, it is more a little country than rock but is quite good! …I especially like “I Am The Sky”.
…and, this was a surprisingly great film! See it if you can!

March 20, 2008. Uncategorized. 12 comments.

( secrets )

as a cloud starts to lift i find myself taking a re-stock of life. perhaps life, like art, should not be expected to make sense. maybe one is better to just allow it to wash over you in all its mess, troubles, woes, joys and trauma.

when food becomes an enemy, when sleep becomes the portal to danger, when memory is something to be seared from the brain, when the comfort of a pillow becomes a shield and when the true beauty of the body becomes a distortion — perhaps that is the time one should take a walk, a puff on a cigarette, a sip of tea, a walk through a gallery, a ride on a streetcar to the freedom of the ocean and bach providing the backdrop for these moments. (and the way he was never able to finish that final fugue movement — forever ending abruptly. …forever stuck in 1750)

and, as i try to contemplate and make sense of the way life tosses us all about, i do find comfort. and, not so much in art but in this moment when i hear the front door close, lock and footsteps of my lover walking away — only to then hear those steps return. the door unlocks, opens and he walks toward me. i am only half into sleep as the sun slips back into our room.

he kisses me gently. …sensuously upon my lips.

my mind tries to pull me away from sleep to fully embrace the eroticism of this moment, but i drift into a silent sleep as i hear my love return to the door, it locks and he walks away to his day.

i am loved.

he has kissed me the way i him as he sleeps next to me during my times of personal horror. and, the taste of him brings me closer to safety.

perhaps the way to not let life beat me down is to accept it for what it is.

like art, let it wash over me. simply accept what the artist creates. take solace in what i have

complexities and limitations — the abstractions of life.

( maybe love is the secret )
…pushing me forward.

March 13, 2008. Uncategorized. 25 comments.

(love and sharks) 1 HOUR TODAY AT THE BEACH

…it can’t be captured on any audio tape or sleep machine — that magical vibe one gets from sitting on the beach. today was the first day that i wasn’t too cold when i stepped off the streetcar and on to the sand. i took off my shoes and sat for an hour. …iPod off. …watching. …listening. soaking it up like a dried out piece of drift wood that wanted to be a sponge.

…it was a great hour. …maybe on wednesday i can go out there for longer. (i hope so)

March 4, 2008. Uncategorized. 12 comments.


As I stumbled around I began to think about connections. And, my failure to do so as of late. I have become disconnected. I have retreated. I guess I need to for now. I zip up my jacket, I smile and I joke. …But, eyes can usually give you away. One just has to look.

March 3, 2008. Uncategorized. 5 comments.