THE VAGINE OF BAGEL

Well, Bagel appears to be recovering quite well from her “spaying” spa session. Poor baby. We spent the whole weekend in with her. We opted to not leave her overnight with the vet since they were not going to have anyone on all night duty watching the boarded pets.

Our little princess demands attention! Also, what ever there were — God forbid — a fire! Worse yet, I kept thinking that Bagel would have to need some form of pain medication during the night. And, I was correct on that score!

I don’t think it really fair to cut out someone’s girlie parts, sew her up and leave her in a cage for 12 hours. Just seemed wrong to me.

So, we made a huge bed on the living room floor and waited on Bagel all the weekend long! Turns out Bagel really enjoys being hand fed. Who knew? Seriously, tho. The poor baby was confused, uncomfortable, afraid, jumpy and in need of lots of TLC!

So jumpy was Poor Little Bagel that I had to cancel a scheduled karaoke competition with Ing and Miss S! I phoned them to let them know that I had to cancel. They didn’t seem appropriately upset or bummed-out. I informed them and then they both told me that this last minute cancellation not only ruined their weekend but was threatening to ruin their entire year! I felt really bad. But my singing is known to send Bagel running round in circles — I dare to think what might happen when Ing and Miss S. perform a duet of “Material Girl”!

Anyway, the real trouble for Bagel started yesterday. She was in her cone and started yelping something fierce. It took us a while to figure it out, but it would appear that Bagel is having some major irritation with her diddle — or, vagine in medical terms.

We were afraid to remove her cone for fear that she might paw at her spay incision. And, then it struck us that Poor Little Bagel had not really urinated all day! After much discussion, it was decided that one of us was required to give Bagel a hand.

Yes, I massaged my dog’s vagina.

It was as if I had given her a dog treat direct from God. And, within about a minute of my stopping — she pee’d up a storm on her wee pad!

However, nothing will ever remove the stigma of dirty that I still feel. A few minutes later, she began making a horrible screeching noise and writhing about on the bed we had made her — I am queasy even writing it but Poor Little Bagel was spread eagle and begging for more relief. It took no discussion at that point — off came the cone — and, Poor Little Bagel was free to provide her own form of relief. Not wanting Bagel to be in any danger, pain, discomfort or to become a doggie porn star — I phoned the vet this morning. Seems that a vaginal infection does sometime happen. We are to watch her thru tomorrow and if it hasn’t taken care of it itself we are to bring her in tomorrow afternoon for the vet to take a look and most likely prescribe some form of anti-biotic.

It does seem to be getting better. But, I find that Bagel and I are still a little uncomfortable around each other. I will be so happy when she is back to her bouncy puppy self. She is still crying from time-to-time. I’m not sure if it is from her confusion over her discomfort or the fact that I skidled with her tiny diddle.

I just don’t know. …but, I do love my dog. …Just not in that way.

This is what I was playing — the vinyl version — as I wrote my post of shame.

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February 11, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized.

12 Comments

  1. Java replied:

    I love that movie, and the sound track is great, too. Of course it is Babs, after all…

    Poor little Bagel! Poor Matty! Dear, I wouldn’t worry too much about any lasting emotional trauma for Bagel from the massage you gave her. As much as you adore her and she’s your sweet baby puppy, she is in the final analysis a dog. (You don’t have to tell her that, though.) She’s also young. The assistance you provided means nothing psycho-sexual to her.

    As far as lasting emotional trauma for Matty, well, that’s another story. But I predict you’ll be ok, too. Wash your hands real well, that might help! 🙂

    I hope poor little Bagel gets better soon. I wouldn’t wish a vaginal infection on a …. well, on anyone. Oh, and I agree with you; it isn’t right to cut out someone’s girly parts, sew her up and leave her in a cage for 12 hours. I wouldn’t want anyone to do that to me, for sure.

  2. scarlet hip replied:

    I just watched a movie about Doris Duke and her closeted-turned-crossdressing/homosexual butler.

    I don’t know why I brought this up now…

  3. ing replied:

    Wait, you WHAT?!?!

    Oh my god, Matty!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I’m going to run and hide for a while. I’m blushing!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

  4. Pants replied:

    Poor Bagel! Poor Matty!

    My mom once “helped” her previous Siamese cat who was in heat, at the suggestion of one of her “friends.” It was really gross and I’ll stop here before I make you throw up in your mouth.

  5. matty03 replied:

    Java! Oh, I do so hope you’re correct! It is a bit worrying that Bagel has taken to tossing her body with wanton abandon at my feet when I walk by her.

    O What have I done?!?!?

    Isn’t that what Queen Elizabeth was heard to bellow after signing the horribly botched decapitation of Mary Queen of Scots!?!?

  6. matty03 replied:

    Scarlet Hip! I don’t know why either — Oh, wait! Didn’t Doris Duke like to have it hit by that butler of hers?!?!? I’ve not seen that film. In fact, I wasn’t aware of it! What is it?!?!?

  7. matty03 replied:

    Oh, Ing… Those of us in the Bay Area know you’ve done far worse during those infamous runs around JapanTown with Miss S! Fess up, Sista!

  8. matty03 replied:

    Pants! Oh, I’m so relieved I’m not the only one! Wait. That means I share something in common with your mom. Is that a good thing or should I be worried?!?!?!

  9. ginab replied:

    no kissing!

  10. hot-lunch replied:

    i love that you masturbated your dog!!!!

  11. matty03 replied:

    Gina! Oh, dear — No! That would be far too confusing for both of us! lol! She seems to be doing much better now! We might not even need to bring her in to the vet!

    Hot Lunch! …I had a feeling you would! lol!

  12. Aaron replied:

    I’m loving your new lamp. Is it made of Bagelite? Ha Ha.. that was a rubbish pun on Bakelite.

    hmm. I think I need to bugger off.

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