“Call these echoes of the going-ups and the coming-downs, walking pneumonia and tun-of-the-mill madness, colored with guilt, pride, and a vague sense of despair.” Kris Kristofferson

These days I spend a lot of time wandering through record bins for hidden treasures. Treasures that will cost a dollar a pop or less. You’d be surprised of all the gold I’ve found for less than a dollar. Poets and magic makers long lost in someone’s attic. Musty, but just waiting for a thin needle to set them free. …Passion expressed through timeless blues and jazz with a tinge of rock-n-roll glitter.

Yesterday, I found myself sitting on a curb.

I was having a bad day. I was afraid. I was lost.

I allowed myself to fall back into the soft grass. I let go of any worries of what might be hidden in those green blades. I just lay there in this lush and sweetly sour scented moment. I tried not to cry. I tried to push the ghosts back, breath and focus. After a few, I pressed the play button on the iPod — often my compass or point of origin these days. …As always that voice which has pulled me through the darkest hours of my life was waiting to pull me out of this one. I listened to the tone, strength and mercy. I sat up and began to breath in deep. …and out.

I began to realize where I was. I knew this neighborhood. I couldn’t re-trace how I had gotten there, but I recognized the area. I got up and walked toward the street which must have my foot steps worn into some of the pavement. I found a treasure yard and lost more time as I searched through boxes of long-forgotten moments.
…Music that charms and warms. …that can save in the darkest of times. …those times when the soul feel stretched to the outer most limits. It is funny how some of these voices are not welcoming at first touch of sound, but when one allows these lost poets to spend some time in your ear — the magic takes hold. So, I returned home with an arm full of holy treasure. …and, some of these voices can work their magic immediately. Seductively simple, but alarmingly complex once they take hold.

Lately, I’ve been spending a lot of my time sitting at a table putting together discarded pictures cut from long forgotten pieces of other’s art and re-forming it into my own. This art of collage is a tricky one. As you cut away or split elements of images — some of which you thought were forever etched into your mind — you begin to see something different there. And, as you replace these pieces of images together with others the meanings are forever transformed. Glances captured by some photographer soon change meaning.

When you grew up in a time not known for great fashion or taste you become defensive of things once coveted but now considered “ugly” And, the patterns are hopelessly dated. But, if one stitches it all together just right — the old patterns which never really worked are lost and something new replaces them.

And, you sit there. You search for the meaning. You fall back away from the dark and warm yourself in the aural light that saves.

“…And watch the sun go down
Hear the sea roll in…”

…they all might have silver tongues, but there is nothing of the devil to be found here.


February 6, 2008. Tags: , , . Uncategorized.


  1. hot-lunch replied:

    i’d love to go treasure hunting with u! i went through a phase of getting vinyl at any chance i could but i found i couldn’t keep up with listening to them all! I still have a Yazz LP sitting by my turntable just begging to be played!

  2. Pants replied:

    Have to copy hot-lunch here and say that I’d love to wander around with you. I’m feeling rather lost myself…lost in cold and dark winter. How do people live here without cutting themselves? (I’m trying to figure it out.)

  3. johnmichael replied:

    I agree. Music, or the thought of it and remembering where I was when I first heard the songs, or the memory that they can conjure up has often soothed me.

  4. pakipoptart replied:

    Matty this post saddens me. I don’t know why. Just the thought of you lost out there and trying to keep it together. It’s just concerning.

  5. ing replied:

    I have the same thing feeling, but the best of lyrics (to me, anyway) always have a great dose of sadness in them (though not evil). Went to a political reading that speculatively delved into what will happen if we decide to attack Iran. I got sort of down. Seems like we’re screwed no matter what.

    So I read stories. Which just affirm what I already know from the world and from song, too.

  6. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch! Oh, I’d love to go record hunting — or clothes shopping with you, too! We would have a blast! Tho, I don’t seem to be moving very fast these days. Let’s hope that changes! …The one thing I do have is lots of time. So, I’ve plenty of time to listen! You know, I think it is a criminal offense to allow a Yazz LP to go unplayed for more than a week!

  7. matty replied:

    Pants! I’ve not been there, but please don’t start doing that! I think you should leave, return to the Bay Area and go to school here! And, we can hang! Leave that closet and come back home!

  8. matty replied:

    johnmichael — Yes! It is like a sort of warm soup that you don’t have to cook. Just place the needle down and allow the music to soak in — and the comfort that was there remains. Music is very healing. …poetry.

  9. matty replied:

    Pakipoptart — I know. I am sad. Depressed, actually. And, lost. But, I hope that there is some hope in my post. I meant for there to be hope. I also didn’t want to hide the sadness and fears. Lately, it has been hard to hold it together. Finding a therapist we trust and can afford has proven to be quite difficult and we need a second opinion on my med intake. But, for now, I do find great comfort in my treasure hunts — and the resulting music. And, “the art” in which I am dabbling. My goal was to have that hope and surprise come thru the recent sad turn of my journey.

    I’ve never been this lost. But, I’ve never had anyone in my life like B. He, too, gives me strength. And, he is a press of a button away on my cell phone. So far, I’ve only had to call him once!

  10. matty replied:

    Ing! I don’t know — I think Jandek IS evil. I’m just sayin’ — and you like that MuthaWolf stuff. …also, evil. Ever since you turned your back on Beck just because the divorce turned sour. I don’t know.

    Yeah, I think — for now — I’ve been searching for love and hope in the music. Tho, I have been listening to quite a bit of The Tindersticks. …not too happy there, but beautiful in their own way.

    Politics. I just can’t focus on that spectrum at the moment. For me, the social and political climate of the US have become without hope so I try not to think about it for the time being.

    I think, deep down, I know that there is hope and something will have to give one way or another. That is the nature of things. We are a young country. The US may be strong — in a way — but we seem to be far too ignorant to stay in control much longer — unless the corporations finally just toss out the hidden agendas and take over full on. Sadly, then even more of the hope drains away.

    No. I can’t and will not think about it.

    I have my own problems. Angelina and Brad will have to sort it out alone while Britney and I try to get thru the night.

    You know what I mean?

  11. hot-lunch replied:

    Matty – the only way is up! 🙂

  12. The Sagittarian replied:

    “Self trust is the first secret of success”, and you will dear boy, you will succeed.

  13. ing replied:

    Where are you, Matty? Where is my Matty?

    I’m coming over on Sunday, and I’m going to whup some karaoke ass. That’s right.

  14. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch and The Sagittarian! I sure hope you’re both right! And, thank you! We finally secured two new and independent doctors! Meeting them next week! I am looking for a miracle cure!

    Ing! I’m here! Can’t wait to see you! And, yes, I’m sure you will! …Unless you bring Miss S — in which case it could be a very interesting battle of the Karaoke Magik!

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