ART IS A MOMENT CALLED “Betty”

This past holiday season, whilst shop’ing for a glorious gift for ING, I tumbled into a high-end store called Rite-Aid — because a generic pharmacy is a good place to find quality gifts — and I saw an awkward “Walking Fashion Doll Friend for Ages 5 to 8” in the clearance aisle. Yes, the box was damaged and those flat white-dome’d ‘fashion’ plastic shoes were cracked and the doll was damaged — the faux denim pants were torn — but there was something perfect about this sad doll designed for low income weekend fathers to purchase as bribes for their impoverished daughters.

Yes, I felt that this doll could be the catalyst for great art! And, my lover/husband might be able to make her into an art piece! In fact, I felt this doll could become a perfect work of art! I grab’d the 48 inch box just as a badly dressed woman attempted to do the same I felt like I had won some great contest! As I paid $10 for it, I named her “Betty” …I was filled with a surge of artistic pride!

Even as that oddly dressed woman who claimed to be with “The San Francisco Homeless Project” beg’d me to surrender the doll to her as gift for one of the city’s many homeless children, I was filled with determination! This was my gift to Art! I mean, buy the poor children something sort of nice! Don’t go shopping at Rite-Aid for the love of God! (by the way, “God” spell’d backward is “Dog” — It’s true! Check it out if you don’t believe me!)

I guess she and her fellow volunteers were out shopping for cheap presents. Or so that is what this off-balanced woman claimed. But, I had found Betty first. End of story!

At first, I was nice and explained to “Charlene” that I had to give this doll to my hubby. She didn’t seem to believe me. So, then I told her it was actually for my daughter who I was only able to see once a month. For an added argument punch I told her that my daughter was stuck in a bad foster family scene and would be counting on this high-quality doll! This didn’t fly either. Tho, I do think that there was a tinge of sarcasm in my voice.

Suddenly, I found myself at the end of the Goodwill “Angry Stick”

I gave up on the nice guy routine and told “Charlene” and her scary lesbian friend, “Pam”, to go pound sand. They back’d down. When I’m determined I can be a total Gay Force of One! Best to just back down and off! No body puts baby (that would be me) in a corner! …even when I’m dealing with PSD! Trust me on this one. …There will be blood! Oil! Sure — the sales clerks and some or 50 fellow Rite-Aid customers seemed mad at me, but I knew the truth! And, they all let me be as I stumple’d toward BART to carry the massive box home!

Betty was destined to become great art!

…or an awkward walking companion for my love, B.…And no Christmas Gift Giving Mob was going to rob the world of that!

Besides, I don’t think a child could benefit from the sort of walk Betty provides. Because of the damaged shoes, arm and poor plastic quality that IS Betty — the “walk” becomes a bit like an epileptic fit surry’ing across the floor. While comical, it could damage a mobile home and cause a great deal of distress for any fiscally-challenged little person. Children do come first, but not when it comes to Horror Shows like Betty!

Betty is a much better fit for our home AND when you mix B with Betty she becomes a work of art! Or, She will become a work of art. I just know it!

I did shake the Sno-Globe. Laura Mars demanded that we dress Betty in tacky underwear, set fire to the sofa, place Betty in front and snap pictures to wild disco music. But, the thing is we actually love our sofa so we are diverging from the She-Devil’s Sno-Globe suggestion and B is going to come up with his own plan. I hope the globe doesn’t hurt us because of this decision!

And, I am a bit worried as B seems content to walk around with Betty before going to bed. It is noisy as well as strange. Or, as in the last couple of days — B has begun to hold Betty for hours mumbling “secrets” to her. When this happens, Bagel and I huddle in the green chair and feel just a little scared. Actually, Betty is a bit worrying. Trust me, it is quite unsettling to stumble into the kitchen area at 4am for glass of water and see her “standing” in the light of the Oakland moon. Actually, it is more of hip thrust lean against the window. Any-who — it is a surprising sight!

But, one day soon — Betty will be art! And, in the moment, I will share a bit of the glory! Fear not! I will post something about it. However, B copyrights his work so I probably won’t be able to actually publish a photo of the Art Betty becomes.

…Maybe I will do a representative sketch. Oh, Betty. The above is a picture of Barry Gibb and Kenny Rodgers. It has nothing to do with my post, but I found it when I did a “google” for “bad art sketch” — and, let’s face it — back in their day they were both pretty hot! Betty would approve!

Advertisements

January 4, 2008. Uncategorized.

20 Comments

  1. Java replied:

    After looking at these pictures of Betty and reading your description, I think you have done the children of your fair city a huge favor by taking her out of circulation, as it were. She’s kinda scary.

    Around here we have Rite Aid stores. But they used to be Eckerd Drug stores. It upsets me terribly that evidently Rite Aid has bought out Eckerd. I grew up with Eckerd Drug stores. My Daddy taught me about the letter “D” using the Eckerd Drug sign. I actually remember that! And Rite Aid doesn’t even spell “right” properly. What kind of lame ass store is that??? The kind that sells deflicted Betty dolls to unsuspecting strangers, obviously.

  2. ginab replied:

    In my neck of the woods, Rite Aid is mince meat next to Walgreens. It’s what they get for mowing down Eckerd (sp).

    But you dear Matty perhaps spared another doll becoming named Britney, by naming art Betty.

    -ginab

    PS: Bea Bea LOVES to eat oranges! She DROOLS for a slice! It’s as much a feat as it’s positively gross! Gawd luv her!! And I do!

  3. matty03 replied:

    Java! Thank you! Yes, I do believe that by standing my ground in the name of Art I have:
    1. Possibly played a role in creation of a great piece of art
    2. Prevented a lifetime of nightmares for some poor unsuspecting child
    and
    3. Possibly secured an odd new “friend” for B

    I didn’t know this about Rite Aid! I normally just think of it as a place to buy great gifts for Ing! (just testing to see if she’s paying attention! — she’s a top notch gift gal who will only accept cheap gifts if they involve male nudity!)

    I love that memory you have of Eckards (sp?) …I, too, have fond memories of that store. Tho, of a different sort. Me and a couple of friends spent many a moment being lectured and led out of that store! Good times!

    Who knew they were evil corporate raiders?!?!? Well, I guess it says a lot that they sold me Betty!

  4. matty03 replied:

    Gina! Oh, yes! Never buy anything of importance from Rite Aide! …just gifts for friends. I wonder if Ing is reading this blog. Hmmmmmm…

    I support indie stores per Ing. I only wandered into Rite Aid quite back accident! But what a fantastical accident! Betty Art shall soon be born!

    Actually, I am lying. I don’t know of any indie pharmacies. I know for a fact that both Ing and I support Walgreens! We’ve had a couple of “mis-adventures” within their San Francisco walls!

    I would love to watch your baby eat oranges! I bet is is cute!

    …everything Bagel does is cute. Well, sort of. OK. I’m lying again. Not really. But, for the most part she is always cute. No matter — I love her!

  5. The Stewardess replied:

    you’re delicious. Come fly with me sometime…. and change them damn pink wall tiles…… lol

  6. ing replied:

    I will accept gifts from Rite Aid, providing you are buying me dental hygiene supplies or bathroom cleaners. But it’s more important right now to discover the nature of the secrets B has been exchanging with Betty! Do they have evil secret plans, and if so, who can we hire to help thwart them?

    p.s. Kenny Rogers: NOT HOT!

  7. matty03 replied:

    The Stewardress! An indecent proposal! I’m so excited! …Or, are you just quoting a Goldrapp song? Everyone LOVES the pink wall! I don’t have any pink tiles, tho. Pink tiles would be tres tacky!

    Can I have nuts with my Diet Coke? And, could you bring me a cushion? My neck hurts! This flight is bumpy!

  8. matty03 replied:

    Ing! I wish I had bought you some cold medicine! I thought you enjoyed the Rite Aide Cremes. ?

    I don’t know, but I’m working on it. I think I should plant a little micro-chip device in Betty’s ear and see if I can record these conversations. Interestingly enough, B moved Betty behind some odd device in his work area yesterday. Not sure what’s up with that, but perhaps the scheming went horribly wrong for Betty!

  9. hot-lunch replied:

    i think you should kidnap Betty for a day and then take scandalous photos of her in fabulous disco dresses snorting lines in the glitter-covered washroom.

  10. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! That is an exceptional idea — and one which Laura Mars would approve. Sadly, B has hidden Betty away until further notice as he debates what is to be done! It is a bit worrying.

  11. ing replied:

    I knew it! Betty has gotten B addicted to “the white stuff”! I knew that Betty was up too no good. Matty, you must throw Betty and her awkward stance out the window and under the tracks of an oncoming BART! It’s the only way to save B! Oh, it’s going to snow in West Oakland, if you know what I mean. . .

    Thank you for the cremes, by the way, but I don’t have that “foot problem” that you have.

  12. ing replied:

    Wait, is that a “foot problem,” or is it just Kenny Rogers? If it’s Mr. Rogers, I’ll keep the cremes.

    Thanks!

  13. matty03 replied:

    Ing! If I can find Betty — I will get her to rehab! Like Britney, she is not one to be forced. …and we all know about Betty’s pant problem!

    Um, that’s not my foot!

    It really hurts my self-esteem when you mistake it for a foot.

  14. matty03 replied:

    Well, and I do think that Kenny Rodgers was hot back in the day — but, if you’ve been with him recently — I hear he has been spreading a bit of a yeast problem.

    But, I got you those cremes to moisturize your tired hands. All that PR-Ing can really take a toll on glam girl like yourself.

    Well, me and my, um, “foot” are off for a shower!

  15. ing replied:

    One foot, that’s the rumor! Put that thing away! And honey, you just caught so many flies with that sugar. Thanks for the yeast tip. I wouldn’t want to pass anything to Barry (aside from my sweet, sweet luuuuuuv).

    You know what ruins Kenny Rogers’ hotness for me? His voice; so whiningly forceful, and so many duets! I guess I put him in the “Neil Diamond” category.

  16. matty03 replied:

    Ing!?!?! What’s wrong with Neil!?!? Mr. D?!?!? He sang with Barbra! He wrote the score for the film adaptation to your fave book, Jonathan Livingston Seagull!

    Besides, how can you hate a song like “Lucille”?!?!?

    My foot is quite big. Hard to conceal at times.

  17. The Stewardess replied:

    I had to change the address of my new blog to:

    http://thenastystewardess.blogspot.com/

  18. matty03 replied:

    You are a nasty, nasty stewardess! I had to grovel for this info and the pass to the other place in which you hide.

    I think I deserve some nude pix! Just sayin’

  19. visual merchandiser replied:

    OKAY….AFTER READING ALL OF THE ABOVE…..I WOULD HAVE PUT THE DOLL IN THE CLEARANCE SECTION…IN THE BACK OF THE STORE AND PUT THE NEW…TIMELY MERCHANDISE UP FRONT AND THAT’S WHAT RITE-AIDE DID. I HAVE NO PROBLEM WITH THE RETAILER….CUSTOMERS ARE (WELL SOME AND IT DOES NOT TAKE MANY) SOMETIMES PIGS WHEN THEY ARE SHOPPING !!!
    SO NO WONDER POOR BETTY GOT IN THE SHAPE SHE WAS IN ! LET’S BE FAIR ABOUT BETTY FOR A CHANGE. I AM HAPPY SHE HAS A NEW HOME AND IS UNDERGOING “ARTIST SURGERY” EVERYONE IS BEATING ON RITE-AIDE! UNFAIR ! OUR ECKERDS TURNED INTO A RITE AID AND IT IS A WONDERFUL STORE WITH GREAT ASSOCIATES WORKING IN IT ! I HAVE AN ART DEGREE AND STUDYED RETAIL MANAGEMENT AND DECIDED VISUAL MERCHANDISING WAS THE PLACE FOR ME….FOR 20 YEARS I DID THIS WITH A LOT OF SUCCESS. EVERYTHING….I MEAN EVERYTHING ON THIS EARTH HAS THE POSIBILITY TO BE ART!! IT IS ALL IN THE MIND OF THE CREATOR (IF THEY CAN SEE IT)
    I SAY GOD BLESS THE PERSON WHO SAW THE BEAUTY BETTY COULD BE IN THEIR MIND.

  20. matty replied:

    Oh, I love your comment. I had forgotten about this post!

    Yes, there can be art found everywhere. I can’t wait to see what B creates with Betty.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

Trackback URI

%d bloggers like this: