SEXY-UGLY

When I think about it I realize that there are few things I will not blog about when it comes to me, but there are a few things I try not to blog about:

1. Work
2. Personal Matters Intimately Involving Others Close To Me
3. Carol Channing (that would just be rude and unnecessary!) OK, I admit to writing about Ms. Channing from time-to-time as it can be quite hard to avoid, but I do my best to never mention her or upload her image.

One of my dearest friends — well, actually, a member of my family, lost someone very close to him. One of those losses that one never gets over, but learns to accept and move forward over the course of time. And, it always hurts to see a loved one hurting.

So, I’ve fallen even further into the land of escape these last couple of days as this friend had to leave town for a few days. Yes, I’ve fallen into one of those unholy cinematic pits we call HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN
— and I’ve loved every tacky minute of it!

Now, for the very few of you who may not be aware of this cinematic error so far off the mark that it hits a level of entertainment one must embrace, it was filmed in 1990 and released in 1991 and no one noticed. It was beyond a flop. …But, I loved it!

I believe it was in KISSING JESSICA STEIN that I first heard the phrase “sexy-ugly” and it ringed so true to me. Some of the sexiest men are the ones that hover between being really gross out dirty and totally lip-smacking hot! Like, say, Gary Oldman or Harvey Kietel. While there was once a time when Mickey Rourke was considered a real piece of male beauty he quickly fell into the “sexy-ugly” category. Most likely this was due to excessive partying and too much boxing! Don Johnson was always pretty, but he became very uncool by the time this movie was filmed and has since slipped into a sort of odd place of looking like a golf playing lesbian. But, in this film, he was most certainly “sexy-ugly” if for no other reason than it appeared that the dirt on Mr. Rourke had rub’d off and both were in need of a bath.

…But, who wouldn’t have wanted to give them that bath back then?!?!!?!? …I mean, here is a photo of Mickey Rourke taken for Playgirl at the time HARELY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN was released! …Someone has been a very, very bad boy and you have to kind of like that! However, one too many fights and a few too many attempts at re-structuring of the checks is starting to show. No longer pretty — Mr. Rourke had officially become “sexy-ugly” and one couldn’t help but suspect that his man-scent might be leaking off the page. Still, I must confess that I still find him hot. Even in his recent mug shot from driving his moped while under the influence. Not even cool anymore — oh, and he lost all of his upper teeth from boxing. If you watch the special features of ANGEL HEART
(a movie in which he was still quite pretty but probably starting to smell) one can watch him in present day pop out his dentures! I’m not really all that ashamed to admit that a few sick and dirty thoughts did cross my mind. I know! Gross! But, true. Hey, I’m only being honest!

Anyway, I think HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN was intended for a str8 male demographic ages 12 to 90. Viewing it, however, it seems quite clear that the only true demographic for this “so bad it’s pretty darn fun/good” movie are gay men and women with nothing else to do but eat pizza and watch a fun movie! Plot, you ask? Well, the filmmakers thought it would “way cool” to set this film into the future! …all the way into 1996! Now, that is visionary cinema for you! So, it is 1996, a large segment of Hollywood has been turned into an airport and people are taking a highly addictive drug that is quite pretty. For some reason, even tho, we only get to see the drug in bags — just as well as we are told one must put the pretty blue chunks into the eye to get the best high since The Big H!
Anyway, our two boys may be on the wrong side of the road when it comes to robbing banks but they “ain’t no dope dealers!” — so you can imagine how upset they get when they discover that the bank car that they just held up had no money but just a lot of this silly drug of the future 90’s! And, then they get really pissed off when one of the lesser Baldwins (Daniel!) and his group of very gay looking gym rat boys kill their best buds! Vanessa Williams is also hanging about singing a few songs —- OK, now come on! What str8 guy is going to want to watch Vanessa Williams sing two songs?!!? There is some silly female nudity, but the real eye candy is left to our two boys.

Now Harley and Marlboro are pals who share hotel rooms and offer to hold hands as they jump off Vegas hotels into swimming pools and who tend to look into each other’s eyes longer than is required but they are totally straight! OK? They are straight dudes, man! Straight dudes who enjoy listening to Vanessa Williams and who are more interested in their clothing than all the dames roaming about in the background. I mean, the only reason that neither is taken by some beautiful woman is because one is married to his bike and the other is married to the rodeo.

It is an action movie without much action, but loads of comedy — some intended and some of pure bad filmmaking decisions. I’m sorry I haven’t more pix of Don Johnson to share with you but it appears he has tried to remove all stills of himself in this movie from the Internet. Too bad — as he looks really Eagles-like good in it! And, he has some nice fairly close to nude moments in bed with an actress called Chelsea Field. But, there are plenty out there of Mickey! I don’t even know if Mr. Rourke knows how to use the Internet. There are certainly some interesting pictures out there to be seen.

Anyway, Mickey Rourke has blamed this particular film for many if not most of his personal and professional problems he is still working through. Hard to believe that — everyone on screen seems to be having so much fun! I know I enjoy watching it!

If you’re a gay boy or str8 girl with a pizza, some ice-cream and a DVD player — this is one well worth the rental. …If you ask me. And, if you’ve a taste for “sexy-ugly”

Oh, and the costume designer for this movie, Richard Shissler, should think about suing the makers of THE MATRIX as The Baldwin’s gang is wearing the exact “uniform” as sported by Keanu and team in MATRIX! …and this was 1990!
God bless the “sexy-ugly’s” of the world and thanks for HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN!

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December 7, 2007. Uncategorized.

21 Comments

  1. sue replied:

    OMG first???
    So, I came here to ask you if you were a member of gay.com?
    If so, could you print the following in the comment section: (oy, am I trying to network my gay connections or what??) Anyway, here it is……..

    You could substitute, “Jews” or “Blacks” for Gays and Lesbians in this article; it says it all about Howard Stern and his genuine humanity toward all humanity.
    Bless us all, whether we are Gay, Straight, Jew, Christian, Muslim, Hindu, Conservative or Liberal and everything (except fundamentalist of hate) in between.

    But, then I thought what if Matty hates Howard?
    Well, then I would want Matty (you) to read the following article:

    http://www.gay.com/content/slideshow/splash.html?sernum=5497&coll=slide_collection&navpath=/channels/entertainment

    Tell me what you think?

    Oh and as far as Harvey K…I have a friend who “dated” him years ago..and it was her Mother who told me the specifics about, well, what only a naughty girl would know about “specifics” and then, I remembered the movie “The Piano” and well as the Beatles sang, “Your Mother Should Know” Hmm, name dropping is crass, isn’t it???
    As for Harley Davidson and the Marlboro Man…..hmmmmm….I think I have always been a fan of the “sexy ugly” unless it gets 2 ugly, like poor Mr. Rourke these days ;(
    I’m being silly tonight. Hope you are feeling alll right….
    My best thoughts to you and yours
    Sue

  2. Old Cheeser replied:

    What a bizarre-sounding film! Men on motorbikes and Vanessa Williams singing? Does sound rather weird! Probably just my thing.

    As for Mickey R not sure about him although I do get the “sexy-ugly” thing. I’m sure there are a few other guys who fall into that category, I just can’t think…

  3. Old Cheeser replied:

    Mind you, in that picture you’ve just posted Carol Channing is kind of sexy-ugly too isn’t she?

  4. matty03 replied:

    Sue! You know, I was a member of gay.com several years ago but am no longer. I think getting old and single have prevented me from visiting. Makes me feel old — and fat! lol! Oh, and I’ve always liked Howard Stern — equal opportunity in terms of who he teases. I used to watch his show and I loved his movie! I never hear the radio, tho. I like — or, rather, seem to need to control the music I hear and am not so big on the whole NPR talk radio thing. I used to enjoy Howard’s stripper interviews with Robin’s commentary.

  5. matty03 replied:

    Oh, and Sue — Yes, Mickey has gone a bit sour — but in 1990/1991 I think he was still pretty hot. Tho, I like sweet and sour so he still does it for me even now. But, certainly not as much as my B! Who is totally sweet and cute — with an edge.

  6. matty03 replied:

    Cool Old Cheeser! Oh, yes! You MUST see HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN!!! I also think Mr. Lubin would greatly enjoy it! If you can’t find in the UK, let me know I will get you a copy! Mr. R is quite sexy-ugly in it! As is Mr. Don.

    …Um, no. Carol Channing is just scary and I don’t think we should discuss her anymore. She is sort of like a clown. I am drawn to it at first then I scream in terror and runaway.

  7. diamondfistwerny replied:

    I’m appalled! 😛

  8. ing replied:

    Oh, Matty, I watched “You Light Up My Life” last night and it was sooooooo good! Still have it, will return it next time I see you, okay? And I agree that Mickey Rourke is still pretty hot.

    I’m sending you an email.

  9. matty03 replied:

    Mr. Diamond! I am, too! My skin crawls!

  10. matty03 replied:

    Ing! …You know, for the longest time I worried that YOU LIGHT UP MY LIFE was actually hidden metaphor for my own life! …Yes, that I was Didi Conn stuck in a lip sync loop and flared over-alls! But, luckily, it turns out — I’m just stuck in the over-alls!

    Glad you liked it!

    Wowzers! Got your email. Replied — hope you understand.

  11. littlebagel replied:

    Arf!

  12. matty03 replied:

    Bagel! What did I tell you about using my laptop?!?! Now, there are tiny puppy treats all over my desk! Good thing you’re so very cute and sweet!

    kisses,
    me

  13. hot lunch replied:

    i heart Mickey Rourke! And this movie! They had me at the poster! Those boots… mmm. 🙂 I personally prefer Mickey’s film, Wild Orchid… that had some lovely scenes.

  14. Old Cheeser replied:

    Yes Ms C does look rather clownish in that pic, like a bad drag queen…oh miaoooowww…

  15. ginab replied:

    hi bagel! you are not, no-no-NO, sexy-ugly.

    -Bea Bea

  16. Pants replied:

    Totally heart sexy-ugly! Adding this to my hibernation DVD list!

    xoxo,

    Pants

  17. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! Oh, you really should check out 9 1/2 WEEKS and ANGEL HEART — when Mr. Rourke was in top form. But, yeah, one has to love HARLEY DAVIDSON AND THE MARLBORO MAN!!!!

    …I love that they had you at the boots!

  18. matty03 replied:

    Cool Old Cheeser! Poor Ms. C — I think she’s looked like that for the last 4 decades.

    Gina! Oh, I agree! Bagel is just cute, cute and even more cute!

    Pants! Can’t wait to hear what you think of the movie!!!!

  19. hot-lunch replied:

    yes, boots will get me every time. every time.

  20. karyn replied:

    Okay, I don’t normally find Mickey anything to write home about but that last photo – wowza – he looks like Bruce Willis – flippin YUM.

  21. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! Ah, oh! We found your weakness! LOL!

    Karyn! I swear — both he and Mr. Johnson are HOT in this movie!

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