It’s those few seconds — the ones right as your feet leave you and something almost primal in you realizes you’re actually about to lose that grip.

You know that you are falling.

Then there are those few seconds as you began to fall that all those thoughts run through your mind — some silly, maybe a couple are of profound origin and then others are quite real:

“Can I catch myself before my ass hits the pavement?”
“Do I let the iPod go to cover my head?”
“Am I going to fall down those stairs or will I be able to catch myself on one of them?”
“Oh shit. Stay loose! Watch the neck! Am I going to break my neck?”
“I’m going to look like such an asshole!”
“Am I really falling?”
“Don’t land on your face!”
“Don’t drop the iPod!”
“Turn but don’t twist!”
“I can smell vomit are my knees going to land into homeless vomit?”
“Jesus! Don’t land on your back! Turn to your side!”
“Is there anyone behind me?”
“Please don’t let anyone see me!”
“Maybe I can catch myself on the railing and I won’t actually fall!”
“No, I will just look like a real dork!”
“Oh, fuck! There goes the iPod!”
“Don’t let anybody steal the iPod!”

And, then your mind sort of clears. You fall. And, somewhere in your mind — you wonder what sort of injury you could sustain as a result. But, all you can do is just let it happen.

In this case you land on your knees and then sort of bounce down three cement steps. Luckily, you land right near the iPod and you’re head and back have not touched the ground like last week.

The iPod is still playing so that is a good sign. Your face feels flushed. Did anyone see you fall?

And, then you hear two voices:

“Are you OK?”
“Here take my hand!”

And, of course two gorgeous Castro boys are helping you up. You feel the total idiot. And, no, you’re not “on the market” and you’re not interested — but you don’t want to look like an old ass to two hot boys.

Then, they both flirt with you. One asks if you need a cup of coffee. You smile. Thank them both. Decline the coffee. Ramble on about being glad you didn’t land in the homeless vomit not too far down the stairs. Awkward laughing.

As with all non-danger falls — there is a great deal of awkwardness. You try to walk quickly away pretending that you’ve got it all together.

But, you’ve fallen down. You move forward. One foot in front of the other realizing that walking is really just falling but catching yourself just in time with each step.

And, you pause to ponder if you first heard that idea expressed by Laurie Anderson or William Bourroughs.
…And, you’re just not sure. But, it was probably Ms. Anderson.

Falling down is easy. It’s getting up that is the real challenge.

I’m trying my best to get up every day.

Lucky for me, I seem to only actually fall down about once a week. Of course, that is a whole other story.


December 4, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. joe replied:

    well, it’s getting icy here, so falling down has become quite common.

    I’m also a klutz, so I fall down too. but I would like that there are people around to help you get up too. 🙂

    come slippery sliding to Canada! we’ll fall down together!!

  2. Pants replied:

    I ate shit last week in front of customers. I don’t suggest living in the snow.

  3. johnmichael replied:

    Sometimes I think it’s better when someone sees you fall. At least you have an explanation of why you are on the ground. And then you find out who are the ones who’ll actually help you back up again.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Joe! I’m beyond a klutz! I hope to finally get to meet you during the holidays this year! And, we can slip and slide all over Toronto!

  5. matty03 replied:

    Pants! Well, I lived in Boston for over 14 years so I know of snow. And, I do not miss it. Now, after a little over 2 years in SF I think it is cold when it’s 65 degrees! I’m now weather spoiled. I hope you don’t have to eat shit in front of customers again!

    johnmichael! Well, that is a good point. I’d rather not be seen when I fall, tho. Actually, I would just rather not fall.

  6. labsweb replied:

    Oy. I’m glad you weren’t hurt Matty, and your iPod as well. Don’t break anything now… if you must, wait ’til after the holidays!! Wait, I’ll take that back. Don’t break anything! EVER!

    As first when I saw FALLING, I thot of Julee Cruise! heh!

  7. Robert replied:

    Oops. Sorry Matty. Logged in as labsweb, that’s Alec’s account here on WordPress. Doh!

  8. ing replied:

    I almost fell on my ass when I was on Muni. It was extremely awkward because I was on a date, and unfortunately, I screamed! I felt like such a dork, and nobody flirted with me, though I did receive some pitying looks.

    Maybe you should try to avoid stairs for a little while, eh? Seems like your balance is off.

  9. Krafty Bitch replied:

    I’m glad you didn’t break anything, child.

  10. matty03 replied:

    Robert! LOL! Yes, I am going to do my best to just not fall anymore, but it seems to be something I do a lot these days. Last week I ended up scratching the lens on my way cool new glasses! Bummer!

    …wouldn’t it be cool to have tea with Julee Cruise. I must manage to do that before I’m too old! lol!

  11. matty03 replied:

    Ing! Considering your slight frame, hotness and big boobs I should think some hot str8 boy would have rushed to your aide! But, it is San Francisco. lol! Try not to make any noises when you fall — I tend to go “Uh, oh!” LOL!

    …I think I need my own sitcom.

    Anyway, yes. I try to avoid stairs — but, as you know, sadly the MUNI/BART escalators are frequently “down” and you can’t pay me to risk riding one of their elevators. We all know what goes on in there.

    I mean you and I have personal experience with those spaces — what with our poles and all.

  12. matty03 replied:

    Krafty Bitch! Thanks! Me, too! That would not be much fun right now — or, any time!

  13. Amanda replied:

    I am always telling my wee kids that it doesn’t matter how many times ya fall over, its how often you get up that is important!
    You keep on getting up, Matty, you have great things ahead of you! All the best,

  14. matty03 replied:

    Amanda! Thank you so much! You’re right and your little ones are most lucky to have you to guide them! I hope you’re right. I’m banking on it!

  15. hot-lunch replied:

    Matty, I told you not to wear the roller skates on the staircase!!!

    But thank God the iPod is okay.


  16. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! I know, I know! It’s just that I am in such a Xanadu state ever since you wrote of the fabulous B’way musical event which I am so dying to see! But, now, I’m just wearing the leg warmers and random ribbons in my hair which hold up nothing more than my charm.

    iPod ready, babe!

  17. The Sagittarian replied:

    Hi Matty, Amanda here! I think your blog is great. You really do need to get to a beach (with B) and chill. I loved the pix of your place and have very fond memeories of San Francisco…you don’t have to post this response. Give yourself a cyber hug.

  18. matty03 replied:

    Amanda — I love this response. Thank you. I so wish we had a place on the beach. …I’m trying to just chill. Don’t seem to be very good at that. lol! …but, I’ll get there. And, thanks for the hug!

  19. karyn replied:


    I fall all the time. Literally, metaphorically – I’m with you.

    It’s a crap ass feeling… but that you can get up every time is a major grace.

    Love you.

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