I slip’d as I step’d down from the bus and would have landed flat on my ass had this nice skater dude not caught me.

“No prob, sir! I was worried you were going to drop your iPod!”

Then, I could not figure out how to get to the third floor for my appointment no matter how hard I studied the directories for the medi-plex.

I approached the gum smacking receptionist reading “The Star” with a bit of dread.

“I have an appointment with Dr. ________ and I can’t figure out how to get to his office.”
“Just take the third elevator on the left side down that other hall!”
“The third elevator in the other hall?”
“Yes, sir” tilting her head to the right as if to indicate the ‘cute-ness’ level of my question
“It is a little bit confusing. There are four hallways. It looks like three, but there are four. Now, be sure to get on the third elevator on the left side! Be sure to have your ID and medical card ready!”
“Ok. This is sort of like being in that movie, BRAZIL.”

I’ve gotten used to doctors being younger than me. This started happening when I was around 36 or so. But, now, at 40 — it is getting ridiculous! Dr. ________ literally bounced into the exam room. I don’t think he is old enough to be admitted without an adult guardian. …to anything.

“Wow! Mr. Stanfield! HHT! That is wild! When were you diagnosed?”
“You can call me Matt or anything other than Mr. Stanfield.”
“Sure, thing! Now that you’re older you will want to really keep an eye on things. It looks like you’ve waited a while to get everything checked out!”
“I didn’t have insurance coverage, but I was feeling fine until about two months ago.”
“Yeah. Let’s have a look see! If you could just lean back, Sir.”
“Ugh! Can you hear that?!?!”
“They are playing Gwen Stefani in the waiting room again! Don’t you think she is a little old to be singing that style of music? All these older women acting like their kids. I don’t get it.”
“Isn’t she, like, I don’t know, 33 or something?”
“Yep! No babe alert there!”

As I was riding the bus back toward The Castro I was forced to watched a couple of college-age’d kids making out in the seat across from me. I found it annoying that his jeans were so ass-less and pulled down that I could almost see the fly of his boxers and that her ‘muffin-top’ looked rather painful. I should think it will take surgery to remove the crimp that must be indented into her body by those seemingly-painted-on-jeans.…do guys really think this is a hot look!?!? Isn’t lack of “over-hang” a better thing?

I had to fight the urge to shake my head and say, “Oh, those kids!” …but, fight it I did and I won out. However, my face must have said it all. I turned my head away only to be faced with a look of disgust from the woman sitting near them. She shook her head and gave me a look and said, “What is wrong with kids today?!!?”

I step’d with caution off the bus. I was so hungry. Then I realized that I hadn’t eaten anything but a cup of cream of wheat at about 6:30am this morning. It was 2:30pm. I had forgotten to eat. I had to check my ID to be sure I was born in 1966 and not 1936. Nope. 1966. I shrug’d and I swatted at the youngsters with a cane and got to the font of the line, ordered my dry turkey sandwich and limp’d home.

…someone named “Ricky” sent me a DVD of this movie!!!! I am not sure who Ricky is, but thank you! I so loved this movie when it came out! I mean — how can one go wrong with a film in which Judd Nelson has third arm growing out of his back while Bill Paxton plays the accordion!?!? And, I’m pretty sure that Wayne Newton shows up for no apparent reason. And, I see that Judd Nelson provides commentary for the DVD!!!

Ricky – You sent me a little slice of warp’d heaven!!!
…just when I needed it most! Now, reveal yourself!

August 30, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. Insert Name Here replied:

    LOL! And the thing about the younger generation, most of them think they’re the coolest thing on the planet. I know I was way cooler at that age. Hands down 😛 Don’t you?

  2. matty03 replied:

    Mr. Diamond! I think that they only perceive that they are cool. I think we are at our most cool when we don’t care if we’re cool or not. Shoots the cool factor up by at least 20 points.

    …and, I was born cool, baby! (lol!)

  3. hot lunch replied:

    i’m totally old. about 5 years ago, i remember trying to go to bed at 10pm, and it was during summer, and i heard these university-aged kids a few doors down making loud nois outside i.e. hanging out on the street, talking. I literally got out of bed, went to my window and glared at them in the dark, thinking to myself, “Damn kids!!” I might have shaken a fist as well.

    I also didn’t like firecrackers going off in the alley near my mom’s house when I was trying to go to bed. Even if it was Halloween.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch! I’m with ya, babe! But, you are still a mere babe in the wood! See? I would now storm down the stairs and tell the kids to break it up or I’m callin’ the cops! (not really, but it could happen!)

    firecrackers really bother me. sound too much like gun fire. I can’t deal with that!!!!

  5. pakipoptart replied:


    Hi! Thank you for all the nice comments you have left on my blog lately. Everything is fine. I just have limited internet access. Your post is so entertaining. I’m sorry that you had a half fall. Also, I know what you mean by young doctors. I go to medical school. I started when I was 30 and some these kids started at 21. Even though they look like tweens, they usually are on top of their game–very smart. So hopefully you are in good hands!

  6. ing replied:

    Old?! MY ASS!!!!

    You been tagg’d over at bearsmell, by the way. It’s not as cool as being “goldfrapp’d,” but it’s the next best.

  7. Daniel replied:

    I went down to the Dental clinic, and I swear the dentist wasn’t out of high school. He looked about old enough to be meeting girls by the bicycle racks.
    Bah, Humbug!
    grumpily yours,

  8. matty03 replied:

    Pakipoptart! I’ve had friends who have gotten their degrees a bit later on and they always say how odd it feels to be older than the other people in class. But, it is just a feeling — and a number. And, yeah, I think he is a great doctor. Just a bit too energetic for my tastes and I really don’t think I’m all that old — and I KNOW that Gwen Stefani is not old!!!

  9. matty03 replied:

    Ing! I agree! Our asses are firm, ripe and young! No matter our age! Tagg’d. No, it wouldn’t be as good as being Goldfrapp’d, but I shall follow up with my tagging!

  10. matty03 replied:

    Daniel! Yeah! Isn’t that a strange feeling!?!?!! I wanna be the one who looks young enough to be hanging out at the bike racks! …and not in a scary predatory way! …you are not an old fart. Stop that!

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