Thanks for all the sweet emails. I’m fine — just working thru some issues. Today, at lunch — after speaking to one of the doctors I jotted down a few of my woes in the form of statements that I’ve either said or have had said to me. It sort of sums it all up in a way that I hope is not boring or a downer.

Diagnosed in 2000:

HHT: Hereditary Hemorrhagic Telangiectasia (HHT) is a genetic disorder of the blood vessels, which affects approximately 1 in 5,000 people. It affects males and females from all racial and ethnic groups. HHT primarily affects 4 organ systems; the lungs, brain, nose and gastrointestinal (stomach, intestines or bowel) system. The affected arteries either have an abnormal structure causing increased thinness or an abnormal direct connection with veins (arteriovenous malformation). The basic problem in HHT is a thinning of the arterial blood vessel walls. These thin vessels are called telangiectases. This can cause internal bleeding in areas where one would not want internal bleeding. The chances for increased telangiectases increases with age. An individual with HHT should be screened every two to three years. The good news is that most all of the issues cause by HHT can be corrected with surgery if caught in time. The areas of most concern are the brain and the digestive system.

“I’ve had a headache for over a month and I just can’t deal with the pain anymore. I have insurance and think we need to get me scanned.”

“You’re almost two years late being screened and that is not a good idea as you will be 41 at the end of the year.”

“I just told you I need to be scanned. I didn’t have insurance that would cover the scanning.”

“There seems to be a problem with some of your blood work and we have a concern with your brain scan. We need to do a different type of imaging scan and some more tests.”

“I have had 6 migraines in less than a 8 days. I can’t keep food down and am missing way too much work. Can I get some migraine medication?”

“Mr. Stanfield, it looks like your migraines have increased in intensity and there is bleeding in your nasal passages that seems to be draining to your stomach instead of becoming nose bleeds.”

“Is that bad?”

“Honey, you really need to eat more and, B, you’ve got to stop smoking. You really do!”

“Mr. Stanfield, we just got the results back from the second imaging. We’d like you to come in tomorrow to meet with another neurologist.”

“Am I ok?”

“Sure, but we do not want you doing any lifting or activity that would cause you to exert to the point of sweating.”

“I don’t know what to do. They are screening YENTL at the Castro, but it is for Midnight Maniacs. I can’t just sit there while 300 plus people make fun of Barbra’s dream film!?!?
But, this might be the last chance I get to see it on the screen!”

“I’m sorry. I can’t deal with anymore testing right now and I can’t afford to miss any work as I’m going to Canada at the end of the month. Can we do the scanning and other tests starting mid-September?”

“Yes, that should be fine. However, do not engage in any physical activity that would cause enough excertion to perspire.”

“But, isn’t YENTL ridicule-worthy?”

No! And, even if it were — only I can ridicule it!”

“Mr. Stanfield, it looks like you’ve had a minor stroke. There doesn’t appear to be any damage of significance but we’d like to do some more tests.”

“I don’t know. I just don’t feel well. I have no energy. I’m having trouble sleeping and my head just hurts.”

“If the back of the left side of your head should start hurting, we’d like you to call and come on in.”

“Matt, there is glass in my drink.”

“Did you drink any of it?

“Yeah, but I guess it’s ok.”

“I just don’t feel like myself. I don’t really feel bad, but I don’t feel right.”

“Mr. Stanfield, we can’t start the scanning procedure until mid-September anyway but we do need for you to come in this Friday. We’ve scheduled several appointments. You will be here all day.”

“I can’t keep missing so much work.”

“This is your health, Mr. Stanfield. We can provide you with documentation for your employer if there should be a problem.”

“Didn’t Yentl come out in 1982?”

“No. 1983.”

“No, I’m pretty sure it was 1982.”

“Trust me. I may not know much, but I know my Barbra trivia. It was 1983. November I believe.”

“So, what is it exactly that you all are worried about?”

“Well, we’re not really worried but there is concern. We don’t want a brain aneurysm.”

“Mr. Stanfield, you’re not gaining weight but you seem to be holding at 181. You really need to be no heavier than 170. Ideally, your weight should stay between 160 and 170lbs.”

“But, if I can’t work out or sweat — how do I drop any more weight unless I cut back on my eating even more?!?!?”

“B, this is the second night in a row you were up all night working. That is not good!”

“You guys are really starting to worry me. Do you think I’m bleeding somewhere and that is why I don’t feel well? I’m having trouble holding food down.”

“Well, Mr. Stanfield, we feel that you might be a little stressed out, worried and depressed. After all, you’re dealing with a lot of medical concerns at the moment.”

Really? Do ya think? No shit! Wow! I would have never thought of that! What should we do do you think?!?!”

“Well, we’re sending you to a psychiatrist for an evaluation. Some short term medication might be in order. We just need to make sure we avoid the type that causes weight gain.”

“No. I don’t want any of those meds. I think it is pretty damn normal to be stressed out and even a little depressed. I think behavioral treatment and relaxation techniques would be just as — if not more effective!”

“Well, let’s have you meet with this doctor. You’ll need to plan on being at his office for a 2 hour meeting.”

“Doctor, I hope you don’t take this too personally — but I think I very well might hate you.”

“But, you have to admit that Streisand does not ever look like a man and she was way too old to play Yentl!”

“Shut up.”

“I mean, even Amy Irving came off better.”

“Amy Irving is a great actress! She rocked in YENTL! But, it is Barbra’s movie!”

“Well, but YENTL just isn’t one of Barbra’s best movies.”

“I don’t think I wanna talk about this anymore.”

“Matty, I really do think that YENTL came out in 1982.”

August 13, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. ing replied:

    God damn it.

  2. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Ah, it is not that bad! I figure I will just suck it up and see YENTL and just ignore the audience taunting! …no, but it really is going to be OK.

  3. Minge replied:

    I’m kissing you.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Minge! Awwww, thanks! I’m kissing you right back with a hug!

  5. scarlet hip replied:

    If there were any justice, Barbara would come take care of this for you.

    I’m keeping good thoughts for you. MWAH!

  6. scarlet hip replied:

    I heart you. I’m sending virtual chicken soup your way. Chicken soup cures all. Just ask Barbra.

  7. Kevin replied:

    I’m cyber-hugging you right now.

    And I’m not even trying to cop a feel when I do.

    Well, maybe a little.

  8. matty03 replied:

    Scarlet! I quite agree! Where is Barbra when one needs her?1?!?! Thank you! I can feel the warmth of that virtual chicken soup as I type! kisses from the other coast!

  9. matty03 replied:

    Kevin – You’re so sweet! But, you offer so advise on the whole YENTL issue?!?

    wait. is that your hand on my ass?

  10. pakipoptart replied:

    Are you ok? This being the first post i’ve ever read on your blog i was unsure where you were joking and where you were serious. I hope you are ok.

  11. matty03 replied:

    Hi Pakipoptart! I will need to check out your site! And, thank you. I’m OK. Just need to get thru all of this testing and then determine what’s up. Mainly, I’m just a sort of nervous wreck without any clear answers — but that will change. I decided to post about it because I’ve ref. to all this rather cryptically and I think a few folks were wondering what was going on — decided to make it as funny as I could because it is far bettter to laugh than panic/cry/etc.

  12. ginab replied:

    I’m sorry. I’ve been busy and am receiving worries from Ing. Something about a stroke. Just to set of alarm bells on the blog, I did say: “something about a stroke”.

    I’m sorry. Seems like no one knows what’s going on and so by all means wander the filmic diary. debate and question whatever you like to.

    BS and AI have a certain something very much in common, illegal on many levels in TX and in parts thereof, and it’s not a thing under their dresses or inside their perspective pair of shorts.


  13. matty03 replied:

    …tho, I am quite concerned about what I should do about that upcoming screening of YENTL.

    Go? Not go?

    How can anyone heckle YENTL?!?!? …and why is that a suitable film to show at midnight screening? …a 2.5 hour film about a girl who wants to study at a yeishva? …and a musical? what’s so campy or funny? i want to know!

  14. matty03 replied:

    Gina! Yeah. Well, if it is a stroke — it is minor. And, I am not experiencing anything as a result. So, I’m sure it will be fine. It is just the waiting to find out what exactly is going on. Will be OK.

    Just trying to breathe and laugh.

    Get to see the doctors this Friday! Woo-hoo!

    Yes, that liberalism is pretty scary in some parts! Or, am I missing some other shared quality?

  15. diamondfistwerny replied:

    Huge cyber-hug!!!! And I kicked the bejeezbies out of those dudes who were teasing you. I usually only beat up straight guys; but for you I made an exception 😛 And of course, I did it all in the name of Babs.

  16. Daniel replied:

    Isn’t that the film in which Mandy Patinkin thought Babs was a boy and fell in love with her. I so wanted him to fall on top of me like he did on her. I still fall for that silly Hasidic mystique! Side curls on a cute young guy! It is to die for…
    Matty Young Man!, I will absolutely not allow the top of your head to pop off. You never know, it might come in handy one of these days.

  17. matty03 replied:

    Oh, Mr. Diamond — A dashingly handsome author and my hero! Thank you ever so much! Normally, I am able to kick ass, but I just don’t seem to have the energy. However, my mouth is pretty big.

    I mean, yes. YENTL took some major balls to bring to the screen. Such an odd concept for a Hollywood film musical. It is only praise worthy! …and, I do believe it is written!

  18. matty03 replied:

    Daniel! Thank you! No, I don’t want it to pop off either. It may not be filled with much, but it is the only brain/head I have! I need it!

    Yes! You’re thinking of the correct film! Who can forget that hot all male nude bathing scene that forces poor Yentl to flee, disrobe, touch herself and sing about how Mandy makes her feel! He was soooooo fine back then! …and, in all his glory on the big screen! I do so wish I could make myself go!

  19. Pakipoptart replied:

    Dear Matty,

    I’m sorry that you are having to experience this. Humor is a great defense mechanism which I use all the time. Your post did make me laugh, but I hope that you have a great support system to get you thru this–it seems like you do. I’m studying medicine so I looked up HHT in my books. Its not a major topic so I couldn’t find much. I’m sure your doctor has told you this–bottom line it is a serious condition where you can bleed to death but with proper care and management bleeding is rarely life threatening. Also bleeding can occur anywhere in the body but is most common under the mucous membranes of the nose (epistaxis), tongue, mouth, and eyes and throughout the GI tract. Its an autosomal dominant disorder so you could have gotten it from either mom or dad…well i hope you get the care you need, take care of yourself and continue to increase your quality of life.


  20. S replied:

    Dear Matty,

    I know we don’t be knowing each other all that long and all, but I do cherish you, not only as an obsessive object but also, on a more human level, as a friend!!!

    Right now, I imagine things are pretty scary and stressful and frustrating, too. You are a good person, and you have good people around you who really love you. I know that doesn’t always make things better; sometimes all the extra concern can make what’s happening even more present. Just know, if you need anything we (and by we, I’m representing all of your friends collectively and without their express written permission) are here for you!!!

    Much love (and sending good ju ju your way) with tiny cartoon hearts!

    ❤ S

  21. sorted replied:

    Sending lots of love and prayers your way. I look forward to your update! Take care.

  22. Old Cheeser replied:

    Hey Matty

    Sorry to hear about what’s been going on with you – scary for you I’m sure. Although I’m sure the Drs are doing all they can to help. It’s obvious I know, but I guess all you can do is take each day as it comes. And carry on living your life to the max and enjoying every day – which you do anyway! I think the others are right – it always helps to deflect a situation with humour – and the Babs references do that!

    Even though we’ve never met in the flesh I hope one day we can – you’re a wonderful guy who deserves the best. I hope me and Gustavo can come to SF (that’s San Francisco NOT Science Fiction – although both are equally great in my eyes) and meet you and B. We’d have a blast!

    Take care
    Simon xxx

  23. matty03 replied:

    PakiPopTart! Thanks — yeah, I inherited it from my father. I think doctors love to review my case because they are still learning about HHT. I know all about it. Have no choice. My quality of life is great! It really has not been a big deal — excepting my nerves when time for scannings and this time we have a couple of “alerts” on the screen so I’m a bit freaked out. It will be fine. Just breath and laugh. …and try to avoid this stupid migraines! Ugh!

  24. matty03 replied:

    Miss S! Oh, thank you! Missed seeing you this past weekend! Hope you’re all rested up! And, I can use all the positive thoughts I can get! Keep ’em coming! Big hug!

    Sorted! I miss you! Thanks, sweetie!

    Cool Old Cheeser! Yes! You two must come for a visit to GayTown! It will be a blast! We’ll be getting ourselves up to England one of these days soon! …the problem will be for B when I don’t wanna leave! lol! Ah, England. My lionheart.

  25. Old Cheeser replied:

    Cool! Is your name Kate Bush by any chance?

    I also meant to say, in that last pic, the guy with the clapperboard next to butch Barbara is wearing a t-shirt that lookd like it says “Queen on the side” or “Queer on the side”! True?

  26. jungle jane replied:

    Dear Matty

    I know not of this Yentl thing – it sounds a bit like a Lentil. Is it a movie for vegetarians?

    I am more concerned about your medical situation – you must be very distressed and worried. migraine is awful enough – i most seriously hope you take the paperwork to get time off work and do your tests thoroughly.

    I hope its not a stroke – would they not take you into hospital if this was the case?

    No matter what, i am sending you good vibes. tons of positivity – you can have it all.

    love and hugggggs

  27. matty replied:

    Jungle Jane! …You know, it isn’t a film for vegetarians but I don’t think it would bother them either. It isn’t about lentils, but I bet Yentl would eat lentil soup. …and, who knows? maybe even sing about it.

    Thank you. I appreciate it! Fear not — I am taking care of myself and doing my best to listen to the doctors. If there was a stroke it was quite minor and is done and over. Actually, people have strokes all the time and never know. People have this genetic disorder and never know — so I’m way ahead of the curve.

    But, thank you for the positive vibes — I need all I can get!

    Big hug from GayTown,

  28. matty03 replied:

    Cool Old Cheeser! LOL! Oh, I wish it did say that! …but I think his shirt reads, “Quiet!” …Babs must have demanded it as she filmed her great epic to the art of study, faith, lust, love and cross-dressing!

    “…nothing is impossible!!!!”

  29. Old Cheeser replied:

    Damn it! I was wrong. Still I can be forgiven for my mistake eh? The guy has the distinct whiff of “clone” about him. And knowing Babs popularity amongst the queens, it wouldn’t surprise me if her entire production teams used to consist of raving homos!

    Of course she demanded quiet. She is a diva and performer of the first order and must have absolute silence in order to concentrate!

    I must see “Yentl” some day.

  30. matty03 replied:

    Old Cheeser! LOL! Yes, and it is a small version of that picture. I don’t really know about her film crews, but I should expect that she anticipates perfection from everyone! And, well that she should!

    Yes! You must see YENTL! …and most pref on a big screen! It is one of those big screen movies!

    The DVD has been ready for some time. Rumor is that Babs is not pleased with the audio mastering, but she claims that MGM/UA has held it up for reasons unknown to her. At any rate, if you live in France you can get it on DVD!!! I have it! I don’t live in France, but my player is region free so I got my copy! …this was the video transfer which Babs did not approve — and with good reason. Not well mastered!

    So, someday! She apparently did a full commentary track for the newly re-mastered DVD!!! However, if like ASIB she will probably talk a lot about how she wishes she was still “that thin” or the pretty wall paper.

  31. Werner replied:

    I am so sorry,my dearest Matty,upon reading your blog,and to find out,what has struck you. Still, you are up-beat and with your good humor,as always, you’ll conquer the beast.
    As you have prayed for me and my recovery,so will I do the same for you.
    We have known each other for a long, long time. You have grown on me,to love you more and more as the best friend,anybody can wish for.
    I heard you say,you may be coming to canada in september? Please stop by at our home, if it is not to far out of your way. You know where we live? You are always welcome,always!

    With much love !

    Hugs & Kisses,


  32. hot lunch replied:

    Stroke!! Aneurysm!! Depression!!! Yentl!!! Canada!!

    I can’t deal with all this right now! i may be getting a migraine! worse yet, I think I’m losing my appetite!

    Oh Matty *big hugs* I hope you’re doing okay and I suppose the part of Canada you will be going to is over on the other side, i.e. Ontario, as opposed to where I am, Vancouver, British Columbia… If you do however, choose to do the right thing and come to Vancouver, we simply must meet up and watch something strange and listen to some Goldfrapp and take in a rollerskate along the seawall and listen to my neighbours in the courtyard and I already have A Star Is Born all cued up for your blow by blow commentary!

  33. matty03 replied:

    Werner! Thank you, dear friend. I’m going to be OK. Just need to get thru it without freaking/stressing out. Which is what has been ‘a-happenining’ — these migraines are not much fun! Breathing and laughing — those two elements are key! I will drop you a line. I don’t think we’re going to be in your area of Canada. (am a little worried that we might end up having to reschedule our visit to B’s family — doctor appointments today and it will be discussed! Fun!)

    Hot Lunch — YENTL issues. I know. I know. When one is forced to throw that into the mix – it can almost be simply too much to bare. But, we forge ahead and get through it.

    Oh, I’d love for you to show me Vancouver, BC — but we will be in the Toronto/Hamilton area — and for about 3 days only minus the travel time. …If we are still going. I hope we are.

    But keep ASIB cued up! One never knows!

  34. sue replied:

    After all I just read, after every emotion running thru me, I come to the conclusion that you should be famous, you should have a nationally syndicated column, celebrated, and courted by the rich and famous.
    Someone here said, that if there was any justice, Barbra would come and feed you chicken soup, herself (or something like that). I like that image.
    I like you Matty…so, I came here to tell you that….cyber hugs, real hugs, real thoughts and real prayers headed for you, from a real me!

  35. matty03 replied:

    Sue! You are so sweet! …thank you.

  36. gary replied:

    just saw a note about you over on Gina’s blog and wanted to send some positive energy your way mate. What a horrible, painful, worrying situation for you. Please hang in there.

  37. matty03 replied:

    Gary, Thanks so much for your message! I really appreciate it. I am totally hangin’ in there. It will be OK.

  38. programmer replied:

    YENTL is a personal favorite of mine as well! All of the films that I program for MiDNiTES FOR MANiACS series have no irony or mean-spiritedness linked to them at all. Other midnite programs do this and it drives me up the wall. I hope you DID end up coming out to YENTL which screened at 9:30 (part of a “Role Reversal” triple feature with INCREDIBLE SHIRNKING WOMAN & LEGEND OF BILLIE JEAN) and the audience was one of the best I have ever experienced. Crazy applause after every number and silence during the rest of the film with an eruption of screaming and clapping at the end.

  39. matty03 replied:

    Hi Jes!

    Thank you for posting your comment! Awwwwwww, I wish I had been there. I actually almost was, but have not been feeling too well and decided it a better idea to stay home and take it easy.

    I would have really loved seeing that!

    I think me and my pals have been to almost all the Maniac screenings! …this was only the second one I’ve missed and probably the one I would have loved the most!

    Oh, well! Next time!


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