iBLAME

Today was one of those perfect San Francisco days —- sunny with a cool breeze. I had my ipod out and the ear plugs in, but I had pressed it to off. I had meant to return it to my bag, but I guess I had forgotten.

The bus took off.

I had taken the one seat next to an older lady. I put my head back and closed my eyes. I heard the bus driver bellow:

“Someone has their head set too loud! Turn it down or off, please!”

I heard a passenger further down the bus: “Hey! Turn your iPod down!”

Then, the voice of an angry young man – “Hey! Skinny dude in the funky shirt! Turn your iPod down!”

Then I heard the older lady next to me call out: “It isn’t his!”

“Yo! It is! Ain’t nobody else with an iPod! Hey, fashion dude! Turn your iPod off!”

I opened my eyes and the lady leaned into me, “They think it is your iPod that’s so loud.”

“And, that kid is calling me a skinny guy?!?!”

“I guess so.”

I turned toward the kid and realized the whole bus was looking at me. I held up the iPod to show the black screen: “See? It’s not me! My iPod is off!”

Everyone looked confused.

We came to the next stop and it was at this point that we all realized who had their iPod blasting so loud.

There was a very old man who stood up slowly. And, I do mean old. Like David-Bowie-Being-Put-In-The-Attic-Coffin-Catherine-Deneuve-kind-of-old! As the bus lowered to assist the old man step off on to the street, everyone began to giggle.

After the bus took off, I turned to the lady next to me and said, “Wow, I guess that just goes to show that Hip Hop knows know age limit!”

“Or, that Hip Hop has gone the way of disco!”

Suddenly, I felt old. …but someone on the planet mistook me for being skinny. And, I was happy. Despite the fact that I was about to spend the afternoon visiting with doctors.

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August 10, 2007. Uncategorized.

25 Comments

  1. Diederick replied:

    “David-Bowie-Being-Put-In-The-Attic-Coffin-Catherine-Deneuve-kind-of-old”
    Haha!, that’s hilarious! Though, I don’t think that woman is a kid; kids don’t get plastic surgery, and I can always see the wrinkles of age through those layers of make-up and collagen filling. She’s at least 50

  2. Old Cheeser replied:

    Your stories are always so entertaining Matty! And what’s more they’re real! Just goes to show you can’t judge by appearances eh? I’ve lost count of the number of times my ears have been assaulted by people playing their iPods loudly on the tube. Of course I listen to mine too, but I’m sooo much more considerate. Most of the time.

  3. scarlet hip replied:

    Hmmm..would I rather be called fat or old? Both suck, since I am both. Dammit.

    I have a new name and a new address, but it’s still me! Smooch.

  4. matty03 replied:

    Diederick! Thank you! …do you mean Dolly? Dolly Parton? I am not sure why I felt the need to put that picture up for this blog entry. …I think because it made me smile. I love Miss Parton, but she seems to have turned into an a sort of Amime character by way of the south. But, yes, Dolly must be approaching 65 by now!

  5. matty03 replied:

    Old Cheeser! LOL! I guess I need to be more considerate. Usually my iPod is always on so I don’t notice other people’s. …but, I don’t think it is ever that loud. However, I’m probably kidding myself! …but this old man’s was really loud!!!

    Scarlet Hip! You are not fat or old. …besides I’m older than you. Also, I’m not ‘skinny’ …but, I’m glad that kid called me so! LOL! I shall update my blog roll so it is correct and I shall change the name! I like having my name on my blog. I don’t like secrets. I’m pretty much a big fat messy open book!

  6. Lubin Odana replied:

    I would love to be called Fashion Dude. But I don’t think it’ll ever happen!

  7. matty03 replied:

    Lubin! Please note — I was called “Fashion Dude” and “skinny” by a 20-something in terminal hip-hop pants and most likely homeless. And, I think he meant to be insulting me. …I was flattered. And, I’ll take those kind of insults anyway I can get them! …but, my shirt that day was quite cool! …and it does, apparently, hide the tire I’ve acquired. LOL!

  8. matty03 replied:

    Oh, just to note! That is Dolly Parton in the picture. I’ve been shocked at how many people did not know who she was!?!?!? I don’t know why I put her picture with this blog post. It just felt right. ?

  9. ing replied:

    Who is Dolly Parton? (ha ha)

    You should go roller skating with me in GG Park; that will make you skinnier! But it’s kind of dangerous. . . C fell down and fractured his arm.

  10. hot lunch replied:

    Doctors? i hope everything is alright… *hugs*

  11. diamondfistwerny replied:

    Are you trying to tell me that you think you’re not skinny? And I find this entry very agist. I’m protesting any visits to your blog for 1 hour; just out of principle.

  12. Kevin replied:

    Ummm, this just in.

    Matty.

    You.

    Are.

    Skinny.

    Especially compared to your average American.

  13. Kevin replied:

    But after all, you are fashion.

    And you won’t eat those vegetables, because they just continue to grow in your stomach and make you puffy. You won’t, I tell you, you won’t!!

    That’s acting.

  14. matty replied:

    Ing! That is an excellent idea, but nothing like that allowed until the doctors clear me. Ugh! I hope C is ok! Man! Well, I tried to warn him that it wasn’t as easy as we remember it! Hope he is feeling better!

  15. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch – Hi! Everything should be fine. Test in late September! Fun! …not.

    Mr. Diamond! Oh, no. I don’t think I’m skinny. I weigh in at 181 pounds. I’m 5’8″ …so, in theory, I should be between 155lbs and 160lbs. …when I was 150 back in September of last year I was skinny. Anyway, per the scary doctors — I am to weigh no more than 170lbs. …but, if I can’t excercise it makes it hard to drop the 9lbs. …that, and my need for cookies. But, I can walk and walk about all the time!

    …I’m really not ageist! I promise! I just wanted to explain how very, very, very old that white guy was. …and that I don’t feel it appropriate for such an older person to listen to Hip Hop.

    Now, I ask? What’s ageist about that?!!?!? LOL!

    (i’m sorry! — come back!)

  16. matty replied:

    Kevin! Oh, I do so love you! Would you please tell my doctors! And, yes — I now have more than one! Ugh!

    I was so relieved when Brenda Dickson finally spoke the truth about those worrying vegetables! What a relief!

    She is so fashion! …as are you!

  17. diamondfistwerny replied:

    Nah, I don’t think you’re ageist, I was just messing with you. But obviously you’re racist by referring to him as a white man. What does his color have to do with anything? Once again, I’m avoiding you for one hour, in protest 😛

  18. ing replied:

    AND you mentioned that he is a “man.” What does that have to do with it, Mr. Sexist?

    Oh, Matty, it was so nice to see you this weekend! You’re the best! S and I are going to make another piece of “art” this weekend. . .

  19. matty03 replied:

    Mr. Diamond! I’m ever so sorry! I didn’t mean to mention the color of his skin. However, it did seem wrong that such an old man — would listen to HIp HOp – and even more incorrect that he would also be a white man!

    Well, see ya in an hour?!?!?

    Ing! I didn’t mean to be sexist! I didn’t! I’m sorry!

    It was awesome to see you! I’ve been wearing my Hello Kitty shirt!!! It was great to hug you! Ummm — I&S art!!!

  20. ing replied:

    No, not art, Matty, “art.” Don’t forget the quotation marks!!

  21. matty03 replied:

    I’m sorry — “Art” ….by two grande artistes!

  22. jungle jane replied:

    ohhhhhhhhhhh matty i would ride that bus EVERY DAY just because your ass obviously looks skinny in it.

    hope everything is okay?

    ((huggs))

  23. matty replied:

    Jungle Jane! Oh, I feel so flattered! You know, people are always telling me that! I blush!

  24. Fin de Fichier replied:

    OMG, this is such a funny entry. I love it. There’s always the potential for something unforgettable when the “fourth wall” of public transportation is breeched and riders start to converse with (or at) one another. I’ve had a few of those moments on NJ Transit and I never even rode it as a commuter – just as a tourist.

  25. matty03 replied:

    Fin de Fichier – Yes! One never knows what might happen when this happens! …I usually love it. Not always, but it is usually fun. NJ/NYC transit was always interesting, too. No one spoke much in Boston/RI transit. …the New England wall was hard to break.

    …the San Francisco wall isn’t really there anyway — which is fine by me! (most of the time)

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