It all started innocent enough. Met up with Ing, S and Suave Alan. Ing had promised a live sex show which turned out to be several women playing fiddles amongst a bunch of those things we call books. However, it was much fun and Alan finally found that Judy Garland LP box set he had been dreaming of! Then it was off to dinner at one of our great little hole-in-the-wall Mexican restaurants!

I talked mostly about how fat I seem to be becoming. Ing, S and Alan listened patiently but everyone was keen to get me out of the place and off to the cool little bar down the street. Ing, S and Alan got sloppy drunk while I sipped a chill’d Diet Coke and advised them upon proper public behavior. Well, someone has to provide assistance. We sat out on the back porch in the cool SF breeze which mingled with the joints being sucked down by the others lounging about.

Anyway, S was quite interesting and I feel she may have a great career ahead of her as a standup comic! …because we don’t have enough of those! Anyway, she was most cool and shared all sorts of valuable information about her life. …Her Second Life. As Ing, Alan and I convinced her to drink more and more — she told us more and more about her Other World. Apparently, in Second Life, S is quite a dapper gay man who likes suits, horses that fly, giving oral pleasure to walls, furries and getting fisted by attractive daddies in the Second Life world. However, she explained that her Avatar never removes his suit. ….which I think would make that whole fisting adventure a bit more painful than required.

But, what happens in Second Life stays in Second Life. Unless you tell me about it over drinks. Anyway, I felt inspired and most 2nd L Curious! Alan gave me a lift home in his sporty little car. (Ing and S stayed behind getting into much trouble in This Life) …However, I scanned the paper and no major mishaps happened in that part of SF last night. So, I think that they must have kept it under control.

So, I was up till 3am “creating” my second life. Actually, that is not true. I was up till 2:30am creating my Avatar. That’s him in the picture above. Or, is it me? Hmmmm… Anyway, I’m so very lost in Second Life. …I don’t know how to walk, move or touch things correctly — and only odd people seem to want to talk with me. Oh, but I can fly!

…Actually, my Second Life is turning out to be a lot like my real life. EXCEPT — my Avatar has no penis. I can’t figure out how to purchase one. Hell, I can barely find my way to the gay sex mall. But, I have gotten there. I have stood in front of the penis selections. I’m ready to fork over some Linden dollars to secure my cock. But, I don’t know how. I’m just stuck. In real life I do have a penis.

Well, enough Second Life for now. Now, I must fly down Castro Street, find some form of food, Diet Coke and a few shirts that will make me look sim! …I mean, “slim”!

kisses from GayTown where it is gorgeous today and 64 degrees! Is that the beach calling?

June 30, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. Dessie replied:

    Oh honey the novelty wears off really quickly (ask Lubin). And you spend too much real money! And it’s a pain in the arse getting/designing/relocating a house… oy.

  2. matty03 replied:

    Dessie! lol! Oh, dear! You over-estimate my abilities. I can barely fly and I can’t even figure out how to download a penis for him. …I don’t see myself being able to design any part of the Second World. …the randomness of the Second Life amuses me, tho.

    …pretty space filled with neat things and then a “person” with a kitty head and strap on walks in and asks if he/she can do something profane to your avatar. (I flew away!) Such an odd public space! LOL!

  3. matty03 replied:

    Oy! My bank just called me to confirm my purchase of, and I quote, “Mr. Stanfield, looks like someone was attempting to purchase a penis on something called seeecond Oh, I’m sorry. No. Purchase of a penis from a site called Yes. All one word. We just wanted to verify that you were the person who authorized this purchase of — well, yes, a penis?”

    I know I should have felt mortified or something but it made me laugh. Had a little discussion with my bank security rep about what second life is and my problem of not being able to secure a cyber penis for my avatar. She was great amused and added, “Just think! Even your bank got involved!”

    …I’m sure I will be the topic of conversation with her family later tonight. She lives in Oklahoma.

    “Honey! You will not believe it, but I had to verify the purchase of a penis for this gay man in San Francisco!!??!”


    sad thing is. my Avatar still has no cock.

  4. ing replied:

    Yay, that’s awesome that the bank called you! You are so rad!!

    I’m writing to you from jail, BTW. S and I did get into a little weensy bit of trouble on Friday night, no biggie. I pled claustrophobia, and we are in house arrest. Life is good. . .

  5. matty03 replied:

    Ing — but, I still have no penis for my Avatar. Oh, I knew it! I can’t leave you two alone for even a minute! What is Alan going to say?!!??

    I hope the ankle bracelets do not clash with your outfits!


  6. ing replied:

    Your penis will come when you’re ready for it. In the meantime, meditate. Your penis will find you.

  7. Kevin replied:

    Ummmm … yeah … there are so many things wrong with this … just in the comments section …

  8. Robert replied:

    I would think it isn’t much fun without a cock is it? You’ll find one soon enough Matty. I just know it!! Promise me that you’ll show it to me! Okie?

  9. ing replied:

    Are you all right, you poor thing? I’m worried, but I think it’s just an allergic reaction and that everything will be all right. Still, though, I hope you’re feeling better & that you were able to get some sleep, my friend. B will be home to take care of you soon. In the meantime, you better call! When does B get back? Should I check on you tomorrow? I’m emailing B!!

  10. ing replied:

    Okay, now I feel better. I’m glad you’re okay and I hope you’re sleeping soundly, my friend.

  11. hot lunch replied:

    i love eating in holes in the wall. i’d like to see your hole in the wall someday.

  12. matty03 replied:

    Ing – I feel so loved! Thanks for checking on me last night! I hope you didn’t have to stand in the hall too long and that none of our “unusual” neighbors hassled you. I wish I had been more awake when I finally stumbled to the door. Was I wearing clothes?!! I hope so!

    Oh, and word to the wise, when one uses a fire extinguisher for small fires — that require more than just a little spray — be sure to 1. cover your nose/mouth and 2. step back after you’ve sprayed.

    …avoid breathing the substance into your lungs. It isn’t a good idea!

    why do I always learn the hard way?!?!?!?

  13. matty03 replied:

    Kevin – Oh, yes. There is much wrong in world where a second life avatar is unable to secure a penis! Wrong I say!

  14. matty03 replied:

    Robert – Well, if your avatar finds mine and I feel comfortable. Does Second Life play Cocteau Twins?!?!? …I’m not sure I will actually use it, i just feel he needs one!

  15. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch – Promises, promises. sigh.

  16. ing replied:

    Yes, you were dressed and I think you were wearing a robe, which is a good thing, because I understand you haven’t secured a penis? As I said, your penis will come when the stars are aligned. We can’t argue with fate.

    Love you!

  17. Meredith replied:

    He has no cock and he’s strangely attired and standing in a corner. I’m disturbed. Disturbed enough to go check out the site. Like I need a second life. My hands aren’t full enough with the one I have. Maybe in my second life I can be sweet and demure and happily coupled? Is it worth the money? I think not.

  18. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Oh, good! Oh, no — I have a penis in this life. It is quite large. I’m surprised my robe hid it! Actually, I don’t own a robe. Wonder what I was wearing. Maybe I pulled the blanket off the bed as I fell toward the direction of the door.

    I don’t believe in fate. And, my avatar should have a penis. …and better hair.

  19. matty03 replied:

    Loveley Meredith — well, yes, my avatar has issues. you should see his face. He is not so pretty as I’d like. But he is thin. I’ve changed his outfit, tho! It cost no money. However, I guess it will cost me between $1 to $3 to secure a penis. I just can’t figure out how to make the purchase. i only just figured out how to sit and lay down. …some mean avatar grab’d me and attempted to molest me. they took a picture!!!!! However, my avatar is like a ken doll without clothes so they couldn’t do much to him!

    Second Life can be quite brutal you know!

  20. matty03 replied:

    I think I was at the shopping mall which sells genitalia. …and odd sculptures. odd, that.

  21. ing replied:

    Yes, I’ve heard about your first life p, and I’m glad that you were wrapped in a heavy blanket, to be honest. Scandalous!

  22. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Well, I knew it wasn’t a robe…

  23. Meredith replied:

    hmmm, not sure if I would want a $3 penis. I wonder what the price difference entails? What’s a $3 penis have that a $2 penis doesn’t have. Damn. Now i’ll have to go buy me a penis too.

  24. matty03 replied:

    Lovely Meredith — Well, a Linden dollar is not worth nearly as much as a US dollar. But, as well all know — dicks are a dime a dozen and tend to give themselves away easily. …so, I guess they tend to be cheap. However, you would be surprised at the differences in a really cheap Linden penis vs. an expensive Linden penis!

    …for free an avatar can have an attachable penis. However, per S, you never know where you might have to attach the one you pick up for free. S got one but was surprised to discover that it could only be used when attached to the avatar’s chin.

    I do not want my avatar to have a penis growing out of his chin — even if only temporarily attached!

  25. Dessie replied:

    “…I’m sure I will be the topic of conversation with her family later tonight. She lives in Oklahoma.”

    Miaow…. lol

  26. joe replied:

    Penis. Matty. Hmmmm…. intriguing!

  27. matty03 replied:

    Dessie – I do so wish I could have been a fly on her dining room wall during their dinner!

    Joe – Oh, i’ve had one for years! now, my avatar without a penis. …that’s intriguing. …or, not. Maybe it is more unusual for an avatar in 2nd Life to not have one!

  28. Kevin replied:

    I’m still trying to secure a penis in REAL life. So to speak.

  29. matty replied:

    Kevin! …hmmm, that’s not what I hear “on the streets”

  30. matty03 replied:

    Dessie — That is quite interesting. I better find my penis fast! Seems know one might trust me! …or I could be a bottle of AJax toilet cleaner. Everyone trust toilet cleaner!

  31. Pants replied:

    *insert joke about penis-less avatar here*

  32. matty replied:

    Pants! “inserting” …i know i’m crass, but this makes me laugh. …my poor avatar is still without a unit.

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