It wasn’t like I wanted all that much. I was in Paris. I just wanted to stalk Isabellee Huppert for a brief while. You know, just follow her around for an hour or twelve. Spend a bit of quality time watching her shop, drink tea, sulk about the stores and finish off a glam day at her favorite bar!

It should have been great!

But, instead — it was, well, kind of awkward.

…it all started here. there she was at a premiere! luckily, i had my handy Hello Kitty Look It’s Me, Isabelle! Signage. She was amused in that sexy bored kind of way, but ignored me just enough to cause me to sleep on the hard pavement outside her exclusive chateau. It was a bit cold but worth it because as she emerged from the gated area in her stylish Marc Jacobs jacket she casually glanced in my general direction and said, “Silly American, you repulse yet interest me. No! Don’t look at me!”
…so of course I followed her to the park.

“Stop following me, silly man!”

So, I picked up a stylish disguise as I followed her to a hot place that reminded me of Buddha Bar but was more expensive. They actually made her wait. Or, it might have been the fact that I acted like I was with her. I didn’t exactly pass the dress code, but being with Ms. Huppert gets one places! Tho, if one isn’t dressed appropriately you might still have to wait.

I was so happy! Well, I decided to just take the reigns and asked her if I could buy her a drink. Annoyed, she snapped — “If you must.”

We talked a about everything! Actually, I did most of the talking. I was really entertaining her with my wit and charm! She ended up tossing her wine on in my face. Before she stormed out of the bar she slapped me.

But, I think that was a good thing. So, I decided to hide behind the shrub outside the gate to her chateau. I didn’t really break in as much as I sort of let myself in. Anyway, she told me to leave. I told her I would be right out if she could just slap me again.
…Then she started breaking her husband’s rare vase collection. She explained that this wasn’t so much because I had violated her privacy as it was due to the fact that she had grown weary of the way he swallowed his coffee. Isabelle is world weary and wanted to buy new shoes. But, first, all of her husband’s vases had to be shattered. Besides, the maids needed something to clean.

Over all, it was a great adventure. She gave me her cell number but when I dial it I get some pizza joint in Paris. Must be some sort of mistake. Hate it when that happens.

June 22, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. jungle jane replied:

    Just brilliant, Matty – sheer genius! Someone has been *very* busy with their photoshop.

    You know, if Ing blowdried and had a *tiny* bit of work done (thinking hair extensions, freckles lazered off) and maybe perfected a haughty look she would look JUST like Isabelle.

    She would have to lose some of her manners and charm too – Euoropeans don’t do open friendliness.

  2. matty03 replied:

    Jungle Jane! Oh, no! I was there! No PhotoShop required. Or is that the soup talking?!?!?!

    But, yes! Ing has that classic French look! It is such fun to go shopping with Ing! She can wear any designer you think of! …AND, she looks the best in clothing designed by The French! It is quite true!

    Ing is a sweetie. I think she could be Isabelle’s sweet daughter and Ing is just not telling us. I wonder how Ing missed getting all the Huppert freckles!?!?!

  3. karyn replied:

    Oh! Hey! I’ve got freckles! Does Ing want ’em?

    That post had me CRACKING UP , Matty. You and your Hello Kitty clipboard… too damn funny… I love it! Now photoshop me into something with Johnny Depp. Or George Clooney. Or Andy Garcia or Hugh Grant or – well.




  4. matty03 replied:

    Karyn! Ing is on vacation. We will have to ask her when she returns. I don’t know why no one believes me! No photo shop was used! It happen’d! I just know it had to have!

    …didn’t it?

  5. Robert replied:

    And where was B during all of this?!? 🙂

    You’re such a great story teller Matty. But wouldn’t you want to stalk some hot young spicy guy instead?? heh.

  6. deldell replied:

    Isabelle sounds like a very silly woman who can’t discern hotness and class even when it stalks her all day.
    Oh, I talked to Ethan Hawke today. He’s really upset that you didn’t call him back.

  7. matty03 replied:

    Robert! Oh, B took the pictures and hid a lot. I think he was worried of getting in trouble. I’ve no fear. Um, no. I just wanna watch Ms. Huppert! That’s all!

  8. matty03 replied:

    Daniel – Oh, dear me! No, Ms. Huppert is an artiste of highest calibur with an interest in film character transgression that can’t be beat! And, what taste in clothing!

    Yes, she is mean and cruel to me. But, I respect her.

    I tell ya. If Ethan doesn’t stop with those phone calls! I mean, that guy is stalking me! Ever since he left Uma for me! …which is just silly, really. I’ve no interest. I’ve got the prefect man!

  9. ing replied:

    That disguise is so stylish! I can tell that Isabelle was really really excited to meet you. . . Wow, you guys look like best buds. Yay!!

  10. matty03 replied:

    Ing – You know, I think you could be an Isabelle Lookie-Likie! I do! We need to go back to the cool shop on Filmore and get a couple of those dresses and shoes! We could make some big money at local film fests. We just need to work on your pout, French accent and ability to be totally de-tached and distant and all times! We could take ’em by storm! I just know it!!!

  11. ing replied:

    Okay, I’ll work on my look. . . Instead of smiley and spaced out, I’ll be pouty and detached! And I’ll stop clapping my hands and saying “yay!!”!

    It’s all falling into place. Fame, fortune, and French designer outfits. I’m pouting.

  12. diamondfistwerny replied:

    Heheheh I love it!!! Brilliant, for sure!

  13. matty03 replied:

    Ing, yes. It will be hard to get used to AT FIRST. …but as the bucks start piling in and you get all that free stuff from the other PR folks — you’ll be pouting all the way to the salon!

    Diamondfistwerny — Oh, I’m glad! Yes, it was an adventure I’ll not forget. Or, do you mean Ing’s transformation to Isabelle Huppert Lookie-Like-y? Either way — it was and is brillant!!!

  14. jungle jane replied:

    I’ve had a word, Matty. Ing is prepared to blowdry! You have me to thank for that!

  15. Kris replied:

    The first pic made me laugh. These pics really looked like they were legit. How can you be so good like that!!?

  16. matty03 replied:

    Jungle Jane! I don’t think Isabelle does dishes!

  17. matty03 replied:

    Kris! It was so exciting! You really should have been there!!!! I don’t understand what you guys are talking about regarding PhotoShop?!?!?

  18. Kevin replied:

    This is why I *heart* you.

  19. Pants replied:

    Matty, you’re the best! I especially like the second photo. It screams, ta da! I heart stalking you!

  20. matty replied:

    Kevin! Oh, I’m touched! I ‘heart’ you, too!!!

    Pants! Thanks! Yes, I like to think that my mere presence sends the very clear message: “I’m a stalker!” …makes me feel confident and fresh!

  21. Pants replied:

    I meant that in the best possible way!

    I have a very special photo of myself cropped so that it looks like I’m sitting on Mister T’s lap in front of a Christmas tree. The weird part is that the photo is actually of Nancy Reagan sitting on his lap.

  22. matty replied:

    Pants! LOL! I know! Tone can get so screwed up on the Internet. …oh, to stalk Isabelle on a breezy Paris afternoon!

    I used to dream of sitting on Mr. T’s lap! (not really, but it sounded funny to me) …but I remember when Fun Time Nancy sat on his lap! Wait, maybe I do wanna sit on Mr. T’s lap!

    …I need to think about this further.


  23. ginab replied:

    Hmmm…I wish I were her, but as I see Huppert in stills I wonder: does she over act?

    very funny creative post Matty (and B!). Neat work.


    PS: can you put me on tv?

  24. matty replied:

    Gina – She’s actually a great actress. Rent THE PIANO TEACHER, MERCI POUR LE CHOCOLAT or LA CEREMONIE. …three of her finest roles on screen.

    Sure, I can talk to a few people for you! What sort of show are you looking to be on?!?!

  25. deveil replied:

    love it, your so creative!

  26. matty03 replied:

    Deveil – Why thank you, handsome sir!

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