HEAD TO FILL

“Hey, you ok?”

Her voice yanked me out of my thoughts. Far too many. So many, in fact, that they really didn’t make much sense or add up to anything.

“I’m fine, thanks.”

And, she gave me another Diet Coke ‘on the house’

Her smile gave away a sense of pity and worry with which I am not comfortable. So, I turned my gaze back out the window.

I pulled at that wrist chain. The one given me by the odd little art student who had wanted me to pose nude. I remember he had no luck getting anyone to pose because of the odd things he wanted his subjects to do. Nothing perverted, really. Just odd. As I left the large apartment he was using for that weekend, he gave me this little beaded bracelet hand-crafted by his sister.

I guess this feeling brought on by the waitress’ glance had brought me back to the feeling of that moment from over a year ago.

I had refused to drop my clothing and pose for that kid, but I felt more naked at that awkward moment of gifting than I would feel a few days later when I would actually pose without clothing.

My last year in my thirties and I shed it all for art — and to preserve a moment in time of my body which was back in shape after being out of shape for so long. I remember the talented photographer working on his computer as I put my clothes back on. The art student’s bracelet was on me. I realized I had left it on during the “photo shoot”

I remember that made me smile and feel a bit guilty.

Well over a year later I sat there looking out the window, my fingers running around the feeling of the art student’s sister’s craft’d handi-work and I watched all the people walking by lost in their own personal stories. All of which were forming a sort of collective personal history.

The Diet Coke was flat. I was tired. Time to head home.

I left a tip — and a bracelet.

listening to The Shortwave Set. Why is it that everything that comes out of Europe sounds and looks better to me?

“…time
wasted time
i got my head to fill
i got some time to kill
to fill
I got something
Don’t want nothing
Can you keep it for a while?
We can leave it in a certain kind of style…”


(pick this CD up — or download it. you’ll be glad you did. trust me.)

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June 10, 2007. Uncategorized.

18 Comments

  1. daniel replied:

    Those are gorgeous pictures.

  2. matty03 replied:

    Daniel! LOL! Awwwww, thanks! …just me from last year — sliced into three different pictures. Oh, and the other is the cover to the album by The Shortwave Set. …which I am so totally loving!

  3. loljesus replied:

    good post….

  4. matty03 replied:

    loljesus — Thanks!

  5. You replied:

    Yeah, agree with Daniel. You look great!! Contemplative! Now let’s see you nekkid! ehehe!

  6. You replied:

    j/k. No I’m not. Yes I am. No I’m not.

    I’ll pay you. 🙂 j/k.

  7. hot lunch replied:

    yes, the photo looks really gorgeous… are u doing okay? hugs

  8. fashmagslag replied:

    Remember the hippie chick muppet Janice with the big lips and the Cali hippie voice? I recall an episode or muppet movie where she says ‘No, I will not pose nude, even it is artistic’. I love saying that in random situations….that and quoting movies or Cartman from South Park

  9. matty replied:

    You! …but, would it still be art if I charged?!?!? …and, how much would someone pay? lol! …me thinks i’d have to give ’em away! lol! (and, thank you!) …tho, not why I wrote about it — I am most flatter’d!

    Hot Lunch! Thanks — yeah, I’m OK. Just a long weekend with too much time for “reflection” …had to let the bracelet go. (thanks for asking)

  10. matty replied:

    Fash Mag Slag – Well, what sort of a hippie chick would refuse to pose nude?!?!? I don’t understand! LOL! I love to let our random quotes but it usually just confuses people and I end up feeling obliged to explain.

    …like today I said, I’m not as stupid as I look! …and was just greeted with a vacant stare. …and, then of course I felt the need to explain Kath & Kim. …more blank stare. I guess I need less obscure quotes!

  11. ing replied:

    You’re so photogenic, m’dear, even when you’re making a face.

  12. ginab replied:

    tres chic!

    and yes I selected the top image to take a closer look at the bracelet, err, ‘tip’!

    -ginab

    PS: you look lovely!

  13. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Thank you, my love. But, you are the beautiful one. Stunning I should say.

  14. matty03 replied:

    Gina! Oh, I’ve always wanted to be chic. I wonder if she liked the tip. I also left her $4. I’m not cheap. I just felt the need to let that bracelet go. And, thank you.

    …so many compliments! lol!

    i wasn’t fishing. i was trying to capture a moment in my life that somehow filled me with a sense of dread, fear and nostalgia.

  15. Old Cheeser replied:

    You posed nude eh? You saucy boy. Hope they paid you sufficiently! Where are the pictures?!

  16. matty03 replied:

    Old Cheeser! yes, but it was for art not commerce. And, unlike a certain muppet I had no issue with it. It was just for me. I wanted to experience it and capture a moment in time. They are put away. However, I’m certain they are out there in the Internet somewhere. …everything is! Plus, I gave the photographer full rights to the pictures. I remember thinking it funny: the ones I thought were “OK” he hated and the ones I “hated” — he “loved” ….posing nude. I didn’t look like me to me. Odd, that.

    Anyway, not at all ashamed or embarrassed tho I don’t think I want to see them circulating all over the place. But, no regrets! Right? …well, maybe a few. but, then again — too few to mention.

  17. Kevin replied:

    Now I know why you looked familiar. I think I have those pics. I just never looked at the face that much.

  18. matty03 replied:

    Kevin — Oh, dear. Look, I don’t care what that site may have told you —- that carrot and the donkey were photoshop’d into the pictures! It is so important to me that you know this! …that everyone know that! These were tasteful nudes!

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