I’ve been saying I needed to get my eyes checked for some time now. Due to both lack of funds and general phobia around the idea of shopping for frames I haven’t really pursued it.
However, last night while B and I were about to take in a viewing of silly zombie movie called 28 WEEKS I thought I saw a co-worker who I thing is quite cool and fun. However, it was all blurry so I couldn’t decide if it was him. However, he started walking toward us. He began to waive. I still could not make out his face, but the jacket looked really familiar. And, then as he was within a few feet I knew it was my friend! I felt stupid and explained that I was almost blind and couldn’t decide if it was him. Blah, blah, blah. It was cool.

But, this morning on the way to look for a baby present for a friend of ours B pointed out a sign. I said I could see it but couldn’t quite make it out. B suggested that I read it to him when I was close enough to see it. We walked some more. And, a bit further. I mentioned my need for a Diet Coke. And, then I read the sign to him. B pulled me back (we were holding hands cuz we’re like that) and he said — “OK, let’s get your eyes checked” …I think he had forgotten that I was supposed to read the sign to him when I could see it. And, from what I can gather he had been able to read the sign quite a bit before me.

Anyway, we walked in. I filled out some paper work. Was sent to a sort of closet-like examination room and a doctor proceeded to have me review a large number of eye charts, lens, shapes and other things. Long story short — I really need some new glasses. A sample of our chat:

Doctor: “Now. What do you see?”
Me: “Sorry?”
Doctor: “On the screen. What do you see?”
Me: “What screen?”

Doctor: “Read that to me”
Me: “Should I try to read what is there or tell you the truth?”
Doctor: “The truth”
Me: “Looks like little black shapes against a white background”
Doctor: “Ok” flips something “Read it now”
Me: “Oh! Cool! K R L 0 5 S”
(silence) …the doctor flips something, “OK, now read that to me!”
Me: “Ok. Um, K R L 0 5 S — wait, no. K R I O 3 3”

Doctor: “Which is better, 1 or 2?”
Me: “Um, is there a third option?”
Doctor: “Have you considered a job in comedy?”

Anyway, my vision sucks. He advised me to spend the extra money to get the really thin type lenses because I could be on my way to coke bottles. Asked me if I had considered surgery. I asked him if he could loan me the money. He laughed. I just stared out into the space where I think he was seated.

B, my knight in cool clothes, loaned me the money to get a pair of glasses. I poll’d everyone in the store while B went out and found Ing (who was quite busy PR-ing and purchasing odd things that she explained were “plants”) …and the Oliver Peeples semi-rims won out! They are a bit funky and B worries that I will grow tired of them. However, I will just be happy to see again! Sadly, my vision insurance (which will actually be saving me about $300!) requires that they send the frames off to be fitted for my lenses. So, I won’t be able to see for about 2 more weeks.

I’ve tried to find a picture of what they will look like. I had no luck — However, these are quite close! Just imagine them jet black with a purple lining and no rims on the bottom. I will be stylin’, baby!

Stand back! I shall be fierce — and if you give me any ‘tude — I’ll be able to see you. So, do keep that in mind!

May 13, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. Zero Lubin replied:

    That is really fierce.

  2. joe replied:

    Too much movie watching? Reading in the dark? Or have you been masturbating again? your eyes are the windows of your soul. take care!! 🙂

  3. matty03 replied:

    Zero Lubin! LOL! But, it is you and your art that look fierce to me! Wish I could see one of the performances!

    Joe – Oh, none of that makes you go blind. …does it? …he asks feebly? At the moment others can see better into my soul than I into theirs! But, this shall soon change!

    I had a dream of riding my bike to work and actually being able to focus on the street below me! …I’m always worried I’ll be rolling over glass, nails or small children! So, it was a most happy dream!

  4. ing replied:

    I’m so glad you chose the cool glasses & not the huge, round ones! I don’t think you’ll get tired of the ones you chose. That style is pretty classic. And anyway, in five years or so it’ll be time for new glasses anyway. . .

  5. Kris replied:

    Rock on.. Black’s the new ummm, black!!!?? Black frames with colored linings do look nice. I have one with black and red linings. The one with white lining, I have yet to wear since it doesn’t coordinate with anything lol And it has this weird-ass shape, the hell I was thinking..

    That’s dumb you gotta send it in first but whatevs, as long as you get them.

    Ya know, I didn’t know I needed glasses until I was trying to get a driver’s license there in Cali. The lady made me cover one eye and all I saw is a blurb of black in white, astigmatism is what I have. I wonder how they managed back in the olden days when glasses didn’t exist. Hmmmmm…

  6. deldell replied:

    Bah, Humbug! Seeing is very over rated.
    I need glasses too.

  7. kai replied:

    What worries me more than the style of your new glasses is the fact that your poor vision didn’t keep you from going (disco) roller skating and riding your bicycle to work. I don’t want to think about what could have happened, so please be careful! We want you healthy and in one piece!

  8. matty03 replied:

    Ing – yes, i hope i chose well. i think i did! i can’t wait to be able to really see again! And, per the doctor – this should cut down on my headaches! …which are many.

    Kris – Those glasses sound cool! Wear them! I don’t know what folks did before glasses. I suspect there were many injuries before the rest of the tribe would toss us off of a cliff or something! teeth also. what did we do before modern dentistry. oy!

    Daniel – LOL! I don’t agree! I wanna see!

    Kai! Hi! How are you? Nawwwwhhh! I think one just needs to work with what they’ve got and enjoy it! I’ll be fine. But, thank you for worrying for me! …I plan to stay in one piece!

  9. jungle jane replied:

    wooohoooo elvis costello glasses. my word, matty – you are one stylish geezer…

  10. matty replied:

    Jungle Jane! …when “cool” and “geezer” meet — you know you’re lookin’ at moi! LOL! Thanks! Hey, I met Elvis Costello! …and, it almost got me arrested, but that is a whole other sorted story.

  11. matty replied:

    um, i meant to ‘say’ — ‘sordid’ story…

  12. Meredith replied:

    Oh sweety, I laughed so hard reading about your eye exam, I’m sorry. I’ve drank a lot of vodka, that’s my excuse and I’m sticking to it. I have to get my eyes checked in June, a procedure long overdue. The better to see you and B with. xo

  13. Josh Williams replied:

    I read an interview with Ira Glass and his glass’s look much like these. He said he has had the same frames for something like 25 years because he cannot find any frames that he likes better.The surgery is way cool, other than the $$$ part. Its great to see, glad you will be soon.

  14. matty03 replied:

    Lovely Meredith! LOL! I can’t wait to see The Rock! We’re getting excited!!! And, I will be really able to see it!

    Commander Josh! Ira Glass is quite talented. And, he obviously has great taste! Actually, my glasses don’t really look a lot like the ones picture’d but it was the nearest I could find. They are sort of horn-rimmed (but only half way) …but they are fab!

  15. ing replied:

    Ewwwww, I would never get that surgery! They slit open your eye WHILE YOU”RE WIDE AWAKE AND YOUR LIDS ARE CLAMPED OPEN! Yuck!

    I’m looking forward to goign disco skating with you, once you get your glasses. I bet that once you can see, you’ll be doing spins and leaps.

  16. matty03 replied:

    Ing — Oh, man! I’d get that surgery in a second! Just imagine what it must be like to be able to see when you first open your eyes in the morning. Actually, I’m just imagining what it might be like to see!

    …we really must focus on our skating. ..or, rather, my skating. you can already do it. …but, Ing, it is up to us to save the local roller disco from the mob! We have to win that big contest!!!! We MUST be the best!!!!

  17. hot lunch replied:

    yay!! congrats on your new glasses! when i was younger, i always wanted glasses, they were so cool. everyone around me had them.

    i’m applying for a job this year where i will have to wear many disguises like Jennifer Garner in ALIAS and i intend on getting many pairs of non-prescription glasses with differing frames!!

  18. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch! Wait! What are you about to do?!?!? I don’t want you becoming a spy and getting hurt!

    whatever you do — avoid wigs.

  19. ing replied:

    No, do not avoid wigs! MATTY, you told me yourself that if you were a woman, you’d shave your head and have several gorgeous wigs to change out. Like you said Cher does, right? Or did I dream that?

    Yes, we need to FOCUS on skating! Matty! FOCUS!

  20. matty03 replied:

    Ing! Yes! If I were a woman that is what I would do. But, honestly – have you seen the wig options for men?!?!? …they’re not too cool! So, I must avoid wigs! And, so much Hot Lunch! Um, as my best friend I’m counting on you to force me to focus on skating to save the rink!

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