Well, neither of us could see it coming. It had been a busy morning. Lunch time had arrived! I found some candy in the break room and had picked up a medium size jaw breaker.

I walked down to this cool little place in the area.

I was feelin’ good in my Guess flare-leg’d jeans, CK button down shirt and sylin’ zip up jacket. I ordered a turkey sandwich dry and a Diet Coke. I took my time eating. It was nice. I decided it was the ideal time to enjoy my jawbreaker.

I tossed it in my mouth and allowed it to move around a bit as I gently closed my eyes and sort of mentally processed and prioritized the remainder of my day. As is the way with time — it flew. I realized it was time to head back to the office. I got up and decided that I should pick up some sugar free gum.

I walked up to the cool lady at the register. I picked up the gum. She began to ring me up. We smiled at each other and as she took my five dollar bill she said:

“How was lunch, hon?”

I opened my mouth to say ‘great’ but an amazing amount of green drool spilled out of my mouth and on to her counter.

(very awkward moment of confusion and silence)

Not sure if I should pretend it never happened or take the shame. I stood there for what seemed like minutes but was probably only a few seconds. She began to busy herself which was odd because she had not yet given my my change.

Own it, I thought.

“Um, I am so sorry! That is so embarrassing!”

“What? No worries. Here’s your change!”

…and she turned 5 shades of red before my very eyes. My neck burned and I felt an outbreak of sweat coming on.

Should I offer to wipe it up?

…she solved it for me by saying (very loudly): “Next customer, please!” …which was odd as there was only one other person in the place. …and, then it hit me that this one person had probably witnessed me drool green all over the counter top.

File this under “Awkward Moment 10,334,054” —- I quietly slipped out of the cafe.

I wonder if I’ll gather the nerve to return. However, I shall never eat another jawbreaker!

May 10, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. ing replied:

    Now why didn’t she laugh? That didn’t HAVE to be such an awkward moment. Sheesh!

  2. matty03 replied:

    Ing – I know! She inflicted her ‘coolness’ quotient on my drooling! Not fair or right!

  3. hot lunch replied:

    if/when i die, i am going to become a ghost and follow you everywhere.

  4. jungle jane replied:

    Matty you should never go back to that shop. The green drool will forever be hanging in the air between you two in the form of an awkward silence and averted eyes. Sadly, you have to simply find another store where you can transact with your head held high.

    I hope that helps….

  5. sortedlives replied:

    That was hysterical! I would have bust out laughing!!

  6. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch — To be stalked from the after-life! Wow! Now, that is something a guy can only dream of! I just hope you don’t take to rattling things, moving my furniture or going all “Entity” on my ass! Actually, you’re not allowed to die so this will never happen. I will end up haunting you. But, I’d be more of a Casper sort of haunt.

    Jungle Jane! Well, you know I live for awkward moments. I plan to go back, held very high and with a blue jawbreaker loosely roaming my big mouth. I might even do a spazz and let it fall on the counter between us and then pretend like nothing has happened! …No, I won’t do that. It might mess my shirt and then I’d have stains. But, I shall return! …and, not drool!

  7. matty03 replied:

    Sorted! Yeah, you know she really should have. It was kinda funny. It was just one of those things that sometimes happens to only me.

  8. Me replied:

    Least you didn’t open your mouth and the jawbreaker coming flying out and darting into her eye, or something. Save that for next time!

    That was funny Matty. You’re so lovable, I’m sure she didn’t mind! 🙂

    Happy weekend luv.

  9. jenny replied:

    Very interestin comments.R

  10. matty replied:

    Hey Me! LOL! Actually, I saw her today and she smiled and said, “I know you!” …so it was cool! (I didn’t have a jawbreaker in my mouth!)

  11. matty replied:

    “jenny” — i don’t like you. you are spam. i got all excited and thought you were my dear pal from texas. …but no. you are spam. and, yet, i feel the need to not delete you. for something about your technique makes me laugh. however, if i go camping i will not purchase from you.

    R? …what could that stand for i wonder. hmmmm…

  12. deldell replied:

    I’m afraid I would have been reduced to helpless giggling, no matter which side of the counter I was on. I absolutely love weird moments like that. I would have started flirting with her, and really freaked her out, going for kind of a Homer Simpson moment.

  13. matty03 replied:

    Daniel! LOL! Oh, I wish you had been there!

  14. ing replied:

    These comments are very interestin, though.

  15. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Yeah, I guess “jenny” aka “R” has a point. Tomorrow – perversity with Alan! Yay! …Are you ready?!?!?

  16. ing replied:

    Oh, I am always ready for dark, Danish perversions next to a chain-link fence. And I think Alan is looking forward to it, too.

  17. deldell replied:

    I must say I like the sound of dark, Danish perversions next to a chain link fence. Just tell me when and where, please. And is there a proper attire, or do I just come al fresco?

  18. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Well, we all know Alan is up for it! LOL!

    Daniel – LOL! Well, in this case (and you’re more than welcome to join!) …we’ll all be wearing jeans casual. …as we’re seeing a Danish-financed film from the UK called RED ROAD. …so, the dark and twisted perversions will only be happening on the screen.

    …I have to come clean. Ing and I are virgins and pure as snow. Ing is planning to become a nun and I hope to shave my head, wear a white skirt, shake a tamborine and re-start the plan to annoy travelers at the airport by dancing about and asking for spare change.

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