I had an idea for a blog on my way home from work tonight. Tho, I had told Cool Cheeser I would do a post on my fave TV shows. I promise. I will. But, this idea hit me — and then I noticed that it was Big Gay Movie Night at the Castro Theatre. I got all excited till I saw the film that they were showing. Is STEEL MAGNOLIAS really a gay movie?!?!? I mean, I know it is a bit over-the-top, but I knew women like this when I was growing up and it is based on a true story. I always thought the problem with this film (and the play) was that it could have benefited from a female perspective vs. a male writer. Anyway, what’s so gay about it? What makes a movie gay? hmmmm.. But, I digress.

Oh, and, how does one make a film about the life of Edith Piaf in a realistic manner and secure a PG-13 rating. No. I don’t buy it. Ms. Piaf lived life — and it got fairly messy. Far too messy to secure anything but at the very least — an R. Why didn’t they just adapt from that B’way play that was done back in the 70’s that was supposed to be so awesome?!?! But, once again — I digress.

And does the world really need a smash broadway musical version of FLASHDANCE? I say not! This idea should be discarded immediately.

You see, I want to share with you some of my discard’d ideas for stories/poems. Not sure why. Maybe because I like some of my ideas, but I have not the energy or the talent to form them beyond a certain point. And, I do so love creating titles!

Carrie Fisher is the absolute Queen of Great Titles! I mean, I’m still trying to imagine what A NIGHT FULL OF SHOES would be about!!?!? …this was a fake movie title she created in POSTCARDS FROM THE EDGE. …another kick ass title. Always knew she was too smart for that movie career. I love this picture. She looks great, but you know she must be annoyed.

OK — so here are some of my discarded ideas (and titles) for short stories and poems never made or finished — as I’ve rambled on and on —
I will cut my list of discarded concepts down to four!

1. TRIPPING DOWN JONES STREET: a twenty something, skinny gay boy decides to go for a walk while his laundry is in the spin cycle. It is a lovely summer day and he decides to drop his flip flops and go barefoot. …only to step on an abandoned syringe. Now, most would be worried about HIV/Hep infection (and with good worry) but my character manages to get just enough of The H in his bloodstream to experience that “high of highs” — and proceeds to have quite an adventure —

2. KOTEX PROMISES & BRECK REGRETS: a hot young man is an up and coming ad executive until he is given the task of formulating clever new promotions for femmie napkins favored by older ladies and cheap shampoo that makes most think of 70’s soft focus and twin girls tossing their hair about in fields of daisies. He has no choice but to turn to his mom for guidance.

3. IS IT SUPPOSED TO BE THAT SOFT?: dennis feels he has failed. he wanders into a cool clothing store in hopes of finding meaning to his life and a better understanding of why he can’t seem to get in the groove.

4. CASTRO FEAR — I think I got the idea for this in the 90’s after I moved to San Francisco for the first time. A sort of gay send up of the 90’s remake of CAPE FEAR — in my story, two 30 something gay guys with an adopted little girl are terrorized by a bitchy drag queen neighbor. I had envisioned a confused little girl trapped into a corner by the drag queen, Izzy, …who proceeds to lull poor Sandy into an odd sense of self as Izzy paints Sandy’s lips — then smears them in a most sinister way.


May 3, 2007. Uncategorized.


  1. Iris AKA MOM!!! replied:

    Boy, are you in trouble with a capital TTTT. You know I now have a compter. Is that why you changed sites. Did you think I wouldn’t find it! HA I just read the blog from January re: I just got off the phone with Mom. I never knew I was a pain in the ass! Well, actually, I guess I did realize it. LOL Nor, do I remember saying all those things you said I said except the one about “I’d just as soon suck on an man’s nose” as to suck on a man’s penis. LOL I wanted to protect you from disease and aids. But, I must point out that I did not say “An Old man’s nose” that would be age discrimination you know. I also do remember forgetting that I’d dropped you off at the movies–I can’t explain that one–If I heard of a mother doing that, I’d recommend Child Protective Services pick her up–I’m glad I didn’t lose you cause I really love you. And, how anybody could forget you is beyond me. Also, what do you mean I’ve let myself go! Just because I’ve gained 30 lbs. Truth is I can’t find any food I don’t love. LOL You are soooo lucky that I got your beautiful mother’s day card–I really treasure it–and then I got the Phantom of the Opera gift today. Thankyou Sweetie! You are off the hook. You are a great son! Also, I do want to go to Scotland–there is no law that I have to remain in Texas you know. Thank you for using my best pictures on your blog. I forgot how cute I was/am. Ha Ha Actually, I will send you a current one in a minute. Love you so very much, Mom

  2. ing replied:

    Oh man, you are in DEEP SHITE, Matty! Hoo boy!

    I would watch Kotex Promises if it was a movie and you came up with a new title — I want to see what advice mom gives the hot shot exec!

    And I would read/watch Is It Supposed To Be That Soft BECAUSE of the title!!!

  3. deldell replied:

    I still love the titles for two of Miss Piggy’s projects that never made into the theaters, or video release, or even off the cutting room floor: Deadly Luggage, and Invasion of the Mouse People.

    Masterpieces the world will never see…

  4. matty03 replied:

    Iris AKA Mom – It was cooler when you signed in as “Anita” No, I moved sites because blogger was driving me crazy.

    love you, too. …even if you can’t remember much. If I’m off the hook — where does that put you?

    Sorry? What? What did you just write? I can’t read you.

    …huh? bad connection. Sorry!

    Blogging in a tunnel.

    Gotta go!

  5. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Oy. We knew she would find her way here. Tho, I’m worried she can no longer spell “computer” — she seems to have re-discovered how to use one. She is entertaining at parties. Of course, now that she is — again reading — and not hiding behind a fake name this means I must be even more honest and naked. Keeps it interesting. …Just wait till your mom finds your blog! LOL!

    Maybe I shouldn’t have discarded those ideas. They just didn’t seem right at the time.

  6. matty03 replied:

    Daniel – Oh, I know! So many great Miss Piggy moments never to be shared. It breaks one’s heart!

  7. Minge replied:

    The fact that you knew women like the characters in Steel Magnolias makes it a gay film. I’m not really sure why, but it does.

    I think perhaps straight boys don’t see them in the same way as boys like us. Or do you think, in the nature v nurture debate, the influence of women like these turn us queer?

  8. Robert replied:

    “Carrie Fisher is the absolute Queen of Great Titles!…”

    At first I read Queen of Great Tits! D’oh!

    Have a great weekend Matty! xoxo

  9. Iris AKA MOM!!! replied:

    The reason Steel Magnolias is a gay movie is that he truly understood the southern women he lived with and their great strengths and lacks of–most heterosexual southern men don’t truly understand us. That’s why I’m off the hook with you cuase you really do know how loved you are by me — no matter what is said or not said you know and I know.

    I mean that in the nicestpossible way of course–bless your heart. LOL Remember also he put in his own lines about the gay nephew (not sure I remember exactly) what was said, butI think she said ” the nephew was creme cheese beautiful”– or something to that effect. Love, your mother

  10. hot lunch replied:

    Were u casting Carrie Fisher in that Broadway version of Flashdance? That was the perfect picture! And I wonder how they’ll do the famous water bucket scene on stage? Will those in the front row have to wear waterproof ponchos? I also thought you wrote Carrie Fisher is the Queen of Great Titties!

    OMG your Mom is so awesome!!! She knows “LOL” and “Off the hook!” Happy Mother’s Day to her!!!!

  11. matty03 replied:

    Minge! You’re too funny. No, I think STEEL MAGNOLIAS falls more into the “chick flick” category. …which, I guess, is the same thing as a gay film. I guess.

    I think most of us are born who we are — and no amount of social conditioning can change that. This is my view. Genetic.

    Robert! I doubt that Ms. Fisher would mind that “tit-le” but, this is not what I meant! LOL! kisses to you from gaytown! matty

    M — Interesting perspective. And, yes I know. I love you too.

    (my mother is reading my blog)


  12. matty03 replied:

    Hot Lunch — I don’t think Carrie Fisher would be up for that! LOL! She is far too cynical and wise. Oh, I do hope they use glitter instead of water! Lots and lots of glitter! LOL! My mother is ‘hep’ or ‘hip’ — she found this blog on her own, as well.

    creepy, sort of.

  13. joe replied:

    Castro Fear! Oh I gotta watch that. I loved the remake with Juliette Lewis. Or whatever her face. ha. You shoulda went into the movie business, matty. if they can make crap like they do in Hollywood, your ideas would be blockbusters! I love you too, matty! but not like your Mom. LOL!

  14. matty03 replied:

    Joe – Yes. I’ve always felt I should write for the movies. Well, not so much write but be paid lots of money to sit at a table and advise celebs and film makers on what they should do and make. I would be ideal for that!

    Awwww! Yes, well I could only take love like that once in life! LOL! (just kidding. …well, sort of.)

    my mother is reading my blog. so cool i could i feel the need to wear a fanny pack. (no, never)

  15. jungle jane replied:

    surely older ladies don’t need Kotex? I would have thought that an incontinence pad is more appropriate? I mean its your movie and all its just that…well…is all i’m sayin’…

  16. matty03 replied:

    Jungle Jane! I have got to get your site back on my links list! I’m so excited you’re back! …well, yes. But, I was only giving a very brief synopsis. You see, in my story, Kotex just isn’t going well. tampons are the thing. So, many are using the femmie nappy as a way to simply catch things vs the original intended use. The flower box behind the counter is obsolete. So, he turns to a mentor who understands the product. Also, just the silly idea of a male trying to promote or “PR” products that he will never use or understand. How does he understand sell to the “Breck Girl” — which is silly in itself because the Breck Girl never really existed. He believes things that never were and the mentor pushes him thru to that understanding.

    I hope you can see how deep and high concept my idea are!

    I wonder if Ing encounters this in her world of endless PR-ing.

    PR-Ing. I like that.

    Ing — we could develop a TV series around you. I’d like to suggest Parker Posey for the lead. Yes.

  17. Meredith replied:

    Sweety you are insane. Good insane, like I’d invite you to a dinner party and demand that you bring 3 of your closest friends AND your mother insane. If you made these ideas into movies I would leave this rock just to see them. Now, help me with my playlist.

  18. matty03 replied:

    Lovely Meredith! LOL! I’m not insane! I Know because that secret friend who lives in my thumb tells me so! That would be an interesting dinner. It would either be quite fun or veer on the dangerous! …or a combo of the two.

    Actually, I guess that is the point of The Dinner Party, is it not?

    I’d like to be on the rock. something about it all sounds so cool to me. something about it sounds free in spirit and mind. …and artistic.

    I shall be more than happy to provide my assistance with your playlist!!!!

  19. Meredith replied:

    I told you, whenever you want to visit the middle of nowhere you know where I am! Sadly my dinner parties are so few and far between and so weird with kids and animals and strange little townie dramas that they never turn out the way I planned. Oh wait, I guess they do. Weird and wonderful! But yes, this place is perfect for bringing out any latent creativity in a person. I advise everyone to experience it just once. Sometimes that’s all you can stand! lol.
    Your playlist rocks. Well, most of it anyway (Kiss! Linda Rondstadt!). Due to my god damned dial up connection I’m having trouble downloading tunes. Very frustrating. Most of your suggestions can be found in the ex-hubby’s Cd collection though, so thank god for that.

  20. matty03 replied:

    Lovely Meredith — I wish I owned a pair of KISS boots. I’d be so popular walkin’ my strut throughout the Bay Area no one would know what hit ’em!

  21. Old Cheeser replied:

    Yes Matty, like Diana Ross, I’m Still Waiting!! For your Top 10 TV Progs post that is. Nah, no worries. Take yer time, petal. I look forward to seeing the list though.

    Mmm, Steel Magnolias may not be an obvious choice for gay movie I suppose but I can see the resonances. Emotional drama about a group of women triumphing through adversity. One of their number dying thus leading to much tear jerking and audience sniffles (like “Beaches”?) Women all bitching about their fellas. Geddit? There are so many gay movies out there now though they’re too numerous to mention. (Personally my fave gay TV guilty pleasure at the moment is “Dante’s Cove” – the first series was a hoot – and the guys are hot!)

    Carrie F does look great in that pic – is that around the time of Star Wars?

    I think you should write and submit the script for number 4 – a brilliant idea. Perhaps the drag queen could also be a serial castrator of gay men – thus leading to a neat double entendre for the film’s title…

  22. matty03 replied:

    Cool Old Cheeser! I promise! That list shall be coming!

    I think that picture of Carrie Fisher was taken prior to STAR WARS — but I could be wrong. It can’t be any older than THE BLUES BROTHERS era, tho!

    That is a great idea! Have Izzy be a crazed homo killer. Maybe the daughter should be turned into a conflicted straight teenage boy!!!!

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