WIG WORRY

“Some people never go crazy. What truly horrible lives they must lead.”
-Charles Bukowski

I have to say, I do agree with this statement, but I am not sure that we know how to define “crazy” — I think our culture tends to define it incorrectly.

I think I have seen almost all Isabelle Huppert’s movies. There are only a few left I’ve not been able to see. This is because there are still a few which have not yet been translated to English for US/Canada/UK DVD release. I saw one I’ve been wanting to see this weekend. REIN NE VA PLUS (or as we call it in the US/Canada/UK call it THE SWINDLE) — from the odd mind of Clause Chabrol.

The problem is that I started watching it after a very long day at about midnight. The following is what I saw: Isabelle had black hair. It was on the short side. And, she was laughing, smiling and flirting!?!!? It made no sense. Then I realized she was scamming the guy. The film follows the adventures of a couple of grifters who roam about Paris in a camper van scamming men out of money.

I fell asleep. When I woke up Isabelle had long black hair and was in more of the mode to which I most like her. But, black hair? She had just washed it so it was wet. I was kind of sleepy, but she told her older boss/lover/husband/fellow grifter — that she was going to take a break, sleep around and work on her own for a while. She told him she wanted her “Russian” passport. He told her that this would not do as the passport stated that “Selema” has strawberry blond hair. She whip’d her long, wet, black hair about and sniffed that this was not a problem and pulled what must have been a wet wig off her head to reveal a fully radiant full body of long hair! …why would her character wash the wig while wearing it and how did her hair fall so radiantly after being held in under a wet wig?!?!!? It could not have been CGI!?!? …this is an older low fi French film. ?

Sadly, I fell asleep again. When I woke up, Isabelle’s hair was still blond but quite stylishly short.
She was looking down into a bathtub. In it was this guy she must have been sleeping with while on her little grift vaca. Some thug had taken a pencil and shoved it into the guy’s eye and managed to pierce thru his skull. Poor Isabelle was crying.

Much to my relief it was revealed to us that she was not crying because someone had just ice’d her lover. No. She was crying because she was worried that the thug was about to ice her in the same way — and, no amount of wig would spare her this misery. Luckily, her old husband was somehow there. He was pissed off. Much to my relief he was pissed at her not because she had been screwing some other low time (and much better looking/younger fellow) but because he was also worried that he was about to be ice’d.

They were not ice’d.

…but, then I fell asleep again. When I woke up Isabelle had long red hair and appeared to be about to kill the old husband who had, apparently, up and left her stranded in their crappy camper van. He had taken the money and bought some big estate. He was in a wheel chair and told Isabelle that the fright of it all had made him go lame. She told him to cut the shit. Much to my relief he sighed, got up and barked at her to tell him how much she wanted to get out of his life. She laughed and told him that no money would save him.

I sort of woke up a bit more thinking that I was about to see Isabelle kill the old geezer — but, much to my shock, she walked over and planted a big deep kiss on him! Full on French Kissin’ in France! Oy! …and then this cheezy French pop song came on and “un film de Chabrol” came on the screen.

Confused and totally wig-worried, I fell back into sleep unsure of the state of things. …I will have to watch this film again when I am more awake. I just loaned Ing my copy of Isabelle’s English speaking role in the Hal Hartely movie where she plays a nun who collects porn and gets caught up in some dangerous living with Hartley’s normal cast of characters. Isabelle can play a great kinky nun! I think I like it best if she will stay away from wigs, tho.

Some day, I shall visit France. And, when I do — I plan to follow her around for a day. This would be fun! I don’t think she’d mind. I certainly hope she will not speak to me! I don’t speak French and it would be most intimidating. I just want to watch her walk around the shops and be glam. I think she might be perfect!

…and, like all of us cool people, I’m sure she knows a bit of crazy.

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April 29, 2007. Uncategorized.

17 Comments

  1. joe replied:

    oh, which Hal Hartley movie was that? and when you do go to France to follow her around, bring me along! I speak a little French. She might slap me though, so be prepared.

  2. Dessie replied:

    In a completely unrelated tangent: new Tori album out, and it’s good.

  3. matty03 replied:

    Joe! She star’d in Hartley’s AMATEUR back in 1994! It rocks! And, yes! You must come with! And, what better thing could possibly happen than to be actually slapped by Ms. Huppert! That would be sooooo cool! Icey cool!

  4. matty03 replied:

    Dessie — I know! I am very much jealous as the UK got her new CD a week before the US. It is released here next Tuesday — 5/8. …oh, and so is the new Barbra release!!!! …of course it is just a 2 disc set of last year’s tour. I wonder if it will include the “fuck off” moment!?!?! I can’t wait!!!!

  5. ginab replied:

    gawd did I laugh out loud! this post is too funny. Essay-organized, into a kind of anti-review. I really like it. Makes me want to rent Rien ne va plus or at least a wig.

    -ginab

  6. Alan replied:

    crazy is good

  7. ing replied:

    AMATEUR is great! But I always like Hal Hartley. His characters fascinate me.

    Ack, I’m late for work! I’ll say more later.

  8. matty03 replied:

    Gina! LOL1 Hey, I’m wearing a wig as I type this!

  9. matty03 replied:

    Alan – Crazy is good! This wig itches!

    Ing! Yeah, I love that movie! Now, get to work!!! PR!

  10. Alan replied:

    I love wigs!

  11. matty03 replied:

    Alan – Wigs rule! …as long as I don’t have to wear one! LOL!

    Dessie – I was wrong, Tori’s LP came out today! I love it! …and she is wearing quite a few wigs in the album art!

  12. joe replied:

    ahh Amateur! I suppose I should see that one… I liked him when I was in high school, watching the Unbelievable Truth. what’s your thoughts on Peter Greenaway?

  13. ing replied:

    Matty, I’ve been storing your advice for later. You said that if you were a woman, you’d shave your head and own a series of beautiful wigs. Sort of like Cher did. And, apparently, Isabelle Huppert.

    Would you also shave off your eyebrows and then draw them to suit your mood and current hairstyle and color?

  14. Josh Williams replied:

    I always ask permission if I am going to stalk someone, call her parents or husband or sig. other, or their publicist. Man I have been out of touch what with the Travels with Roscoe project I think it has already grown in value to $5.00 it will be making its debut on a popular web site this Friday over 15,000 visitors a day and did I tell you I wrote about the author part? The Cohen brothers have been badgering me for movie rights and want to help cast the movie. All this in two weeks, all under the guidance of ing, bless her heart, thank you all, this could be my ticket to big headville! You have been with me all these years will be up for a roll and of course residuals. Agent, publicist demagogue; I have finally begun to blossom!

  15. matty03 replied:

    Joe! Yes! You should see that film! I still love Hal Hartley! His new one (sequel with Parker Posey) comes out later this month! I love Peter Greenaway’s work before he made 8.5 WOMEN. After that, he has lost me as a viewer. I think he is brilliant, compulsive and quite obsessive. I think he has become a bit too fixated and odd and leaves me blank now. My fave film is DROWNING BY NUMBERS! Joan Plowright rocks the screen in that one. And, I love finding all the number references. I wish PROSPERO’s BOOKS would come to DVD!!! Such a beautiful film!

  16. matty03 replied:

    Ing! I failed to take the whole “if I were a woman” line of thought into consideration when I made my silly wig comments. Because, if I were a woman — I would most def. follow Cher’s lead and only wear wigs. I think Dolly Parton does the same thing. Shave it off and have a wig for as many days of the week as I could come up with! It would be cool, easy, fun and I would set my own style! I think I would not shave my eyebrows but I might dye them to a neutral color so that they blend easily to my purple, green and pink wigs. Not to mention my black and blond wig jobs! Yes, this is what I would do. …were I a woman.

    …and didn’t the SF Twins look cute in their matching outfits, hats and wigs?!?!? …Men would look silly.

    Still, there is something a wee bit worrying about wigs. Can’t put my finger on it. Maybe it was that Amy Sedaris book that put me on that tangent. …Wigville or something like that. I didn’t like it. should have been a sketch comedy show vs. a book.

  17. matty03 replied:

    Commander Josh — I always new you would blossom under the heavy burden we call “Fame” — just don’t forget us when you’re on Oprah. I think you should consider Ms. Huppert for a lead in the film version!

    …I didn’t know you had to secure clearance to stalk. I guess that’s why those silly celebs like Letterman and Cruise have their stalkers arrested. Hmmmmm… Still. I think to notify would be kind of creepy. I think it best to just follow your fave celeb around for a day. No harm. Just watch ’em and take pictures. Touch the things that they have touched.

    Joe thinks he would be slapped. And, that would be way cool to have Isabelle slap you! I would just wave to her. I don’t think I’d get close enough to speak. Because all I can say in French is “Je suis fromage!” …and I think it rude to not speak the language of the country you’re visiting. so, I only wave.

    I would not wear a wig. Unless I were a woman. which I am not. So, no. I would not wear a wig.

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