A CUP OF BARBRA & A SPOON OF M&M’S

…And, of course, those M&M’s would be eaten in color order. Yes, I’m one of those odd obsessive types who can only eat M&M’s one color at a time. Unless, of course they are embedded in a soft cookie like The Pokie as sold by Hot Cookie in The Castro! Yum! I know it is odd, but it can’t be helped. If I am required to eat M&M’s in random color order it becomes a most worrying ordeal for me. I prefer to start with orange and then I like to move on to the other colors one at at time. I do not care for the blue ones. I toss those.

I had intended on writing about what happened on the bus ride home Monday evening, but I’m just not in the mood. However, it is all transcribed in my notebook which Ing has suggested I keep. And, I do.

Instead, I shall write of my joy of listening to Babs today! …isn’t this picture way cool?!?!? It was sent to me by a My Space pal who is wicked cool and finds the neatest pix of Babs! Anyway, I put Streisand on random shuffle.

There are currently 640 Barbra tunes on my iPod. Not sure how many hours one would spend if one were to actually play all those all the way thru. I did not do that. I just listened during my commute and on my lunch break. The first 5 Barbra songs played by my iPod today were:

“Much More”
“Left In The Dark”
“Starting Here, Starting Now”
“I Never Had It So Good”
“Second Hand Rose”

…it was all aural bliss! But the final song to come up was from one of her first professional recordings! From a “faux” original cast recording of “Pins & Needles” — a pro Union play written in honor of the sewing union. Anyway, I had forgotten how funny the recording is. Before Babs was totally “Barbra” — when she was still waiting for that Big Break — seemed to have no fear of going for the laughs and not so concerned with “perfection” but just presenting fun and a sort of vocal style that was unique to her and to her time. I’m not sure I’ve gotten the spellings correct. But, you’ll get the idea. The song is called “Nobody Makes a Pass At Me” and it is about the the plight of the single seamstress in the big city who just can’t seem to get a date… It made me laugh as I sat on a crowded MUNI train. …Which probably made me look a bit odd, but what do I care?!?!!??

“I want men that I can squeeze, that I can please, that I can tease!
Two or three or four or more!
What are those fools waiting for?
I want love and I want kissing I want more of what I’m missing

Nobody comes knocking at my front door
What do they think my knocker’s for?
If they don’t come soon there won’t be any more!
What can the matter be?

I wash my clothes with Lux, my etiquette’s the best,
I spend my hard-earned bucks on just what the ads suggest
Oh dear what can the matter be
Nobody makes a pass at me!

I’m full of Kellogg’s Bran, eat Grapenuts on the sly,
A date is on the can of coffee that I buy
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

Oh Beatrice Fair-Fax, give me the bare facts,
How do you make them fall?
If you don’t save me, the things the Lord gave me
Never will be any use to me at all.

I sprinkle on a dash of Fragrance de Amour,
The ads say ‘makes men rash’ but I guess their smell is poor
Oh dear what can the matter be
Nobody makes a pass at me.

I use Ovaltine and Listerine, Barbasol and Musterole
Life Boy Soap and Flex, so why ain’t I got it?

I use Coca Cola and Marmola, Crisco, Lesco and Mazola,
Ex-lax and Vapex, so why ain’t I got sex?

I use Albolene and Maybellene, Alka Seltzer, Bromo Seltzer,
Odorono and Sinsation
So why ain’t I got fascination?

My girdles come from the best, The Time’s ads say they’re chic!
And up above I’m dressed in the brassier of the week!
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

I use Pond’s on my skin, with rye-crisp I have thinned
I get my culture in I began ‘Gone With The Wind’
Oh dear, what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me!

Oh Dorothy Dix, please, show me some tricks,
Please, I want some men to hold
I want attention and things I can’t mention
And I want them all before I get too old

I use mum every day and Angeles LePlure,
But still men stay away just like Ivory soap I’m pure
Just like I result of 99 and 44
One hundred percent p.o.
Oh dear what can the matter be?
Nobody makes a pass at me.
I don’t know.
Oh, dear.”

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March 7, 2007. Uncategorized.

12 Comments

  1. Alan replied:

    Streisand makes me happy too. I’ve got 2.7 GBs of Barbra on my iPod. That’s just over 48 hours of BJS! The 3 songs I’ve always longed to hear live are: THE MAIN EVENT, PRISONER, and NOBODY MAKES A PASS A ME. I’ve been fortunate enough to hear THE MAIN EVENT live — twice! I was really hoping for one of the other two during last year’s tour. Here’s to our living legend: Barbra Joan Streisand!

  2. ing replied:

    I like that song you’re always playing, the one that seems to be your favorite. . . what was it? Oh, yeah, it’s her version of “With A Little Help From My Friends” by The Beatles. Who do you think did it better, Babs, or the Fab Four.

    Yes, I know you’re going to say Babs. I don’t know why I bothered to ask.

    Um, why does Babs need ex lax in order to get sex? I guess I’m REALLY naiive, and unprepared, and well, should I try some ex lax, too? What is its potential power over men, and why isn’t it working for Babs?

    Just wondering.

  3. Terri replied:

    I love Barbara’s voice…
    she was great in Funny Girl!!

  4. hot lunch replied:

    i’ve been meaning to tell you about this episode of the teen show Popular, which I blogged briefly recently, and features the character Mary Cherry, whom I LOVE.

    ANyhow, There’s an episode titled “Hard on the Outside, Soft in the Middle” in which a blonde Mary Cherry dyes her hair dark and ends up being possessed by Barbra Streisand!! In fact, I have this episode and simply MUST mail it to you!

  5. Kevin replied:

    I eat M&Ms in color order too, but I always start with the color I have the least of and end with the one I have the most of. Sometimes I’ll eat them in combinations: red/yellow, orange/green, etc. if I have the same numbers of them.

    And while I initially hated the blue for replaced the light brown, I have come to peace with it and now eat them all. I’m an EOE: Equal Opportunity Eater.

  6. matty03 replied:

    Alan! Oh, I’m so impressed. I don’t think I could handle it live. It would be too much. I’d either pass out, be like one of those girls at Elvis/Beatles’ concerts from the early 60’s or I’d die. I doubt she would ever sing Prisoner — I don’t think she cares much for that song. I think she sang it for her boyfriend to help his movie at the time. And, I can’t imagine her doing the joke of Nobody Makes A Pass at me now. …I could be totally wrong,tho!

    Ing – oh, poor Ing! No. William Shatner did the best cover of With A Little Help and then it would be Ms. Carol Channing. Babs and Peter Matz so butchered that song I enjoy playing it just for my dearest friends so I can see them cringe. Tho, I’d rather hear Barbra sing that before her cover of Lennon’s Mother. But, as you know, Barbra totally rules!!!

    Teri – Yes! She rocked the screen in FUNNY GIRL! …I hear she also rocked the Boston, Bway and London stages in it as well but we were not born yet and there is no way to see it.

    Hot Lunch! LOL! I’ve been hearing about that episode since it aired. Have never seen it or the show, but everyone told me it was funny and that I’d love it!

    Kevin – Oh, my. No. Don’t eat the blue ones. I know that they are pretty but it is an unnatural color for an M&M! And, one should always start with the orange. Mixing the colors is a dangerous line but I suspect you know how to navigate that. I do not. So, I don’t. I am gathering that I am a rather picky eater. I never knew that, but B says I am.

  7. ing replied:

    Yes, you ARE a picky eater. I’ve known that since the first time I met you for sushi and you had only a diet coke. I know that you eat hamburgers, chili fries, and chocolate. I’m not sure if there’s anything else on your menu, but I once saw you eat squash soup. It was eerie.

  8. Old Cheeser replied:

    Quite bizarre and rather saucy lyrics for early Babs!! She’s obviously a lot more high class and tasteful these days.

  9. Alan replied:

    I wish she’d stop showing off and spell her own name correctly. It should be “BarbAra”. So there. I mean where will it end? Michel Jackson? Deby Gibson? TwoPack Shaker?

  10. matty03 replied:

    Ing – Oh, no — I like California Rolls and squid stuff. When you first met me I was in my “no food just Diet Coke” phase which I think I need to get back into” …sometimes, poverty can be a good thing. Not really. Well, sort of. I enjoyed your squash soup!!! It rocked! …and, you looked Fab tonight, Missy!!! One Hot Mama you are!

    Old Cheeser – LOL! Yes, there was a time when Babs was very off-from center and even “edgy” — I’m not sure that it is she is more “taste-oriented” vs. much “safer” in her choice of material. Tho, maybe that isn’t fair. She certainly is not “safe” in the political arena, God bless her! …I mean, she’s about to be 65. But, still — I wish she would infuse more of that humor in her art. …Like the first 30 minutes of MIRROR HAS TWO FACES. …or, better yet — I’d love to see her finally agree to work with Woody Allen. That would be interesting!

    Alan — I like the way Babs spells her name. She is “Barbra” …of course, back in the very early 60’s there were lots of Barbara’s in the entertainment biz — so I think it was a wise choice and she remains the only “Barbra” …simply barbra! LOL! And, she’s a STAR! She MUST show off!

  11. ing replied:

    You too, you looked fab. Cool shirt, by the way. And those boots!

    Okay, back to work!

  12. matty03 replied:

    Ing, why thank you! My Aussie boots are most comfortable! And, now, I’m off to work!

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