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TALES OF ABUSED AMBROSIA or THE 2006 HOLIDAY SEASON THUS FAR: A (mostly) VISUAL REPORT

Even though I do not identify with any religion, I always find myself wanting for a special and traditional holiday season. I’ve never really had one. I am not sure they even exist. Oh sure. I hear about people who travel miles and miles to visit their families where organized meals of Norman Rockwell proportions are described — but, when I dig further I discover that these folks’ families are just as screwed as the rest of us. We are about to move into the month of Hell, uh, I mean December. I guess there is a part of me that wants to tell you that the following picture best exemplifies my Turkey Day, but it doesn’t. And, to be perfectly honest, I am so fucking relieved that it doesn’t and never will! How boring! No! Not pour moi!

Nope. Thus far the holidays have been a lot of fun. Oh sure, there are sad family issues looming, some seasonal depressions, lack of funds and stomach virus — but between all of that — we’ve been having a blast. I thought of writing some witty observations of my Turkey Day spent with Ing where she and I raised some Hell and a couple of gophers out of the ground. I was also thinking of telling you a bit about our (mis) adventures as B, Ing and I formally celebrated Turkey Day a few days late and mixed it with a celebration of Ing’s Bday and the raising of our Xmas tree — but I thought it might be more fun just to randomly upload some pix from that evening to give you a feel. We had much fun! Only a few things got broken.

…there was the issue of the ambrosia recipe my mother provided to Ing, but I’ve been sworn to secrecy. Suffice to say that there is more to this picture than meets the eye. Oh, and when hanging pretty disco balls on your tree it is best to not put them in your mouth. Ing and I learned this the hard way. Also, remember — and, never forget! Every fake xmas tree needs a 70’s Elvis ornament. …I believe it is now a law.

I’ve been quite sick, but am feeling much more human today and return to work tomorrow!!! Yay! And, B is about to have his Bday! …and, a party is headed our way this Friday night. It will kick ass!

And, here are some pix from our Turkey/Ing/Decorate the Xmas Tree Evening! We had great fun, food, music (everything from Babs to Goldfrapp to FreakWater) and created more noise than was thought possible by three adults.

…and, I offer no explanations.














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November 29, 2006. Uncategorized.

19 Comments

  1. josh williams replied:

    Looked like you had fun from the pictures, I have to admit I did not read the captions, cause I’m lazy and pictures paint a number of words. You post pictures and words I look at the pictures this is the raw truth. Have a great Holiday! JW

  2. Chris Capp replied:

    Looks like a Norman Rockwell Thanksgiving to me! Complete with “made in China” ornaments and Elvis. You all look like you are having a blast, and you and your man are adorable together.

    I noticed a poster (or album?) from Up the Sandbox on the wall. In my teens, I did children’s theatre with David Selby, who at that time was most famous for Sandbox and Dark Shadows. Of course he went on to television fame with Flamingo Road and Falcon Crest. He and his wife are among the nicest people on the planet.

    And, as for an earlier post, Grey Gardens is one of the most haunting films ever made — I love it! “Staunch!” There is nothing like Little Edie’s baton twirling routine! I might try to catch the musical when I’m back east at Christmas … although I’m a little afraid.

    Great posts!

  3. matty replied:

    Commander Josh! Yes! We had a blast! You shouldda been here!

    Chris – LOL! Well, I don’t know if it was Rockwell, but it was fun! Let’s hope the rest of it is fun as well! YES! I love Barbra Streisand and am quite proud of my original and valuable UP THE SANDBOX stuff! It is such an odd film for her to have made! I love it! That is so cool you were able to work with Selby! I mainly remember him from one of my Grandmother’s stories, Dark Shadows. I was so little but still remember it! I hear the musical of Grey Gardens is quite good! I want to hear all about it if you see it!!!
    Happy Holidays!

  4. Dessie replied:

    I can’t believe you have your tree up and I haven’t even done my wrapping or sent out my relative’s cards yet.

    You bitch.

    Love, Dessie xxx

  5. Sorted Lives replied:

    I am sure the two in the Norman Rockwell painting are just like the rest of us; marital problems, issues with alcohol, infidelity…. LOL

    The holidays are what you make them. And to me, y’all look like you made the most of them!! Love the photos.

  6. matty replied:

    Dessie! Get to work, man! LOL! No, it was much fun! As long as you have at least two other people assisting you. I decided not to cards this year. I was ashamed to start calling/emailing for addresses. Sad.

    Sorted Lives — Yes. But, you know — I don’t think anyone has noticed that my face was entered into the Norman Rockwell painting! I was so pleased with that, too! B did it for me! LOL!

  7. joe replied:

    oh my god. I must have my Xmas dinner party end up like yours. Of course I will kill everyone of my guests who makes even a tiny ding on my new table.

    oh you guys are all invited!

  8. Kalvin replied:

    What in the world is going on in that toilet? It looks like you all had a lot of fun. And I didn’t get to see a close-up shot of the Elvis ornament. I have to admit that I’m very curious about the desert and what you precisely mean by ambrosia. It looks like your holiday season is shaping up to be quite memorable and perhaps crazy as well. Just try and make sure you get one of those hello kitty ornaments on there as well. Please?

  9. matty replied:

    Joe! LOL! Yes, you must! And, I do wish I could be there! I would NEVER scratch your table. I’m thinking that I will be getting to Toronto/Hamilton sometime early in the New Year! Will keep you posted! …we didn’t have a party. Just me, B and Ing — well, I guess it was a party. But, it was a party of 3.

    Kalvin – I will have to get a close up of Elvis! The picture of my Barbra Streisand ornament didn’t come out so well either. I wish I could tell you about the Ambrosia and the toilet, but I’m not allowed. sigh. Oh, how I do want a Hello Kitty xmas ornament! You can’t even imagine!!!

  10. Dessie replied:

    Actually I have been invited to my first Xmas party of the season next week. Going with someone I hardly know, to a party hosted by someone I totally don’t know.

    So, yeay, that’s scary, but in the spirit of grasping the nettle and all that…

    Last year I didn’t do Xmas cards, instead I had chocolate bars made with my holiday message on them and handed them out – got far more gratitude for it too!

  11. matty replied:

    Dessie — Good for you! This is how you get to know new people. Or, this is how one discovers that he doesn’t want to know new people. Either way — I feel it is the way to go! Have fun!

    That is a great idea regarding the candy bars. …Alas, my decision comes more from budgetary limits. I think the cards would be cheaper than the cards. Oh well. I think this is the first year I’ve not done xmas cards. Hmmm…

  12. Old Cheeser replied:

    Ooooh you’re making me think about putting up our Xmas decorations now. Our tree is somewhat more compact than yours, a fibre-optic one (with branches that twinkle and glow). A tree which is pleasant on the eye, doesn’t take up too much space and more importantly, is low maintenance i.e. doesn’t have any frickin’ pine needles which are constantly dropping on the floor.

    Anyway forgive my digression. It does indeed look like you’re having fun there … and Xmas with your fella must be nice eh? And what a nice looking trifle! (Erm – that’s
    what it is, isn’t it?)

    And sorry you’ve been unwell, it’s the time of the year … I too have suffered from a bug recently but am now on the mend.

    Babs and Goldfrapp eh?? What a combo! Have you heard Goldfrapp’s take on Olivia’s “Physical”? A brilliant re-invention!

  13. matty replied:

    Old Cheeser! Yes! We had a blast! And, yeah, isn’t B hot!?!? He’s a Prince!

    …I’m not sure what a “trifle” is but that thing was a recp from my mother. Ing created it just as specified, but I’m not allowed to discuss it further.

    However, I will say that sometimes what sounds good on paper or from our memory isn’t not so very good once sat in front of you. shudder.

  14. Old Cheeser replied:

    Just re-read your post and realised it wasn’t trifle atall, but ambrosia! It does look like trifle in the picture though. So ambrosia is a kind of rice pudding if I’m not mistaken? Secret recipe eh! And it didn’t taste so good then…?

    FYI, trifle is a cold English desert, with fruit on the bottom, with a layer of cold custard on top, and fresh cream on top of that. Usually with hundreds and thousands or grated chocolate sprinkled on the top. It’s delicious! Do you not have it in the US? For shame!

  15. matty replied:

    Old Cheeser — Oh! Yes, I’ve had trifle — I just didn’t know what it was called. Don’t know too much about food.

    OK, so see — ambrosia is known as a sort of white trash salad in the south and this is what my family served at all “fun” times. It is really like jello mixed witt whip cream and some fruits. It is actually kind of good. SO — asked me mom for the receipe. She was either in one of her moods and opted to “dress” it up to make it more high end for B and Ing OR, and I think this is it, she mixed up two other salads — in the end, when Ing made the ambrosia it was just as my mother had recorded it but it was HORRIBLE! It was like fruit punch only without the liquid and it was just sort of gross. …it had to be flushed but it gave us more than a few laughs. In fact, I laughed so hard I was almost sick.

    …it was kind of pretty, tho. …till you put the serving spoon in and realized that it was really an explosion of icky sweetness. It also weighed about 40 pounds.

  16. hot-lunch replied:

    you look like fun, i’ve added you to my blog list! thanks for your comment on my blog!

    cool photos, they look like they would fit in perfectly with the new Amy Sedaris cookbook… quirky, fun, a bit insane… 🙂

  17. matty replied:

    Hot Lunch! Thanks! I do so love that Amy Sedaris book! I think I’m fun. I hope I’m fun. Well, at least I’m going to pretend and just write, “Yes, Hot Lunch! I’m much fun!” LOL!

    …tho, I hope I’m not insane.

    No, I’m not nuts. I’m just a bit eccentric. …Your blog rocks, by the way! I need to get your added to my links!

  18. Old Cheeser replied:

    Mmm that does sound pretty revolting from your description Matt – hence the flushing down the toilet pic I guess! The mixing up account is hilarious. Yes maybe it would have been better to leave it for decorative purposes only!

    I’ve always wondered what Jello is like – one of those American delights we Brits often hear about but don’t have over here, like twinkies! Probably very bad for you though I guess?

  19. matty replied:

    Old Cheeser! Well, I don’t eat them but I do think twinkies are really yummy. However, jell-o is pretty gross in my book. …but quite cheap. You’re not missing much at all!

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