This has been a big weekend! After over two years my dear friend, Milford, was announced as an official master of the hula! This was a moment he had been working so hard toward. It was an honor for us to watch and share in this very important day. I could see true bliss in Milford’s face after the performance. In the next several days you will be able to see more of his day on his site! Check it out! Follow the link on the far left called “Digitic” —- but here are a few pix from the day. The fog took over, but it didn’t spoil the beauty of the dancing.

NOTE — Milford has asked me to state that he is not a “master” of hula. My opinions are my own. But, I do think he was awesome!!!!
…work it, Milly!
…the gang on Milford’s big day!
alan and me watching hula flash dancing!
…i’m in love with alan’s shoes which he bought in Canada. i like to touch them. it makes him quite uncomfortable. which makes me like to touch them even more. i’m just that kind of guy. yeah. i’m edgy.
ing and milford bringing sunshine to a day that had none… (ing is so good at that!)

Then, we left Milford to hang out with his Hula pals and we headed for a few drinks at The Wild Side West in Bernal Heights. A super cool/mellow lesbian (but friendly to mix) bar!
…isn’t B cute?
…i promise. i am not stoned. i just look that way.

As we sat around we ended up talking about the things that really matter in life — you know, global warming, politics, Janis Joplin, and blow jobs. Actually, we mostly discussed blow jobs. This, of course, is the most important topic one can discuss. I hope you all realize this. Anyway, Ing confessed to this group of gay men that she has never felt too confident in the fine art of pleasuring a man and desperately wants to so that she can please this really hot guy she has been dating. Let’s call him Cute ScreenWriter Guy. Anyway, we all gave her a few pointers. I found a beer bottle and gave a quick demonstration about the importance of breathing at the right time and in the right way. Alan, the resident expert of the bunch, gave the most helpful hint — but that was whispered to Ing so only she knows what he told her. Anyway, I captured the moment of Ing trying to master the art on the beer bottle here —

…OK, let’s just say that Ing is a fast learner and I think that beer bottle even felt something. Anyway, I think Cute ScreenWriter Guy is in for a really nice evening. …And, I wanna know what Alan whispered! Damn it!!!!

I think we might be seeing the new version of THE OMEN today. I guess it will be neat to see the Son of Satan mow down Mia Farrow with a tri-cycle. I mean, we all have wanted to mow her down with one from time to time, right? Speaking of cycles, Mark is giving me his old bike! Whoo hoo!

“…rant and rave to manipulate me. From the nipple to the bottle never satisfied. From the nipple to the bottle now the cow must die” …wise words from Miss Grace Jones — the Ultimate Slave to the Rhythm.

June 11, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. ing replied:

    Okay, ummm, is this normal? That beer bottle offered me sixty bucks afterwards. I’m used to getting the money up front. . .

    I heart Milford, the chef-dancer and all around cool guy! Alan is soooo sweet, I just want to bake him into a cake! [A smart cake.] And oh my god, that there “B” is dreeeeeeeamy! I mean it, “B” is almost, almost Beckworthy.

    BTW, everyone, I got to see some of “B”‘s conceptual art, and if he isn’t neat enough as it is, this guy’s a brainiac, which, as you know, is dreamy. I will say no more, in case he reads this blog. I’m just sayin’, yow!

  2. Robert replied:

    Nice smiles, good peeps, cute shoes and blo jobs = good times!

    What a nice outing!! Go ing, go!!!

  3. ginab replied:

    And the cute screenwriter said to himself: yowza, I wish I were an oscar meier weiner in the form of a longneck bottle of beer.

  4. digitic replied:

    OMG!!! No, no no! Yikes!

    This was just a ho’ike — it just means that I passed the beginning level in hula.

    TOTALLY NOT master level the complete opposite, actually.

    Oh, Matt — can you edit and correct your blog entry? Just seeing that statement freaks me out! Ha!

  5. Karyn replied:

    This makes me sadder that I’m so far from you! I’m jealous! I also like the shoes!

    Threaten to LICK the shoes if Alan won’t tell you what he whispered!!! Inquiring minds want to know! I mean, I can hold my own (so to speak) in that department and I have had no complaints but one always likes to keep the resume / repetoire fresh and to stay marketable.


  6. Me replied:

    Yes, I agree you need to find out and post what Alan told Ing. Sounds like a movie… What Alan Told Ing.
    I need to know because judging by your face when Ing was blowing the bottle and the wistful looks around the table in the group shot, she’s doing a better job (no pun intended) than I’ve ever done and I’ve gotta know the secret. In case the opportunity ever arises again (pun intended). Sigh. 🙂

  7. ing replied:

    Um, for your information, I’ve never had any complaints myself. Does any man EVER complain about a blow job?

    He better friggin’ NOT!

    [But I would like to give the bj to end all bjs, someday, if possible. And Alan seems to know what he’s talkin’ ’bout. (And I have sworn to secrecy, so. . .)]

  8. Karyn replied:

    Yeah, I didn’t mean to imply that you were inept at the whole ‘head’ thing and were getting complaints. I was just tooting my own tiny horn for a nanosecond.

    Sworn to secrecy? Blogtease!

    Put Alan on this blog Matty and make him tell us! 😉

  9. jungle jane replied:

    I BET that Alan reminded Ing to take her false teeth out for an even better blow job experience.

  10. matt replied:

    Ing — I sort of pimped you to that beer bottle. Sorry. …A force of habit. I showed B your comment — he was all happy! I am going to put some of B’s artwork up on my site soon!!! And, babe, we all know you give great service to your man! I think we were all just really impressed by that final move with the bottle after Alan whispered those words to you.

    Robert — Ing totally rules! Intelligence, humor, grace, beauty — she’s perfect and beyond Beckworthy.

    Gina — Most def! ScreenWriter is a most lucky man — even when one doesn’t factor in beer bottle tricks! Any man is lucky to win her heart. He better be good to our Ing or we might need to harm him. In agreement?

    Milly — I’m sorry! But, I don’t think anyone is going to mistake me for a hula expert but I shall add a statement that the opinions of your performance and level of hula expertise are my own. But, kids, he rocked!

    Karyn — I miss you, too! Come to SF and play! I am sure you do just fine. I wish I could get Alan to share his magic but no dice. Also, he seems to have a thing against blogs. I don’t think he has ever even visited mine. ???

    Lovely Merdith — Pun noted and I suspected it was intended! LOL! That would be a great title! Alas, only Alan and Ing know the secret. It was awe-inspiring, tho!!!

    Jungle Jane — Ah, yes! The fine art of gumming! No, Ing has perfect teeth. That would be my trick. I think involves some sort of “working” of the base with the tonsils. It was interesting to watch. I think Ing could have a film career if she opted for it.

  11. ing replied:

    Only if they make cameras that go waaaaay down deep and off to the left (whoops, I almost gave it away).

  12. ing replied:


    I do NOT have false teeth! Nor have I ever had a cavity in my life. . . “freakishly healthy”: that’s what the dentist called me.

  13. ginab replied:

    In solidarity there Matt.

    (glad you’re all in bliss!)

  14. Brooke replied:

    That’s it. I’m packing my bags and moving in with you.

  15. Matt replied:

    Hey that guy sitting next to you watching hula dance is cute!

  16. matt replied:

    Ing — I don’t know why you’re ashamed of your dentures. They’re hot! LOL!

    Gina – a salute!

    Brooke! Come on over! We will have a blast!

    matt — that’s Alan! Cute and talented!!! LOL! Let’s hope Ing doesn’t bake him into a cake!!!

  17. Jon replied:

    Great pics!

    Re the blowjob thing, as Margaret Cho says (by quoting her friend), just stick your finger your finger up the guy’s ass if you want him to cum faster- you can wash your hands when you get home’ ^_^

  18. ing replied:

    Home? Home!?!

    I’m sorry, I do not live in the back alley where I perform my bjs.

    As for my dentures, the everyday ones are not at all sexy. But the black lacy ones I break out on special occasions? Sexy. Perhaps. Though difficult when it comes time to floss. . .

    Hey, is someone else coveting my cute Alan? Look, man, he goes directly into my cake.

  19. Matt replied:

    Thanks Matty. Yeah, Alan is a cutie!!!! (Drooling) OOps!!! LOL

    It’s Sunday here…just had lunch…getting ready to head back, packing, last minute shopping…

    Look…are you going to pride next weekend? I know you’re probably going with B, do you wanna go together? Maybe we can meet on pride day??

    Be back on Monday afternoon.

  20. jungle jane replied:

    So do we know yet whether Ing’s new improved style of bottle sucking worked or not??

  21. ing replied:

    Ohhhhhhhhhhhh, it did the trick. Is there some nice lesbian out there who will whisper a little trick in his ear, though? It’s all fine and dandy to give, but y’know. . .

  22. crabcake replied:

    Awesome, awesome pics, Matty! Ing is gorgeous! And Milford is adorable!

    Looks like a fun time to me.

    PS. Is there video of Ing and the bottle? I have 5 bucks.

  23. matt replied:

    Crabcake — Alas, I was just too stunned to remember to turn on the vid option on my camera!

  24. ing replied:

    Me too, stunned — the beer bottle offered me sixty, and Crabcakes is offering five. You know how much ass I could buy for $65, not to mention the grass and the gas?


    You know you want to. . .

  25. Hot Toddy replied:

    Hi Matty, Hi Matty!

    BIG hugs –

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