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WOW!!!!!
Um, Iast night I had a second date with this incredibly hot and interesting man. And, I think it was one of the nicest evenings I’ve ever had! I am a gentlemen. …well, sort of. Anyway, I will not reveal too much but suffice to say that the date started Saturday night and I didn’t get home till about 5pm on Sunday. It was an incredibly great date! Am looking forward to more! And, flower pedals showered down upon my head as I tripped thru the air…

…and, tomorrow night — Ing and I are going to be electroclashed till our hearts content by Goldfrapp at the Filmore!!!!! And, yes, it is a sold out show!!! I am soooo excited. I got a way cool new shirt to wear for the event!!! I am ready to ride the white horse!!!! …and, so is Ing! We are ready to rock it down.

May 7, 2006. Uncategorized. 23 comments.

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QUIET RIOT

I wanted to post something of interest but being drugged since Thursday has not done much for my creative juices. I was going to post about my fancy new dental bleaching trays which are meant to brighten my teeth up by 4 shades and how the bleaching material manages to make my teeth even more sensitive to air, water and life in general. However, I fear that this would be dull and too self-indulgent for even me. So, instead, I am transcribing the last little story I ever wrote about my life, which I have retained. Actually, I do not think I have ever shared this one with anyone. So, this little document, which I wrote about three years ago, comes to you like a virgin — kissed for the very first time. I recently discussed this with my brother thinking he never knew about any of it. To which he replied I had related these and other driving adventures to him on many an occasion. Hmmm. Well, now I share with anyone show decides to read it. I wonder if I can find a picture of me at that time with my carÂ?

I applied and was approved for a Texas Hardship Driving License. This was something that Texas used to allow. I had to work and needed to help my mom pick up my baby brother from day care. My father had acquired a car for me after a neighbor’s husband had killed himself in the back seat. It was ugly as hell. A 1965 Buick Special Deluxe in lovely green. It would probably be worth a small fortune now. But to kid in the 80’s it was a nightmare of a car.

I used to joke that if one leaned on the car, he or she would suffer a nasty cut as this car had razor sharp Batman Car-like angles that should only ever be imposed in science fiction. It was almost impossible to navigate into parking spaces. Also, no matter how hard I cleaned/scrubbed I was never able to get the blood stains off the fabric lined roof. Apparently, the police do not clean up after someone blows his brains out in the back seat of the family car. This was the primary motive for our neighbor to sell the car to my father for fifty dollars.

“It’s a classic! Stop being a faggot and clean it! Most boys would be thrilled to have their own car!”

My friends liked to call this car the Shit Mobile. Ipreferredd “Matty Mobile” but that never stuck. Most tried to avoid the back seat if I actually took the time to explain those odd stains. Except my friends Jen and Kristin who seemed oddly drawn to the back seat due to this back story. My kind of girls!

My brother had two car seats. One was usually to be found attached in my back seat on the passenger side of my Buick. This was so I could see him in my rear view mirror as I drove. I love my brother and may be a bitbiasedd, but I think he was the cutest baby ever. My friend Lisha and I used to take him to the mall so that people would think he was our child. This was Texas in the early 80’s. It really would not be THAT unusual for a couple of teens to have a kid. Tho, I think she and I were about fourteen. Anyway, Roy was a cute toddler. He was also a bit of a Demon Child for several years. My friends were just so happy that I had a car that everyone agreed to help me watch him so we could speed about the city. I was only to drive at certain times and these would normally be the times that he was with me. Me and my friends also enjoyed the many “horror” stories of Roy temper tantrums.

Looking back, it is a miracle I never wrecked. My baby brother joined in many a misadventure and added either much fun or much pain depending upon his mood. We did enjoy it when he would just lose it as we ordered into one of those drive thru speaker boxes and the poor window clerk could hear nothing but stoned kids and a crying baby. And, Roy knew how to cry at volumes far louder than any my car stereo could beat. If my tape player was cranked to “10” Roy was cranked to “11”

Roy was not to be out done by some lame music. No. He would never allow that.

At times I would try to emote paternal. This was usually a bad choice on my part because I had horrible luck with these sorts of actions. A good example was when Roy joined me as I drove a friend off to the far edges of our county. I was taking this pal to a dealer’s house. Um, no this was not my paternal streak showing as of just yet. However, after leaving my friend to further his addiction it was just me and my brother driving down an old country road. I was having to drive slowly because this was a dirt road filled with pot holes and if the ride got too bumpy he would start crying.

A cute little rabbit ran out a short waysin frontt of the car. My paternal instinct kicked in.

“Roy! Look behind us! A bunny rabbit! Do you think it’s the Easter Bunny? Look!” as I stopped the car.

Roy was screaming in horror before I could turn around. Yes. I had not only struck the rabbit. It had sort of broken into abloodyy mess as my back tire rolled over the once cute creature. I had to climb into the back seat and comfort him. I did my best to convince him that the bloody pulp behind us was not ever a living animal. Not to much success. I felt so bad. I guess the pot holes had numbed me and I had not felt the bump of a tiny rabbit. So, to my three year old brother — I had just killed the Easter Bunny. Terrible.

However, the worst incident happened later that summer. Siouxsie And The Banchees’ “Scream” cassette wasblaringg from my tape player as Roy and Iwhizzedd down the road. We had just been to the mall. This was 1982 and I had just picked up a way cool shirt from Chess King. Roy was tired from the trip and fallen fast asleep.

All four windows were down. The wind was blowing and I was feeling great. I did my best to keep my cigarette low as to not blow too much smoke or ash to the back seat. This was a lone road and I felt like I owned it. Now, as ugly as it was, my Buick could go fast. I was edging past 80mph as Siouxsie and I sang to the top of our lungs.

I thought I noted something flying right at my head. I remember thinking, “Oh wow! Is that a bird?”

It was. And this particular bird managed to fly right into the side panel of thedriver’s s window. Now, I guess a number of things can happen when a small bird flies into the side panel of a car window when the car is goingaboutt 80mph and that bird is flying full force. On this particularoccasionn the result was that the little bird bounced into the car and slammed against theinteriorr of the back window.

At some point during the bounce into my car, the head of the bird snapped off. It all happened so quickly. I tried to remain calm. I put my cig in the ashtray, turned off the music, slowed down and watched in the mirror as feathers flew all around us. Blood streamed down the inside of my back window and the bird sort of flapped about on the back board beneath the glass. ..Directlyy behind the head of my sleeping baby brother.

“Oh God. Please don’t let the headless body flap on to thetoddler’ss head!”

I stopped the car. I waved the feathers away from my face. I waited for my brother to start screaming in trauma. But there was no sound from the back seat other than a sort of manic flapping/thud sound which stopped soon enough.

Silence.

I picked up mycigarettee and took a long, deep drag. I picked up my Sonic cup and took a sip of soda.

It had to be done. I turned around to check on Roy.

There he sat. Sleeping soundly, covered in blood and feathers. And, a bird head seated in the tray of his baby seat by his half eaten cookie. Luckily, the body of the bird lay behind his head.

“Just drive slowly. Just one more mile or so and we’re home. I can get him out of the car and he never needs to know.”

My brother could be a fairly sound sleeper. I can’tdrivee or do much of anything without music. However, at that time, some music was more soothing to Roy than others. Led Zep/The Who used to kind of freak him out. Blondie and Fleetwood Mac made him hyper. Goth rock didn’t bother him too much either way but could still be a risk. But, much to hisembarrassmentt now, Barbra Streisand would often lull him into slumber. So, I quickly slipped in “Lazy Afternoon” and proceeded to drive home at a very slow speed.

As I pulled into the driveway, I was so very relieved to discover that he was still sound asleep.

I left Barbra singing about letters that cross in the mail or some such and ran into the house where I grabbed a bottle of those wet napkins with which I was always dousing Roy, a bottle of Windex, a roll of paper towels and the kitchen garbage can. I climbed into the back seat and began to softly pull the feathers off my baby brother. The feathers had already started to jell into the blood that had also splattered. Roy was sticky with bird blood andfeatheredd. This was summer in south east Texas. My brother was also sweating. I was doing my best to gently wipe his forehead and face to prevent any bird goo from slipping on top of his eyelids.

Roy started to stir. Shit.

“What is worse? Blood and feathers on him or a severed bird head by his cookie and a headless bird body behind him?

I opted that it would freak him out more to see the head. So I took a deep breath and picked up the warm head, cookie and bird body and tossed all three into the garbage. I remember thinking that the bird was much bigger than I had thought. I then gently wiped my brother off. I picked feathers out of his hair. He continued to stir but I think Barbra continued to soothe him and he stayed asleep. I unbuckled and removed him from his seat. I carried him into the house.

After I woke him up I told him that Santa had called and had told me that Roy had to take a bath. I also told him that, if he was a good boy, Santa might chat with him on the phone! Oh boy! Roy couldn’t wait for the bath!

I cleaned my baby brother. Put him in a new pair of shorts and a little Mr T muscle shirt. I placed him in his TV pillow/chair thing and turned on cartoons. As I unwrapped a new pack of cigarettes Roy began to scream.

“Santa! Santa!”

“Sorry! You took too long in the bath tub. Santa is too busy to talk!”

Classic Roy temper tantrum. I left him screaming. I walked to my car. A true Shit Mobile filled with feathers and bird blood.

I lit up a cig. Smoked it down and started the process of cleaning the back seat. …Again.

Only a small stain remained. I figured it sort of went well with Mr. Cohen’s brain stain.

May 6, 2006. Uncategorized. 21 comments.

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MAGICAL ASS MISSILES

Can someone please tell me why Liza Minnelli refuses to leave my nightmares?!?!? And, last night she invaded them with that creepster wedding of hers! And, of course, I promptly threw up when I woke up in a sweat! That horror-show of face she married was looming above me along with hers and it was just horrible!!!! …this was similar to my nightmare except there were knives and Liz Taylor was not in it. Actually, this picture might even be more upsetting than my dream. Shivers.

Ok, kids — so here is how today went down with a bit of background.

So, in addition to his being totally insane my father was also a true hypocondriac and when you grow up with a crazy person who always thinks he is sick — or at least in my case — you do all you can to avoid being like that. I’ve always tossed cookies fairly easy. And, generally, when that happens I just keep moving. I figure that your body will tell you when it needs to just stop. So, this week when I woke up sick — I had to give in for two days but I pushed forward as quickly as I could. This morning was horrible. I really felt bad but I kept thinking that I could not afford to miss any work and I could just not eat today and I’d be cool. I would just continue to drink lots and lots of water.

Well, bad plan. I got to work. First thing one of my bosses says to me is, “Matty, you look like hell! Why are you here?” I just laughed and told him I was fine. But, as the morning went on it was clear that I was not really fine. In fact, after I nearly passed out — AGAIN (!) — I found myself lying in one of our “operating theatre chairs” while my boss contacted his doctor (who also works in our building) …an hour later they made me get in a cab and come home. …tho, the cash could only get me as far as West Portal. Still, wasn’t that sweet of them??? I felt so loved. I also felt really stupid and embarrassed.

As I got that feeling that I was about to pass out I just knew that one of my biggest fears was about to become a reality. Brain tumor. I mean, who is sick to their stomach for this long??!?!? Anyway, much happy to report that I have a stomach virus that has been going around our building for about a week now. As the doctor put it, most people just stay down for a solid 48 hours — sleeping and getting sick and just not doing anything but allowing their bodies to rest. I, on the other hand, have continually gotten up, tried to eat, drank a lot of Diet Coke (cuz I thought it settles stomachs), attempted to go to work when I should have stayed in bed, passed out on public transit, forced myself to drink water even when my stomach was rejecting it, etc. I was pseudo-lectured to take care of my body and that pain is a sign of something wrong. I was then given a prescription of a medication that one applies via a point of entry I’d rather not write — but, let me tell you — those little things work!!! And, boy! …they have made me feel a little high as well. For the first time since Monday — I am not cramping! Yay!

Anyway, I was assured that this was not a tumor. It was just me not taking care of myself and managing to stretch a 48 hour virus to close to 5 days. I was told to take this medicine for the next 12 hours or so — and to just stay still, suck on ice (no drinking of water/tea/soda or eating of food till the cramping and nausea is gone. The doctor felt I should feel close to 100% by tomorrow afternoon if I take it easy — and get more sleep. I was further advised that if I was still tossing cookies by tomorrow at Noon that I have to go to the hospital for an IV. My bosses are so sweet — they want me to call them if that happens and will make sure it is all paid for! …my insurance will not start till next month. However, I was told I would be just fine if I just chilled and took it easy. Sigh.

I have plans with Ing for tomorrow night! Not sure that will be happening. And, then I have a date for Saturday. Not sure if that will be happening. But, I feel fairly certain that Liza will be visiting me in my nightmares again. Why? What is up with that? Is she the Gay Freddy Kruger!?!?!

Anyway, here I lay with my laptop on my chest and little missiles of medicine up my butt. (sorry. said I wasn’t going there, but I did) and classical music playing on the stereo. I am feeling a bit stoned, slightly sick to my stomach, a shade of a head ache and bored beyond belief. ….and, here I shall be staying thru to the ‘morrow afternoon. I sure hope I don’t have to go to the hospital. I don’t even know where the hospital is in SF. Guess I will have to ask Mily if it comes to that. He is going to be lecturing to me later. But, it comes from love. I think. Right, Milly? Milford, I mean. He hates being called Milly. But, he is so cute I like calling him that.

Ok. Well. A nap is calling me. A side effect of the little missiles. …those things could be addictive.

not spell checking and I hope the above makes some form of sense.
tumor free,
matty

The Sick iPod Shuffle Home From West Portal Where My Cash Flow Ended:
walking on thin ice/yoko ono
love jam #1/har mar superstar
the circus is leaving town/isobelle campbell & mark lanegan
china/tori amos
one of us is gonna die/the ark
two kinds of love/stevie & bruce
kashmir/led zep
two tone rocka/ursula 1000

May 4, 2006. Uncategorized. 17 comments.

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JUST A FEW MORE DAYS TILL…

…ing and i get officially —
Goldfrapp’d!!!! Whoo-hoo!!!!!

I received an email letting me know that a new remix single came out today in the UK. …i wanna live in the UK. Midlands would be fine.

May 3, 2006. Uncategorized. 13 comments.

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FALLING DOWN AND GOING BOOM

I’ve never been very smart when it comes to “healing” or whatever. I had a cup of tea and some rice — then, when I was feeling pretty good — I had a cheese sandwich and a Diet Coke. I guess when one has been sick for a good 24 hours one should drink some water. And, I guess a cup of tea isn’t really good enough. I never really thought much about it. I felt better. …so, when I woke up bright and early this morning. I was all psyched to be getting back to my fab gay job! Sure, I felt a tad weak and a little sluggish — but I had been pretty sick. So, I ate my cup of oatmeal and was out the door at 6am! I boarded the MUNI M train and took note that I needed to buy my May pass today. As per the way of the M train, we were instructed to exit the train at West Portal and board the L train that was coming up behind us. I remember feeling kind of odd and annoyed that my iPod was playing music I did not want to hear. Next thing I know — I am lying on the grimy floor of the M train. My head hurts and Toni Basil is screeching about Mickey somewhere not too far from my head. A sweet little lady was standing over me asking me if I was OK. At least I think that is what she was asking. She was not speaking English.

Then a beefy MUNI guy was helping me up and I spent the next hour chatting with two MUNI reps and a couple of “medics” doing my very best to talk them out of forcing me to go to the city hospital — especially as I still have no insurance. Soon, but not yet. After downing a Gatoraide (yuck!) and a bottle of water — and several odd examinations of my head — they agreed that they would “escort” me back home and that I was to take it easy for the day and drink lots of water. I was lectured. I had to sign something which I think excused MUNI from any responsibility. I called one of my bosses who was really sweet about it.

So, here I sit. Bored. Feeling OK. Not great, but not sick enough to be stuck in the house — AGAIN! I am drinking water, but wanting Diet Coke. Led Zep is singing on the CD player. I am worried that I will not be able to get a MUNI pass as I think today is the last day that they can be purchased. Ugh! I thought I might have a dinner date tonight. That is not happening. Not tonight, anyway. Oh, and my headset broke in half when I landed on the floor of the train. …that probably helped me from hurting myself anymore than I could have. I just taped it together so that I will not be music-less on my way to work tomorrow. …and I WILL be at work tomorrow. No matter what.

oy. …I know that this was my own stupid fault, but I prefer to blame Toni Basil for today’s misfortune. So, don’t blame me or my wild heart — blame Toni and her cheerleading pop.

Oh! And, Thugfucker will be appearing at The Wierd Festival this Sunday! Yes, I actually email with Thugfucker! They are the future of dance and I can say I knew ’em when. Anyway, they are putting me and “my posse” on the guest list at Pink and some other place. I hope I get to go. I LOVE “Pocket Rocket” — the CD is out in France and should be headed to the UK and the US any day now!!! Exciting stuff, kids! …THUGFUCKER. …today, the dance floor. tomorrow, the world will fall into the thugfucker trance. Tho, I do worry that middle america might have trouble embracing them due to their name. However, they are not too concerned with this! If you’re in SF or the Bay Area — get to the Weird Festival this Sunday!!!

May 3, 2006. Uncategorized. 11 comments.

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SICK
…Last night I had horrible dreams of the David Lynch baby, Liza Minnelli chasing me in a backstage sort of space with a butcher knife singing the spelling of her name
and being force fed shoe soup by Ethel Merman. At least she wasn’t singing. Impossibly gay horrors???

Anyway, the point is that I woke up with a headache from the bowels of Hell. I got up, pulled on my clothes, had my hair “did” and made a cup of sugar-free oatmeal. …which promptly came back up. Feeling even worse at this point I had no choice but to call in sick. My goal was to have a lay down and see if I might be able to get it together. I could just skip the whole food thing today. But, kids, I just feel crappy. So, I don’t think I’ll be making it in to work today.

This sucks on many levels:

1. The Office Manager is on vacation today and I’m feeling so guilty. I should be there to make sure things go as smoothly for the doctors, patients and other dental professionals as possible.

2. Tonight is Ing’s Short Attention Span Reading Group Meeting. Now, somehow, despite the fact that I’ve had a month — I’ve yet to read the book. I was planning on reading at least one short story at lunch so that I might not be a total idiot at the reading group. But, I won’t be making the reading tonight. So, I’m letting Ing down by not being there to offer my deep insights. Well, ok, maybe not so deep, but I take up space well. But, not tonight. Plus, I needed an Ing-fix today as I’ve not seen her for a couple of days.

3. There is quite good looking guy who has contacted me. We were going to meet for drinks after the reading group. Not that I’m not looking forward to my date this Saturday night, but a boy has to keep his options open. But, I won’t be meeting “T” tonight.

4. And, I’m afraid to try and eat anything. And, well, I don’t feel so good. Ugh! Argh! Blah!

May 2, 2006. Uncategorized. 10 comments.

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Oh, Ricky…

Well, I guess it is plain to see that he waxes. …but, does he bang?

Matty’s iPod Shuffle as he roams blog land…
“Stand And Deliver” by Adam & The Ants
“That Hindu That You Do!” by Ursuala 1000
“Devils of Rotations” by Swayzak Vs. Theorem
“Lust” by Tori Amos
“European Psycho” by Bodies Without Organs
“Garlands” by Cocteau Twins
“Queen Bee” by Barbra Streisand
“My Doorbell” by The White Stripes
“Mystery Achievement” by The Pretenders

May 1, 2006. Uncategorized. 13 comments.

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