My mind searches for the reason I’ve ended up here instead of back home doing the laundry and planning out what I should wear for my date tonight. And though an excuse tries to form — the best my sleepy mind can come up with is something about a mouse, men and plans laid to the best of one’s ability. In the end, all the mice, men and plans were unable to defeat me from jumping on the N train and riding out to the beach on this perfect day.

So, sitting on the beach with my toes pushed deep into the sand I let the wind hit my face. Like that odd old song, the wind is hitting me but it feels like a kiss. The sun is attempting to burn across my face, but the warmth feels so nice. The couples are walking along the shore, the surfers are trying to catch the waves for a ride and dogs fetch sticks.

I press play on my iPod and close my eyes. The problems of my life seem to roll out with the waves and tho they try to return to me when the water rolls back again — they never quite seem to be able to reach me. They roll back out to the ocean with the tide.

I feel good. I feel free. I feel alive. I want to jump up and play with the little puppy that is nipping at my feet, but her owner is in a hurry and wants to get to lunch at The Cliffs. She picks the puppy up and they head toward the restaurant which seems to be waiting for the next earthquake to take it down into the ocean. That is why the new owners invested such little energy into making it more beautiful than it already is. Nothing is will last forever. I want to fly with the kite above my head — spinning in the wind. No caution. No restrictions — except those imposed by the string currently being navigated by the impossibly thin boy in the silly pants.

I embrace my knees as my iPod woes me with music that feeds my soul almost as well as this spot on the beach. And, I wonder — did the members of the band, HAL, have any idea of the simple but deep beauty created by their lyrics when they recorded this song:

“Put your hang-ups in the closet
Put the fears you have in a box
Come on baby, pull up your socks
And sunbeams will shine
They will give you light in the dark
Go get yourself a head start
Cause the radio’s beating its tune
with all the crackling through the waves
And there ain’t nobody to blame
So keep trying, baby be brave
Don’t listen to what they say
Keep going you’ve come all this way
It’s evident, do as you do
Cause you’re just so beautiful

Keep love as your golden rule

Keep loving the way you do
Cause that’s what those stars are saying
And count your many blessings
And sunbeams will shine
They’ll give you light in the dark
Let’s get ourselves a head start

Cause the radios beating its tune
All the crackling through the waves
And there ain’t nobody to blame
So keep trying, baby be brave
Don’t listen to what they say
Keep going you’ve come all this way
It’s evident, do as you do
Cause you’re just so beautiful

Keep love as your golden rule
Keep love as your golden rule…”

No sun screen — time to my shoes back on, catch the train back to Castro and kill time before my date.

And, I sit here at my cafe transcribing my notes from about an hour ago when I was on the beach. My problems are trying to find me again but I am brushing them away for the rest of the day. I wait for my cookie for the day. I wait for a frog to turn to a prince. I wait to win the lottery. I nod in acknowledgment to the cute student who seems to be here more often than me. But, I don’t have to wait for love. I’ve got that. And, really — isn’t that all that matters at the end of the day? If you can’t answer “yes” to that — then you need to get back to the water and suck in some energy. You know the one you need to serve as your golden rule.

iPod Shuffle on my way back from the beach:
“It’s All Me” by Holly Golightly (who is awesome! Thanks, Ing!!!!)
“Miss You” by The Stones
“Man Is The Baby” by Antony & The Johnstons
“Shores of California” by The Dresden Dolls
“Far From Home” by Tiga
“Gone to Earth” by Goldfrapp
“Corner Store” by Brazilian Girls
“Sacrifice” by Break 3000

…and, yeah, I’m too lazy to check my spelling or look for type-0’s. Be kind.

April 30, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. ginab replied:

    Geez is it ever quiet in blogland. I’m glad to be the first here to wish you well on your date, and then I wonder on a Sunday eve what it says of me to be the one and only one here?

    Who cares. There’s always the beach (I’m jealous you went to the beach, tho I’m jealous in a good way). I could use some sun on my lower back; spare me the Ben Gay (and why is it called Ben Gay?). My back is truly f-ed but the move doesn’t happen until the morning. I have a lot of last minute creative packing techniques to exercise and then I’m down for the count. Will I lose all of my Emails I wonder….

    tell my friend, if you see her, that I do do love her. And you know I hope your date when fine and dandy.


    PS: Beabs does too!

  2. matt replied:

    Gina! Yeah, it always seems that Sunday is the slow blog day. I hate moving, but am usually happy once I am all moved! So, here’s to you and a happy move for the ‘morrow!

    I’ve always wondered that about Ben Gay. Go figure.

    I will tell her, tho I doubt I will be chatting with her tonight. Just left her a voice mail, tho. I was planning on kidnapping her from work on Tuesday, but I don’t think she would be too pleased with that. I guess I will have to wait till her shift is over. LOL!

    Still think you should move here!

  3. joey replied:

    “So, sitting on the beach with my toes pushed deep into the sand I let the wind hit my face. ”

    I wish that everyday of my life could include a moment like that.

  4. Karyn replied:

    That is some beautiful shot Matty. You motivated me to put photos in my entries of late but I am having a hard time getting photos from my little Canon to work – they all show up as big white boxes with Red Xs in them. Blehhh!

    We are lucky to live near the ocean. I think it is important for water signs! I love that some days when the air is soft, I can step out on the back step and smell the salt.

    How’d the date go?

  5. matt replied:

    Joey — if you lived here, every day of your life could be like that! Well, almost every day —excepting rainy season. But, I plan on going to the beach just about every day after work. Good for the soul.

    Karyn — I’ll send you an email with some tips about posting pix on blogger. It was a perfect day! Amazing. Yeah, I don’t think I could survive without the ocean near me. Isn’t that song great????

  6. jungle jane replied:

    Well that’s all very nice Matty but what’s all this about a date? i clearly have some catching up to do – i didn’t realise you were getting any.

    I BET its the guy whose photo i sent you back then. Am i right?

  7. Pixie Sprinkle replied:

    Mum is matchmaking? God help you Matt…

  8. matt replied:

    Jungle Jane!!!! I am so happy you’re back! Even if that vid clip did cause me a bit of trauma. A nice visual slap in the face can be refreshing. I worry for that poor woman, tho.

    …if anyone is wondering what I am talking about just check out Ms. Jane’s most current vid posting. But, be warned. I’m still trying to get over it. I may need therapy.

    Well, Jane, the date went really well! I had a great time and we have a second date for this weekend. It is nice to have a nice date for a change and not dread it. No, that hot fella you with whom you tried to snag for me ran away as soon as he saw me coming. I guess I wasn’t goodlooking ’nuff for him. I mean, those hot pants of his were hard to beat.

    Pixie!!! Hi! Yes, she has tried to fix me up. I wish I still knew how to share the picture. He was way out of my range, tho. (sigh)

  9. Pixie Sprinkle replied:

    Wow Matt! Where I come from a second date means that the sex on the first date must have been amazing!

    Do you have a nice outfit for your second date??

  10. matt replied:

    Pixie! — I recently took a vow of chastity — at least until the 3rd or 4th date. But, yes, I think I have the perfect thing to wear. I think…

  11. Matt replied:

    OMG I was at Ocean Beach with my friend Tony yesterday…I actually blogged about it today! The warm air hugs my feet as my friend and I sauntered down from Cliff House where we had late lunch (I know, we were like doing the toursy thing…)

    Where is *your* cafe? 🙂

  12. matt replied:

    Matt — Just posted a comment to your blog! I can’t believe you missed me! I was the one in the glitter speedo, feather boa and massive rainbow flag!

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