…artwork by Peet

Oh, this most worrying. Here I am sitting in my fave Castro cafe with a Diet Coke and my iBook — killing time. Waiting for my pal, Bethie, to arrive. I was typing a note to Meredith (that cool beauty who lives on a Rock) and this leather clad gent of a certain age (ok, he told me he was 74) — and a very handsome 74 I might add! Anyway, he walked up to my table and asked if I was “Matty of Matt’s Bit of Space”

Dead silence for about a minute as I scanned my mind trying to decide what I wanted to say. I wasn’t sure, so I opted to just say, “yes” — he asked if he could sit to chat with me for a few minutes. I said sure. I was curious. He told me he recognized me from the picture on my blog and that he had been reading my blog for about a year. He told me that he wished I was blogging more often these days. Then he told me that I had “inspired” him to go to Medium Rare and purchase the Goldfrapp CD which he told me he loves. He then really impressed me by telling me that he knew that “Ride A White Horse” was in reference to Bianca Jaggar and that time she was supposed to have ridden a white horse on to the lit floor of Studio 54. He then told me that he didn’t think that this ever actually happened and that he and his ex used to live in NY and spent many a night at Studio 54 when they were younger and hot. Color me impressed. We talked a bit about this never-ending rainy season. Then he asked for a hug and went on his way. Neat! I asked why he has never posted a comment and he said he doesn’t feel that he has anything of wit to share. I told him that I disagreed. Then he told me that I should start submitting some writing to publishers. I told him I didn’t know how and can’t imagine that anyone would want to publish my rambling and scattered thoughts.


Now, I have to tell you. I was in a really good mood upon my arrival here. I had such fun with Ingrid yesterday and last night. Tho, I always have fun when hanging with Ms. Ing (who, by the way can wear any/all French fashion! She rocked the house in this little French black dress!) Anyway, I was feeling really “up with people” as I am waiting for one of my dearest friends, Bethie, to arrive. She is flying into San Jose. I would have gone to the airport to meet her but I don’t know the way to San Jose. So, here I sit. Then Bethie called and her flight is delayed so I have more time to kill than expected.

Anyway, as the sun began to come out all I’ve seen are guys with their boyfriends/life partners — hanging all over each other and ordering/eating loads of food and chatting about going on shopping sprees or upcoming travel plans. And, here I sit. Alone and about 6 months from 40. Alone. $200 in the bank and $80 in my pocket.

I feel bitter, jaded and a bit annoyed. I don’t wanna be a bitter little pill.

And, I don’t want to sleep with butterflies.

And, I don’t wanna stand back.

I want to stop all of my sobbing.

I’d much prefer to be the one with the hand in my pocket but I fear I am the one who feels you outta know. You know?
I guess, really — I just wanna ride the white horse on to the floor of Studio 54. I don’t want to be able to walk for days. Maybe that is what it all comes down to — known of us have it figured out, but everything’s going to be fine, fine, fine. Props to Alanis and a bucket of that green slime from that kids’ show she used to be on…

iPod Shuffle Telling:
“Hollywood (Micronaught Remix)” by Madonna
“Lily” by Kate Bush
“Knocks Me Off My Feet” by Stevie Wonder
“Frederick” by Patti Smith Group
“Sugar” by Ladytron
“Bird In The Hand” by Har Har Superstar
“Heaven” by Eurythmics
“You Have Yet To Win” by Holly Golightly
“Action” by Saint Etienne
“I Won’t Change You” by Sophie Ellis-Bextor
“Sixteen Tons of Hardware” by Bodies Without Organs

April 23, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. g8s replied:

    Ooh! ‘Heaven’ is one of the best Eurythmics songs ever. Put that one on repeat. STAT!

  2. matt replied:

    Gator! I agree! That is from my fave Eurythmics album! I think I love every song. …tho, I think Do You Wanna Break Up is my fave track.

  3. Jon replied:

    I just figured to ‘ride a white horse’ meant something akin to ‘chasing the dragon’, or some other drug reference…. lol, it would be funny if it really stood for having sex with an older person with grey/white pubes….. like the man who talked to you ^_^

    And hey, things are looking up for you. You like your new job- savings doesn’t happen overnight! And love comes when you least expect it.

  4. matt replied:

    Gator! I agree! That is from my fave Eurythmics album. I think I every song. …tho, I think Do You Wanna Break Up is my fave track.

  5. Me replied:

    It must be the moon or something, everyone I talk to (including myself) seems to be feeling really restless and wishful and hopeful and looking for love or at least some sort of connection. I just prattled on Ing’s blog about this but I’ll say it again, it will come. We’d all like to be the one astride the white horse, the centre of attention, making the big entrance. Really, all the little perfect moments and kindnesses add up to one big karmic one.
    Oh-oh, here she goes again, pass me the tambourine.

  6. matt replied:

    Meredith — I know you’re right! …and, I am shaking my tamborine as I type! Love, love and more love! This is what we all need. The white horse is just a fantasy.

  7. Karyn replied:

    Holy Crap Matty! You’re famous! How many of us suggest you submit your writing to some lucky place for you to be snapped up? Sheesh.

    I agree with Meredith, everybody is pawing the ground, raising clouds of dusty agitation. Tides? Moon cycle? Mercury in retrograde?

    I don’t know but it’s damn cool someone recognised you. Be careful!

  8. Miss Marisol replied:

    How wonderful to be blogger spotted. You’re such a rock star. Sugar by Ladytron is on my repeat as well.

    Oh, and I am having a total Pretenders revisitation as well.

    You continue to be my musical sunshine, doll.

  9. matt replied:

    Karyn! Yep — that’s me! Famous. LOL! We all just want love…

    Miss Marisol! Hi!!!!!! Big hug to you! …rock star, eh? I don’t think it should be taken to that extreme. LOL! I don’t even think I merit as a pop star.

  10. ing replied:


    I say the white horse is the best fantasy-fuck you can imagine.

    Isn’t it cool to be recognized for your writing? You know, I can help you figure out where to submit stuff, if you’re interested. You obviously have a certain audience who’d rather sit back and read than dialog. I’m sorry I’ve been so busy these days. . . I keep meaning to take that piece you sent me and comment on it.

    Anyway, I think it’d be fun when I have some extra money (maybe soon?) to take a writing class together.

  11. Matt replied:

    Hi got here through Mr.HappySad blog.

    “Neat! I asked why he has never posted a comment and he said he doesn’t feel that he has anything of wit to share…”

    I had the same mentality when I first started blogging/surfing blog (about 3 months ago!). It’s neat that you were blogger spotted…interesting post!

  12. matt replied:

    Ing — Ok, show me the way!

    Matt — Hi! So cool you visited my blog!!! Thanks! I love the way blogs connect you to people whom you would never have a chance to know. Love that. I guess I still feel a bit conflicted about being recognized. But, yeah — it was cool. I do wish he would post comments. Seems like a lot of folks who read my blog never post comments. Hmmm….

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