Yes, life is a stage and we are all actors stumbling about with the poorest of direction and are constantly forced to adlip our dialog. And, sadly, it is not always a production of something fun and whimsical of the Noel Coward variety. Hell, I’d be willing to settle for a few days of CATS or STARLIGHT EXPRESS from time-to-time. But, no. My Big Agent in the Sky seems content to have me stumble about in some pretty dark-ass plays. However, I have to admit that they are interesting and if I am properly back lit can be quite fun. …in their own sick little way.

At this very moment — somewhere in London — Dawn French and Alison Moyet are getting ready to step out on the stage and perform a new play written by Kathy Burke! It is called SMALLER and the critics are ripping it to shreds. I am reading rumors of an early curtain, but I refuse to accept this! And, just yesterday I received an email from my uber-cool pal, Michael, who is currently slumming about in Holland (poor kid!) telling me that he got to see Dawny and Ms. Moyet walk the boards! And, he loved it! I so wish my director would send me on an adventure in the UK. I would most definitely find a way to see this production! I adore Kathy Burke. She of Comic Strip/AbFab/Gimmie!Gimmie!Gimmie/Kevin & Perry fame. She makes me happy!

Even when she is breaking my heart is some somber and horrific Brit drama. She is always sublime. Remember when she stole that movie from Meryl Streep in the late 90’s? I can’t remember the name of that movie, but she seriously rocked it. God bless Kathy Burke!

Oh, and I was alerted that my copy of the second series of “Nighty Night” has shipped out! I shall be running to my mailbox every day in anticipation of its arrival! I am so excited to see the further adventures of Jill! My understanding is that this round of the series even got complaints to the BBC for going a bit too far! I love comedy that pushes the envelope! I just love it! Series one is now available in the US! Rent or buy it! You will not be sorry! And, I must stress to avoid it when it starts to air on Oprah’s network. I mean, I am quite pleased that someone was smart enough to pick it up to show in the US but I hear that they have had to cut it so much that it is now one episode shorter than the original BBC series. However, I do have to admit — folks either love it or hate it.

Oh, but I’ve strayed from my original topic! Yes! Life is a stage upon which we trip about doing our best to secure that Tony nomination. Well, my stage took a turn this morning when I boarded the M streetcar. At least it was labeled as the “M” train — however it was really the “Hostility” ride from Hell! We were rolling along. A group of surly young ghetto chic girls boarded. Everyone immediately hated them. And, I must stress that we all did hate them. Loud, obnoxious, surly and stinking of bad hair product and pot — they were so loud that I could not even drown them out with my iPod. I finally just gave up and turned it off mid-Beck (sorry, Ing!) —- Two rather soft boys boarded with a small puppy (which was muzzled) — however, I should stress that this was a small puppy. Everyone liked the puppy and the two gay boys were really friendly and allowed the children on the train to pet the little dog. I am not sure what sparked it. To be honest I don’t think anything sparked other than stupidity.

Suddenly the gaggle of ghetto-fabulous shut up. And, then the biggest of the spandex glad faux Gucci girls walked up to the two boys, dog and 3 small children petting the dog and belted out, “Hey, faggots! Get your mother fuckin’ dog off this train or I am going to kick your cocksuckin’ ass!” …the gaggle was most amused and started laughing and hurling similar comments. Then, one of the smaller of the soon to be crack-addicted prison inmates jumped up and spit on one of the gay boys. The mothers of the children scrambled to grab their children. The little dog started to whimper. Several of us told the girls to shut up and sit down. I ran to the conductor and asked him to call the police. Now, there were 6 of these horrid girls and about 40 of us. But, that didn’t stop the gaggle of hair weaved madness from raging forward on the boys, the dog and any of us who dared to try to calm them. The puppy lurched when one of the girls spit at it. Suddenly the girls turned what can only be called “nastier” — all screaming that the dog was attacking them. Then the train grinded to the sort of halt that tosses poor senior citizens on to the floor. The conductor screamed into his microphone that the police were on their way and that everyone needed to calm down.

The conductor was kind enough to let people off the train one by one (if they chose to exit) …and within a few minutes a MUNI truck pulled up and three men escorted the two boys and their puppy off the train where a cop was waiting to take a statement. But, not before one of the girls managed to kick one of the boys in the butt and spit at them. …the spit landed on a baby in a carriage. The mother totally freaked and MUNI assisted her. The gaggle were informed that they were not leaving unless to go to jail to cool off. The gaggle just went bezerk. Screaming of civil rights violations, discrimination and police brutality. It was sort of funny because one the MUNI guys commented, “We are not cops and no one has touched you” …to which the biggest girl who started it all screamed “Mista! I can’t go back to jail! I don’t have time! Let me the fuck off this train!” This elicited more than a few laughs from us — to which the girl screeched, “Fuck you all! You’re all a bunch of faggots anyway!” …Um, as far as I know — I was the only other faggot on the train. Everyone else was painfully straight.

An elderly woman screamed, “Officer, I live by these bitches and I will gladly make any statement you need! They were attacking those poor boys and that little dog!” …to which most of us bellowed the equivalent. The gaggle began to look a bit nervous. Now, I think it might have been a bit of over-kill when 3 cop cars showed up and armed cops came on board and “walked” the girls off the train. A hot looking guy in a football jersey called out to the gaggle as they were being escorted from the train, “It is you sort of bitches that hold us back! Go fuck off and die!” …oh, my. MUNI asked him to stay calm.

Now, the most annoying thing is that we had to sit for close to 30 minutes while the police talked with MUNI. The gaggle stood closely together — several now faux crying in hopes of sympathy and the two gay boys w/dog chatted with two police officers who were now playing with the puppy. Then we were told to exit the train and board the one behind us. This made everyone mad. The vibe was really not cool. what would Kathy Burke have done?

Anyway, here I sit at my fave cafe. Updating my blog and about to catch up on my emails. One of my dearest friends, Bethie!, will be arriving from Boston tomorrow! She and her beau will be hanging out for a good week. I’m so excited to be seeing her. And, I think, she is curious to see me some 60 pounds lighter. She a big health nut. And, soon I shall be meeting up with Ing. Ing is going to be trying on some way cool clothes in those funky stores in the Folsom Street area. Then I think we’re going to probably meet up with Alan. Maybe we will see a movie or maybe not. Either way, we will have fun on this stage of life. I just hope we get some good lighting!

…I need a boyfriend. And, we all know how important lighting can be when it comes to attracting love.

I stayed up really late watching this. I was expecting it to be great. It was not even very good. However, I am in love with Eol Lee. Can someone let him know!?!?? …yes, this is what kept me watching. Yummmy! I also sat thru this because I think Joseph Gordon Levitt is cute. Tho, far too young pour moi. But, he is over 21 so I guess it is OK to look. Right? I really hated BRICK, tho. I didn’t hate Ki-duk’s film. Brick was like an R-rated BUGSEY MALONE without the shit musical score.

My stage director has advised me to be lazy and not check my spelling/typing/content. …I’ve been “blocked” to select “publish” and move forward with the production. More adventure awaits even if Eol Lee is not involved.

April 22, 2006. Uncategorized.


  1. Dessie replied:

    What nasty heartless little bitches. I would have been sorely tempted to smack one of them (if not all) in the mouth before leaving the train. Ooh some people make my blood boil!

  2. Jon replied:

    Lol at the statement where they were crying ‘police brutality’ and the reply of ‘ we are not police nor are we touching you’.

    Someone should have maced them. And damn, that cigarette looks good that Eol Lee is holding…

  3. Me replied:

    What scares me about girls like this is that they are so utterly conscience-less. I can’t imagine being “brave” enough(for want of a better word) to behave in such a horrible fashion on a train full of people! If they behave this way in public, can you imagine the brutality of their private lives? I shudder.
    And I add this to the list of the reasons I have for not returning to an urban life. Spitting on my child would definitely send me right over the edge!

  4. matt replied:

    Me — I agree. I know, in the end, there is a great deal of sadness for those girls. However, at some point — no matter our childhood or our surroundings we have to make a choice in life. And, yeah, if I had been the mother of the baby I would have killed them. I think. But the mother focused on the baby — which is much more logical because those young women had no logic. And, I’d be lying if I said I didn’t rather enjoy the strangeness of urban life. I love watching people. …especially the crazy ones and there are soooo many here. Of course, the thought has struck me that I guess there are more than a few who must think I am nuts.

    Dessie — Yes. But, in with anger out with love! LOL! I think it healthier to just sit back and find the humor in the situation. In the end, no one was hurt. Justice prevailed. …and I was entertained for free!

    Jon – Hey, did ya notice I scored a 70% on your quiz?!?! I could have scored a bit better but it was just too hard to not go with the McBalls name. I like that name. ….and, anything looks better when Eol Lee is holding in. …tho, I think it is his voice that really gets me. sigh.

  5. Lubin replied:

    It sounds like a female version of Clockwork Orange. Clockwork Lemon? *pulls middle-class cocoon a little more tightly around self*

  6. Dessie replied:

    I disagree, no lesson learned, see? Gotta learn…!

  7. matt replied:

    Lubin – I know. I felt like the opera singer at the Milk Bar. I just watched and focused on the opera. I wish I had a cocoon in which to wrap myself. That sounds nice. However, I do like my vintage Pretenders and Blondie t-shirts!

    Dessie — Ah, well. you know. I’m a bit like a gold fish — every swim around that little castle is new viewing every time. No memory to speak of so I seem to learn very little. Tho, I think I know all the lines of every AbFab episode by heart. Go figure.

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