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LET’S BLAME CHARLTON HESTON! …AND, A BRIEF TRIP BACK TO MY MOMENT IN THE CLUB SCENE

This past weekend, I met up with one of my “myspace” pals, Kevin, and we came across an old CD single from 1992 that brought me back to my days of going out to the clubs and dancing. “Sesame’s Treet” by the smart e’s. Sudle, eh? …all those boys in rubber shorts with glow sticks and caps. It was fun and my head would bop about for hours on end to that silly little drug song. Oh, but that is not the point of this post.

No, I want to write a bit about the OSCAR nominations. Now, I don’t expect much from the OSCARS in terms of who that organization chooses to recognize. I seldom agree with much of anything they seem to go for. However, this year they did do some cool things. I am THRILLED that Felicity Huffman, Philip Seymour Hoffman and Amy Adams were nominated for their work. I actually think PSH will win. If the Academy had any balls Ms. Huffman would be the hands down winner, but I don’t think they have much in the groin area.

I was also pleased to see MUNICH score a nomination. And, THANK YOU AND GOODNIGHT.

But, it has been so long since the OSCAR did anything cool or bold. The last time I remember was when they gave the award to Hillary Swank for BOYS DON’T CRY. Wasn’t that in 2000? Now, that was cool and right.

And, I know that art is all subjective but I’m sorry — GRIZZLY MAN was the best documentary I have seen in years and it was ignored. It’s almost as if the OSCARS were trying to give a kick in the ball to Werner Herzog. A waste of effort as I suspect his are made of steel. I’m sure he doesn’t care, but it is just wrong. Sure, it was disturbing and pushed the envelope but that was what made it so effective, tragic and fascinating. And I am just so annoyed that CACHE was forgotten in the foreign film category. How was that even possible? Argh! Once again, I doubt that Mr. Haneke is losing any sleep over it, but still!

I sit back and wonder how so many great movies are just ignored while MEMOIRS OF A GEISHA and BATMAN BEGINS score ANY nominations!?!?!?




I sometimes try to imagine members of the Academy casing their votes. Can Courtney Love concentrate on anything for more than a few minutes? Would Mel Gibson watch BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN? But, most of all — I think of Charlton Heston. I mean, this guy votes along with a lot of other old, scary movie stars. Maybe he was having a polyp removed from crevice and Mel Gibson was busy practicing the ultimate masculine spitting when votes were being taken for Ms. Swank.

Let’s hope Moses forgets to cast his ballot and maybe Ms. Huffman has a shot at what she deserves.

January 31, 2006. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

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HUMILIATION, DEAD CLOTHES & STICKY PRESIDENTS (Pardon Me While I Vent A Bit…)

Welcome to the fun world of unemployment! I’m now registered with 3 temp agencies, have 3 more interviews lined up for this week, but am running quite low on cash. So, I got industrious after this morning’s interview (which went fine and I have a follow up for Wednesday, but this is an agency and I don’t want to get too excited) and sorted thro my closet and pulled out ALL of my “big” clothes that I was wearing prior to getting back in shape. I tossed them and a few of my lovely shoes into my broken suitcase and took the “M” train to the thrift shops to see if I could sell them.

Now, these were good clothes and shoes. Designer stuff because baby likes to dress well even when he was a bit chunky. And, aside from the shoes, I can no longer wear these clothes anyway. I now swim in them. So, why not sell them when I am in such need of cash?!?!? How was I to know that I was about to walk into THRIFT FASHION HUMILIATION 101?!?!? There was just no way I could have known. Especially since I’ve been kind of on a tight budget from day one — when I did lose all the weight and needed new clothes, I went thrift! Made sense, saved me money and the clothes fit.

I entered the store and the two young women behind the counter greeted me. I told them I had some clothing to sell. So I lugged my broken suitcase over to the portion of the counter used for sorting through the for sell clothing. Girl number one commented on the case. I explained it had been damaged at the airport somehow. The 3 people in line ahead of me seemed to be examining my sad suitcase. Who cares? I waited patiently. I watched as they purchased some of the ugliest designer clothes I had seen in quite a while so I figured I had it made!

As the young lady started going thro my clothes she would sort of sneak a peak at me. She kept putting my DKNY, CK, DIESEL and other assorted designer clothing to the side. Was she not going to purchase them??? Then she paused as she held up a way cool Penguin sweater, put the sweater down and asked, “So, are these your Dad’s clothes or a friend’s?”

I didn’t think much of the question, but answered, “No, they’re mine.”

She looked puzzled. At this point there were about 4 people waiting behind me to sell their clothing. She tilted her head and asked, “Ok, but you can’t be more than a size small and all of these clothes are really huge!” “Well, they are large or extra large” I responded starting to feel all eyes on me.

“Why did you buy your clothes so big?”

Ok. At this point I figure she is either a bitch or retarded. “I lost a lot of weight and I no longer need those clothes.”

“OH MY GOD!!! YOU FIT IN THESE?!?!?” …this really skinny riot girrrrrrrl behind me gasped. The lady behind her said, “How did you do it?” Sigh. I turned and said I just started eating less, cut out sugars and walked everywhere I went. Now, the counter girl has called over her co-worker.

“South Beach? You have to tell me! I’ve been trying to lose 20lbs for a year now!” This was the co-worker who picked up a Camp Beverly Hills hoodie, came around and held it up to me. “This is incredible! How long did it take?”

Trying to diffuse the situation while staying cool and friendly, “Really, not a big deal. Just stop eating sugars, only eat half of whatever you’re served and move your body. Will power is all that is needed.”

“You mean you didn’t do South Beach?”
“No. Diets are just stupid. Just take control and do it”

Counter girl tilts head and says in a sort of elementary school teacher way, “Wow! You’re inspirational.”

OK. That was it.

“Hello. I wasn’t a cow! I was a bit overweight. I know you’re all used to gay gym bunnies but welcome to the real world. When you enter your mid to late 30’s your body’s chemistry changes and — ”
“YOU’RE IN YOUR LATE 30’s??!!? OH MY GAWWWWD!!!”
“Dude, you look a lot younger” — riot girrrrrrrrrl speaks again.
“Thanks, but I need to get going are you going to buy these or what?”
“Well, you see — the guys who shop here are your size. We don’t get many fat people here.”

I fully expected my head to pop off at this time!

“Oh, come on! I was never fat! And that is such a shitty thing to say to a customer who is clearly uncomfortable!” I sort of lost it, I guess.

The co-worker girl, stepped in and told me that they would buy half the clothes and she was sorry if they had offended me. Flushed and feeling even more stupid. I thanked her. Riot girrrrrrrl said something like “they were really only complimenting you!” I turned and asked, “but what about everyone else? It’s just not cool!”

…our society is so sex-ist, age-ist and size-ist. Oi! Anyway, they took my “fat” and “dead” clothes and I made enough cash to pick up my Feb MUNI pass and some cold medicine. …as I have one. At any rate, I found it kind of amusing to discover that the bills she gave me were sort of wet and sticky. Fitting.

I gave the rest of the clothes and my broken suit case to these two homeless guys on Market Street. …maybe they can make a tent.

Anyway, it did feel kind of cool to lose those clothes and as I walked home I decided I over-reacted. …probably because I had a fever and was not in the best of moods, but that was just sort of obnoxious. Don’t ya think? ….or, is it just me? Who knows, maybe if I had felt better I might have even been somewhat flattered as riot girrrrrl pointed out. But, it just made me feel humiliated. And, the activist in me was angry and felt bad for anyone who should not fit into this “mold” of what is expected. This is sort of like the feeling I had when I noticed that sales persons in clothing stores treated me differently after I lost some weight. I hope I don’t do that to people.

January 30, 2006. Uncategorized. 15 comments.

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so cool…

  • ride the white horse

    Dessie — thanks for letting us know!!!

    January 30, 2006. Uncategorized. 5 comments.

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    I’VE BEEN TAGGED!!! 5 THINGS YOU NEED TO KNOW ABOUT ME…

    1. I have issues with egg and dairy product, but am ok if we just do not discuss it. I even enjoy omelets and cake, but please do not mention “egg” or “milk”

    2. I can’t go into a movie late. I MUST be in my seat prior to the name of the film releasing company logo comes on the screen.

    3. I am unable to digest garlic. Trust me. It is not fun for anyone if I try.

    4. If there is chocolate involved I am unable to not participate.

    5. My first erection scared me. I was 9 and seated next to my mother watching Barbra Streisand apply make up to Kris Kristofferson in a bathtub surrounded by burning candles in beer cans. After we got home, I told my mom what had happened and that I was worried. She then re-explained the birds and the bees by using my Captain & Tennille poster as the sole graphic for her explanation. …Pointing to either the Captain or Tennille as was appropriate in her description of sexual arousal and intercourse. …I had to take the poster down that night and have never thought of either C or T the same since.

    OK — I tag the following to tell us the 5 things we need to know about them:

    Thomas of Kung Fu Kittens!
    Tim of Non-Stop Tokyo
    Karyn of Karyn Vexed in the City
    Mr. G of Mister G8’s
    and, my dear Dessie at Dessie’s Blog
    Oh, and because I can’t follow rules very well I am most curious to know what Milford might share with us at Digitic Hula Hut!
    I’m also curious to see what Sexy Hot Toddy might share with us!

    Oh, and you’re being tagged cuz Ing tagged me. so, really, it’s her fault. However, you need to do it because I guess milions of dollars are at stake as well as things involving the bellybutton. So, go ahead and list ’em, kids!

    kisses,
    matt

    January 29, 2006. Uncategorized. 17 comments.

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    WRONG ON SO MANY LEVELS…
    …and because i’m bored and trying to think of who to “tag”

    A Real & Most Worrying/Disturbing Hollywood Concept:
    Leslie Nielsen as “high end ‘john'” and Barbra Streisand as “high end prossie” …and to make it all the more surreal, Leslie must attepmt to rape Babs when she refused to surrender a second ride…




    sorry you have to see this, kids…






    putting the butta nails to good use…


    uh,oh.

    well, I offer no additional comment.

    January 29, 2006. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

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    HELL ON WHEELS AT THE CASTRO THEATRE AND BEYOND!!!

    Well, the first “Freaky Friday” night at the Castro Theater was a whole lot of fun! Alan and Milford decided not to join us, but from the minute that Ing, Christopher and I met up we had a blast. …As did about a zillion other people. The Castro almost had a full house! A cute guy from some radio show or something hosted the evening and it was much fun.

    As I mentioned in an earlier post — the opening feature of The Roller Disco Extravaganza was ROLLER BOOGIE!!! This was so much fun to watch. Some of the audience members came in vintage short shorts with roller skates hanging from their shoulders! (no skating was allowed in the theater! D’oh!) —- And everyone had much to yell up at the screen and one couldn’t help but clap their hands and hoot for that plucky little woman/child that was Linda Blair circa 1979! But, for me the best moment in the film was Jim Bray’s “big solo skate number” to some disco song from hell — with a heartfelt face filled with passion, great moves and a red form fitting shirt with the glitter letters of “BJ” — this screen moment brought out the very best and worst of all of us attendance.

    As we watched the painfully thin Jim Bray hoist the hot yet somehow pudgy Linda Blair — Ing and I made a bet. I KNOW I can hoist her up with no problem. Ing is a tiny hot woman! I will be the envy of all the straight guys at the skating rink at Golden Gate Park! However, Ing is quite confident that she can also hoist me up in mid spin! Tho, she has pointed out that she will need a lit cig in the corner of her mouth to do this. That seems fair. My main worry is my natural inclination to be a klutz. I just don’t want to drop Ing while we spin about on skates. There was a pair of rainbow glitter suspenders in ROLLER BOOGIE that I just know would resolve all of the problems and challenges in my life. If I could find those suspenders before Ing and I burn cement in Golden Gate — I think it would help me.

    Ing — Will you be sporting a perm and leg warmers for this experiment?

    Anyway, we LOVED the movie — and stayed on for XANADU. Reggie joined us for the screening of Xanadu. As it turned out, one or possibly two of us had never seen the “artistry” that is XANADU — so some roller disco cherries were broken along with taste barriers.
    …just moments before we were to be Xanaduzzed.

    We all marveled at the way cool cinematic effects of highlighting women glad in Hollie Hobbie meets Flash Dance fashions with yellow and blue lines. It was pretty trippy. XANADU drew in the most people. We even had to move up to the balcony so that we could all sit together. The best moments were when several hundred people suddenly discovered the hidden homoerotic tension between Gene Kelly and the guy from THE WARRIORS. Oh, and Micheal Beck’s hot red short shorts where we could clearly something that he wanted us to see but didn’t want us to know that he knew we could see it. And, when Olivia Newton-John asked Gene Kelly if anyone cared about her opinion, a couple of happy San Francisco folks chirped, “NO!” to the screen. However, the absolute highlight of the screening was when everyone lit up their lighters and cell phones waving them thru the air as Olivia crooned to Zeus that she was totally suspended in time! It was, well, magic.

    As hard as I tried to convince Ing, Christopher and Reggie that we really needed to stay on to see Marsha Brady, Scott Baio AND Ruth Buzzie burn the screen in SKATETOWN USA — the holy grail of roller disco movies (it has never been on DVD or VHS!) they could not be persuaded — all three claimed that they had to be up bright and early. Damn! I so wanted to be set on fire by the 70’s heaviness that was Scott Baio…

    So, we headed across the street to Daddy’s (a really classy establishment that just might be sort of gay) where we hung out till it closed. So much for getting to bed early. But, I hanging out was more fun than the movies! However, I was meeting Kevin at Noon to show him ’round San Francisco. And, I was sort of a walking zombie. But, it was fun. We mostly hung out in The Haight. …and, I took the picture below because I am fascinated by these “art” — what is it? …and, why? Does anyone know????

    Well, hopefully Kevin doesn’t think me a total dullard and I hope that Ing, Christopher and Reggie were able to function at their respective jobs today!

    OK — hope everyone is having a great weekend! As Cher once sang for ROLLER BOOGIE — “…rock out!”

    January 28, 2006. Uncategorized. 13 comments.

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    “YES, BUT IS IT ‘ART’?” …MATT TAKES IT OFF!!!

    Yes, well the opportunity came my way to ‘sit’ for a real photographer in the buff! Well, I mean, I was without clothing. The dude with the camera was dressed the whole time! I’ve been trying to decide how to explain what the experience felt like for me. It was really quite interesting and most cool, but odd all at once. David, the photographer, is quite talented and good at putting his models at ease. So, after I loosened up a bit it was really fun and rather ‘free-ing’ — it was somehow affirming. Yet, not.

    I guess he must have shot close to 300 pictures over the course of 3 hours. Then we reviewed all the shots together. He had this way cool camera that looked like something out of THE EYES OF LAURA MARS, but was actually a really high end digital camera. Instant gratification! We discussed whether or not I was interested in capturing the sensual or the erotic. I just sort of let him guide me through. I am actually rather pleased with the results. Some of the pictures are quite stark. Others are very innoncent. A few are kind of sexy. …I guess. Well, as sexy as I get. None, however really cross into the erotic range.

    It was interesting to see the ones that the artist felt were good shots compared to my own opinions. I noticed that the ones he liked I felt more insecure about. I opted to go with his eyes because I was quite impressed with his photos of other models and I am not so sure we are always our own best critics.

    As I looked at the pictures it struck me that it didn’t always feel as if I was looking at pictures of me. Partly, I think, because the goatee is currently gone and because he had me remove my glasses. …but also because I was seeing myself thru his eyes. …or the eyes of his camera. When I mentioned this sensation to him he explained that our faces change when we are nude and relaxed. What I saw as vulnerable he saw as open. I thought about this and I think he is right. And, well, I guess he should know.

    I was so nervous at first, then he got me to chatting about “Billy’s” vision of me as a Jewish jock in an orange jock strap, basket ball between my knees and menorah at my side — and I laughed. As we talked and he snapped away. I gradually began to feel more comfortable. He never really told me to pose any certain way but more or less guided me.

    He seemed to focus more on what was around me than on what I was doing. Or that might have just been my own perception. At one point he had had us go outside in the chilly San Francisco afternoon on his patio — I was sooooooooo cold, but those pix are really pretty funny — or joyfully chilly. LOL!

    Some, tho, are kind of introspective.

    Of course my insecurities kicked in as I looked at the shots. No, not my feet. But, yes. My nose. Which he seemed to think was cool looking. And my teeth. I hate my teeth. And, not to be rude, but are my balls really that big!?!?! LOL! My favorite picture is probably the silliest. I don’t know what was being discussed but there is a shot of me sort of glaring at him with my eyes on the verge of Popeye like wideness. He had three favorite shots. …that was not one of them.

    Hmmmm… I am no model, but it was an interesting experience. I’d do it again. I think. Exhibitionist? Narciscist? Ugly? Crude? Art Whore? Art Whore Wanna Be? Exploring An Experience? Mabye a bit of all? Who knows. But, it is a memory and I enjoyed it. …I’d probably do it again.

    I’ve debated what to post much on this site. I am not going to post any of the nude shots. Tho, some of the ones I decided to post have been edited. LOL! Not that I am ashamed and David can do whatever he likes with the pix, but if you wanna see me nude — you’ll have to ask, baby! LOL!

    January 27, 2006. Uncategorized. 16 comments.

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    THE HEART IS DECEITFUL ABOVE ALL THINGS

    I’m a essentially a very upbeat/positive person, but like everybody else — sometimes it all just overwhelms me. Or, perhaps sometimes, it even underwhelming me. This has been a particularly bad week. In addition to my own challenges I am finding that my mother is dealing with something that is still a bit unknown. To say I am worried would be an understatement, but I think if things could just run a bit smoother for just a little while I would be able to better think through so many of these feelilngs. Instead, I find myself escaping into music and movies. …the old standby’s for me. It can be so hard. Where is the break? When will the shoes stop falling down? Did I come to the right place? All these questions/concerns pull at me 24/7 right now.

    It’s not all gloom and doom. Things come to us for a reason. And, in the end, it all works out. And to allow yourself to sink into self-pity is just a trap and a total waste of time. On top of that, it is boring and tiresome to your friends. Who wants to be around a sad sack?!?! So you take a deep breath, form a smile and you march on. …and wait. …for that elusive “break” or “good news”

    Oddly, darker art seems to provide me with the best sense of relief. One would think I would be looking to laugh, but focusing on the pain of fictional characters can put it all in perspective without having to exploit the tragedy of real people who are dealing with far worse. Even as a child, I was much happier when I was left at the cinema showing the darker stuff. Spare me the Disney.

    This might be one of the reasons that I so fell into love with the writing of the entity we refer to as “JT LeRoy” — the first book I read was “Harold’s End” which has become one of my favorite works. I then moved on to “his” other works, “Sarah” and “The Heart Is Deceitful Above All Things” —- A couple of years ago one of my fave people, Asia Argento, set out to bring the second book to the screen. She did so with a low budget and the subject matter alone made it next to impossible to find distribution.

    However, after 2 years the film will be getting a limited release to the arthouse cinemas later in the next month or two. I had the chance to view the French version/release yesterday.

    I loved Argento’s first attempt at directing. A sort of self-confessional film called SCARLET DIVA filled with interesting visuals, music and free-from transgressions of anger and sexuality. A sort of confused mess of a movie, but it worked and showed that Argento has a great deal of promise as a filmmaker. And, this feeling of worry and self-destruction to which her work and words hinge make it an interesting ride for sure.

    I am still trying to decide what I think of her adaptation of LeRoy’s Deceitful Heart (no pun intended) — quite flawed, but it works. What works about the film is the interesting way we need to love our parents no matter how horrible they are to us or to themselves. The need to love the one who gave you life is stronger than any horror that that person can bestow upon you.

    Unless one has “been there” it is hard to understand. Tho, clearly JT LeRoy was never really there as “he” is not even real. However, who ever wrote those books seemed to be able to get into the skin of the abused — and the abuser. The fact that Argento played the role of the mother makes it all the more impressive that the film makes one understand the connection between the child and parent. Her performance is clearly inspired by Courtney Love mixed with total white southern trash.

    Unafraid to go the distance — she makes the viewer both angry and empathetic at once.

    Her choices in the casting of the children who portray the son are exceptional. And, her dedication to the text of the book is clear. As a woman who survived what one can only guess was a total nightmare of a childhood she clearly did not want to put the child actors in some of the situations that had to be depicted. She came up with some incredibly creative ways to get these scenes in the film without bringing those kids too far into the scenes. …something which Solondz and Araki didn’t really seem to be too concerned with – tho, in fairness, editing is a wonderful tool. But, even still, it is hard to imagine that their child actors didn’t get a strong sense of what was being filmed. Argento clearly protects her little actors and gets some great performances from them.

    One of the biggest problems with the film is Argento’s intended confusion of the first novel, “Sarah” with the second one which she is filming. I think there is too much information provided from the mother’s perspective which fails to serve any clear purpose. Her performance captures the pain/horrors of Sarah — we don’t need guided audio/visual flashbacks that are provided as the narrative of the first book.

    The other problem with the film is one of the factors which has helped it get a release and backers. Argento is a total “playa” and she seems to be so well connected with all the cool, beautiful and perceived dangerous artists out there. But, the casting of Lydia Lunch as a nurse with one line is a mistake. Sure, Lunch does fine with her one line but you are immediately taken back by the appearance of this fringe icon. Now, I’ve always thought that there was a certain similarity in facial features between Lunch and Argento. If only she had cast her as her character’s mother. That might have worked. But, to cast her in a cameo just seems exploitive and silly.

    When Winona Ryder appears as the manic and uncaring trauma counselor all I could think of was, “Oh, it’s Winona Ryder trying to be edgy” …not sure if this her fault or the fact that her casting has nothing to do with her look or talent — she is a name. She looks nothing like a trauma counselor. Far too pressed, manicured, pretty and wearing high fashion. It makes no sense. Maryilyn Manson is actually quite good and it is his talent that saves his casting. He captures the character and you do not even realize it is him until later. Which should be the point of any casting.

    And, some of the symbolism is over-played. Animated vultures pecking away flesh, arms falling off for the prey of these birds, surreal brooding clouds and rose petals flying thru the air — all too heavy handed.

    But, somehow, Argento captures the pain, sadness, grief and the very sick/twisted bond between the mother and her son. It almost works. It is well worth seeing — I still think this beautiful and talented actress is going to end up a good filmmaker. There is too much talent and drive there. But, for now, I think she is an interesting director with an underdeveloped scope of vision. But the vision is so oddly beautiful and creative one can’t help but look.

    And, of course, I think the Bible is correct. The heart is deceitful above all things which is what makes it so hard in decisions and choices. …and understanding.

    Well, the late Ofra Haza is singing with Iggy Pop so it is probably time I check the laundry and get ready for this afternoon’s interview!!! Fingers-crossed!!! And, please, no more shoes from the sky!!! No time to check for spelling or errors! Be kind to the mistakes!!!

    January 26, 2006. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

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    GUIDANCE COUNSELOR TO THE STARS: MEMO TO ANTONY & THE JOHNSONS!

    Well, my mission continues. My desire to be consultant to the start is just bound to pay off if I keep at it! Right? …stop making fun of me. I can hear you laughing from here. Well, a boy has to dream. As I was walking all 8 of the miles from my interview back to the BART station my iPod Shuffle brought me great inspiration and the need to share this with sweet Antony!

    OK, Antony — you are not really in need of major counseling as I think you are just about perfect!

    Your first CD was great! No wonder Lou Reed and Laurie Anderson were so taken with you!

    …and, that odd little “ep” you released after the first CD was cool — eccentric, odd, fun and interesting. You knew to wet their appetite didn’t you, baby? Good job! A bit of a tiny slip up on that drag queen compilation, but no one noticed so it was ok.

    However, your official second CD, “I Am A Bird Now”

    is the closest thing to genius I’ve heard in years! To be quite honest, I think this CD will turn out to be one of the classics of the era. Beautiful, sad, haunting, stunning melodies and talent spills from every track! If someone is reading this and hasn’t picked it up they need to ASAP. Breathtaking CD and I would find it interesting to meet anyone who could say they just didn’t like it. And, if there is a heaven (and, I hope there is!) Candy Darling is looking down loving your use of her image on the cover! Somehow that lovely/sad picture just totally fits the CD!

    And, you’ve won the Mercury Prize! Congrats! But, honey, this is where my guidance begins.

    1. The publicity of the Mercury Prize is cool and all, but the winning of the prize could spell career doom! Let’s not forget M People won it too. And look what happened with PULP and Suede after they won! Now, is the most important moment in your career! Yes, the all important third album! So, stay cool. This comes naturally to you and stick with that sweet humble attitude when interviewed!

    2. No more photo ops with folks like Bette Midler or game show hosts! Darling, what were you thinking?!?!? Stop it! Also, don’t get too close to OASIS! If you must strike a pose with a Brit Pop Iconic Band — go with BLUR or Radiohead. At least then you won’t have to worry about getting bashed or anything.

    3. Stop courting the mainstream! Think Bjork/Tori Amos with a cock! …in a frock. But, please — don’t write a rambling book with a post-feminist rock critic or allow Catherine Deneuve catch you hiding in a closet trying to eat your costume! And, for God’s sake — stay away from Matthew Barney. Cool artist, perhaps. But, a fragile soul as yours needs to stay away from that level of the avant guard! Bjork can handle it. And, Tori can deal with Trent Reznor — stay away from the dark side!

    3. For your third CD I suggest an album of covers. Yes, yes — well all know what happened when another talented artiste did this — But, poor Sinead should have never tried to work with Eno. That collaboration only sounded good in concept. In theory it was a train wreck waiting to happen. Also, the choice of material covered was just riddled with error and problems. I mean, what were they thinking having her cover Tammy Wynette?!?! Let’s face it! That was a tough order for Tammy herself! No, I’ve some ideas that I feel will promise you much success and you fly right by the Mercury Prize/Third Album Curse!

    4. These are the songs which I feel you should record!
    a. “Boys In The Trees” — capture all that eroticism that Carly’s voice couldn’t convey. She wrote a stunning song, but you can bring all that unrequited lust and longing up in ways Ms. Simon never contemplated! Take it over, baby!
    b. “Love Will Keep Us Together” — get CHICKS ON SPEED to record this track with you. Let them produce and arrange it. Just go with it! It will be way cool! Just hide if you should run into Toni Tennille. I don’t think she will care for it. No need to worry about the Captain. He won’t care.
    c. “Where Will I Be” — you would do great with a Daniel Lanois song!
    d. “Without Your Love” — Yeah, Roger Daltrey’s one solo hit. You know I think it would be as the San Francisco college kids say, “hella cool” if you were to play Roger Daltrey’s record in the background — play it just loud enough so that the listener can just barely hear it. And, you just sing along right by the microphone. Has this been done before? If it hasn’t it should have been and it will rock!
    e. “Do Ya Wanna Funk” — but go acapella on this one! No instruments at all. Just your voice — and slow it down. Take some disco funk and make it sad! Make Sylvester proud!
    f. “Happy Together” …but without any irony. Just sing the hell out of it! Happy! You can do it!
    g. “Ordinary Girl” — but with a chamber orchestra. Maybe Alison Moyet would sing backing/harmony vocal for/with you! That would be tres cool!
    h. “You Don’t Bring Me Flowers” — but duet it with Marrianne Faithfull. Only have her sing the Neil Diamond part and you take on the female portions! This would be really interesting! Just be sure to have plenty of cigs and champagne available for Marrianne!
    k. “Chains” …I know the Carole King songbook may not appeal to you, but imagine this as a duet with Peaches!!!! Yes!!!!
    l. “Coffee Homeground” — twisted Kate Bush song. This is ideal material for you!
    m. And, for the closer, “Strange Fruit” — Now, this one is a very tall order that most screw up! My suggestion is to get an American producer like a Phil Ramone to come up with a really ironic pseudo-samba arrangement. However, you perform this song with the dignity it requires and deserves. This is one of the most tragic and important songs ever recorded. So, treat it right!

    5. It is my opinion that those folks in the UK tend to have better taste when it comes to music and comedy. We are talking music here, but stick with releasing it in the UK first! Make the American market grave it!

    6. Now, the title of this third CD should be “Antony & The Johnsons Under the Covers” — and I see a bed with what looks like a body sleeping under the sheets — with some blood spilling out from under the bed. And, ask Harmony Korine to write liner notes to accompany each song.

    Go forth talented young man and kick some ass!

    No fee required. But you could send me blow up of the cover of your second CD with an autograph. But, please, frame it before you send it to me. Don’t be cheap!

    So, I didn’t get a that job today. I have to say that my $5 shoes looked quite good after I polished them up! Does anyone know of any openings in a celebrity think tank?!?!? I would do well and this! Until that happens — someone! Let me manage your office, but you need to pay me enough to live in this beautiful city!!!!

    January 25, 2006. Uncategorized. 15 comments.

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    THE FURTHER ADVENTURES OF AN UNEMPLOYED IDIOT!

    So, I’ve already been lectured by one friend! LOL! But, I like to share the little things that happen in life. As you all know, I am on a big job search. And am running on close to empty cash wise so I have to be clever. When I first arrived in lovely San Francisco I adapted to my limited budget by eating one to two meals per day. It worked. I took my vitamins and drank lots of water and plenty of caffeine! And, I lost lots of weight!!! And, it has stayed off! Yay!

    Well, I guess since I am back in shape I have to be a bit more cautious about budgeting when it comes to food intake.

    Since yesterday I was doing the two meal a day thing plus my cookie and cup of tea! Well, this late afternoon as I was on the “L” train I felt a wee bit woozy. …Luckily the train was jammed packed because I think I sort of passed out. Whooooosh!!! Everyone was so sweet. In Boston they probably would have just let me lie on a filthy subway floor — but my fellow passengers caught me and laid me down on the row of seats normally used for the physically challenged. Well, I don’t think I was out long at all. I was just really embarrassed. I had to beg the conductor not to call 911 or medics. Luckily it worked after I sat up and showed up him I was OK. I explained that the whole problem was that I had eaten since 9am.

    …other than a Diet Coke while I reviewed the postings in the Chronicle and read about our silly mayor and his disregard for disabled tenants — but I digress. Anyway, this sweet college girl invited me back to her dorm for a nice meal. That was so sweet. It took me a few to realize that I think she was flirting with me. Am always surprised when a woman can’t tell I am gay. But, whatever. It made me feel good because she was a baby! However, it hit me that I had shaved off my goatee on the advice of a head hunter friend and I think that seems to make me look younger. But, I think I might grow one of those soul patches cuz I think they’re hot!

    Anyway, I got off the train and headed over to this little dive and got a slice of pizza. I felt sooooo much better after I ate! So, no more skimping out on that middle meal! Damn! You know, kids — you can save a lot of money by skipping a meal or two!

    I was able to sale my DJ case this morning but had to cut the price. Still, that covered a hair cut and will cover my fun plans for Friday! Yes, a boy MUST have fun! Me, Christopher and Ing are going to share in the splendor that will be the Roller Disco Extravaganza at the Castro Theatre. Alan suddenly has other plans. …Jerk! LOL! And, Milford and Mark are threatening to go to Gold’s Gym to work out. And, yes, they really work out. No cruising. But, on a Friday night when they could see Linda Blair jiggling along to Disco Cher!?!?!? I just don’t get this skewed priorities. But, maybe they will catch up with us after the movie. And, if we are brave enough to stomach the big midnight finale they will join us for that! I mean, Scott Baio, Patrick Swazzzy, Ruth Buzzi AND Marsha Brady (!?!?!) with a bunch of disco roller skaters circa 1978!!?!?!? How can one go wrong???? Seriously! I mean look at Patrick’s arms and Marsha’s hair!?!?!?

    If anyone out here in SF wants to go with — drop me an email! It will be most fun! It will be worth it for she sheer company of both Ing and Christopher!

    ….Hmmm. Dinner or Roller Boogie???? Well, the choice seems obvious to moi!

    January 24, 2006. Uncategorized. 16 comments.

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