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2 MOVIES FOR THE NEW YEAR!

I have more DVD’s than you can shake a stick at! Actually, I have so many that when UPS lost an entire box of them on my move to California I was kind of relieved. I have probably only ever even watched half of them. I can’t sell or trade them in because they are mostly region 2, 3 or 5. But as I was waiting for 2006 to come busting into the morning I decided to watch a few that I’ve had for a long while but have just never gotten ’round to watching.

The above picture is from the first film I watched. The DVD of 1980’s infamously campy film of FLASH GORDON featuring a musical score by Queen, a bad accent from Max Von Sydow, Richard “Riff Raff” O’Brien blowing on a flute and really bad but hot actor as our hero with barely a stich of clothing! You know, I was totally stoned when I saw this a kid. I remembered thinking it was bad, but funny. Well, as an adult pushing 40 I can tell you it is quite bad but one probably needs to be stoned to find anything funny about it. However, it is soooooo homo-fied! Flash in mini leather shorts, Flash in chains with no shirt, Flash doing a sort of homo fight scene with a very young Timothy Dalton — and lots of “warriors” in leather with wings, but it is the wires one can see that are giving them flight.

This movie is so gay! And, Alan Carr had nothing to do with this production. Oddly, Topol (yeah, that old Fiddler on the roof) plays the mad but loveable scientist in a wonderously 70’s kind of jump suit with his chest hair on display for all the world to see! He seems to be totally “coked-up” throughtout the film. A sort of manic energy. Oh, Topol. And such an unfortunate name!

As you see — the producers were threatening us with a sequel. Luckily, that never happened!

And, what better way to see 2005 out than to watch a very young Sondra Locke and Colleen Camp (circa 1976) seduce, torture and ruin the life of Seymour Cassel only to get mowed down by a wreckless van (which comes out of nowhere) as the two dance down a suburban street in bizarre glam make-up to the really odd score created for this B movie from Hell! — and, yes, Sissy Spacek did the make-up and costume work while her hubby helped David Lynch film some of Eraserhead in their garage. And Bill Paxton assisted her with the set dressing! And it was all filmed here in our wonderful city of San Francisco! Fun movie trivia! Anyway, there are so many classic moments in this sexplosion exploitation drive in flick!

…Like Sondra deep throating a banana or the odd way both women eat food in general …and other oddness too creepy to mention here! See it! 70’s mayhem was never this much fun! My dad took me to see this when it came out and Sondra Locke scared me! And, she still makes me a-scared!

All the more fun is the “warning” that appears as the movie starts. I guess someone was trying to defend the general sleazy fun of the movie by presenting it as cautionary tale for the ages. That makes me love this movie all the more! All hail the creators of DEATH GAME!!!

There is no way in hell this movie could ever be made today. A tip of the hat to Ms. Locke and Ms. Camp. No tip for Mr. Cassel — you just know he was having too much fun in that tub and getting all tied up by those wacky bi-chicks! So, kids, next time your wife leaves you alone for the weekend — don’t let Sondra Locke and Colleen Camp into your home! Sure, they look like cute, wet, sweet free love hippie chicks, but they are actually perverted maniacs hellbent on destroying you for kicks! Actually, go ahead and let ’em in! Take a walk on the wild side.

The Final iPod Shuffle of 2005:
“Push It” by Garbage
“Hope There’s Someone” by Antony & The Johnsons
“Moanin’ Low by Babs Streisand
“Goodbye Cruel World” by Shakespear’s Sister
“One Way Or Another” by Blondie
“Cry” by Godley & Creme
“Fucking on the Dance Floor” by Dirty Sanchez
“Hot Burrito” by Emmylou Harris

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December 31, 2005. Uncategorized.

8 Comments

  1. Jon replied:

    I remember watching Flash Gordon on TV when I was a kid… what stands out the most in my mind are those strange black screen-like masks worn by one or some of the characters- I am thinking of the right movie, right??

    Anyhoo, have a hapy new year, Matty!

  2. Dessie replied:

    Shakespear’s Sister? You continue to impress!!

  3. snarl71 replied:

    Godley and Creme. I remember that video….they morphed all those faces together.

    Good times.

    Happy New Year!

    Oh – and Entertainment Weekly rated that 1960’s stoner movie with Greg Brady (where teens take over government and promots LSD use) as one of the top 10 of the year!!!!! You’re so ahead of things Mattie.

  4. ginab replied:

    Yep, the FG. I remember watching or no, I never ever would finish watching FG because my attention span is poor, poor, Poor! I saw the fight-wrestle scene between FG and Timothy Dalton, and I am confident that I squished my nose and turned my head away.

    Ing loves Lynch. One of my favorite moments is in Mullholland Drive…Orbison’s “Crying” in Spanish pops my knee caps, wrings my heart out to dry, endangers those around me given my hands.

    Really, tho, I feel like I should be typing this on your other blog…

    PS: Glad, yeah…Urlich is a damn hero. I love the scene with the old man and the housekeeper in the yard on the anniversary; another moment to wring out my heart. I love the jabberer…how she gets everyone back by persisting. I was terrified for the young non-actress woman who had to dodge or field a radically driven car. I naturally loved the prep and surprise,the you-know moment. Really, I liked her; eating that chicken; the message from her mother; her age…very Tennessee Williams.

  5. ing replied:

    I don’t remember Flash Gordon so much. My childhood was “The Six Million Dollar Man,” and later, “Buck Rogers in the 21st Century.”

    Which one was Sissy Spacek married to? Don’t tell me it was Jack Nance. . .

  6. matt replied:

    Jon — Yes, sir! I do believe you’re thinking of the same movie!

    Dessie — Why, thank you!

    Karl — Always one step ahead, but slip 3 behind!

    Gina – I laughed out loud as I envisioned you squishing your nose and turning away! Smart girl!

    ing – Carrie is married to the “Man on the Moon” who propels our fave story of Eraserhead into motion — and the Man on the Moon is Jack Fisk, set designer/writer/director/etc. ..you know, I think I had a crush on the 70’s Buck Rodgers. What was his name? Gill Gerard or something?

  7. joe replied:

    i loved watching the old black & white flash gordon on tv. now, the movie, however, was just damn gay. I was watching some of it weeks ago, and couldn’t change the channel, cos I was hoping to see the bad acting flash more naked each frame. haha. he’s not bad looking, but definitely only hot looking because of the skimpy uniform. or maybe i just like spacemen.

  8. matt replied:

    Joe – Spacemen are hot! It is that lack of gravity thing!

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