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HORROR… I’ve yet to meet anyone who does not suffer with with at least one phobia of some sort. We all have our issues. I fear I may have more than the “average” person.

There are two things toward which I have a great deal of angst: Refrigerators and toilets. Yes, they scare me. I don’t think there has been a time that I’ve placed a perishable item in the fridge when I didn’t suspect that the “cooling box thing” in that room I don’t like is about to break and ruin my cream filled pastry. It worries me. Folks who know me well would confirm this worry of mine.

But the thing which really gets me is the toilet. The thought of having a toilet “back up” or “clog” on me during or after a flush fills me with panic. The toilet where I now live is at least 20 years old — and it has problems. Aside from stains that I can’t seem to wash away no matter how hard I try it has taken to making a sort of screeching sound after one flushes it. And, in the last couple of months it has taken to backing up. My roommate is very laid back about this stuff and just shrugs it off. As I am not a rent paying roommate at this time and as I am trying to be more “zen” in my approach to life — I try to join him in his attitude of “whatever” when it comes to the moaning toilet. I am not achieving this goal.

At some point in the early hours of the morning I had to go to toilet. I tip-toe’d as quietly as possible so as not to wake A, I did my “business” — then held my breath and flushed. The screech wailed out from the bowels of this ancient plumbing fixture and it started to back up. I let out a sort of panicked sound and ran for the plunger (which, for the record is the FIRST thing I purchase when I move into a new space, but A already had one at the ready) — and frantically plunged away to prevent a mess beyond description. I won and the toilet “accepted” its duty. I washed my hands and crept back down the hall to my room.

Like Eunice Burns in WHAT’S UP DOC? I muttered, “What more can they do to me?” as I tried to fall back into the depth of sleep and dreams.

Oh, and I had a dream in which I secured the best job of my life. I was so happy. And then my boss came running to me to tell me that the world was ending and we had one minute. I asked her if she had any chocolae. …and, then I woke up.

Oh, I think my phone interview went quite well. They told me that they would be in touch with me soon to schedule an interview. And, this is the last time I will bore anyone by writing this, but my fingers are crossed and that St. Anthony medal is in my pocket. It is almost 11AM and I’ve only found one job posting to which I could apply. I’ve been looking since 8AM. This is so getting old.

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August 10, 2005. Uncategorized.

11 Comments

  1. thomas replied:

    oh sweetie, your phobias totally crack me up. but a screeching toilet isn’t a good thing. i feel for you.

    and if the world was ending, you’d want chocolate? hmmm. i wonder what i’d want?

  2. Miss Marisol replied:

    I love that scenario…”Hey, Matt, the world is ending in a minute.” “Yeah, so, you got any chocolate?”
    That’s priceless.

    The toilet phobia is completely understanding…modern plumbing is a feat of unnatural wonder, frankly.

    And the fridge…? Well, I can’t really speak on that since when g8s and I lived together, we used to put anything we didn’t want to deal with in the freezer. We called it “feeding the freezer gods.” Moral: I accept your neuroses because I have more than my fair share.

  3. g8s replied:

    Matt, you kill me! It’s time to forget the job hunt & dedicate all your energies towards making your life an HBO serial. All of those people who used to spend Sunday night watching “Sex and the City” are still waiting for something new — it could be you. And for the record, if the world ends, come find me; I’ll be the one with the chocolate.

  4. digitic replied:

    Heh heh heh heh hehehehehehehhh … you are so funny!

    Kind of concerning sometimes, but funny.

    Does A know you’re dissin’ his toilet?

    Ssshhhhhhhhhh.

  5. The Humanity Critic replied:

    Just passing though, I’m liking the blog by the way.

  6. Jon replied:

    The worst is when you are a guest at a dinner party and clog the toilet, only to be unable to find a plunger and have nasty, filthy water all over the bathroom floor. I think this has to happen to everyone at least once in life, and in the end, it keeps people humble 😉

  7. snarl71 replied:

    Oh, Matt.

    Well, everybody – I can attest to his fridge phobia. We tended to move annually while we were together and there was not an apartment or condo we lived in where he didn’t freak out for the first full week because he was sure the fridge didn’t function.

    Not a single time. It was kind of cute in a predictably neurotic Woody Allen sort of way.

    However, not once in 10 years did we ever need to replace a fridge. With toilets on the other hand, I feel you are justified. You were around TWICE when toilets had to be replaced in our first condo. And both times were when you were home sick during the day. Poor guy. The one time you NEED the toilet to function is when it fails (didn’t the first one literally crumble apart on you?).

  8. joe replied:

    oh you’re kidding. a fridge phobia? well, i have food in fridge phobia, so i guess that’s kinda similar. i used to dread watching my dad grab something from the back of the fridge to eat, i swore it was always something lost in the nether regions of fridge where grey colour fungi grew wild. and i hate backed up toilet, especially as a guest. jon’s right, we’ve all clogged our friends’ toilets at least once! the worst thing tho, are the kiddies who sneak out the bathroom forcing the next person to scream and get busy denying it’s their fault. 🙂

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  10. matt replied:

    Karl — YES! The toilet actually “exploded” — Luckily I had already flushed, but still. Most worrying!

    Miss Marisol, g8s & Tommy — Well, sometimes the only thing that really matters in life is chocolate. And, g8s, it’s nice to know you will be there!

    Milford — Oh I do believe A is fully aware of my worries regarding the toilet. He just doesn’t care. LOL! However, his fridge is all pretty and new.

    Jon — Oh, God. I am going to have nightmares about that! Knocking on many pieces of wood — but this has never happened to me. Scary! I’ve been humbled enough! LOL!

    Humanity Critic — Thank you! I love your handle, by the way.

    Joe — I suspect I migh have developed a similar phobia had I ever ventured into “that room” Strange. For someone who loves food as much as I do — I go out of my way to avoid kitchens. And, I hardly ever think of them excepting when I do have to place something in “the ice box”

  11. Anonymous replied:

    I have a litter box furniture site/blog. It pretty much covers litter box furniture related stuff.

    Check it out.

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