“KEEP PUSHING FORWARD!” he whispers with determination…

I made the phone call to the consulting firm for an update regarding the office manager position. I spoke with the individual who would be boss and he told me that “the vote” came to a tie — leaving them with a literal toss of a coin. In the end, they decided that the other candidate was “a better fit” as there was “concern” that I would not find the position “challenging enough” and they “need” to be sure to hire a manager who they feel will “be there” for a while. He was in the process of sending me an email just before I called. I thanked him and we both wished each other the best of luck.

I sat on the bench. For about 5 seconds I just wanted to cry, but I got a grip and started walking and walking.

Frustration, fear and worries of all sorts were scrambling through my head and then I heard a friendly female voice —

“Hey! Smile! It’s a beautiful day!”

It was an older lady. Like so many people I see here, she seemed a bit eccentric. Her hair was a mass of curls and dyed a deep red. She wore an outfit which somehow made me think of Native Americans. She sported a huge grin on her face and had bright blue eyes.

I smiled.

“You can do better than that! Are you OK?”

I did my best to smile bigger. “I’m fine. Thanks for asking. Just having a rough morning, I guess.”

…and, then, she stepped forward and gave me a hug. She ran her fingers through my hair, gave me a wink and walked on past me.

I had one of those “DID THAT JUST HAPPEN?” moments. I was back in one of those books about The City. I realized that this sort of interaction with a total stranger was probably not likely to happen anywhere other than San Francisco. I felt better. Funny how we can touch other’s lives without ever really knowing it. I felt better. Not great, but I did feel a bit better.

I turned my iPod back on and the first song that came on was “Sweet Blindness” by Laura Nyro which always makes me feel a bit lighter. But it was the following song that really caught me. As sappy as this may sound, Barbra’s cover of “Tomorrow” was the next song. Yeah, that overtly optimistic song from ANNIE which sort of “invented” the proto-type for the Broadway chlid manner of singing that I call the “pseudo belt” sound. Of course, here Babs does a sort of disco-lite cover of the song.

Was my iPod speaking to me? Another funny thing about this is that a friend just asked me if Streisand had ever recorded this song. Actually, I believe he asked me just a day or so ago. Hmmmm…

Then I noticed the parking sign and I took a picture of it.

I sat down on the next bench and tried calling a recruiter who a friend of a friend had suggested I call. She and I have been playing phone tag for weeks. She actually answered. She seemed psyhed to connect with me so I see her on Monday at 10AM.

And, of course, there is still the other possible position pending. However, I don’t have the “energy” to call on that one. I will just wait for them to call me.

But, for now — I am eating a HUGE chocolate cookie and drinking a large-sized Diet Coke.

I deserve it.

Deep breath and pushing forward with hope.

Shit. Someone is going to have to hire me sooner or later. Right?

Now, I need to track that sweet lady down and bond with her! Dammit!

August 4, 2005. Uncategorized.


  1. Anita replied:

    Oh, I love that lady. God Bless her. Maybe it was God giving you an uplift. If not, I probably sent her to you. I’m pulling so hard for something (but the right thing to happen for you). You know you always have a place for as long as you need it or want it.
    Lots of love with hugs

  2. g8s replied:

    Hugs and chocolate… God is in the details?

    You have that irrepressible spirit I wish I had for myself. Things will work out for you & when they do, it’ll be better than you can imagine; there’s so many people pulling for you.

  3. Anonymous replied:

    do you have a pic of you eating the cookie?

  4. Anonymous replied:

    I can honestly tell you from personal experience, Angels appear in many different ways !
    I am not kidding !
    Whenever the time is right, you will get what is Best for you.! ! !
    God is on your side…if you give him your totall trust.
    As Anita has said, you got that lift when it was most needed.
    What a wonderfull grandma/angel !One can say, you got kissed by an Angel ! ? How many can say this ? hmmm ?
    Love & Hugs

  5. Hot Toddy replied:

    Hang in there. If I were there I would hug you too, and I would also blog about it to make sure Thor’s mom likes me 😉

  6. Miss Marisol replied:

    That man’s explanation for why they chose the other person for that job is kind of a backhanded compliment. He basically said that he thought you were too good for them. And, you are.
    I know you probably have some anxiety about getting a job right now, but it will work out. I just know it…

  7. Robert replied:

    You have come a long way Matt. Can’t stop now. We’re all cheering for you!!!

    RAH RAH RAH, GO GO GO!!! You can do it Matt. You CAN! Just a little longer then everything will pay off in the end!! Really!!!

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