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THE HORROR OF SIX FEET UNDER

OK, so if you’ve not yet watched the final episode of “Six Feet Under” — and you plan to do so — skip this post because I am about to provide a couple of spoilers.

I have to be honest. I was not that impressed with the closing show. Somehow it all got wrapped up too easily. All of these horribly disfunctional people suddenly came together and seemed to resolve all of their issues. It was too easy. Suddenly with an offer to change career/life plans for her mother the daughter managed to turn 60+ years of sour frigidness into an easy-going pseudo-hippie full of love and life. A dream changed a deeply disturbed and angry woman into a mother at peace with her dead husband, her frail children and her life. A trauma victim skips what most would feel requires some hospitalization by a simple dream and pulls himself together. And, suddenly, a self-absorbed brat turns into a caring daughter, sister, friend and lover. All in 65 minutes. What gives? It just seemd to simple and tidy for a show that was so filled with angst, anger and turmoil. Granted, I’ve only ever seen the final season — but this one unhappy group of people!

However, I have to tell you that the 10 minute wrap-up where we see as far as 80 years into the future and watch all of the major characters as they pass away into death — despite bad old age make-up (where did the budget go?!?!?) and why-O-why does the future always look like one of those “mod” 1972 homes. Kids, that look is never going to happen. It’s too white and plastic-looking — but anyway, that 10 minute ending got to me. In fact, it gave me nightmares. I woke up in a cold sweat this morning at 3am. I guess I was already disturbed by the death of the older brother who, I believe was to have been born the year before me. So, my age — and with the same blood disorder that I inherited from my father. And, the character ends up dying from it — AVM in the brain equals stroke. So, that sort of bothered me. But, then seeing the younger brother who was to have been born a year after me die. It must have freaked me out more than I realized.

I am-a-scared of dying. However, I would much rather die at a picnic table imagining my deceased life partner playing football than to be gunned down while carrying money out of a Brinks truck. That death would suck. Actually, I guess I would prefer the death of the really little but cute mortician who just sort of falls down while on some sort of solar cruise. Oh, and was it just me or did anyone else notice that his wife just stayed in the lounger and watched him fall. …she didn’t get up. Or did I miss it.

However, despite my fear of death — I don’t want to live to be 105. No, that is a bit too long I should think. However, the way my luck seems to work — and, trust me, I don’t think I have bad luck. I just have odd luck. I bet I end up living to be 108, incontinent and in some crap senior home — and, of course, some large weatherman/morning news anchor will show up to film me failing to blow out the candles on some horror cake made by the Salvation Army. He will ask me if I have any advice for living such a full life and I will respond in an inaudible manner. He will chuckle. Pat me on the back and say, “Thank you! A very happy birthday to you, my friend! Back to you Darcie!” …I will try to slap him, but he will think I am trying to touch/connect with him and he will hug me. Yeah, this is probably how it will play out.

August 30, 2005. Uncategorized. 10 comments.

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HAPPY DANCE!

…is just what I did when I discovered that I am a size 31 again!!!! YAY!!! I took two pairs of my “work pants” in for alterations. Am having the lady take them in to waist size 32. She wanted to bring them in to a size 31, but I guess the cut would look silly or something. She has warned me that they will still be a bit loose. …but, Kids, one pair was a size 36 and the other a size 34! Progress!!!! So, I ventured into a cool thrift shop. Saw a pair of Calvins for $5 so I tried them on. They were a size 31 and I still had room!!!! WOW! And, then, for the hell of it — I tried on what used to be my “normal” size tshirt, medium. …It fit! YAY! The t-shirt was $2. So, I now have a pair of jeans and a t-shirt that actually fit me!!!! I still need to lose more, but I don’t do the scale thing. However, I have more of a tire than I should. So, I will just continue on as I’ve been continuing!

So, quick inventory: Health. Check. Great friends. Check. Job. Check. Benefits. Check. Losing Weight. Check.

So, at this point the only major thing lacking is romantic love. I don’t think one can really “look” for that. I mean you have to stay “out there” but that sort of love either finds you or it doesn’t. I hope that for all of us — it does or that it has. For when it comes to romantic committment — one can only love and pursue.

But, I’ve got the things that matter! I am sure the other will fall into place.

August 28, 2005. Uncategorized. 13 comments.

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A NIGHT OF CELEBRATION

…because I am now employed! Full time with benefits! Yay! No details on the blog, but like Mary Tyler Moore —- I’m going to make it after all! Yes!

My pal, Milford, took me out on the town tonight to celebrate! We had a great time! We had dinner at a really nice place called PAUL K —- and Milford gave me a gift of a way-cool paperweight and my fave candy from the south!!!

THEN — as a surprise — he treated me to an evening of cabaret at Club Fugazi on Green Street in North Beach! We saw the long-running San Francisco show, STEVE SILVER’S BEACH BLANKET BABYLON!!!! It was really funny and there was quite a bit of talent under those huge hats and 6 foot tall wigs! I guess this show has been running since 1975 at Club Fugazi! …and, it appeared to be close to standing room only tonight!

Please note the Blanket Babylon Chocolates… Yes, kids, I had sugar tonight! But we were celebrating!


…this box contained really good chocolate truffles which I ate as I watched a warped story of Snow White trying to find a straight lover in SF —- she ends up with Elvis.

Big kiss to Milford for creating such a great evening! I had been quite worried, tho. Whenever someone tells me that they are taking me out for a surprise my CARRIE-complex kicks in and visions of silly prom dresses and pig’s blood fill my head! Luckily, no buckets of blood, chanting of “They’re all going to laugh at you” or flinging fem napkins were involved. Just large women in huge headgear belting out great songs! Much fun!

And, tomorrow I will be seeing the premiere of a new bit of theatre, “Mapplethorpe” — a one man show about the infamous art showing of 1990. …or was 1989? Anyway, am psyched to be seeing it! Oh, and ushering at the Post Theatre Thursday night was actually pretty fun. We were given a cool story about a crazy usher and a very upset diva otherwise known as Bebe Newirth (sp?) — all in all — this has been a most excellent week!!! …an undertatement!

Now it is time for sleep!!!

August 27, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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AN AWESOME BLOG!

  • this …is a great blog. Not sure how I manged to miss out on it for so long — especially as LaurenAbove and I seem to read many of the same blogs! If you’ve not visited, check it out. Her site rocks — actually, she looks a bit like a rock star in her profile picture! Why can’t I look cool?!?!?

    August 25, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

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    A BALL GAME

    Wow! I actually enjoyed it! LOL! The SBC arena is fantastic! It is so cool to be able to look out at the bay as the game is played. The boats and yachts go by and there is this great breeze that blows off from the ocean. Tho, it did get quite cold. I was advised to layer — which I did. The fans seemed much more “tamed” than the ones I’ve seen at Red Sox games, but just as passionate. There were over close to 37,000 people there. It really is a beautiful arena with state of the art stuff all over! And, so very clean!!! Palm trees, the bay, sunshine, cool/cold breeze and really good food options. Great place.

    Sadly, they lost. I believe the score was 7 to 4.

    And, for the record, I did not fall asleep! Tho, I might have said one or two dumb things. LOL! However, I think I now understand the basics of the game! And, of course — as I knew it would be. I had a great time just hanging out with this really cool guy I’ve met. We’ll see what happens with that in time. But, for now I am enjoying it all.


    …this is a statue of Willie Mays. I gather he is/was a popular figure in the world of baseball.


    …this is statue of someone that I had never heard of, but I love the way that the statue was placed with him throwing the ball out to the bay. …also, he appears to have had a great butt.


    …the scoreboard which caused many cries of sorrow at night’s end.

    August 25, 2005. Uncategorized. 10 comments.

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    BEST FRIENDS

    I am blessed with a good many friends. In the end, our friends provide us with love, laughter, easy shoulders and a sometimes very much needed kick in the ass — in ways that our ‘traditional family’ members cannot. I used to be able to label one or two people as my “best” friends, but over the course of the past six months I’ve come to realize I have a number of “best” friends.

    I live with one. I have another who I’ve only known for a very short time, but who I would trust with my life — and, for whom I would do anything. Another friend who I sometimes think of as my “Fairy Godfather” I even have a few who I’ve never really met (as of late I’ve come to suspect that I must have had a past life in OK because they both live there!) There are two others with whom I’ve worked for a number of years. Tho, a bit complicated — I shared a large portion of my life with someone who despite the understandable “awkwardness” that I sometimes feel — will always be dear friend. I’ve a couple from my wayward youth who opted to stay in Texas. However, there is one person who knows me so well. So well, in fact, that I think she knows me better than I do. We’ve saved each other more than a few times and have seen each other thru some fairly tragic and horrific times as well as shared some very happy ones.


    this is me with her…

    She has been in the Silicone Valley on a business trip and we’ve been able to hang out for the last two nights. Tonight, we had to say goodbye. I despise “goodbyes” and suck at them. I walked her to her rented car, pushed her into it and ran to the subway station as fast as I could.

    Today was a great day for a number of reasons and tonight was such fun. However, saying goodbye was a real bummer. Luckily, I ran into another best friend as I was waiting on the Castro MUNI Station platform feeling down because I know I probably won’t see Beth again for at least a year or so. And, he was able to do what even ABBA could not — he made me feel better with a hug, a smile and a few minutes of chatting.

    Anyway, here’s to best friends and the joy they bring to life’s journey!

    Oh, and I (yes, that would be me) am going to a baseball game later tonight! …And, I say this with all honesty and no irony — I’m looking forward to it! True, the company plays a major factor in that — but it is always fun to have the chance to share in another person’s love/passion for something. Let’s just hope he doesn’t realize how clueless I am about the game.


    …two other good friends. tho, I fear Ms. Jolie may have feelings for me and I would never want to hurt The Bradster!


    …Yeah, David’s small.

    August 24, 2005. Uncategorized. 7 comments.

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    THE MAGIC OF THE SAN FRANCISCO SEA LIONS

    After the horrible 1989 San Francisco earthquake “wild” sea lions started taking over a section of the piers at Fisherman’s Warf. At first it was just about 20, but within days there were 50 and it soon multiplied to over 100. It is thought that where ever they were living prior to the earthquake was lost to a change in the environment triggered by the earthquakes. The sea lions had no where “to dock” Now, this was an area where rich men docked their yachts. But this is San Francisco so the rich men and their yachts were made to leave and the Pier 39 was given to these beautiful, loud, smelly, mean and wonderful creatures. When I moved here back in 1997 this story, or history, really intriqued me. I thought it was so amusing that these wild creatures would want to make the city’s biggest tourist area their home. And I loved the fact that the city welcomed it so easily. And, for some reason, despite the noise (they are LOUD), the stench (they smell BAD), their habits (they can be really mean to eachother and do fight quite a bit) and all of the tourists who crowd up to see them (come on, none of us enjoy hanging around tourists unless we are the tourists or the tourists are our friends/family — admit it! Own it! LOL!) — I found a great deal of comfort in their chaos. I spent hours at this spot watching them, writing in my journal and just thinking. I fell in love with them.

    For whatever reason, I have avoided going to visit this site since I moved back here. I kept planning on taking the F train there, but just didn’t. Vic and a couple of other friends had suggested we go out there, but I always found somewhere else to go. Not sure why.

    You can’t feed them and you certainly can’t harrass them as the signs advise.

    A person who I am rather quite like suggested we take in an outdoor screening of VERTIGO tonight. We were to meet at 6pm. I left about 3 hours early because I can’t trust the “M” train on Sundays and I also wanted some time to visit the sea lions. It was a great start to a really nice evening. The screening was held in the “courtyard of The Cannery which separates the vast building into two parts. Once we got there I did sort of remember it. However, as my friend explained, there was a fire several years ago which caused damage to the structure so it did look a bit different. Also, a lot of the stores and restuarants which I remembered are gone. There is a HUGE In&Out Burger in that area now! And I walked by the first place Karl worked when we first lived there. It used to be a real estate office, but is now a hair salon. I don’t think I was confused about where I was, but I guess I could have been off by a block. However, I doubt as I went there quite a bit.

    We had dinner outside at a restaurant called The Blue Mermaid and were able to watch the movie from there. VERTIGO was fun to watch as it showed some great shots of the city circa the late 50’s. So much has changed and yet so little all at the same time. The film was very long and quite corny — am not sure I see why people love it so much. REBECCA is by far the better Hitchcock film. However, the cinematography and the musical score were great — and the sheer “corniness” did make it fun to watch. And, to be honest, I probably was not all that focused on the movie anyway. So, I should possibly give it another chance sometime in a more appropriate setting.

    The sea lions still warmed my heart, the movie was fun, the food was delicious and the company was the most important part of the day. I think this might have been the best evening I’ve had since I’ve been back in San Francisco. It was the first time since I’ve been here that I didn’t feel queasy due to my unemployed situation — I was relaxed and in “the moment” of the evening. It was great. Tho, I was freezing by the time we got on the train! LOL! I always forget how chilly it gets!

    My friend Beth arrived a few hours ago and I will be seeing her tomorrow afternoon/evening thru to when she leaves this Wednesday! Am all excited about that!

    And, I guess I will know if I am to be hired by the place for which I want to work by Tuesday or Wednesday. I sure hope they hire me! LOL! I am a great worker. They won’t be sorry if they do! But, if they don’t — I will find a job. Just wish I could stop thinking about finding one and start focusing on doing one. It will all work out! I have faith.

    August 21, 2005. Uncategorized. 10 comments.

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    DID YOU SAY “PIG” OR “FIG”?

    ….”Pig” replied Alice.

    The two works which explore the head of Alice are among my favorite works of literature. Both work on so many levels and reveal something new each time I read them. It’s funny. The only books I “re-read” are ones which are often perceived as “children’s stories” but are anything but. I also place a very high value on THE LITTLE PRINCE. Tho, it is all light, hope and love. Lewis Carroll’s visions are dark, highly sexual and most worrying.

    Ok, so I believe it was my good friend, George, who first mentioned Jonathan Miller’s BBC adaptation of ALICE IN WONDERLAND to me and suggested that I check it out. I bought a copy back in February. I watched it this evening and I am totally creeped out. This 1966 made for British television movie is so strange and disturbing. No real special effects to speak of — just odd camera angles and interesting sets. The “animals” are played as people. And none of the actors ever look at each other. The only exception is when a character will sometimes glance at Alice.

    Alice is played by this beautiful but really freaky looking little girl. I would guess she is about 13 years old. She is made to look bored and lost through out the film which is really one long nightmare. Essentially, the young girl triping thru her own psyche. Tuned in to the time of the emerging late 60’s, Miller has Alice forever pondering over who she really is — she keeps forgetting. This is actually a major theme of the movie. They music is all sytar. And, yet, it somehow is not dated. It could have been filmed yesterday.

    Although, not at all faithful to the novel — in a strange way I think it might be the most faithful adaptadation of the source. What it fails to represent visually and word-for-word is more than “made up for” by the sheer atmosphere and mood of the piece. Disturbing on the verge of being funny, but far too sinister and odd to ever make you laugh, Miller created one of the strangest films I think I have ever seen. The voice overs of Alice are so odd — much of the time in the form a whisper that one can barely hear. I was watching with headphones and I am not sure I would have heard all of what she was whispering had I just been listening to the stereo TV speakers.

    The film really makes you feels like you’ve slipped into some striking black and white Freudian nightmare filmed. The drug and sex undertones are fully represented. But even more strange than ususal. It all made me think of David Lynch — excepting that this was made good decade before Lynch would release ERASERHEAD on an unsuspecting world. Anyway, if you like the odd and enjoy Lewis Carroll, I think you will really like this little movie. I do believe it was recently or will soon be released in the US by BBC Video.

    I fear that my iPod is no longer in sync with my days! However, I think that is probably a good thing. LOL! I didn’t put it on until I reached the beach this afternoon and these are the first 10 songs I heard as I watched the ocean waving.

    iPod Random Shuffle:

    “No More Olives” by Tosca
    “Time” by Mary J. Blige
    “Heavy Metal Parking Lot” by 20 Minutes With My Dad (has this group ever recorded anything else???)
    “You’ve Got Her In Your Pocket” by The White Stripes
    “It’s A Hard Knock Life” from ANNIE:the movie (stop making fun of me. I like it.)
    “Far Away” by Cranes
    “Afro Blue” by Lizz Wright
    “Lady Flash” by The Go! Team
    “Make It With You” by Bread
    “Mandate My Ass” by Le Dust Sucker

    See? No connection to each other or to me — the songs are simply random and rather eclectic. Looks like the mystic connection has faded!

    Today was not too exciting, but it was what I wanted — to just relax and chill-out. I slept till about 10am. The weather was beautiful and cool. I spent the first part of the afternoon searching for a Chinese herbal supplement. I had no luck. Maybe on Monday. The two places that would have it were closed. Then I made my way to the beach. Wrote in my journal, watched an experty kite flyer and chatted with a cool lady who had a cute little dog that liked my feet. I was actually quite cold, but stayed for a good amount of time. I returned a phone call to my friend, Tom, who was wandering about Manhattan. He was hot and sweating while I was literally on the verge of shivering!

    Then I did some exploring in the outer Sunset area. I find those houses so interesting. Not sure why. Did my laundry and just finished watching the above mentioned movie which is certain to produce strange dreams. That actress was most disturbing! Just look at her haunting little face!

    I am excited about my plans for tomorrow. Meeting up with a friend — and we are to go to some place called The Cannery. ??? And, we will be watching a free outdoor showing of VERTIGO — which I’ve never seen! So this should be cool and I know I will enjoy the company, too!

    August 21, 2005. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

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    A GREAT EVENING!!!

    After such a challenging week, I had a really cool time last night. Spent yesterday afternoon hanging out with a friend who then shared a ticket with me to see an aweome concert at the New Conservatory Theatre. We saw Wesla Whitfield, who is an outstanding singer and performer. I was ashamed that I was not familiar with her work, but she was amazing! It was a great afternoon/evening. Like a goof I left my program in my friend’s car. I hope he saves it for me! Yes, I save programs to everything I see. Memories!

    Actually, the whole day was pretty good! While the interview I had yesterday morning was another long one — I think it went really well. A busy but positive vibe — I think it would be a great place to work. Now, let’s see if they think I would be a great person to work there! LOL! I’ve got everything crossed!!!

    I think I am growing weary of interviewing. It seems that they keep getting longer and longer!

    Tonight am meeting up with Milford and Alan — we’re seeing 2046 on the big screen. I’ve seen this film several times via DVD, but am dying to see it on the big screen. It has taken so long for this film to make it to the US. Let’s hope Milford and Alan like it or I might be in trouble!!!

    My pal, Bethie, is coming over from Boston for some business training starting on Monday! So, I will be hanging out with her every evening thru Wednesday! Am very much psyched about that!!!

    OK — giving myself a break from the job postings and am headed out to the beach with my iPod!

    August 19, 2005. Uncategorized. 7 comments.

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    WELCOME TO MY NIGHTMARE…

    The “Big Interview” — for starters the train decided to stop for 30 minutes. No big deal. I always give myself a great deal of extra time. But, then I realized that I had made a mistake regarding the location of the building. So, I rushed over to the nearest bus stop only to be told by a would be fellow passenger that there would not be a bus for about an hour. She was just reading her book and enjoying the breeze. So, I rush toward the correct location of the building. This means I was rushing up quite a set of hills. …in a full suit. …in just a bit of a panic. But, it is OK. I made it to the building 20 minutes before the interview is scheduled to start.

    However, I have started to sweat. Once I start sweating, it is next to impossible for me to stop. This happens even if I am not nervous. I sweat like a pig once I start. Pretty.

    Ugh.

    A pocket pack of Kleenex and 15 minutes later I sort of have my sweating under control. I walk into the office space and discover that the plans have been changed again due to client needs. No big deal. Turns out I WILL meet with the CEO/President last. The interviews go VERY well. Am feeling really good about things. I even manage to navigate thru the whole “we are concerned you might not be challenged” issue on the winning side. 1.5 hours later it is time to meet with the Big Guy.

    I am used to and comfortable working for and with egos. No big deal. I even rather enjoy it, but I do have my limits.

    After keeping me waiting for close to 20 minutes, The Big Guy (let’s call him “BG”) walks into the conference room. We seem to hit it off. He fires off some challenging questions and I think I did well with all of them. We discussed the scope of the position and his business. We discussed my short and long term career goals. We discuss his concern that I will not be challenged. He tosses out some examples of challenges and asks me how I would deal with them — I do believe I passed everything with flying colors. We’ve been “talking” about 40 minutes. We discuss salary and a potential start date.

    …I am thinking I have this one! Thanks to the Creator! I think I’ve got a job!!!!

    He finally asks if I have any questions. I do. I ask them. He “seems” impressed and answers. I’ve stroked the ego and worked my knowledge of his industry and business. Looking and feeling good. I am thinking we are done.

    Then — silence. Awkward silence.

    BG begins to draw little squares and circles on my resume.

    Less is more. So, I sit patiently while projecting all that psych crap about being “open” and “relaxed, but poised” — and, then, the silence is broken. I am putting the conversation in quotes, but I may be off a bit as I wasn’t taking notes.

    BG: “How would you project the revenue I can anticipate from my tenants? I mean, across the board.”

    What in the hell?!?!?

    me: “Well, it would be a bit different for each tenant as one might only be leasing a small amount of square footage and require very little support. While another might take up a quater of your space and require a great deal of support. I –”

    BG: “Excellent answer! How would you break it down?”

    me; “Well, I would need to better understand all of the services and support the firm provides to be sure I am not missing something which would be key. However, my thought would be to break it down to rent, tech support/service, administrative support/service, catering, supplies and plug in a misc until I had a more detailed understanding because extra needs or demands will always come up.”

    BG: Looks interested, but seems to be waiting for more…

    me: “I am strong with Excel, but no wiz. That being said, I would create a simple spreadsheet. Establish a tab, or workbook, for each tenant. Use a simple layout per month for the breakdown we discussed. Each tenant would have a grand annual total and total for each type of service we provide both annual and monthly. Then I would link the pages (or tabs) together to give you a roll-up or wrap-up sheet with all the totals calculated for easy review.”

    BG: “Excellent.”

    me: “Essentially, I would just want to capture all of the services we provide and project the revenue you might anticipate for the year. However, if I understand, the revenue you receive increases depending upon how well your tenants do with the stock market. Correct? So, a simple sheet like this may not do the trick. I suppose your finance team has all of that covered, tho.”

    BG: “Yes. That is correct. I am going to bring you to my office and I would like for you to create this projection for me. Let’s say we have 10 tenants and they are paying $60.00 per square foot. Then create what you just explained.”

    me: “OK.”

    Now, I am thinking to myself, “why?” — but I can’t decide how I want to play this. You see, none of this has anything to do with the job for which I am applying. I had just met with the Finance person and there is a small team in LA who handles all of this. They are accountants. But, I pick up my brief case and we walk down the hall. I’ve been working with these kind of guys all of my professional career. You don’t want to challenge them, but you also don’t want them to think that you will be their puppet or you lose their respect. The problem was — I stumpled over my words. Not cool and it sent me into a small panic. Which, of course, give him the upper hand and indicates that I am intimidated. Not a good thing with guys like this.

    I pause before entering his office.

    BG: “What’s wrong? Do you mind doing this? It won’t take you long.”

    Hmmmm… Trick question? Can’t tell. ..but here comes the fumble!

    me: “No, I don’t — well, uh — You know, I guess I am wondering why we’re doing this. Can you explain the purpose? Is this something with which you would like the position to become involved?”

    BG: (good ol’ boy laugh) “No, just curious to see what you will create for me.”

    Still. Not a clue.

    me: “Oh, but it would just be what I explained to you excepting I would think it makes more sense to do the excercise with only 3 tenants because I was told you have a meeting soon and I have another appointment this afternoon.”

    BG: “Sure. 3 is fine.”

    Damn, dude. Throw me some sort of bone. Stepping up to his huge desk, BG boots up his pc.

    me: “BG, I would never want you to perceive this in the wrong way — but I would like to ask you a question. Straight up. No attitdue intended.”

    BG: (not looking up) “Sure.”

    me: “Well, I am trying to understand if there is an angle to this test. Do you think I don’t know how to use Excel or is this an HR type of thing that I’m not getting? I am only asking because I am quite interested in this job and I am not sure I understand the purpose of this spreadsheet. I mean, it is going to be very basic and it is my understanding from you and the other members of your team that this is not something you are looking for this position to do. In addition, it isn’t really even applicable because of the way you collect revenue from your tenants. I am not following the logic.”

    well, in a dynamics sense — I just scored a point. he wasn’t expecting this line of “attack” — HE stumbles. …but he has a job and IS the Big Guy. so, in the end, this doesn’t really matter at all.

    BG: (obviously surprised — he stumbles) “I understand and appreciate what you’re — but. I guess I am — well. You know what, Matt? Why don’t you let me worry about the point. If you don’t want to do it you don’t have to. What’s it going to be?”

    Wow! Dukes up! Now, at this point I have decided I do not want to work for this guy. I can handle ego. I can handle Type A, B, C or D. But, I need for leadership to be clear and upfront. I also don’t want to be in a situation like this before I’ve even gotten the job! Jesus! However, I decide I want to blow BG away. I don’t want to give him any satisfaction. He wants a spreadsheet that means nothing — I will give it to him. And, too, maybe there is some logic here that I am missing. so….

    me: “Oh, BG — No! This is not a problem. I was just curious. Let me at it!” (big shit-eating grin)

    BG: “That’s my man!” (equally big smile)

    …hmmm. who’s dick is bigger anyway? LOL! Or maybe he can piss farther than me. This is such bs from BG.

    me: “I’ll be done in 5 minutes.”

    BG: “Great!”

    I start and am focused on getting it done quickly and without error.

    Then the individual who is leaving the position for which I am applying pokes her head in and says, “What is he having you do?!?!?” I tell her. She rolls her eyes and asks, “Are you OK with this?” I tell her I am fine. She then smiles and says that she’s never been allowed on that side of his desk.

    She walks away and then the individual to whom I would report walks in and says, “Why is he having you do this?” I explain that I do not know. She blushes and tells me that he is in a client meeting for the rest of the day. She then apologizes for his having me to do this and states that she does not understand why he is wasting my time. I tell her it not a problem. I wink at her and joke, “I guess he is testing my basic Excel skills” We both laugh. She shakes her head and walks away.

    Approx 6 minutes later I’ve completed the sheets — now I just need to link formulas for the wrap-up page. And, then, I freeze. I mean I FREEZE.

    I can’t remember how to link formulas. A complete blank. I try using the “help” function which should give me the answer to this very simple task. But, I can’t think anymore. I am panicked. I just don’t know how to do it. I can feel my face flush, my heart is racing and sweat is about to bead up on my forehead.

    SHIT. I am a deer in the headlights.

    SHIT! I CAN’T do basic Excel! …at least not at this moment.

    I try counting back from 10. I try to think of the adsurdity of this test to lighten myself up. But nothing works. I am screwed. I can’t think of how to do it. I look at his marble desk clock — I’ve been sitting there for 15 minutes. If I stay any longer it is going to just look bad. So, I save my work and leave his office in defeat. He has won.

    I walk by and chat with my would be boss and tell her that I failed BG’s test. I tell her that I just drew a blank — that I guess I was just nervous after the interviews and being caught off guard. I tell her to let him know that I am sorry and I stressed that I do know how to link sheets — normally. We both laugh. She tells me not to worry about it.

    …but I know that sealed the deal. Or, rather unseals it.

    Excuse my language, but FUCK. LOL!

    I was so upset as I walked back into the cool breeze of the day. I felt sick and ashamed. I felt defeated. A quick phone call to vent and to find out what it was I was forgetting about linking. …but one call and I remember — it is the “=” sign.

    why me? LOL!

    Well, tomorrow is another day and another interview. Maybe they will ask me to answer a phone and I will forget how to pick up the receiver.

    You know, this style of interviewing is tough enough — to throw a curve ball like this seems rather sadistic. However, I guess one could perceive that it is a test of how well someone operates under “a sort of pressure” — or it could be a test to see how much bullshit an applicant will eat. …I am just not sure which way the BG is looking for the applicant to go. Does he want the candidate to eat shit or refuse and take a stand on principle? I suspect he actually wants the manager to eat shit.

    I don’t eat shit.

    Either way, it matters not. I failed. I forgot to enter the “=” symbol to link the cells to the wrap-up page.

    Oi! I’ve never done well with tests. Some things never change.

    Back to the Drawing Board!

    August 17, 2005. Uncategorized. 9 comments.

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