Sometimes I feel like I am in this state on both the literal and metaphorical levels all the time. However, I know that isn’t really true. Tho, I do get lost quite often. I decided to go for a nice walk and I got very lost today.

When you get lost in Boston it’s really no big deal. Boston is such a small city that you will find your way fairly quickly. In Manhattan, you’re blessed with the grid system — so you can usually find your way provided you get a sense of which direction to go. Here in San Francisco I have to admit that I find it a bit more challenging to find your way. After roaming about in some fairly “unblanced” areas I found Polk Street (A LANDMARK!!!) — and came across this Onion news box which had been recently decorated with a sticker. It caught my eye so I snapped a picture.

When you do feel lost — you need to keep pushing forward until you find the path to bring you home. Stay cool and press on, young man! …Or, Stay cool and press on, you 30-something, you!

July 29, 2005. Uncategorized. 9 comments.



The interview went very well. It is down to two candidates. Me and another. So, I will most likely not know until early next week because they want to take a vote.

And, so — I wait. Fingers crossed, nails in mouth and focused on positive energy. I think I would be a great fit for this position and firm, but this stuff is so subjective. Hurry up and wait. It wouldn’t be so bad if I didn’t want it so much — of course this is at the root of all things.


July 28, 2005. Uncategorized. 8 comments.



July 28, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.



My friend, Vic, feels that this is the ugliest piece of “art” he has ever seen and it saddens him that it holds such a prominient place in the city. I understand his viewpoint, but I kind of like it. It is so odd that I enjoy looking at it. In addition, it is an interactive fountain which is designed so that you can walk inside and around the structures as the water pours forth. You can’t see this due to my lacking skills as a photographer. Also, for some reason, the fountain was off. They are setting up for some sort of event. It is either going to be a jazz festival or a special farmer’s market. …at least that is what the homeless guy told me.

Update on interviews: My interview today went well — ran for just over an hour and I made “the cut” and am being asked to return next week to meet with one of the firm’s officiers. However, I’m not sure I “bonded” or “connected” that well with the individual who interviewed me. Tho, I must have done well enough to still be in consideration — I think I have a much better shot at the job for which I have my second interview tomorrow. So we shall see!!! This will be another committee interview. It is a good thing I am not shy.

I was not at all nervous — until AFTER the interview as I was walking down Market Street and I had a mini-panic attack. I’m such a loser. I phoned Milford and Alan — but got Milford’s voicemail and Alan was busy working — I could not calm down. I was just upset. So, I spent money I didn’t have and saw a movie.

Sometimes, it is the only thing that works for me.

I saw Bergman’s SARABAND — his final film and continuation of SCENES FROM A MARRIAGE (a must see for anyone who has ever been married or in a serious relationship — if you haven’t yet done that, this film will only horrify you) If you like Bergman or Liv U — then you do not want to miss this movie. I do not cry in movies. Actually, I hardly ever cry. Like Alice Cooper, my heart’s a virgin. It ain’t never been tried… However, there were two scenes where this amazing actress almost brought me to tears. She certainly had this impact on my fellow film-goers.

Is there a point? Well, I think Bergman has always made the same point over and over — ultimately relationships suck. They are heartbreaking and, in the end, it often seems that nothing works the way it should when two souls connect — however, one can never lose sight of how very important these connections are for all of us. …whether we want to admit it or not — we all want to be in love and loved back.

Woody Allen, who has adored/copied/glorified Bergman for the run of his film career said this sweetly in films like ANNIE HALL and MANHATTAN — and, so have countless other film makers — but few manage to cut to the core of it without any fear the way Bergman tackles this fragile human puzzle. Painful, tragic, sad — but ultimately poetic and beautiful — I loved this movie. And, from a purist standpoint, it was cool to see how the characters I fell in love with turned out 30 years later. As with life, they didn’t turn out the way I would have imagined or liked — but I suspect that they turned out the way they were meant to. …and, we all know that Bergman’s films are reflections of his own life, feelings and relationships. His work has always been quite personal and confessional. This might be why Liv Ullman is so effective — I suspect, in many ways, she is playing out what she has lived. I read a short interview with her about this film and she summed up the experience of returning to Bergman to make this film as both magical and cruel. Interesting.

…Oh, those wacky folks from Sweden with their niffty cars, ABBA and fearless views of human relationships. Maybe I could get a job in there!

July 27, 2005. Uncategorized. 7 comments.



Well, Kids — the phone interview went VERY well. I am meeting with the Director of HR tomorrow at 3PM. So, fingers are firmly crossed!

July 26, 2005. Uncategorized. 5 comments.



Well, I’ve been up for a couple of hours and am now fully prepared for my 11AM phone interview. So, as I sat here sipping my second cup of tea from my “lucky” Mickey Rourke cup and try to eat my oatmeal (I go through phases when breakfast is just not appealing — am in one now) —- I read a comment on my Blog from the wonderous Miss. Marisol enquiring about fish wine from China. I figured I would share “the warmth” of what I know.

I saw a news report on CNN.com that showed the place, the inventor and the process for making fish wine. It looked disgusting. I believe they use 7 different types of fish — including eel and squid. The “innards” of the fish are what constitues the wine. After extensive boiling, the creamy-looking stuff is fermented for 3 months or so with a rice formula to eleminate the odor and add a “soft” flavor to the blend.

It is a white wine. I think I mentioned that I attended a wine tasting at a close friend’s home recently. Milford is well educated in the ways of wine and it was quite interesting — even tho I can’t drink wine anymore. Anyway, I learned a bit about how to judge a wine from the look, the scent and the way it clings to a glass when swished about. Well, the fish wine appeared to do quite well with the swishing and it is full of vitamins which make it rather healthy. …or so the owner says. I am quite curious and would love to try a bit of fish wine.

I pulled the following from the Reuters web site. Let’s hope it is OK for me to cut/paste their brief coverage here. For some reason I could not make the link work.

“Beijing –

The French used grapes, Russians fermented potatoes, Koreans put ginseng in their drink and Mexicans distilled cactus plants to make fiery tequila. Now China is introducing fish wine.

Sun Keman, an entrepreneur in the north-east port city of Dalian, has formed the Dalian Fisherman’s Song Maritime Biological Brewery, with a plan to use his background in the fishing industry to make fish into wine. “Different from China’s thousands of years of brewing, the brewery will clean, boil, and ferment fish for making wine,” the official Xinhua news agency reported.

The company already had orders from Japan, Russia and other parts of China, it said. Tipplers might also take heart in knowing the brew is purported to be good for them.”

However, judging from the way the wine slipped down the glass after being swished — it appears to be a bit low on alcohol content. So, one might have to consume quite a bit of fish wine to get a buzz or chilled-out feeling. Still, wouldn’t it be kind of cool to try? The packaging is quite pretty as well! I couldn’t find a picture of it, tho. So, I’ve presented you with a shot of my breakfast which was sitting on my night stand. I ate half the oatmeal.

Oh, so I spoke with the folks “minding” my 401K “monies” — and my former firm requires one additional business day before I can “cash out” — so this probably means that I will not get that money wired to me till next week. Oi! …so it goes! LOL!

So, now I just wait for my interview — “I’m ready for my close-up”

July 26, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.



Let’s see, setting the tone of the day was the “shuffle” function of my cosmic iPod. Well, what else is new? Here are the first 5 songs of my day and the order in which they were played:

1. First, We Take Manhattan by Jennifer Warnes
2. Wear Your Love Like Heaven by Donovan
3. Lucille by Kenny Rogers
4. The River by Nintin Sawhney
5. The Name of the Game by ABBA

During “Lucille” I noticed a new penny lying face up on the floor of the “M” train. My Grandmother always told me that this was a sign of great luck if you pick it up as soon as you see it and drop it in your pocket. So I did just that. And, interestingly enough, my cell phone rang! Being on MUNI and catching a phone call is rare for me! I normally lose range. Anyway, it was a potential job and I have a phone interview tomorrow at 11AM! And, I then heard back from the frim for which I most hope to work — they want me to return for a follow up to meet with one of their top firm officers. They will be contacting me with date/time at some point tomorrow! So, I figure this is a good thing.

I’ve high hopes. Am I about to get my life back in full??!?! Maybe!!!! I think I see a light at the end of this tunnel!!!

On the downside, I had to deal with some expenses this morning which managed to deplete my funds in record time! Luckily, I do believe I will be able to secure the very last of my money from is remaining in my 401K account. At this point, it really doesn’t matter. I need the money to live! So, the account is being closed. My hope is that I can get it closed and the remaining money wired to me FAST!!

A few random observations from my day:

* 2 cigarettes mean a lot more to most homeless men than food. I really do believe this to be true. I could be wrong and it may not sound cool, but, I’m sorry — it’s tough out there. I think they deserve their cigs.

* Did you know that the 70’s porn actress, Carol Connors, who plays the nurse in DEEP THROAT is Thora Birtch’s mom?!?!? Her dad was a 70’s porn star, too. I forget his name, tho. Anyway, doesn’t matter or mean anything, but I think that is kind of cool. Tho, Ms. Birtch might feel differently. I guess. Who knows?

* Even postal workers are happy and nice in San Francisco!

* I got lost in the structure that is Two Embacadaro Place. I should not share this with the world because it only shows how retarded I am when it comes to directional navigation. But the fact remains that I was lost there for about 10 minutes today. Sad.

* There are few things sadder than a 40-something skateboarder who “hangs” with the other skaters — who esstentially are all under 25. …and, he thinks he is perceived as “cool” by the “kids”

* Alan and I watched the new Tammy Faye documentary, DEATH DEFYING. It was not really good, but it made me love Tammy Faye all the more because after the doctors inserted her chest cath for chemo, she opted to not go home and rest as directed — but decided she needed to cheer herself up. So, she got in her limo and went shopping!!! …at JC Penny! She seriously rocks and my heart and prayers go out to her as she continues to battle cancer. Tho, I think her eccentricity is funny and I think she is far from perfect — I really do admire her. Tho, I do not know and will never know her — I just have to believe that she is every bit as real and sweet as she appears to be. There is a great deal of light that comes from her. And, I just love the fact that she opted to shop at JC Penny! LOL!

* I had a great weekend and enjoyed lying on the grass near the harbor thinking about it. That is what I did from 4:30pm till about 5:45PM this evening.

* I wish I could drink wine because I really would like to try that new fish wine from China!

* I was flattered today when this cute college kid flirted with me all the way from SFSC to Montgomery Station. He was WAY TOO young for me, but it made me feel great that HE didn’t feel that way! Ego-boost!

* Add it all up and I had a pretty decent day despite a rocky start this morning and the money that this appointment ate. Still, that was unavoidable. So, you just roll with it and deal.

…it’s all good.

July 25, 2005. Uncategorized. 5 comments.



Wow! What an awesome weekend!!! Friday I did see the new Gus Van Sant film, “LAST DAYS” in which he “envisions” the last days of Kurt Kobain’s life. This is the third installment of his trilogy of art. The first was “GERRY” — all I can say is that this was cinematic torture. The second was “ELEPHANT” and I thought it was exceptional. This last film had some astonishing moments. Lots of beautifully composed static shots. However, I can’t say that I was much interested in watching Michael Pitt stumble around for 90 minutes muttering to himself in what appeard to be either an extreme stoned-out state or simply insane. Asia Argento is in the movie playing a bi-sexual groupie but they put her in ugly glasses and a bad hair cut. There are two hot looking actors in the movie (one of which is former child star, Lukas Hass) who are either playing “hanger-on’s” or the other two Nirvana band members. However, as we are treated to a short homo grunge sex moment between the two — I am thinking that they must be “hanger on’s” …just can’t see the other two boys from Nivana sharing this moment, but maybe am wrong. I couldn’t decide if Van Sant was trying to make his audience laugh or cry as we see the naked sould of Kurt Cobain (called “Blake” in the film) climb out of the grunged-up dead body of the rock star and climb up a ladder out of the frame — A Ladder to Heaven?!?!? All I know is that I was relieved that the movie ended as I had begun to think it would not ever end.

However, as soon I jumped in the car Saturday morning — the weekend took a turn for the fantastic! I wish I was a better photographer because I failed to capture the scenic beauty of this beach — and, I kept forgetting to take pictures the whole time! “A” showed me some fantastic places along the coast of California!

As we drove thru Pacifica (where my pal, Derek, lives — And, Derek, when are you having me over!?!?! Gorgeous town from what I could see!!) we decided to skip Santa Cruz and visit the privately owned gay nude beach, St. Gregory’s Beach. Now, that is not the proper name. Translate that into Spanish and I think you will have the correct name.

We walked down a tiny path which lead down a mountain to this perfect beach. It felt like we were on some island far from civilization. When we arrived, the fog was in full force and the sound of the crashing waves was awesome! And the sight of these waves emerging from the cloud of fog was so beautiful. Once I was able to turn away from the water, I looked up at the mountains that surrounded us. It was an awesome sight. We opted to keep our clothing on — as it was quite cold! However a number of folks were perfectly fine with the cold breeze and lounged about. I love nude beaches. If only I hadn’t been so cold! And, no, I did not take any pictures of the beautiful men walking about. One guy was meditating — he looked so calm and at peace. However, I kept thinking how the sand must have felt as it slipped up his crack. …I thought, “How Zen of him! No towel!”

All along the beach, drift wood (or some form of wood) had been placed to form what looked like little “forts” — enclosed spaces for privacy and sun bathing — and, other activities where one (or two — or three or four or five) might want a bit of a barrier from walkers-by — were all along the beach which stretched a good couple of miles. We took one of the forts and watched as the fog burned way to provide for fantastic views! We had a great time! After that we drove along some beautiful mountain sides — the farther we drove, the warmer it got. By the time we reached Milpitas is was in the 3 digits! Hot, but dry. We had a great dinner and then came back into the city this afternoon. I think I drove my expert tour guide nuts because I became obsessed with watching his car gauge the outside temperature. Within only 10 minutes of driving back toward SF, the temp went down over 15 degrees! I find it so interesting how much cooler it is here than outside of the city. It was close to 3 digits in San Jose this morning, but it was 64 degrees when we reached SF a short while later!

“A” had never been to any of the art house cinemas in SF, so we took in a viewing of “CRONICAS” at the Lumiere. A VERY disturbing film. Brilliantly filmed and acted, but ultimately nightmarish and cynical view. Most upsetting. However, we then made our way back down Van Ness and up to the Castro where we had a lovely dinner.

I had a great weekend! Now, let’s see if some of that positive karma can rub off on to this week and land me a job!!!! Fingers crossed!!! At any rate, I feel “re-charged” and am ready to take the week on with a positive spin! I will post some more of the pix I took below!

July 24, 2005. Uncategorized. 5 comments.


waves in the fog…

July 24, 2005. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.


…as the fog began to break — a view down the beach

July 24, 2005. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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