…not really. At least not yet, but I did see that movie today. As per usual I needed to escape, but I didn’t really need to escape to a bad movie. Which it was, but great use of some Goldfrapp music.

Had a good interview this morning, but it was with a head hunter. Still, looks like there may be an HR Assistant position for a large corporation in downtown San Francisco. Yes, Corporate America may be calling, but if the non-profit sector doesn’t want me — what’s a boy to do? There is also some organization involved in stem cell research with a position that sounds interesting, but I need to see if it is “do-able” via Muni/BART transport.

The wonderful weather returned today! I walked from Embacadero Center to the place where I get my mail in the Castro. Not sure how far of a walk that is, but it was a nice walk and, I felt, entitled me to a chocolate cookie with a Diet Coke!

You know, I do not think there is anything quite like this breeze one gets in San Francisco — no matter how warm the sun, the breeze is just so cooling. I love that! Of course, it does appear that there are earthquakes happening all around us at the moment. I think the Chronicle reported that there were 3 this week. Hmmmm…. As I’ve always thought, I will secure a position and then we shall break away from the continent. I control the weather and natural disasters. Kisses.

June 17, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.



I took the advice of my acupuncturists — swallowed my pride and reached out to some organizations in San Francisco which may be able to help me in a number of ways from guidance to financial aide. Anyway, the process has started and there is a big job fair tomorrow morning at the Embarcadero Hyatt. I will be there! And, on Monday, I’ve an appointment with a couple of these agencies. I guess I just feel so embarassed to have gotten to this point in my life at my age, but as one of the individuals I spoke with told me, “It is a tough world out there. No need to feel ashamed”

Granted, this is my blog. And, being my blog I am free to write about whatever is on my mind. However, as of late I worry that I have been on my mind far too much. So, I decided to pick up the newspaper and enjoy the sun and sweet breeze with all the doggies in Duboce Park. It was lovely. But then I started reading the Chronicle which is not exactly a great newspaper anyway — but I digress.

The things that jumped out at me were not really “news” to me, but it got me to thinking.

How silly and pathetic is it that our movie star-turned governor has decided to hold a “special” election that is going to cost California tax payers over $60 million dollars — essentially, if one focuses and ACTUALLY reads what this corporate controlled robot is trying to push thru is a big-business/corporate backed change in laws that will cut spending on education for our public schools, prevent our teachers from having secure jobs (and there for making even fewer people want to even bother being teachers), harm the rights of our nurses and medical workers, restrict the rights and powers of Unions to fight against the corporate/governmental tyranny which is on the fast-forward track in our country and redesign the voting districts to further push minorities and the poor out of the “democratic system” —- Oh, and he is seeking to reverse a law which has dramtically reduced the number of teen suicides and botched aportions by requiring minors to secure parental approval prior to access to aportion.

Arnold is using his star/celebrity power to divert the attention of the California masses from the “real” concerns by making many personal appearances, giving autographs and claiming that, at the heart of what he is doing is protecting the rights of the California home owner. Now, kids, I’ve read this legislation 5 times and this is a very small part of what he is doing — and it is really aimed at the elite home owners. Not the “little people” who gather at the cineplex to watch his MOR/bad films. Yet, all the the world loves a movie star — even when he is sexist, a bit homophobic (tho, he is getting better at hiding that!) and his faimily back in Europe has ties to the Nazi party. None of this matters — he married into the Kennedys, is a movie star, is wealthy beyond belief, is “in bed” with the “right” people and the guy does have charisma.

Besides, it would appear that the majority of Californians are more interested in Michael Jackson anyway. And, of course, that is MUCH more important. UGH!

However, this silly and misguided set of principals pales in comparison to other places in our global community. Let’s take a look at China which may soon rival (if it doesn’t already) Africa for the worst epidemic of AIDS in history. True, China’s leaders have taken some steps to educate the masses, but not enough and are still too scared to deal/face the sexuality of their country to do much good. As an example, the closing down of an educational site aimed at the China GLBTQ population — which was actually educating people! I knew all of this, but I was unaware of a 2004 nationwide study which revealed these “fun” facts about the “average” person in China:

IN China during the year of 2004:

60% surveyed said that they would “never” work with HIV positive colleagues for fear of catching AIDS (like a cold)
Only 7% surveyed knew that condoms are effective against sexual transmission of the HIV virus (!!!!!!??????)
50% believed that AIDS could be transmitted by a handshake

Oh my God.

…of course, our “President” feels that it is better to have our teenagers take pledges to stay virgins than teach them about HIV or other sexually transmitted diseases.

I have to admit, maybe it would be more fun to read write, read, talk and think about Freaky Mr. Jackson. Sad. And, really, quite silly.

June 15, 2005. Uncategorized. 4 comments.



Well, I am not going to post any level of detail on this for a number of reasons. However, I think I did quite well. But, the environment was just a bit too negative for me. So, in the end, I basically told them that I didn’t feel this was a place I would want to work. I think my honesty shook them up a bit, but I was able to walk out with my self-pride in tact. And, ultimately, that is what matters.

Then I went to the beach to clear my head. Much to my relief — no bird shit. However, I saw a man running down the beach blowing a whistle and a person running behind him screaming. I lifted off my iPod (Stevie Nicks/A. Moyet today) and they were warning the surferes of a shark sighting. The surfers all returned to the shore.

Now, logically — I know I have nothing to do with the arrival of sharks. However, given my run of luck as of late — one never knows! Could I be a jinx????? LOL!

June 14, 2005. Uncategorized. 5 comments.



OK. Sunday. Beach. Me. The sun. The sweet, cool and clean breeze. The hot surferes. The waves. Happy dogs and happy people. ABBA on my iPod. All is feeling sort of OK in the world. Splat. A seagull takes a dump directly on my head. Not a small dump. A huge — almost human sized dump.


Me. On the N Juddah for 20 minutes. Me. On the M streetcar outbound for 15 minutes. Me with a hair full of bird shit and a number of fellow Muni passengers trying to pretend that they don’t notice. NIN on my iPod — more fitting.

OK. Today. Me. Sitting outside the Opera House. The sun. The fresh breeze keeping the heat down low. My brain absorbing as much information relating to California HR and Union law as possible in preparation for my big round table interview. My watch. I’ve been studying for close to 3 hours. Time to head to the Castro, check my mail and wait at Sweet Inspiration as I am finally meeting up with a nice guy from match.com. I stand. Tori Amos on my iPod. Splat. A bird, type unknown, shits on my head. Granted, not as much as yesterday, but significant.

Me. On the #49 bus for 10 minutes. Me. On the M streetcar outbound for 25 minutes. Me, once again, with bird shit gelled into my hair and a number of nubile Sanrio obsessed girls trying to conceal their laughter. Everything But the Girl on my iPod — trying to be a bit zen about it.

Yeah, I know it is considered “good luck” in several cultures. However, given the past 10 months of my life — this is just me getting shit on by birds two days in a row.


Is it me?

Still, I washed my hair quickly and zipped back to the Casro where I had a very nice dinner with a really cool guy. We went to this new place where everything is grilled on those long sticks. I can’t remember the name of the place or what you call it when grilled meat/veggies are speared on to a stick and rest on a bed of jasmine rice. Anyway, this is a new place and it was fantastic, cheap and as I had salmon — healthy! We agreed to meet up again and no birds shit on me as I headed back home! …so, maybe things are looking up! …well, a boy can hope.

Mylene Farmer was on my iPod on the way home — Fuck Them All (extended remix) being my song choice for the night ride home.

By the way, isn’t “ONLY” by NIN one of the best songs to come out in quite a while! I love it! Nice to know that, tho, the world may continue to spiral in all sorts of alarming directions (threats of more tsunamis, silly waste of California tax payer money by Arnold, Michael Jackson is cleared of any wrong-doing because is rich and Tom Cruise jumps on Oprah’s furniture — but we can still count on Trent Reznor to stay really angst and angry!)

June 13, 2005. Uncategorized. 8 comments.



As is the way of my life lately, things have just worked out — and, not a minute too soon! The check came in from UPS who broke so many of my belongings! …of course it is not the full amount as it was supposed to have been, but I can now pay my scary phone bill on Monday morning and will not lose my phone! Thank God for Alan — he is going to “front” the amount for the phone bill for me as my bank will be holding the check for 7 business days. Oi! Anyway, it turned out that my phone was scheduled to be cut off at 5am EST on Monday — so, I cut it close — but it is all working out! Yay!

I honestly am not sure what I would have done if I lost my phone. My resumes and so many applications are floating all over the Bay Area with that number!

It is an absolutely gorgeous day! I was sort of thinking I would be able to meet up with a friend and explore the city, but he got tied up and that turned out to not be possible. So, I wondered all over the city just enjoying the weather, but then got bored and did what any normal person would do on an absolutely perfect day — i went to the movies. Yeah, I’m a winner!

I had been hearing about “15” for a couple of years and had been trying to find copies of it on DVD for a while. I believe it was filmed in 2002 and was really ‘released’ in 2003, but it has received very few showings and I believe Singapore was so upset by the graphic and nhilistic depiction of inner-city youth that it was banned and the director had a bit of trouble getting it out. It certainly presents a side of Singapore life we seldom see or hear about. It was a solid film, but flawed. The director (who makes lots of music clips in Japan) has quite a style and had some very unusual ways of editing and tying the mindless violence and self-destruction into the global obesession with pop culture. However, as creative and interesting these devices were to watch, I was left wondering if he wasn’t sacrificing the power of his film to a sort of dark satire. And, the audience is a fly on the wall — there are no suggestions for what needs to be done to help these kids and no clear criticism of the government that obviously is doing nothing. The acting was limited in range, but this is because the director crafted his film around 4 real inner-city youths who were all 15 at the time of the filming. And, while the film is scripted — this kids are living this horrible life and I was left feeling that I had just particpated in some sort of exploitation of a grave issue. I think he exploited those four boys — and, at the film’s end we are given a one sentence wrap up on where each of the four boys were at the time the film was ready to go out for release. One was in prison, another had attempted suicide twice, the third boy had been kicked out of school and home and the fourth boy had gone missing and was feared dead. So, this was a really fun way to spend my Saturday afternoon! However, I had really wanted to see the film. I just think that someone connected with the making of this movie could have tried to do something to help these kids. The film is being compared to Larry Clark’s KIDS, but that is not a fair comparison. KIDS was a powerful film in its way, but a scripted one — and more than a little over-the-top in its delivery of a dooms day story. This film was much more harsh and upsetting. This is the second film I’ve seen where I agreed with the NC-17 rating. Not a film for a child to see.

Last night I saw SAVING FACE — a cute little independent film which reminded me of A WEDDING BANQUET only not quite as well made. However, I think this was the director’s first film and she did a great job for first time out. And I was amazed to see Joan Chen playing dowdy and 50!!!! I should think that someone had to deal with some ego issues in that respect! LOL! The ending was also too “neatly wrapped up” — but it was entertaining and fun. Now, this is a film which was handed an R rating and I can think of no other reason than the plot focused on two lesbians. There was nothing R-rated about the movie. It was a cute film. Why is the US so terrified of displays of affection between members of the same sex — especially when it is about love. Why is making love something we want to restrict from children and killing/harming others OK to show them????

I don’t get it!

June 11, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.



Well, the interview went very well. I made it to the next phase. I will be interviewed again next week and will know if I have this job by mid point of next week. I believe it is between me and one other candidate. Fingers crossed! This would be a job supporting an organization that matters.

But, for now, it is back to “the pavement” and continue to apply for other jobs. I’ve applied to so many jobs and met with so many agencies. I ended with the agencies after registering with 17 of them. I couldn’t even keep up with all the business cards. And, I stopped counting the number of jobs to which I have applied when I hit 280.

You know, in truth, my job search is going well. I’ve only been looking since the second week in May and am getting lots of “bites” with the “bait” of my resume. The average job search takes from 2 to 3 months — and that is in a good economy. However, I did not anticipate that I would not be able to secure temp work. …and, that is not for lack of trying!

Chin up! Focus forward — and keep moving!

June 9, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.



Ok, I’m sorry. It really doesn’t have a thing to do with morals or hang-ups — but I just can’t work in a porn store. I can shop in one. And, I can shop in one quite well. However, I do not think I am meant to work within the environment of porn retail.

My sense of humor is destined to get me in trouble, I am not going to want to touch “returned” merchandise, I do not want to explain to a repressed woman (or man) on how to use a vibrating dildo and there is a feeling in my gut that says, “No” — so, am trusting my instincts.

I have decided against going thru with the interview at a local porn shop (different one that the one where it was suggested I “model”) —- the manager is quite professional, but it just doesn’t feel right. In fact, it feels wrong for me.

So, kids, I am focusing on the big interview scheduled for tomorrow morning in Berkeley. I am confident, determined and desperate — with these “selling” points, how can the prospective employer not snatch me up to join his/her team!??!?

June 8, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.



It is “funny” how when you start to feel so low that “something” will happen that lifts your spirits and, like a break in the clouds, you find that peice of hope we all need to keep moving. For a number of reasons, yesterday was a real bummer of a day for me. I ended up at what has become one of my favorite “thinking places” in the city. Just me, my Diet Coke, the classifieds, my music and my thoughts. I shut my eyes and said a little prayer — not so much for myself, but for hope. Then I looked around at the beautiful weather we seem to get so much of in San Francisco and I remembered I had not looked at my mail. Of course, I knew it would mostly be bills that I can’t afford to pay — but then there was a card. A card sent to me by a friend whom I’ve never even met.

The card read, “Here’s a helpful technique for managing stress during difficult times…” and it was a cute little joke, but on the inside of the card was a note of encouragement and love. I doubt that he will ever understand or know how much his card meant to me — it was like a tender mercy that gave me hope and strength. After I kind of got myself sorted, I tried callilng him — we’ve been playing phone tag for well over 10 months. And, to my surprise, he answered and we talked a bit. I guess those little mercies that get us through it all. And, they come to us in the most surprising of ways.

It is important to remember because whether we realize it or not — the things we do have an impact on the people around us — even the people who we have never met and who are miles away. I don’t think we ponder this often enough.

June 7, 2005. Uncategorized. 4 comments.



I had to kill time today before an important meeting. So, I walked around Market Street and ended up looking at the window display of Medium Rare Records — a very over-priced CD store which manages to secure and stock the most obsure of titles. I’ve yet to figure out where these two guys find this stuff. Anyway, they survive and get away with the high prices because of the highly unusual CD releases that they seem to be able to find and stock.

Anyway, as I marveled at the fact that some recording company would actually bother to press Diana Ross’ “Muscles” lp to CD format — and, even more that there is an audience for it — when I noticed a red CD with one an oval face looking at me from the CD booklet cover and I thought, “Gee, that face looks so familiar to me” …there was no name on the CD cover so I had to tilt my head to read the spine to determine who that oval face belonged to and why she looked so familiar to me.

Well, the name of the CD was “Samantha Sang: The Ultimate Collection”

Ok, now, I am old enough to remember Samantha Sang. “She” enjoyed one hit single which has since been re-recorded by Destiny’s Child called “Emotion” It was a great pop/disco song from around 1977/1978. Samantha Sang “sang” just like the Bee Gees — in fact, one would be hard pressed to determine which voice on that single was hers and which were those of the Bee Gees. They wrote and produced her entire album. …as far as I know, she only ever had one. Anyway, I remember that people suspected that there was no Samantha Sang — it was simply the Bee Gees farting around with an oval faced model — but then Samantha Sang made an appearance on American Bandstand and lip synced to Emotion. I don’t know — I am still not convinced. Anyway, I loved that song — but the thing is I am trying to figure out how there could be an “ultimate collection” of Samantha Sang music when she only ever made one LP. I wanted to go into the store and examine this odd CD which I could tell was imported from Japan or something, but I do not dare enter CD/DVD stores at this time. Not sure why as I’ve no money to spend anyway — but I am like an addict when it comes to CD/DVD stores.

Anyway, it is just emotion that’s takin’ me over. Tied up in sorrow — lost in my soul. But, if you don’t come back, come home to me darlin’ — you know that there’ll be nobody left in this world to hold me tight — nobody left in this world to kiss good night. …good night.

Ah, the smooth stylings of the Bee Gee’s as conveyed by Ms. Samantha Sang. Yes, she cried a river that led to our ocean.

June 6, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.


BOB & ROSE????

So, I have had this DVD from Britain for well over a year and I finally started watching it. It is a BBC series from 2001 called BOB & ROSE. I’ve only watched the first episode thus far, but am quite impressed with the writing and acting. This would never be shown in the US. Anyway, does anyone out there know anything about the show? I need to check on IMDB.com, but the lead actor playing Bob looks like the cute guy from that JONATHAN CREEK series that BBC America used to show, but am not quite sure. Also, I think the writer/producer is THE guy who created QUEER AS FOLK, but once again — am not sure. Not sure what I think about where it looks to be heading in the way of plot dealing with sexuality, but I am most interested! Is this show still on the air? Was it a hit?

June 5, 2005. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

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