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BITTER SWEET

Today was a really nice day. However, I felt kind of sad for most of it. I was thinking about how the heart never fully heals. Losing someone you love to death is the worst. The grief doesn’t go away, it just sort of scabs over and leaves a scar. And you wear that scar forever. I think the same is true when you end a long term relationship. When you lose a person in this way you’re left with so many memories — good and bad. And, while you may not love that person the way you need to love a person with whom you will share your life as partners, you do always love them. A part of them is left inside you. Just like the loss of a loved one to death — the grief for the loss of that lover stays with you, but the pain does subside. And, what remains behind are feelings and memories that you cherish, but hate to think of as the pain returns when you do. Those places in you that your lover created remain empty. And while you know you will find love again, you are afraid. Opening up and allowing a person into those secret places puts you in such a vulnerable position. And you find yourself worrying if you could risk having any more empty spaces which no one will ever be able to fill quite like the lover you left behind.

And, then of course, you see, hear or do something that you want to run home and tell your lover all about. And, in just a fraction of an instant you realize that this is no longer a real option. The connection that was once there is gone. And as the months turn to years — the connection will grow weaker.

I guess Neil Sedaka knew of what he sang when he crooned that breaking up is hard to do. I am not making light of it. I really do think that ending a relationship just might be one of the harder things in life. …Just like starting over with nothing to build something. You do it because you have no choice.

…you just keep moving and avoid looking back too often.

Anyway, believe it or not — it was a good day and I’ve got some very real job prospects coming up and there is a man for whom I am developing very real feelings. …but very different ones than what I had become used to — and that is a bit scary and bittersweet.

May 31, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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CALIFORNIA DREAMING!

As I was feeling a bit weary this past week, I have to admit that I was dreading the long weekend just a bit. However, I had an amazing weekend! Had a great time hangin’ with my pal (and guardian angel!) Milford — we watched Albert Brooks and Debbie Reynolds in MOTHER. …If you’ve ever had to walk a parent thru how to use a piece of modern technology — I promise you will get more than a few laughs from this movie! And, spent one day on my own just roaming about the city and not thinking of my money woes, lack of job or other issues of angst. No, instead I just walked about admiring this city and took in a film from Budapest called KONTROLL which was awesome — a bit scary (subplot invovling a hooded figure pushing people on to the subway tracks! …something I fear will happen to me anyway! LOL!) But way cool movie!

Then I spent Sunday with Ming. That is “the guy’s” name. We had a great day of hanging out — and, I shall leave it at that as not to jinx anything!

Today — Milford, Bill and I took in a Ballywood movie, PECK ON THE CHEEK, at the Balboa Cinema. I didn’t care for this film, but I think Milford and Bill enjoyed it. The cool thing was that as the weather has been so perfect — we decided to drive to the ocean. We explored caves and ruins of an old park/bath that had been built right on the ocean in the 19th Century. And we walked up to the peak of an amazing cliff over the ocean! I didn’t have my camera or I could have gotten some great pix. Then Milford treated us to appetizers and drinks at this cool place called CLIFFS. I felt so Californian sipping my Diet Coke looking the sun reflecting off the water. Gorgeous.

Then I got Milford to help me find a bus stop I need to use that I’ve not been able to locate for the life of me. Of course, it took him 3 minutes! LOL!

Now, I am sitting on the living room floor feeling relaxed after a nice hot shower. Think I might turn in early tonight to get a jump on tomorrow. An HR Director emailed me on Saturday asking me to check out their company’s website. She had found my resume on Monster and wants me to apply for a position working with their VP of Marketing. Based upon my resume, she thinks I would be a good fit if I am interested. I totally am — so I completed the online application, formally submitted my resume and sent an email back to the HR Director. My fingers are crossed so hard they hurt!

So, this has been a great weekend on all counts — I just miss Alan, but he returns on Thursday! Yay!!!!

kisses,
matt

May 30, 2005. Uncategorized. 5 comments.

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CONGRATULATIONS AND THE MYSTERIES OF SKIN

This afternoon as I rode the M train toward home, we stopped infront of the San Francisco University. And, there they were — lovely, happy and full of hope; The Class of 2005! They all looked so radiant and excited as they posed for pictures with friends (with whom they will probably lose touch within the next 3 months), siblings, grandparents and parents. Everyone looked so happy and proud. I noticed that a number of us on the train were smiling at the energy we saw on display. Not that I wanted to rain on their parade and achievement, but I sort of wanted to call out, “Congratulations! Now, gather all of your strength for the existensial let downs you are all about to experience and get ready for full-head-on adult life! If you can, run back into that school and sign up for a PHD program and just avoid it all for another 4 or 5 years!” …but I didn’t.

Jaded much?

So, as I knew I would hear from no prospective employers today due to the pending long weekend — I went ahead and tried to find my way to the Clay Cinema on Filmore Street. Guess what! I came close to getting there all on my own. However, after about 15 minutes of not quite knowing where I was I jumped in a cab and asked the driver if I was even remotely in the right vicinity! And, guess what! I was! Those of you who know me well are bound to be impressed. I was actually 4 city blocks away. The cabbie was so very nice and drove me there at no charge. Only in San Francisco! Another funny thing was that he asked me if I was from Bosotn. Confused, I confirmed that I had just moved to SF from Bos last month and then asked him how he knew. He then paid me a very nice compliment and said that it was in the way I carried myself — “dignified, but friendly and self-assured” —- he then added that this is how nearly all Bostonians are. ? I then explained to him that while I felt more like a Bostonian as I had lived there for close to 15 years, I was actually from Beaumont, Texas. This really interested him because he said I exhibited so signs of southern/Texan karma. When I asked what that was — he told me that he found most people from the South or Texas ( I loved the way he attempted a distinction between the south and Texas! LOL!) seem to put forward an “attitude filled with fakeness and come off as somewhat dim” LOL! …I told him that this opinion would probably get him shot in Texas. He told me that he would never share that opinion with someone unless he was “confident” that they were cool. Anyway, I enjoyed this exchange.

And, then I bought my ticket to see Gregg Araki’s adaptation of Scott Heim’s unforgettable novel, MYSTERIOUS SKIN. Now, don’t get me wrong — I am a fan of Araki’s work, but I’ve always felt just a bit let down as his first two films were so very promising — and then he became obsessed with presenting perverse little movies which either made fun of bad teen sitcoms or Doris Day movies. He called this his teen trilogy. I called it an odd choice for a director/writer with such talent. I was particularly worried about what he might do with Heim’s novel. As a survivor of child abuse, Heim’s novel really touched and horrified me on many levels. It remains one of the more powerful novels I’ve ever read. Well, I am happy to report that Araki not only did a great job — he actually IMPROVED Heim’s novel!!! Joseph Gordon-Levitt, best known as the long haired kid from THIRD ROCK FROM THE SUN, gives an astounding and brave performance that makes the viewer forget he is watching a movie. I will even go so far as to say that Gordon-Levitt gives a performance that rivals DeNiro’s work in RAGING BULL —- and I don’t state such things easily. Amazing work! Now, he just needs to eat a sandwich because he is far too thin! Anyway, I hope that the NC-17 rating doesn’t prevent the film from getting a full release. It is an important film, but I guess I understand the rating —and, usually I do not agree with the whole NC-17 thing, but this is a fairly hardcore movie.
Go see it!

Speaking of hardcore — does anyone out there know what has become of the film that one of my many cinematic idols, Asia Argento, made from an adaptation of one of JT LeRoy’s stories? LeRoy worked closely with her on the film and I’ve been dying to see it for well over a year! What has happened to it? SCARLET DIVA was one of the most interesting and self-confessional films I’ve ever seen by a first time film director. I love Asia — and JT LeRoy’s writing is magical.

I forgot to eat lunch today, but that is probably a good thing as I need to train myself to eat less. Save money and lose weight! Can’t go wrong! Oh, money. I don’t even need much. Just a freckin job!

Oy!

May 27, 2005. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

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HOME ALONE & A MUSICAL MESSAGE FROM MYLENE FARMER

Well, Alan left for a visit with his parents. And, I am now left all alone in this big house. Am not used to being alone in such a big space with different levels. But, I will survive! I’ve got a busy weekend planned — well, as busy as one can get when you’re on the verge of no money. LOL!

Tonight I am meeting up with Ming in Berkely to hang out and eat on the very cheap. Milford is coming over here tomorrow evening and we’re going to watch a DVD of his choosing. Saturday Ming is coming into San Francisco and we’re hanging out. Something is planned for Sunday — tho, I didn’t write it down so I hope I remember what I am doing! And, Monday I am joining my pals, Bill and Milford, for a screening of a Ballywood film called KISS ON THE CHEEK at the Balboa Cinema — which I’ve never visited so that will be cool! Then, if the weather is great — we plan to walk to the beach, talk and watch the waves and any eye candy that might be roaming about.

I’ve cleaned the house this morning, am doing laundry and will be leaving to sell a bit of my soul, uh, I mean my CD’s for pocket money. I found a few more job postings for which I feel I would be a good fit and sent a cover letter with resume to those! After I sell the CD’s — I plan to sit down at a cafe with a cup of tea and finish up my bankruptcy papers. So much fun! However, I’ve got an evening with Ming to look forward toward — so that will be nice!

You know, I love a good challenge and am always up for some adventure — but I think I’ve had enough for a while. Just give me a job, some benefits and get this bankruptcy horror behind me and I will be one happy camper!!!

Speaking of being fed up, has anyone heard the new song by that wonderous French temptress, Mylene Farmer? I think I might have written of her before. She is awesome and has managed to work with some of the world’s most interesting film makers to create her vid clips for her music. She seems to sort of be a cross between Madonna and Kate Bush only she is totally and completly French. Which makes her totally cool in my book! Anyway, I like her music. It sounds very pop, but with a decided edge. Anyway, she has a new song and video (which I am trying to find on the internet to download as I’ve read it is quite interesting and full of scandal!) — and the song is awesome. Not sure of the actual lyrics, but she is most definitely pissed off about something and the chorus is quite catchy. The name of the song is “FUCK THEM ALL” — which pretty much gives you an idea of the song’s energy. LOL! It rocks — I urge you to check it out. The MP3 is out there and can be downloaded for nothing! Would love to hear some of the remixes. I believe Groove Armada and Mirwais have done remixes for her! Coolness abounds from Paris!

Hope you all have a great long weekend! Am not sure if I will be making any posts between now and Monday, but ya never know!

kisses,
matt

May 26, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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PINS IN THE HEAD & THE LOUDEST GIRL IN THE WORLD

As always, prior to the beginning of my acupuncture appointment, Byron likes for me to discuss how the previous week had been for me. Obviously, this helps him in identifying the areas that need focus with the needles. We talked about all of the stress, the nice thing starting to happen for me on the romantic front and how life has little or no regard for the inconvenient timing of things. Then he had me lay down, took a look at the inside of my mouth, took my pulse in my wrists and feet — and then proceeded to stick the needles into my key points. This afternoon he placed needles in the normal spots excepting he stuck 3 needles into the top of my head. OK, can I just say — “Ouch!” …however, as always, once the initial pain ended — I swear — I began to just chill out and relax. With the pretty World music playing, my eyes shut and the needles doing whatever it is they do — my mind began to wander and I fell into a sort of sleep. I had the most intense dreams. Not really nightmares, but not all that happy either. Yet at the end of the hour session as the needles were removed I did feel much more relaxed and easy.

I stopped by Walgreens and picked up a few required items and headed home. The “M” train was filled to capactiy when I got on at the Church Street Station. There were two pretty girls standing at the front of the train and one of them was screaming everything she had to say to her friend. At first, I thought they were trying to annoy and get attention, but I started to note that her friend was looking a bit embarassed. Once the train rolled into the first above ground stop the friend literally ran out of the train to escape the loud girl. People in San Francisco can be so much more polite than people in the north east. I kept having to bit my tounge from asking her to shut up — and, I could tell that everyone on the train wanted to, but none of us did.

She immediately began to use her cell phone. This poor girl was clueless to the fact that she screams everything she says. She wasn’t trying to be as obnoxious as she was. It was actually kind of funny. However, after another 5 mninutes I could not wait to escape her method of communication. As the train started to empty most folks in the car moved down to the other one so that it was soon just me, an old man, a tiny little lady with a book and the loudest girl in the world screaming cooking instructions for cookies to another friend. The poor girl couldn’t keep anyone on the phone with her. So she must have called 8 people within the span of 10 minutes. Finally, the train was approaching my stop. I pulled the “stop” wire thing and was so relieved to get off the train.

…and, then it hit me. That nasal scream was directly behind me! Yes, the loudest girl in the world lives around the corner. She and I walked a block together as she screamed into her cell phone — telling this latest “victim” that she really needed to talk to someone and that they were not allowed to hang up on her. Poor son-of-a-bitch.

I turned the corner on to my street and I could hear her even as I made my way up Alan’s steps. …she had to be a block away.
Seriously, this was the loudest girl in the world and I felt the need for more needles as soon as I got in the house!

May 24, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

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GET A JOB

Well, I feel as if I’ve applied to every possible employer in the San Francisco area. I’ve even applied to peddlers of porn. I have no shame. Just give me a paycheck and benefits. LOL!

Actually, I think I should apply to Borders to see if I can secure some evening work there.

I am determined to stay positive and focused, but you know — this is scary and what money I have seems to be flying out and nothing is coming in!

On a very positive note — I have met a great guy. We hung out for the second time last night and it was so nice. I do not want to jinx things so I will write no more. However, I have to say it is nice to have such a strong ray of hope shine thru at a time when I find it quite challenging to hold on to hope and positive thoughts!

Now, kids, don’t worry! I am not throwing in the towel or anything — and I do know it will all work out. Right now, the challenge seems to be getting past next week and all the vacations as no one seems to be available to interview at the moment. However, sometimes I just need to whine a bit. This is a blog — so levels of self-indulgence are perfectly acceptable!

And, now I am off to the acupunture treatment which I really should not be spending the money on, but I think it is really helping me so I am sticking with it. Then, check for my mail and hope that there might be something there other than bills. And, then on to the grocery store for microwave dinners and Diet Coke!!!

Alan is seeing Erasure tonight! I am all excited for him!

May 24, 2005. Uncategorized. 10 comments.

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BUTTA BABS ON THE BIG SCREEN, KABOOM(!), IN/OUT BURGERS, PIX OF SF AND FREE KRISPEY KREME DO-NUTS!!!!

Well, kids, I had a great weekend!

Things got off to a fun start hanging out with Alan on Friday night. We had a simple and healthy meal at Mel’s Dinner. Alan forced me to eat a huge piece of fudge cake with ice cream. He was going to make me walk home if I didn’t consume the entrie thing! And, at long last, we saw the divine Isabelle Huppert further debase herself in a new transgressive film which juourneys into the fun world of crass tourism, incest, sodomy and suicide! Much fun!

While I can safely say that Ms. Huppert does deliver another amazing performance as MA MERE, I also must confess that the movie is just not good. Tho, somewhat interesting in presentation of a perverse spin of the whole mother/son/family dynamic — it wasn’t much fun to watch. And, I am sorry, but despite all efforts by cast and director — it was more comical than shocking. I am not sure if this film will ever open in the US, but I don’t want to provide any spoilers for any of you who love French film, Huppert and plan to see it — but the director’s choice to use “Happy Together” by the Turtles as the accompanying soundtrack of the confused son masturbating over the dead body of his mother was a poor choice on so many levels. Tho, it did provide some laughs for me and Alan.

Then on Saturday the weather was so gorgeous we had no choice but to walk to Daly City and slip into a megaplex and see the new Jett Li film, UNLEASHED. Cool premise, wimpy screenplay that tried too hard to be warm and fuzzy. Still, there were some way cool fight sequences and Bob Hoskins kicks major ass. Still, you could tell that Luc Besson was trying to bring back that edge which worked so well in LEON: THE PROFESSIONAL. He did not succeed.

Then, that evening, my pal, Milford, treated me to a delicious meal at a really cool restuarant on Market Street (I owe Milfored about a zillion nice meals!) and a fun evening of just hanging out and watching the fireworks of the Kaboom festival from the lush office view Milford enjoys on a daily basis! We had a perfect view of the Bay Bridge and the fireworks. I am not one for fireworks — the noises scare me. …stop making fun of me. Anyway, I was impressed. I had never seen fireworks programed to form smile faces, cubes and stars! Quite honestly, I did not know that was even possible. By far this was the most impressive show of explosives I’ve yet to see! And, then, we just chatted about everything from life to annuities. It was a nice Saturday evening.

But, today, magic really entered the picture. Once again — a perfect day filled with sunshine and fresh air. idealy suited to spending the afternoon in a dark, historic cinema.

Alan and I went into the Castro in preparation for the thing I’ve been waiting so long for!!! Anyway, we had a lovely “brunch” at The Cove, then met Bill — and, yes, we saw a newly restored 35mm print of Barbra and Redford in THE WAY WE WERE! I had never seen this film on the big screen. It was an amazing 2 hours filled with gorgeous music, romance, a really hot bare-chested Robert Redford and the most perfect finger nails to ever grace the screen! I was in a state of pure rapture. Bill enjoyed the movie and we had both commented on how good both Redford and Streisand were in the movie. However, I fear it was a bit of torture for Alan. Tho, as the great friend he is, he sat by me with a great deal of patience and only hid his eyes a couple of times. Anyway, there is no way to beat the bittersweet ending of two lovers who should be together, but just can’t! …and then the long fingers and nails brush the sandy blonde hair from his forehead, the music bubbles up and, yes, if we had the chance we would do it all again — whenever we remember — the way we were! Sigh.

It is funny, one forgets that movie is like 33 years old now — Babs and Bob were so young, slim and talented. The glimpses of two actors developing their craft was still present. No signs of worries over camera angles or quests for perfection — just pure movie star chemistry. Cool pour moi.

After Bill and I was able to get Alan’s pulse to come back, we head back into the beautiful sunlight! Bill convinced me that I needed to volunteer with him to work the upcoming GLAAD Event to be held here in SF — and to possibly volunteer at the Castro Debbie Reynolds event. Who knows maybe I will get to act stupid infront of the likes of Liza and Debbie! I am joining him at the GLBT Center for a GLAAD Events Volunteer meeting on Wednesday. I am such a klutz. Let’s hope they end up sitting me in a “safe place” folding scraps of paper vs. pouring wine or seating the mayor’s friends or anything! Seems like that is the sort of thing that Bill usually does. Last year he got to pour wine for Jane Russell — who, per Bill, is now about 3 feet tall.

Then, when we got a home — I had a phone message waiting for me from a really sweet and handsome man! Yay! We had a great conversation and am going to meet up with him tomorrow night in Berkely for some cheap eats and spend some more time together. Cool!

Then, Alan took me to the mythic place of which I had only heard reports — IN/OUT BURGERS! It was so cheap and good!!!! And, the sneaky bastards have a Krispey Kreme Super Store next door! Well, once again, Alan forced me to go into Krispey Kreme. I gave in and ordered a half dozen gems of joy. And, as I reached for my wallet, the cashier said, “No, free do-nuts for you!” ….People! Free Krispey Kreme Do-Nuts fresh off the hot press thing! I feel this was all a sign!

Tho, I still feel a bit ill and bloated from the consumption of the burger, fries, do-nuts and gallon of Diet Coke — it was such a great weekend — I have hopes that it is a sign that a job is going to happen for me this week!!!! Fingers crossed!

Oh, and I’ve finally posted a bunch of pix I’ve taken since having arrived in San Francisco — some from the miracle of today! If interested — just scroll down my links to the the final link to my on-line photos. When you go in — take a look at the pictures in the album entitled “San Francisco, This is Your Last Chance!”

Hope everyone enjoyed their weekends!
kisses,
matt

May 22, 2005. Uncategorized. 6 comments.

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DANNY BOYLE DOES “CUTE” AND OUR PRESIDENT CONTINUES TO BE AN INTERNATIONAL IDIOT

What is going on in the world? Danny “Trainspotting” Boyle has gone and made a “cute” movie about a child who communes with Catholic Saints. I mean this is the man who introduced Heroin Chic and Ewen McGregor’s exposed cock to the world — and now he is making Disney-like movies that must be making the new Pope dance for joy.

And, I guess it should not shock me — but our President is vowing to veto any bill that would assist in the highly valuable results of stem cell research, continues to allow our soldiers to be shipped back in rubber bags and presses forward in a “war” that is simply not “winable” …but, fear not, he took a grande media op to pray that ” America uses the gift of freedom to build a culture of life”.

…Please. This man cares about as much about the culture of life as shark cares about his prey before the attack. We know our President is fairly “book stupid” but one would suspect there might be a glimmer of intelligence that would see the contradictions in his own actions vs. rhetoric. We have either managed to re-elect the dumbest asshole on the planet as our President or there is a tiny brand of “666” hidden beneath that big southern hair. I am just not sure which. I saw both “BEING THERE” and “THE OMEN” —- both seem like they could fit. UGH!

Is the majority of the United States really so without intelligence that they think this is a good and morale president?!!??! Nevermind. I think I know the answer to that question.

And, please! Come back to the Five & Dime, Danny Boyle, Danny Boyle!

May 20, 2005. Uncategorized. 2 comments.

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LIFE CHANGES AND CHALLENGES

I was chatting with a pal over tea this evening and he made a comment to me in a way that few have over the course of the past several weeks. He observed that it seemed to him that I had made my life so much more difficult by deciding to stay in San Francisco and starting over when I already had a “great” job, a home and a “life” in Boston.

I think this is something that has puzzled a number of friends, but no one has ever just come out and phrased it so directly.

I have to admit that it did give me pause for a few minutes, but it really wasn’t hard to articulate why I chose to take this path — which, indeed, is filled with stress and challenges that must be met. However, I do not think I had much choice.

When Karl and I formally ended our relationship, it was sort of like the floor falling out from beneath me. Like in one of those old amusement park rides. You know the little fall is about to come, but when it does you’re never quite ready for the feeling. Karl and I had really ended our relationship long before we “formally” ended it. Who knows why it all fell apart, but it did. And, then, not too far after — a doctor had put me on way too much medication that was having a dangerous and adverse impact which led me to being put on disability. My job was fairly crucial to the day-to-day operations of the office I managed. So, they had to replace my position. Granted, they didn’t wait very long. In fact it was once again a bit like having the floor drop beneath me. Normally, an employer will wait at least 90 days prior to replacing you. I had only been out for 3 weeks — however, the office was in a major state of change with new and daily challenges. It was a major impact to the daily business. And, it is a business. So, while my feelsing were hurt and I felt that I had been a bit short-changed — I had to take a professional view. I was assured, in a surprisingly distant way, that I would have a position of equal/same value upon my return.

Then the “Catch 22” came my way. My employer challenged my disability from the national level — the information my doctors were providing was not satisfying my firm’s insurance company’s view so to continue approval of my disabilty. So, I decided to go against the advice of my doctors and return to work. Then the legal folks at my employer informed me that I could not return to work until my doctors released me to return in written form. My doctors refused. When I went to find a new doctor who would clear me to return I had no luck because my benefits had been frozen until I returned or the doctors provided the documentation that would satisfy the disability insurance company. In short, I was stuck. And I needed an income. While it was quite frustrating to discover that my doctor’s word was good enough for me to return to work, but not good enough to keep me out — I began to take it all as a sign that it was time to move on. The doctors felt that the stress of the job was putting me at a long term health risk. And, to be quite honest, I had been somewhat uncomfortable with my former firm’s recent shift in policies/procedures. I had started to feel as if I had no way of being an effective advocate for my staff. I could never decide if this was due to too many challenges coming my way or perhaps I had been in the same position too long and had lost my creative outlook on resolving issues and making the system work for all of us. I decided it was time for a change.

And, there had been so much “bad luck” for me in Boston over the course of the past couple of years. I can think of no better way to phrase it. I felt as if I were stuck in a rut that I just didn’t no how to escape and I was finding it more and more challenging to come up with the drive I had always had toward my life — both professional and personal.

So, when I came out to San Francisco to hang with one of my two best friends — I came to the conclusion that I should stay here. True, the challenges were going to be great as I was not prepared financially to relocate properly and it is never easy to find a job when you don’t have one —- and I would need to branch out and make new friends. However all of these things are acting as the drivers I needed to get off my ass and get my life back on track! There is no rut for me in California — it is all new territory filled with hope — and great weather! So, while I am dealing thru some scary stuff — and, maybe it would be better to skip out on an adventure like this at 38 — I do not really think I had any other choice.

And, I have a sense that I am on my way to a level of happiness I’ve not known in years. Do I miss Boston? No. Do I miss my friends and co-workers? YES!!! But, with email and planes —- I will not lose contact with all of them! Or them with me.

Perhaps this is the more difficult road, but it is the right one for me at this point in my life. It was never my goal to make my life more difficult — it is my goal to make my life better. And damn the torpedos, I will!!!!!

I just need to keep the faith! …and believe in myself.

May 18, 2005. Uncategorized. 8 comments.

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I CALL IT “MY LET’S MAKE MY LIFE EVEN MORE DIFFICULT PLAN”!!!

So, being somewhat new to the whole cell phone world without a land line I was not sure what I should do in terms of a minutes plan. T-Mobile suggested that I go with 1,000 minutes plus free evenings/weekends. Sounded good to me as I could not imagine being on the phone for more than 1,000 minutes a month anyway. I don’t really like chatting on the phone. And, for the first 2 months this plan worked fine.

However, upon my arrival in San Francisco I think I am now seeing a “real time” glimpse of my phone use.

Well, once again, I screwed myself. My bill came in on Monday. The bill for one month came to $595.00. Now, normally this would send me into a fit of anger and panic. However, given all of the many challenges I’ve been facing as of late my only reaction was to laugh. I mean, really — what else can I do?

I called T-Mobile up and they helped me find a plan that will “better” fit my needs! In fact, the one to which I upgraded would have allowed me an additional 800 minutes for this past bill if I had been on it. The operator was very friendly and asked me if paying the bill was going to be a problem. I told her it would, but I would figure it out and get back to them. OY!

Alan asked me what I was going to do. I told him I was now applying the Scarlett O’Hara approach and would simply worry about it “tomorrow” …or within 31 days when I have to do something to prevent the loss of my cell phone service.

I’ve now applied to 250 positions in San Francisco, met with 4 headhunter agencies and several temp agencies. I can’t find a temp agency that wants to use me because they feel my resume and experience level would “intimidate” their clients to whom I would be reporting for the temp assignment. However, the head hunters are much more positive. So — I continue to plug away!

Suddenly my little Hello Kitty cell phone wall paper seems to look a bit sinister to me! LOL!

May 18, 2005. Uncategorized. 4 comments.

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