I hate it when I have to really say “goodbye” to someone who I know I will not be seeing in a while. I hate it so much that I go out of my way to avoid it. However, there are some people in your life that to whom you have to say goodbye when times like that come up.

I said goodbye to the person who has been the center of my universe this morning. It felt like my “heart” was being broken in ways I didn’t know it could break. Tried to keep it clean and easy — and quick. But, saying goodbye has never been so hard. So, here I sit trying to pull my shit together.

It is cloudy and raining right now. Fitting for the way I feel. Love never stops — it just changes forms. However, the pain of formally walking away from people whom you love and with whom you’ve shared so many key moments of your life is a real son-of-a-bitch. You feel as if you’re trapped in some 70’s torch ballad from Hell. And suddenly you wish you could take to heart the lyrics to that emotionally crippled song that Melissa Manchester used to sing. …don’t cry out loud. …but sometimes you can’t help it and you can’t push it all down inside or you will explode.

Well, I figure the day can only go uphill from here! LOL!

April 23, 2005. Uncategorized.


  1. Anonymous replied:

    Hello Matt,

    Your column brought back memories from long ago and yet it feels they happened just yesterday.
    True friends you’ll never forget ! They are always there, in your dreams you speak to them ! You love them !
    Saying goodby is a real son-of-a-bitch as you have said it.
    Yet, it is part of our life !

    Be thankful for having good friends. You never loose them !

  2. g8s replied:

    Oh, no… You know it’s bad when you’re feeling Melissa Manchester. Though it appears you already know it, I’ll say it anyway: You’ll be alright as you get further away from the moment. In fact, one day it won’t be Melissa Manchester, it’ll be Loleotta Holloway. Sorry to hear you’re passing through a low moment.

  3. Anonymous replied:

    Dear Matt,
    I haven’t read your blog in such a long time. I guess I got Karl in the divorce. I’m sorry things have been so up and down for you. Looking at your recent entries. I hope things are getting in order for you. One thing that gave me a great feeling about you two, that even though your life together came apart and you went your seperate ways, you both had nothing but respect and caring for one another. You both have gone in seperarte directions, and finding and meeting new people but still staying faithful and respectful to what you had. I think that is so awesome. So I hope you find peace Matt. And don’t let others and their opions get to you. Just keep pushing forward to a bright, funny, somewhat eccentric, and peaceful place.

  4. AnonymousTwo replied:

    Matt —

    My personal perspective is that many times, though not always, when goodbyes need to be said it’s because other opportunities have presented themselves and the choice made (by you, fate, karhma, whatever you want to call it) was to move forward and on to new adventures.

    Goodbyes can be painful and wrenching but also very cathartic and are indicitive of change and progress.

    Good things happen to those who care. Good things happen to those who make a difference to those around them.

    You’re a good thing.

  5. Karyn replied:

    This is possibly the low point of my existence as a blogger, but I am about to quote a coffee mug given to me by one of the best friends I have ever had. It is succinct, it is poignant and it is true:

    The Bonds We Have Are Everlasting

    This is one of those black & white cutesy sketch mugs you can buy at Hallmark stores. I love it because Trisha gave it to me, because it is the perfect size, and because every time I go to take a sip and am feeling morose, I see that sentence and after a while it began to settle into my mind and I thought…hey, yeah. That’s true.

    And it can be a comfort.

    It can also sound cheesy when you quote it, but such are the perils of blogging I suppose…

    Hang tight, sweet pea.


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