I think THIS could be the funniest movie to come out in years. I am dying to see it. If you have not yet seen the trailer being shown in selected theatres, you have to check it out on the site!
It is the Little Things
Not to be a downer, but it seems like I am having trouble with so many things as of late. And, now, there has been an unexpected challenge come my way at work that I am really not sure I want to accept. However, I do not really have a choice.
So, there are a couple of materialistic things headed my way which are making me happy. Granted, they are small pleasures but I am really excited about them. First of all Bjork’s new CD comes out tomorrow. I am sure that many of you roll your eyes at that, but I love Bjork and am all excited. Plus there is a new DVD about her new CD which should be quite different. Also two incredible films are finding their way to DVD! “The Forbidden Zone” comes out tomorrow! I am all excited! The little fellow from “Fantasy Island” in a warped musical from the brother of Danny Elfman! If you have not seen it — or even heard of it — and you enjoy the twisted and strange — you must seek this DVD out! And, from the vaults of horror — “Lemora” comes out on DVD tomorrow!!! Now, my father took me to see this flick when I was very little and I have never been able to get some of it out of my head. So, I am most excited at the prospect of seeing it with the more appropriate eyes of an adult. We saw it at the drive in and it was very creepy.
So, those are the little things that will help me get thru this week. …which is turning out to be quite trying. Well, what else it new? I do have a 4 day weekend coming up, but it starts off with a 3 hour root canal procedure that promises to be horrible. …and I have had a lot of root canals — normally doesn’t bother me that much — but I guess this tooth is going to be a lot of fun to save!
I would like to fast forward to Christmas. At least I will be pleased with the weather. Well, I take that back! I want to fast forward to the middle of September when I will be going to NYC for a few days to chill! In addition to checking on my brother, I hope to meet a couple of fellow bloggers and I might just take in a show or two. …or, I might just stay in my room and enjoy room service! …then I wanna fast forward to Christmas!
Well, I am off for a business dinner — which might be fun. However, it could go either way. Stay tuned!!
Take A Look!
Karl taught me how to set up my own on-line photo album! Click HERE to check it out! Now, I must hurry over to the sofa to watch the newly-released cinematic classic, CHASTITY — starring Cher under the writing and film direction talents of her then hippie husband, Sonny!
OK, I was wrong. Sonny just wrote and produced this horrible movie. However, Karl and I were both shocked to discover what appears to be a quick nude scene of Cher getting out of a tub!!! Tits and ass! Is it really her or a body double????? If there is one person who might know the answer to this important question, it would be Lubin!!
Lubin — are you out there? Do you know? Did Sonny let Cher do a nude scene in his 1970 R-rated movie?????
The Puppy Exorcist: The Heretic
It is just too hot to leave the safety of our air-conditioned condo. The only place to be, if you are outside, is the beach or a pool. We do not have access to either at this time. So, we have been spending quality time with our cute little puppy, Dusty. However, there seems to be a problem.
It started out with Dusty seeming more aggressive than usual. She was playing with her squeaky PTown lobster toy in a particular menancing manner. At one point, we thought we saw the toy move by itself! But, we were not sure. Last night, I thought I heard an odd creaking noise from her doggie cage. …And she was sleeping in my lap.
This afternoon she has been making odd and creepy noises. And, when she does bark — it is an a bark unlike her own. Dusty is also sleeping on her back and when I looked at her only a few minutes ago —- her eyes had rolled into her head. She turned her cute little puppy head towards us and her eyes were white spheres!
Oh, my God! I think she is about to levitate!
People of the blogging community! My puppy is possessed by Pazuzu — The devil!
…just thought I would share.
Thoughts From a Fat Man
I can remember looking at those middle aged men with their thin legs and pot bellies and thinking to myself, “That will never happen to me”
I was wrong.
But you know what? At this very moment in time, in my life as it is at this second — I don’t really care. Be it wrong or sick — a Mounds bar with a jug of sugar-filled soda means more to me than having a thin body. That is the bottom line. In fact, for the time being I think I shall subscribe to the Margaret Cho “Fuck It Diet” — that works for me.
However, then I see my best friend who works her ass off to have a killer body. It gives her a sense of accomplishment. She attempts to give me a pep talk about the benefits of exercise. I see her level of commitment, but it does not move me into action. I know she is right, but it really does not matter to me at this time.
Then, I see my pal, Jen, who used to complain to me that needed to lose weight. I would roll my eyes because I thought she looked fine. In fact, I had trouble imagining her any thinner. Then life threw a major curve ball her way. She was forced into a fight for her life against cancer. She kicked cancer’s ass! Thank God! After tossing cancer out of the ring — she began to walk and eat sensibly. She has lost a lot of weight and she looks fucking awesome.
And, then, there are two male co-workers who recently decided to lose their “tires” and they are looking quite good. I don’t even want to stand next to them anymore.
…And, for a minute, I think I want to get this neglected body back into shape. I know I will feel better about myself and I also know that it will help me to better deal with the turbulence going on in my life. Then, I see the Mounds bar. And I see the jug of sugar-filled soda. I grab both, sulk into the sofa and escape.
This will change. I will get back in shape. I will get my head together. I will figure everything out. I will end my stint on the Margaret Cho Fuck It Diet. …But not right now. I want to pig out and unwind. Which is what I am doing tonight.
If you have not yet read Jon’s rant, please do. It is so funny and there are so many truths to be found in it! I laughed so hard I cried! I also enjoyed the fact that he managed to include something to offend just about everyone! He rules!
Dental Woes, Image Projection Issues and the Fine Art of Communication
Well, I like to think of myself as an expert communicator — but my attempts at communicating with my dentist failed in a very bad way. First of all, my normal dentist — for those of you who might remember that would be the dentist that likes to feel me up as he works, was out today. So another dentist met with me. She told me that the tooth which had been capped was dead, had calcified (I do not know what that means) and would require a 3 hour root canal procedure which will be quite difficult because it is quite challenging to find the roots in a calcified dead tooth. Fun.
I objected and advised the doctor to simply extract the tooth as it is so far back I can’t see it anyway. I then added that I didn’t feel like paying a mint to crown/cap a tooth that no one can see. She then walked me through some medical jargon that lost me. I told her I wanted the tooth pulled.
She stared at me for a moment and we had the following exchange of communication:
Dentist: You need this tooth.
Matt: I do not want it. It is dead.
Dentist: Do you have a degree?
Dentist: What was your major?
Matt: English Literature
Dentist: I tell you what, the next time I have a question about Shakespeare I will defer to you, but when it comes to dental issues I would suggest you take my advice.
Matt: Are you upset?
Dentist: I do not ever plan on treating you again. I will not pull the tooth. If you do not have the root canal a very bad infection will set in and I will not be interested in responding to your page at 3 in the morning when you are in agony.
Matt: Don’t get so twitchy. I will take the root canal.
(tension filled the room)
This dentist hated me, and yet, I liked her. Hmmmm…
I then had to stop by CVS to drop off a prescription. I was in a hurry to get back to the office so I was walking quickly. A well-dressed woman holding some sort of container stepped infront of me and we had the following exchange of communication:
Rich Lady: Why is Tide so expensive?
Rich Lady: Why is Tide so expensive?
Matt: I don’t know.
Rich Lady: The CVS brand is $3 dollars cheaper!
Matt: Maybe you should purchase the CVS brand.
Rich Lady: (angered) YOU ARE NOT ANSWERING MY QUESTION!
Matt: (completely confused) Why should I?
Rich Lady: WELL, YOU ARE THE MANAGER!
Matt: No. I am not.
Rich Lady: (rolling eyes) Oh. Well, you looked important so I assumed you were the manager.
She then walked away leaving a trail of expensive perfume in the air. I had looked important, but no longer was I. I guess.
To re-cap — I have to have a root canal from Hell, I project the image of a drug store manager and I waste time having conversations that just upset people.
This isn’t my month.
If you have looked at Karl’s blog you know that he, me and Dusty had a rough time last night. I think I can safely say that I was wrong for years. I used to secretly roll my eyes when I would hear or read about a breaking heart. I didn’t believe it was a valid or real feeling. Well, I have to say that the only way I can describe my feelings from last night and today would be to say that it felt like my heart was breaking.
Like Karl, I do not cry. This afternoon, I took the last 3 hours of the day off as vacation so I could just pull my thoughts together before our therapy session tonight. I came home and ended up sitting with Dusty in the bedroom crying and talking to my puppy —- who nuzzled her head on to my shoulder and licking my tears all the while. Now, after therapy, we are still in limbo – but I left the therapy session feeling more hopeful.
We both want to work thru this mess. We have to — for Dusty. That is not really funny — but I don’t want to bum anyone reading this out. I’ve been leaning on several of you and will continue to need a cyber shoulder sometimes. I thank you guys and treasure your thoughts.
Oh, and while I was chatting with a new employee who I was about to take to lunch this afternoon — one of my teeth fell out. Well, the cap on one of my teeth fell out. Luckily I didn’t swallow it or anything. No, it just fell out of my mouth as I was talking to a new employee. I have a way of making a strong impression. …The look on her face was really priceless — a combination of disgust, confusion and the urge to laugh. The poor thing did not know what to do.
…Welcome to my world. Actually, it could be a hell of a lot worse. I know 5 people who have fought and survived thru some very serious diseases. I try to use that as a way to keep my problems in focus. However, the problem is it is hard to keep in perspective when it is happening to you. It is easier to intellectualize appropriate perspective than to put it to use.
Breaking hearts hurt and it does not help when your tooth falls out to boot.
Re-Discoverving Pizzicato Five and The Plastics!
I have a Japanese import by Pizzicato Five which appears to be a two CD set of singles. I couldn’t quite tell because the tracking list is in a language I do not understand. However, I know all of the songs and love the collection. I am fairly sure that a couple of the tunes are performed in Japanese and I am used to hearing them sung in English on the Matador label. I might not be spelling the American label correctly. Anyway, I am most pleased!
Does anyone out there remember The Plastics? They were a Japanese band from the late 70’s and early 80’s. I only ever saw them perform once and it was on SCTV. I loved them and had their vinyl EP. I found an import collection of their hits. Much fun!
Work sucked today and I did not get to leave until late, but my hope is that tomorrow will be better.
Kisses from Boston,
Apparently, we are stuck in some cyber porn cycle from Hell. So, when we turn on the internet some horrid bit of heterosexual porn pops up on the screen. And, I am sorry — but straight porn is sick! What are my heterosexual brothers and sisters watching to get themselves off??? One site that popped up and it was called “Granny Porn” !?!?! I will not go into detail but she was doing things that most 70 year old women could never do and she was sporting a very cheap pearl necklace. …If you know what I mean. Right now, there is a site that will not go away called, “Do my Wife” —- who is really unattractive, by the way. Anyway, if anyone knows how we can get out of this gross cycle, please let me know. Or — if you know how we can switch over to gay porn cycle — please let me know.
Well, today was my first day without my assistant. It was rough. I took a taxi to the hospital to check on her and to meet her sweet little baby. He is soooo cute. And, I am not a baby person. He is 19 inches long and weighs 6.4 pounds. He is tiny and perfect! So cute! Her other two boys were there —- I had picked up toys for each of them because I think it must be hard for a 6 year old and a 3 year old to adjust to a baby getting all of the attention. All three of her children are just dolls! And she looked great. So, just three more months for me to get thru till she returns.
oh no, what am i going to do? i am helpless without my assistant!!!!
Dedicated —- Beyond Belief
My administrative assistant just had her baby. She called me on her cell phone approx. 15 minutes after giving birth. I just chatted with her while she, the beautiful baby and her hubby sat in the delivery room. She was very happy, but wanted to make sure I was ready for work tomorrow. I had run into her and her family this afternoon at Dim Sum —- walking up three flights of stairs! Anyway, mom and baby are doing fine! I can’t wait till I get to visit her tomorrow and see the baby boy!
Oh my God. It is really sinking in that I am going to be working with out my assistant for the next 3 months. Oh boy. You would never believe how closely I work with my assistant and how heavily I rely upon my her. Well, if Jen is reading this she will understand.
However, I am just so happy that she and the baby are OK! Am all excited for her! Tho, I still think it odd that I was the first person she phoned after she had the baby. ????? Dedication.