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Anniversary Gas — Or, Maybe a Bit More Than You Really Want to Know
 
Tonight Karl and I celebrate our anniversary! This is our 9th one!  As many of you have been kind enough to let me “vent” with you off-line, some know that this has been a rather challenging couple of years for the two of us. However, I was sitting at my desk trying to focus on a report and I realized how much joy Karl brings to my life and how very much I love him.  And, so it is with a great deal of love that I write, “Happy Anniversary, Karl! Thank you for sharing your life and love with me!” 
 
Now, I am not sure that what I am about to relate has anything at all to do with our anniversary — but I feel compelled to share.  My job is a bit on the unique side.  I do not really manage the office as much as I attempt to manage people.  I think I do my job well.  I spend my days persuading, negotiating, evaluating, facilitating, resolving, convincing and reprimanding people.  The folks who work for my company are normally quite committed to what they do and approach their work with a great deal of focus. Very often boundaries get crossed.  This morning one was crossed.  A male in a position of some power at my firm was wanting to discuss an issue with me and was soliciting my advice regarding how he should go about handling a rather sensitive issue.  Nature had been calling me for several minutes prior to his entering my office.  I asked if I could follow-up with him after I took a quick run to the restroom.
 
…He said yes, but his actions just begged “no”  —- he followed me as I walked toward the men’s room and continued to speak to me about something that was really a rather private topic. I suggested that we hold off till we could get to either his office or back to mine. I offered to swing back to his office — and, yet he continued to talk and question.  He followed me into the can and, had I not secured the door to the stall, I think he would have entered with me. 
 
And, then it happened. He said, “Well, I will wait a minute”  —- and, I could hear him sighing and pacing on the tile floor.  A slow, steady and quite powerful squeal began to flow from my ass.  I could no longer hear him pacing, but I could hear him breathing not too far from my stall.  The squeal changed level to more of a moanin’ low sort of intestinal squall — then it turned to a sort of high-pitched gush of sound and odor.  I couldn’t stop it.  My ass just kept playing a sort of melody of fart that went on for at least 4 minutes!  And, I assure you that I am not exaggerating.
 
At last, the longest fart in history came to a close and my “client” stated — “Listen, why don’t we get together on this tomorrow! Take care, Matt!” 
 
…oh, the humanity.

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July 20, 2004. Uncategorized.

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