Reality Bitch Slap

I have worked for the same employer for 10 years and 1 month. In honor of my 10th anniversary with the firm I was given a bowl. Karl sat it on our tiny dining room table. It is pretty, but small —- and, it is a bowl.

This morning I was walking down the hall and noticed that a colleague of mine, who has been with the firm for close to 8 years, was walking about infront of me. I started to say hello, but then my mind started to drift. She used to be so slim. She was always dressed at the height of fashion. Her hair had always been perfectly coiffed. When she walked by, all the straight men would watch with lust. Gay boys like me used to simply appreciate her sense of style and her professional savvy. And, she was never without a polite smile.

Today, 8 years later, she is slump-shouldered. Her hips extend way beyond the point of being curved or sultry. The hour glass has turned into a bell. She is wearing a brown slacks and a blue blouse. Her arms are exposed and excess flesh flaps as she walks. Her hair is cut short and sensible —- and there are traces of grey throughout. She scowls and frowns. No one seems to notice her anymore. And, I thought, “Man, this is really sad. What has time or this place done to her?” …and,then I thought, “What about me?”

I wonder is there is someone walking behind me thinking similar thoughts. Not that I was ever a fashion plate of sexual desire that she once was — but I like to think that I have a certain style/flair. I don’t know, but it felt like reality had bitch slapped me hard. So, I had a soda and bought a DVD at lunch. …and, tonight I am going to the movies all alone. (sigh) …don’t cry for me, blog community.


June 4, 2004. Uncategorized.

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