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Diana Ross Moments…

Don’t you sometimes find the urge to just drop everything and have a Diana Ross kind of day? Just to inhabit her celebrity skin for a while. You know, making sure that you’re ready for a camera shot at any moment with your moist lips just opened enough to reveal your pearly whites and your head tilted slightly up at all times.

And, you just refuse to answer or acknowledge anyone if they fail to address you as Ms. Ross —- NO, you must refuse to answer to plain old Diana!

Or, if you’re in a bad mood — fire someone. It doesn’t matter if you have the actual authority to fire them — just do it and move on with glamorous dignity. If you’re feeling desperate for attention go to a restaurant and have just a bit too much to drink and greet everyone at their tables. Tell them you are just reaching out to touch them and then be sure to catch your blouse on fire as you lean into the table over the candle. Then you can fire the restaurant staff — but you must be sure to slap at least one waiter.

If feeling particularly desperate — drink even more, “borrow” a car, drive recklessly to the nearest Blockbuster. If the police fail to show up — just ream a new asshole for the kid behind the counter for not having “Mahogany” on DVD.

If all else fails you could call the kids in Switzerland and tell them that times are hard and you will no longer be sending them any money. You could also stop by the nearest projects and get real with the people for a minute — they can even call you Diana, but the second one touches you — you must leave.

Or, if you should be hitting rock bottom — go visit Liza. You will feel better.

Don’t you ever just wanna be Diana Ross?

“Reach out and touch somebody’s hand. Make this world a better place —- if you can!”

September 24, 2003. Uncategorized.

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