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A Good Night and A Promising Second Day…

We had a lovely evening with Jen. Ate lots and lots of Rice Krispies Treats! ….and I do mean a lot. I believe we made enough for 12 and there were only the 3 of us. Oh well, it was worth it. Hadn’t seen Jen in so long — we had a smashing time! Karl did very well with making dinner and I did a fantastic job with fluffing pillows and chatting! And Jen was a wonderous guest filled with fun converstation and observation. A great night!

Today has also gotten off to a promising start. Am not so optimistic as I was yesterday, but my best friend, Bethie, came over and took us to brunch. I hadn’t seen Beth in over 8 months. It was so cool to see her and talk. We had a few laughs as well. She just left.

The rest of the afternoon is sort of up for grabs. Karl is feeling lazy and does not want to do anything which is what this holiday weekend is all about. I am sort of neutral. I wouldn’t mind doing something or nothing. I thought we were getting together with a couple of our friends, but that has not panned out. However, I just got our web cam working and am online with Yahoo Messenger — so maybe I will look for a pal with whom I could chat. Or maybe I will just go curl up on the sofa and listen to Mary J. Blige.

You will note that my comment box is still down. I sent an email to the company who provides the service. I hope to have resolution at some point, but you will have to email to let me know what ya thinkin’!

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August 30, 2003. Uncategorized. 1 comment.

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A Good Day

I hesitate to write this as I do not want to reverse my luck, but I have had a nice day today. I didn’t feel down and was not nearly as tired as I have been. I laughed, I actually sought out and engaged in conversations.

I think I am starting to feel a bit more like me for the first time in months! I don’t think it could be the mood stabilizer this early — am only on my third dose. Saw my shrink today and he warned me not to get too excited. He expects that I will still experience “highs” and “lows”, but he is thinking that my “lows” might not be so “low” anymore! I sure hope he is right. This is a great start to the long weekend!

And, Jen is coming over for dinner and a movie tonight. Am actually looking forward to the evening — how long has it been since I actually looked forward to something?!?!!? Am I getting better? Hmmmmm… Knock wood!

My comments boxes have been down for over 4 days. What to do? Am at a loss. I might ask Jen as she was my first “Blogger Expert” — It was her Blog that inspired me to create my own — and she helped me out a lot at the start because I am no techie. At any rate, I hope to see my comments box return soon — meanwhile, feel free to just drop me an email if you’re so inspired!

August 29, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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Energy Eater

Got in from work about 30 minutes ago and am trying to secure the energy to do the one thing I really need to do — clean the bathrooms. Am doing everything I can think of to retrieve energy from my tired body. I’ve got the Pizzicato Five booming from the stereo, I am nude (my favorite way to be) and I have a big-ass glass of Pepsi. I should be skipping about with pep. …Instead I am sitting at the computer feeling in need of a nap.

Where does my energy go? I do well in the morning and then start to wilt around 10:30 AM —- from there on it is down hill. I just start to envelope into myself. The doctors say it is depression and I must fight it. …they don’t know how it feels. It is like I’ve just run the Boston Marathon and have been asked to host a cocktail party. Ugh. OK, enough bitching. I will take a big gulp of Pepsi, hop about to the hap-snappy sounds of Pizzicato Five and clean the dirty bathrooms. Then, I will fall into a deep sleep on our sofa.

Thomas has stirred my interest in Thomas Pynchon. I hadn’t thought of this writer since my 3rd year of college when I took a lit class focused on his works. I scored an A in the class and wrote 3 papers, but I never really “got” Pynchon. My papers were mostly “BS” but they seemed to fool the prof. At any rate, I am now reading “Gravity’s Rainbow” and am feeling a bit lost — but I am forging on and am determined to follow Mr. Pychon’s prose. I know I can do it! I mentioned the problem to a pal at work who, as it turns out, is a big Pynchon fan —- he is going to dig out his college material on Rainbow. I had him test me and I am understanding what I’ve read thus far. I am picking up a lot of symbolism related to erections and the penis. I just haven’t decided what they symbolize. Anyway, I am enjoying it.

…maybe I will skip the bathrooms and just read. Hmmmmmm…

August 28, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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Psycho-Therapy Day and an Intimate Dinner Party on Friday Nite!

Today was “Psycho-Therapy” day. I spent the morning at the hospital waiting to meet with the doctor who handles my meds. I saw my shrink briefly. “We” have decided to move forward with a mood stabilizer and I am in agreement that it is worth trying. I can’t think of the name of the drug — starts with a “T”, tho.

Anyway, the script is being filled downstairs at CVS with my favorite pharmacist, Barbara. As it seems I spend a good deal of time at the pharmacy as of late, I’ve gotten to know Barbara a bit. She is most helpful and cool. However, she made a funny face as I handed this new script to her. I dared not ask why. I don’t think I really wanna know. The doctor warned that it may take a couple of trys to find the right med for me. I don’t know.

I just feel like an old man in need of one of those foot long pill boxes for the week that divides the days into AM and PM. Ugh. I pick up the new drug at 6 and take it for the first time at 9. The mega-pill box looms off in the distance…

On the better side of news, we’re having a very small/tiny dinner party this Friday night! Our pal, Jen, is coming over to have dinner and chill with us for the evening. I’ve not seen her in quite a while and am really looking forward to it. We are actually cooking for her. Well, Karl is cooking for her. I will be fluffing pillows and chatting.

It is best I not enter the kitchen. Karl doesn’t like it when I do that. However, I can make chili. Having grown up in southeast Texas — I had to learn to prepare kick-ass chili. The only problem is that I seem to only be able to cook for parties of 25 to 30. I just don’t know how to make anything for less than 25 people. Perhaps I was meant to cook for the army?

At any rate I did the shopping and will certainly do the clean-up. I am an expert with a dish washer!

By the way, for some reason Blogger is refusing to let me link to Jen’s web site. Ugh! Check it out, tho —- just look to the right side at my links and click into “What’s Brewing”!

August 27, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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Running Up That Hill

I was an odd kid. I loved listening to Barbra Streisand from the age of 4 and onward — later I would be perplexed when record store clerks would find it odd that I would purchase a Streisand album along with a couple of Led Zepplin or Patti Smith Group records, but that was me. As a 9 year old, I used to imagine that Woody Allen and Diane Keaton were my real parents and lived in hope that they would drop by and pick me up someday. There was no such thing as “quiet” for me. To me, “quiet” was noisy. I would hear ringing sounds — so I always was in need of some type of sound so that the sounds in my head didn’t hurt too much. I still suffer from this problem as an adult, but it no longer scares me the way it did as a child. At times, I was convinced that I was living a dream and would wake up any moment in a different life. I believed this till I was about 12 and my parents divorced.

There was also a hill in our back yard — way out, about an acre from our house. When I was about 8 I found a large stick. I loved that stick like a friend and would spend hours running up and down that hill with my trusty stick. Sometimes I would sing, sometimes I would act out scenes from movies, sometimes I would cry, sometimes I would make up stories and sometimes I just ran up and down the hill with little or no thought in my head. My Grandmother and our neighbor used to sit and watch me on that hill. Years later they told me that they would watch me for hours and just wonder what was running through my mind as I trampled up and down the hill.

I would stay on the hill with my stick for hours — usually until someone told me it was time to come in.

Anyway, I was thinking that I missed my hill today. I don’t know why I ran that hill, but it made me happy. Wouldn’t it be nice to re-capture the actual happy feelings we experienced as children vs. only remembering the sad or difficult feelings? Wouldn’t it be nice to have a stick and run up a hill?

August 26, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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The Importance of Concrete or It Ain’t Easy Being Green

It has been a year and we are not adjusting to condo-living very well. Aside from the hassles of dealing with a 80% population over 70 and their constant grumpiness — we just don’t like being told what to do and how to do it. There are more rules at our condo than can be imagined and almost none of them make any logical sense.

The 20% of us below the age of 40 spend much of our time trying to figure out how to pass an elder making their way down the hall with his/her walker. If we walk patiently behind them, they get angry and yell, “Go ahead! Pass!” If we say “Excuse me” and slip by them, they get angry and do one of those exasperated sighs and sometimes bang their walker up and down. I’ve decided the best thing to do is pretend like they are not there and rush past them. Makes ’em really pissy — but I figure this must provide them with additional things to be mad about it.

Anyway, we are thinking that we might need to sell the condo and purchase our own house. This opens a big ass can of worms. You see, the one thing I love about our condo in Salem is that it has an urban feel. When we left Boston I was terrified of going to the ‘burbs. I am most comfortable when surrounded by lots of concrete, police sirens and street vermin. I do not do well with green things, sounds of birds and loads of strollers. I am most happy in a city of concrete and steel. The less green — the better.

So, we started looking at houses. They all look like middle class family homes just waiting for beer bellies, rugrats and dirty carpets. Poor Karl is more open to the whole house thing and has less expectations. I want no yard to mow, no sidewalk to shovel snow. Most of all, I want no part of a porch. I also do not want to live next door to a family with children or those annoying yard doodles — you know, Virgin Mary statues and the like. Basically, I want my condo in house form. This isn’t going to be easy. Karl may end up putting me to the curb. Oh, yes, and I am not thrilled with all of these old homes. I want nothing to do with ghosts or things that go bump in the cellar. This should be loads of fun! Not!

Our shopping ventures to Boston and Cambridge were a hit in the sense that we got nearly all of the bday gifts. However, I was unable to locate “My Neighbour, Toroto” on DVD. I found it on video tape, but I do not purchase videos anymore. We purchsed our first bit of porn on DVD! It was a real rush to purchase DVD porn — We felt so 21st century. Anyway, I picked up a copy of the Speed Racer DVD! Yahoo! Go, Speedracer, Go! I’ve a friend who, as a child, had a crush on Speedracer’s Dad. I was less original and always longed for Speed. Can’t wait to sit down and watch the first 11 episodes!!!

I really love the new Mya CD. I sort of like the Ashanti CD excepting all the pro Murder Inc record label rapping between songs. And I am toying with the idea of picking up Beyonce’s new CD next week. Am I turning into an 8th grade black girl? If I am, I want to be called LaTeisha. I really think that name has a pretty sound and I think I would be popular at the mall with a name like LaTeisha.

August 25, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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A Big Saturday!

Well, after sleeping well past 11am, we ventured to the city of Cambridge. The goal was to get me back on public transit in prepartion for my switching off driving to work when I am allowed to go back to work full time. …and to purchase some birthday gifts and see a movie. I was also on a mission to find the DVD of “My Neighbour, Toroto”

— We scored on two of the birthday gifts, saw “American Splendor” (which was awesome! A must-see!), but the big bummer of the day was for Karl.

We had lunch at the Border Cafe and Karl got sick on the Mexican food. He couldn’t even make it thru the last 7 minutes of the movie. He had to run out of the theatre. I, being the caring person that I am, finished the movie. No, he told me to meet him at his office at Harvard when the movie was over. He is feeling better now, but still a bit icky.

Couldn’t find my DVD — even at the cool Anime store. Ugh! And, due to Karl’s intestinal woes — we did not venture to the subways. So, tomorrow we will be Boston bound to do the subways, finish off the b-day gift buying and I will see if I can find the DVD.

Our pal, Duncan, picked up his classic 1972 BMW today. This is a very special car for Duncan because he grew up with it. His father gave it to him a while back and he has been having some snazzy mechanic fix her up for a while now. I drove over to his house to see it and it looks like he just drove it out of some 1972 BMW showroom. Amazing. He is most proud and with due reason. Normally, I do not get excited about cars, but he was so excited — it was cute.

And am now having a Taco Bell dinner — because, for me, it is all about health.

I plan to play on the net for awhile and then maybe watch “Paper Moon” on DVD. Ah, “Paper Moon” when Ryan O’Neal was still hot and his daughter, Tatum was still cute. Should be a nice way to end the evening. Sorry for the dull posting.

August 23, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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Snail Mail Confusion… And My Brother’s New Website

I really take great pride in my FRUiTS
postcard collection and have gone to great pains to send many of them out to friends and relatives only to find that most of them just don’t “get it” or feel confused. I just don’t understand how they can’t be rejoicing in the fashion tips provided by the many Japanese teens captured on the cards with their points of fashion. It most upsetting and saddens me.

Much excitement planned for this evening. I will be wrapped up in my fave blanket watching DVDs, consuming soda and popcorn and just absorbing the energy that is — Friday night! Tomorrow Karl and I are off to Boston. There are two reasons we’re treking into the fun city: 1) I need to get back on the subway system and this will be a good way to start and 2) we have to purchase many birthday gifts as we have an incredible number of friends and relatives born in September. I am also crossing my fingers that we see a movie. I am most excited about seeing “American Splendor” which has received great press!

At therapy this afternoon we discussed some mood stabilizers. I do believe they are wanting to put me on one starting next week. I am ok with giving it a shot as long as the pills do not cause me to gain weight. I know nothing of mood stabilizers. I guess I will need to get a mood ring again like when I was in 3rd grade.

My brother, Roy Stanfield
has updated his website for his art. Follow the link!

August 22, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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“Amelie” Will Steal Your Heart!

…Infact she will then sell it to the black market! Or she might opt to steal your kidney and leave you with a nasty staff infection! Eeeeek! I saw the newly-released Stephen Frears film, “Dirty Pretty Things” which stars Audrey “Amelie” Tautou. I suspect that it came out in the UK already and is just now making it to US shores. Anyway, the poster features a glam photo of Ms. Tautou bare shouldered and in repose. Not sure what I was expecting, but it was certainly not what I got as I sat with my popcorn and soda. Yuck. Really dismal. However, I will never feel at ease in hotels again! Oy!

You know, I was thinking about it and cinema has not been so great these past 10 years. I’ve only seen 3 films that I would label as “masterpieces” of the medium — “Ghost World” “Under the Sand” and “Spirited Away”. I don’t think I am missing anyother film —- and, no, I do not consider “American Beauty” a masterpiece. I mean, there have been some very good films, but very few that I think will really last for the long haul. …Maybe “City of Lost Children”. I don’t know.

If you know of any other films you feel are masterpieces list them in the comment box below. Maybe I am not thinking of something that was wonderous. “The Mirror Has Two Faces” maybe?

Am listening to the latest Tricky CD, “Vulnerable” — most cool. Less mainstream than “Blowback” — I think it is time for another Bjork/Tricky project! And, when-oh-when will Blondie find a label to release the CD they recorded last year? The world could use a good dose of Blondie.

Work is going well. I just wish my energy level would pick up. I am always tired, but not sleepy. Maybe I need another med adjustment. I know they are “ramping up” my doses, but I grow weary of this feeling and am anxious to get back to work full time!

August 20, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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To Frank Black or Not to Frank Black? …for this is the question

So, should I purchase the new Frank Black CD or not? I’m just not sure. Today I purchased the newly-released DVD of “Hello Dolly” — yes, another Babra purchase, but it was only $10. I shall watch it this weekend. As I was waiting in line, the Frank Black CD caught my eye and thoughts of Pixies filled my head. …and as I was thinking some annoying child jumped ahead of me in line to purchase the new Rancid CD. I just don’t know.

I’ve also purchased 45 postcards from FRUiTS — so I’ve got all these way-cool postcards of way-cool Japanese teens dressed at the height of fashion — or, their concept of fashion — which is a marvel. I’ve been mailing them out to friends filling their lives with unexpected joy.

As you can tell, I’ve nothing much to say today. But I did feel the need to post something.

Wet Kisses,
matt

August 19, 2003. Uncategorized. Leave a comment.

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