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Cliff Dweller From the Old School…

I’ve always joked that when I hear a Stevie Nicks tune it is as if she is singing just to me — that I totally understand and relate to the siren calls of Rock’s Sultry Temptress. This is a joke. If you’re at all familiar with her work, you know that Stevie’s lyrics tend to be more than a little cryptic. Quite often, it is anyone’s best guess as to what she is singing about. Don’t get me wrong, I love Stevie Nicks — but as a poet — or as she puts it, “a priest of nothing” — she can get a little foggy.

Anyway, the past 6 weeks have been the toughest weeks of my life thus far. There have been dark moments when I wasn’t sure I was going to pull through with my sanity. So, I have relied upon the love of my life partner and the music that comforts me. That music is inclusive of Stevie Nicks.

There is a song on the new Fleetwood Mac CD which, for some reason, I have been playing over and over again in a most obsessive-compulsive way. This is not a great song in terms of pretty or catch melody. There are no pop hooks. There are other songs on the CD which are pop-fun to sing along with — but this one song kept drawing me in. Yesterday, as I was on my way for yet another therapy session I was singing along with this song —- over and over again. I believe I was in the middle of singing along for the 6th time when I suddenly realized why this song touches me.

One of the toughest things about working through this depression and post traumatic stress disorder has been to find ways to get through the pain of it all. Although, “Illume” was written to record her view of the tragic events of 9/11 —- Nicks’ lyrics mean something entirely different to me. I can’t help but think this is a credit to her talents as a songwriter. I mean, it is nice to be able to absorb an artist’s work to your own definition of meaning. So much of what we get from pop stars these days is blatant and empty.

“…I’m alone now
With my thoughts
Of how we could make it
Of how we could get out
What we’ve been through
All of the trauma
The smell of Nag Champra
The Shadow of a stranger
…I cannot pretend
That the heartache falls away
It’s just like a river
It’s never ending”
Stevie Nicks

As my therapist said yesterday, trauma never really goes away. It is up to me to find a way to work and deal with it, but deep inside my soul — it feels never ending. And, I guess it is never ending to a certain extent.

I’ve also been listening to a lot of Barbra Streisand and Ella Fitzgerald music, but that is a post of a different type!

I’ve not been posting much as of late and tomorrow I have surgery to correct the issues with my nose. Fun! …not. Anyway, it may be a little while before I post again as it is my understanding that I will be in a bit of a fog for the next several days.

May 7, 2003. Uncategorized.

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