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Easter, Sad Poems, Some Cool New Music and a Sad Sack…

Tomorrow is Easter. This is a significant day for so many. To be honest, it has never meant much to me. I tend to think of it as a day during which I can eat as much chocolate as I like without feeling guilt. On the religious aspect I feel a bit adrift. There is so much in The Bible and in all religions that seem, to me, to be so much fantastical fairy tales. However, it is a beautiful and poetic concept. I do believe in God and have a very strong faith base, but I have to wonder how much of what we are told in Christianity is actually holy or simply the writings of men with good intentions —- telling us fairy tales.

So, this morning as I tried to find the energy to move — the energy to break the inertia of this depression, I was thinking about Easter. And a poem came to me which I had, for some reason, memorized as a teenager. I haven’t thought of it for years so I double-checked myself with a book —- and, to my surprise, I had almost remembered it correctly. However, I had forgotten the brother and sister names of Arthur Rimbaud — and I had forgotten how beautifully Patti Smith can write.

“…arthur, frederic and their sisters, isabelle and vitalie, labored thru the streets of charleville in white ribbons and cloth of blue to receive their first communion. close to the church it was arthur who broke formation and called to the other rimbaud children to come run with him thru the field, past the chapel off a bridge into the cold and finite water of a river that led to the warm and infinite blood of christ.”
Patti Smith, from “Easter” 1978

Anyway, that little verse has been tucked away in my head since I first read it in 1978. It was printed on the record sleeve for the Patti Smith Group album, Easter. Think I got it just a few months before my brother was born. I turned 12 in 1978, but I think I got this record during the summer of 1978. I could be wrong. It doesn’t matter.

Regarding my on-going ride on the trauma rollercoaster, seems like some days are better/easier than others. Today is kind of rough. I got 5 hours of sleep, but I don’t think there was much quality to the sleep. It is a day when every move of my body takes ten times the amount of energy to do anything. I forced myself to take a walk with my Walkman. Only lasted a few blocks and then turned back to home. I feel like such a loser. I want to snap my fingers and end the nightmares, anxiety attacks and all of this fear and frustration running through my body. But there is no easy way. I just need to buckle up and try to do all that the doctors want me to do. I guess I will take a nap, then another walk.

Karl is visiting his family on the cape today. I didn’t want to go because I didn’t know if I could deal with so many people and I also didn’t want to drag them down on the holiday. Am tired of being such a sad sack. I’ve got to get a grip on this and these newly formed phobias. They have rendered me useless on most levels. It all just sucks. Enough of this pity party.

I’ve discovered some great music. Nothing new, but new to me. I really like the work of this kid from Norway, Sondre Lerche. His CD, “Faces Down” is really quite good. He is only 20 years old, but his songwriting is exceptional. I would call him a sort of pop-folk singer.

I also really enjoy Ladytron. I guess they would be classified in the current electro-clash movement. They are somewhat similar to Miss Kittin, Golden Boy and FIscherspooner. Also on the musical front, Goldfrapp has made a bit of a departure from the sound of their first CD and have jumped on the electro-clash band wagon. Their new song, Train, is awesome. It can be heard and video can be seen here.

A quick note that these are not performers you want to listen to when your head aches. Lots of massive beats can sometimes be too much to take. Like today. Today is strictly an easy listening day for me, the Sad Sack.

For those who fully celebrate, may this be a wonderous Easter. For those of you who do not celebrate Easter — have loads of chocolate and think of things that bring you to a place which is safe and holy for you.

April 19, 2003. Uncategorized.

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