A Theraputic Kick in the Ass

Just an update to my further adventures on the trauma rollercoaster. Just coming round the Insanity Drop.

Spent the day at the health clinic meeting with various medical experts. I’ve been diagnosed with Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. While certainly not thrilled with this diagnosis, I was relieved to have a doctor provide confirmation for me that I am not going — nor will I be going crazy. This has long been a fear of mine. The problems I’ve been encountering are text book examples of this disruptive disorder. I am basically useless at the moment and will most likely be this way for a while longer. Therapy, new meds and rest are the days ahead for me. I’ve been placed out of work for an additional two weeks, but it sounds like that will end up getting extended into May. Ugh. The hope is that “we” will note significant improvements within the next two weeks. If not, then the coaster might be headed for a temporary stop in the Hospitalization Zone. …which scares the shit out of me.

I feel like it would be so much healthier to be at work and to think about someone other than myself and my problems. The problem is that I can’t seem to get out of the car to go into the office and than I’ve those nagging/unpredicatable crying “jags” plus bad panic attacks when around people. This just really sucks and am so tired of feeling so depressed, sad and exhausted.

However, there seems to be a light at the end of the tunnel and am feeling somewhat optimistic. I start the new meds tonight. Please keep your fingers crossed for me. —- and, if you believe in such things, I would appreciate a prayer or two. I have to say this has been the three most terrifying weeks of my life thus far. Of course, my logical perspective seems to be out of focus right now — but this is how it has felf for me.

Sorry for the dull posting and any type-o’s.

April 14, 2003. Uncategorized.

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